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Assigning bad motives/assumptions
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So, I've been on here a while and I know how it all works. I've now been on here a few weeks since being away for just under two years.
I'm not the sort of guy who is desperate, begging, etc. I'm perfectly happy with rejection (although I'm not keen on being ignored I'll admit). I casually chat and befriend ladies without mentioning sex. I'm happy to chat, have a social, etc. I'm calm and collected and not in a rush. Not only is it the way I am, that mentality works on this site. I don't find it that hard at all.
If I do meet a woman who I befriend enough to be a fb, or her intentions are looking like that, I'd usually stop trying with other women. I'd still chat with them, but not go further.
However, when I befriend a woman, I've noticed that she always assumes that I'm banging another woman (or women) and is regularly assigning me bad motives. Maybe a sly message or some weird comment every now and then.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I can feel set back that when a woman implies that I'd deceive her or that I'm a filthy slut.
For me, now, it seems to be that every woman I meet defaults to this mentality, when in reality, I think I have quite good/respectful morals.
Do any other guys get this? Is it common for you? How does it make you feel? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's your choice to use the site as you see fit .
But I question as to why on a swinging site you feel that a monogamous relationship is the goal for you ?
Of course they think you are shagging others , it's what you do as a swinger !
The fact that you aren't , simply means that they don't expect someone on here would be a one woman man .
Fact is , you would probably be cramping their style with your perspective on swinging ! |
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"Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy"
Good points.
You know like when you don't reply one night or something, you can get a comment like "Oh, I hope you had a great night shagging... Bye." I'm like "Wow! What? I haven't been shagging! I went to my parents house!".
Do you ever get this?!? |
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"It's your choice to use the site as you see fit .
But I question as to why on a swinging site you feel that a monogamous relationship is the goal for you ?
Of course they think you are shagging others , it's what you do as a swinger !
The fact that you aren't , simply means that they don't expect someone on here would be a one woman man .
Fact is , you would probably be cramping their style with your perspective on swinging !"
Well yes, I know I can use it as I see fit!
Monogamy... Because, my friend, I find that sex with one woman is a lot better because you can get to know how she ticks. I find that it's better sex. I just want one nice woman who I can get on with and have mutual fun with, without the hassle of a relationship.
Good points though...
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy
Good points.
You know like when you don't reply one night or something, you can get a comment like "Oh, I hope you had a great night shagging... Bye." I'm like "Wow! What? I haven't been shagging! I went to my parents house!".
Do you ever get this?!?"
Depends i used to get that kind of message in anger from my stalker but i get that message in a genuine friendly "hope you had fun shagging " way from my FB/fwb just like I'd wish them luck if i knew they were meeting.
Sex is fun, why would i be upset if theyre having it? Good for them tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy
Good points.
You know like when you don't reply one night or something, you can get a comment like "Oh, I hope you had a great night shagging... Bye." I'm like "Wow! What? I haven't been shagging! I went to my parents house!".
Do you ever get this?!?"
Sounds like a jealous stalker type.  |
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Not really. Only one snide comment about a veri so I hid most of them. I'd expect the ladies I have sex with to have a high sex drive and be shagging other men as well. I'd feel slightly uncomfortable if they weren't. I don't want an exclusive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you must be meeting the wrong people as my friend and I were fwb's for a few years, we met and slept with other people over those years, he even went to a club without me but neither of us thought to say that now we are 'together' we should only shag each other. So we are out here, you just need to find us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My most loyal, unfaithful and longstanding fwb (Mr Chalk) and I see other people. He is very discrete and would never say what/who he has been up to, but I expect him to see other people. We are swingers!! I know what you mean about the sex being better with someone you know well, but I find I can have that with more than one person. Ok it's not the same as an exclusive relationship, but sausages are different to carrots. Both food. Just different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy
Good points.
You know like when you don't reply one night or something, you can get a comment like "Oh, I hope you had a great night shagging... Bye." I'm like "Wow! What? I haven't been shagging! I went to my parents house!".
Do you ever get this?!?"
Are these the type of women you want to meet though? Cos they sound a bit high maintenance!
When I was first on here and single, I had a few guy 'friends' and it was nice chatting and asking them about meets and veris. But then I wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't feel any emotional attraction to them.
The type of women you're describing sound like they want a relationship not nsa fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's your choice to use the site as you see fit .
But I question as to why on a swinging site you feel that a monogamous relationship is the goal for you ?
Of course they think you are shagging others , it's what you do as a swinger !
The fact that you aren't , simply means that they don't expect someone on here would be a one woman man .
Fact is , you would probably be cramping their style with your perspective on swinging !
Well yes, I know I can use it as I see fit!
Monogamy... Because, my friend, I find that sex with one woman is a lot better because you can get to know how she ticks. I find that it's better sex. I just want one nice woman who I can get on with and have mutual fun with, without the hassle of a relationship.
Good points though...
"
Ooohhhh dangerous ground my friend! If you're both getting on so well, and seeing a lot of eachother and exclusive. ..that can get tricky! Feelings can start creeping in. Just my opinion, but be careful, it can be playing with fire! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well this is a swingers site multiple partners are the norm.
Possibly its the fact your putting forward thag you only want to meet her as that seems a bit playerish.
That or they're hoping tou sre meeting other pwople as they dont want you getting clingy
Good points.
You know like when you don't reply one night or something, you can get a comment like "Oh, I hope you had a great night shagging... Bye." I'm like "Wow! What? I haven't been shagging! I went to my parents house!".
Do you ever get this?!?"
Wanting to get you under her control  but forgetswinging is not controllable, I would translate as a jealous type in perspective getting clingy etc.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on here as a couple with a fb and we have an understanding .either of us can play separately but they have to be honest and tell the other one .mainly it's because I have trust issues due to a ex who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him . |
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Hmmmmmm.... I was probably that woman, as when we first did this I felt slightly rejected if I thought he was getting it elsewhere, and messaged once like that !! no more tho as it drives you mad, I embrace him fucking others and enjoy other men as well. It`s so hard to keep check on emotions sometimes as a woman. Maybe be clear about what you are doing to the woman you want ? |
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Interesting comments guys. Thanks.
It might be something to do with me or my approach. It seems that other guys don't get this.
It's just that I guess it's annoying. The last woman who I found on here who wanted to be a fb, cut me off all of a sudden because I was shagging other women!
Ok, no problem, but I wasn't shagging other women!
I don't know... Haha! |
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