FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Justify Swinging to non swingers
Justify Swinging to non swingers
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How can we justify swinging to our friends? they say its wrong??? they say we must be bored of each other and don't find each other enough. help please we're struggling to justify ourselves and are losing arguments. not that it matters to them but if anyone can think of a come back that'd be great. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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YOU DONT HAVE TO Justify yourself!!!! wats the norm Are they? Are they not he norm because they do not swing. ust because you were born this way why change to suit others?
I'm a BI, red head, cantt be subbed, swinger and I'm no changing for anyone. They accept or walk from my life. |
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"we got outed, friends and family"
Then thank them for their concern, tell them that you are both happy with the arrangement and your sex life is absolutely none of their business. They might be worried about one or both of you so reassure them on that score and refuse to discuss it further, justification just makes you look as if you have doubts. |
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By *MaleMan
over a year ago
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"we got outed, friends and family"
As already said, if I had friends or family expecting me to justify myself on my naughty harmless private life front I'd be questioning them
I'd be asking family when the last time I poked my nose into their sex life. Then telling them to keep their's out've mine regardless of what it entails  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they were really your friends, you wouldn't have to justify what you enjoy."
Agree
A real friend would take you unconditionally and just accept what you do without question |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Guy is fine, his friends are jealous, mine are all like bitching and hating about it, saying it's silly its wrong, why would you do that. they've seen pics sent them to family, we enjoy what we do we just cant defend ourselves that we are normal and we're right and everyone else is frigid and boring |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Guy is fine, his friends are jealous, mine are all like bitching and hating about it, saying it's silly its wrong, why would you do that. they've seen pics sent them to family, we enjoy what we do we just cant defend ourselves that we are normal and we're right and everyone else is frigid and boring "
Well, if you tell them that, no wonder they're cross!
Just smile enigmatically and change the subject. It's none of their business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy is fine, his friends are jealous, mine are all like bitching and hating about it, saying it's silly its wrong, why would you do that. they've seen pics sent them to family, we enjoy what we do we just cant defend ourselves that we are normal and we're right and everyone else is frigid and boring "
How have your friends seen pics sent to your family?
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"Guy is fine, his friends are jealous, mine are all like bitching and hating about it, saying it's silly its wrong, why would you do that. they've seen pics sent them to family, we enjoy what we do we just cant defend ourselves that we are normal and we're right and everyone else is frigid and boring "
Now you're being as bad as them nobody is wrong and nobody is right. How did they get hold of the pictures? Just refuse to discuss it any further. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy is fine, his friends are jealous, mine are all like bitching and hating about it, saying it's silly its wrong, why would you do that. they've seen pics sent them to family, we enjoy what we do we just cant defend ourselves that we are normal and we're right and everyone else is frigid and boring
How have your friends seen pics sent to your family?
"
+1. someones looked on fab and seen you? seems hypocritical! I for one wouldn't be friends with someone who takes my pics and distributes them to anyone before speaking to me first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can we justify swinging to our friends? they say its wrong??? they say we must be bored of each other and don't find each other enough. help please we're struggling to justify ourselves and are losing arguments. not that it matters to them but if anyone can think of a come back that'd be great."
Since the question was about "how" to justify it rather than whether they should have to, here goes:
Statistically speaking 60-70% of marriages suffer from infidelity anyway and doing it behind someone's back is hurtful, whilst doing it together is fun.
According to prediction expert Otley Ashenfelter, a strong sex life is the best predictor of lasting marital success. The second factor relates to arguements and most swingers would say swinging improves your communication skills, which should in turn lead to less arguments. I assume you've already seen the divorce rate recently...
So I'd go with that line of arguement, followed by "and at least I have to balls to live my fantasies whilst your husband is jacking off in the shower every morning" |
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I'll be truthful having read your profile I would have some concerns about certain aspects. However as I've said you are adults and what you do is nobody's business but your own. It is possible though that your friends and family have wider concerns. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"someone has sent my picture to close friends and family, probably someone local"
If that is your postcode, then i suggest you start with having that information removed. I'm sorry this has happened to you, so twisted to send this to peoples families...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would just deny it - unless there is no possibility it couldn't be you. Today's newspaper headlines is tomorrow's chip papers - same goes with gossip.
Sarah
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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love this so far ive used inboxes and comments to make this ... so far... not finished, thank you all for contributing to this. :
Swinging is a lifestyle choice based on a level of comfort and trust with your partner that most vanilla people can’t understand and can’t get their heads around. It's an extension of your sex life not a replacement. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
As so many have said you shouldn't have to justify your choices to anyone. However I understand why you feel you should be able to .
There are 1000s of people on this site and there will be the same again on others. It's a consensual community. Your decisions. Your choices. Your life. They probably see a side of it that isn't really accurate. Yes at times it can be seedy and for some it's holding weak relationships together. However the majority are just looking for liberating experiences. You have a sexual freedom many are envious of but rather than admit that, they slate it.
That's their problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an extension of your sex life, you get to play with other people together so you both know what each other is doing.
It brings couples closer together, talk more about their feelings and emotions, makes your relationship stronger.
Theres lots of good reasons.
However, I wouldn't feel the NEED to justify it to anyone. Some people clearly wouldn't be able to see it from your viewpoint of it. |
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I haven't and won't tell any of my vanilla friends because:
My sex life is no-ones business but my husbands and mine
&
I don't need to justify my actions to anyone. If they don't like it then tough. I do and it works for us.
The end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we got outed, friends and family
Deny it I would
Impossible... they got face pic on profile
"
Yeah but I posted that before she said pics had been send |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we are outed as well to family friends and to work as well. at the start it was hard as with having kids in our family. we were being told what about the kids have you no cop on. what if ye both catch something etc etc. we just said sorry we both enjoy it and thats it. we stopped answering their questions and told them to buzz off. we are outed about two years now and people have stopped asking questions and dont ask where we go either. give it time it will settle down but dont give up and feel pressured into doing what they ask and say. from michelle |
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Just say to them quietly "You know all those little fantasies you each have in your heads but keep secret from each other? We actually do them and we've never been happier. You live your life and we'll happily live ours." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was outed many years ago. I refused to justify except to social services as someone decided my kids must be at risk. I was open to a point but didn't discuss details.
I simply told people it was my life and they could like it or not.
As for trying to make them understand... Not even people on here sometimes understand and question why people do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just say to them quietly "You know all those little fantasies you each have in your heads but keep secret from each other? We actually do them and we've never been happier.""
We say this about swinging (but only to ourselves). |
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"love this so far ive used inboxes and comments to make this ... so far... not finished, thank you all for contributing to this. :
Swinging is a lifestyle choice based on a level of comfort and trust with your partner that most vanilla people can’t understand and can’t get their heads around. It's an extension of your sex life not a replacement. "
I don't think the answer is about telling them that they can't have the intimacy you have without swinging because many couples can have that, without swinging. You don't need to swing to have a level of comfort and trust with your partner. There are also not a few swinging relationships we have seen where one partner is coerced by the other ... or at least not into it. I think its silly implying you only swingers have the best relationships .... it all depends on the individuals involved. |
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"How can we justify swinging to our friends? they say its wrong??? they say we must be bored of each other and don't find each other enough. help please we're struggling to justify ourselves and are losing arguments. not that it matters to them but if anyone can think of a come back that'd be great."
No offense, but why do you need to justify yourselves, if they can't accept or understand it, that's their problem, no need for you to justify yourselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we got outed, friends and family"
Sorry to hear that! Happened to me to a large extent - but most are cool with it now!
If you feel you must explain - tell them to think of your sex life as a couple as a really great cake - wonderful in itself - and swinging with others is the frosting/cherry on top!
That's how I see it with the lovely couples I've befriended on here - and sometimes I get to be the cherry!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like a fairly normal response imo, one I I would expect to hear from people I know. The thing is I wouldn't try to justify it, I would just say I'm not prepared to dissect my sex life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like a fairly normal response imo, one I I would expect to hear from people I know. The thing is I wouldn't try to justify it, I would just say I'm not prepared to dissect my sex life. "
*discuss!! |
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"How can we justify swinging to our friends? they say its wrong??? they say we must be bored of each other and don't find each other enough. help please we're struggling to justify ourselves and are losing arguments. not that it matters to them but if anyone can think of a come back that'd be great."
Why do you feel the need to discuss your "private" life with friends, let alone justify it? |
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"If I had friends expecting me to justify myself on my naughty harmless private life front I'd be questioning them as friends.
"
Can't blame them if you feel the need to discuss your business and they disapprove. |
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I've not read the whole thread but I'd say stop justifying yourself.
True friends will a) not expect you to and b) will accept your life choices.
I bet one half of those couples wishes they could though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would just ask them a silly question back. Such as ' why are you wearing them shoes?" More then likely they will say "because i like them" then reply " well I don't but then again I'm not wearing them. Just like I like swinging. You don't have to like it because your not doing it. So please judge me on my life style and I won't judge you on your choice of shoes"
 |
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"love this so far ive used inboxes and comments to make this ... so far... not finished, thank you all for contributing to this. :
Swinging is a lifestyle choice based on a level of comfort and trust with your partner that most vanilla people can’t understand and can’t get their heads around. It's an extension of your sex life not a replacement.
I don't think the answer is about telling them that they can't have the intimacy you have without swinging because many couples can have that, without swinging. You don't need to swing to have a level of comfort and trust with your partner. There are also not a few swinging relationships we have seen where one partner is coerced by the other ... or at least not into it. I think its silly implying you only swingers have the best relationships .... it all depends on the individuals involved."
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
"How can we justify swinging to our friends? they say its wrong??? they say we must be bored of each other and don't find each other enough. help please we're struggling to justify ourselves and are losing arguments. not that it matters to them but if anyone can think of a come back that'd be great."
I have a few comments
1. I don't understand why you would be discussing your sex life with non-sexual friends. If somehow you have been outed, and they confront you, a simple "it's none of your business" should suffice and if they push it, they're no longer fit to be your friends as they don't seem to respect you.
2. If it's family that's a more serious problem. It's not happened to me but I've read about family getting wind of it and it does become a problem.
3. Most of my friends are also sex partners. Unlike many, I totally believe in friends having sex and remaining friends.
Gail |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"love this so far ive used inboxes and comments to make this ... so far... not finished, thank you all for contributing to this. :
Swinging is a lifestyle choice based on a level of comfort and trust with your partner that most vanilla people can’t understand and can’t get their heads around. It's an extension of your sex life not a replacement.
I don't think the answer is about telling them that they can't have the intimacy you have without swinging because many couples can have that, without swinging. You don't need to swing to have a level of comfort and trust with your partner. There are also not a few swinging relationships we have seen where one partner is coerced by the other ... or at least not into it. I think its silly implying you only swingers have the best relationships .... it all depends on the individuals involved."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do you need to justify it? Tell them to butt out of your sex life, it's none of their business.
There's no need for all of this swingers are higher beings stuff and vanilla being thrown around as an insult, just tell them to sod off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you need to justify it? Tell them to butt out of your sex life, it's none of their business.
There's no need for all of this swingers are higher beings stuff and vanilla being thrown around as an insult, just tell them to sod off. "
I think one of the main things non-swingers dislike about Swingers is their elitist attitudes that only Swingers have good sex and everyone else is shit. Perhaps the friends just want them to shut the fuck up and stop trying to justify themselves.
If they really were enjoying themselves they wouldn't feel the need to justify it and witter on about how great Swinging is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll be truthful having read your profile I would have some concerns about certain aspects. However as I've said you are adults and what you do is nobody's business but your own. It is possible though that your friends and family have wider concerns."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On reading your profile are they concerned about the children? We personally wouldn't invite anyone to our home as that's our private space, we definitely wouldn't if there were children asleep upstairs. Locked door or not. Maybe that's why your family and friends are worried? |
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