FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why oh why is it so difficult?
Why oh why is it so difficult?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it just us but we find it incredibly difficult to find someone genuinely interested/suitable to play with?
There is supposed to be heaps of horny single guys out there all desperate to find a good looking sexy couple to play with. At least the forums are full of complaints that they are not treated seriously by couples & find it difficult meeting up with any!
Once again we have spent ages trawling through profiles & writing to single guys inviting them along for fun with us. However when we mention an actual date or suggest meeting up first for coffee & a chat they suddenly go cold explaining they have to tidy their sock drawer on the planned date or some such thing.
On this occasion we have invited 8 different guys only to have every single one apologise & explain that they are unavailable on the night discussed.
"Why oh why" is just a rhetorical question incidentally.
Just needing to let off some steam at having wasted lots of effort once again only to have to cancel a keenly anticipated night of fun.
Is there anyone else that has encountered these problems? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are some dreamers out there who like the idea but can't bring themselves to carry out the action.
Also, some people enjoy the chat and the pics but have no intention of making it into real life 
But persevere for long enough and you'll find those lovely ones! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Very true. We have met more than our fair share of time wasting fantasists.
I didn't suspect until I joined this site that there were so many blokes still living at home with their mothers & getting their thrills over the net by messing people about. Pathetic!
There are for sure a few princes among all the frogs but its very hard work finding them. |
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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago
Back of Beyond |
Its not only you. We have been turned down by several single guys in the last year. It does beggar the question are they really here to meet or just look!
In fact we would say that in the 6 years we have been swinging we have only met 4 genuine guys who wanted to join us. But that is not solely down to them. We are not looking for single guys all the time, just noow and again.
Its just that when Katee fancies a single guy joining us, it would be nice if they were actually available. Unlike couples, who we contact and meet with (every night of the week if we wished)
Single guys you seem to have to make a date for the '2nd sunday morning after the spring equinox' to stand any chance of meeting them. Even then there is a chance they don't turn up.
We have maybe 4 guys now who we chat to regularly and know we can rely on meeting if we so wish.
One thing we have learned over the years, if you are meeing a single bloke, make sure they provide the accomodation, be it theirs or a hotel room. That way you are never out of pocket.
Check the hotel before you are travelling. We get the single guys surname then ring the hotel to make sure 'I have a room booked in my name' Not necessary if you are playing in the same city, but if you are travelling 50-100 miles it can save you time and money. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Here is a funny one. It made us laugh anyway.
One guy who contacted us seemed to sound ok. We explained our ideas & again he made the right response.
We got back in touch to arrange for a face to face chat first.
The reply we got however told us that he was only available on a different date & instructed me to bring my wife along to his hotel room at 7.30 pm dressed as per his wishes. He went on to explain that we only had his valuable time for an hour max as he was meeting some mates at 8.00 pm for drinks.
Bizarre! He seemed to think he was ordering a pizza delivery.
Needless to say he was told where he could go with his orders.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes. That is a good point about getting them to book/arrange the accomodation.
One guy who caught us out in our innocent early days caught us out on this when he called to say at the last moment to say that his father had suddenly fallen ill. Not saying of course that this was not true but being a cynic....
Another time a guy who we had met on a previous occasion left us with a hotel bill. He had been absolutely great fun before & totally reliable. On the evening of the agreed meet we got a few texts from him saying he was on his way only for him to vanish.
There was no response to our texts asking what happened. Just total silence until about 3 months later he wrote a message to us on this site suggesting a meet. Clearly he had forgotten messing us around previously.
Needless to say we gave him a swift (& pretty blunt) knock back. I see his profile still on the site & he does seem to be very active - presumably messing other people around. |
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Well at least it is not only us that feels this way! have been getting totally worn down by the number of let downs and excuses!
To be honest this is why we now go to parties and clubs, at least you know the people there are genuine.
We posted meets and events all last weekend and got loads of replies, but once we whittled the ones who were miles and miles away there were a couple who were very keen untill it actually comes to the crunch.. then the excuses come, it can be so frustrating.
We are in no way slagging all single guys off as we have met some great ones but boy oh boy is it getting to be hard work!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For sure.
We had aimed to go out this Sat evening to a regular nightclub where we hoped to meet with someone through the site.
My wife was going to be wearing stockings, heels with a tiny leather mini skirt & the skimpiest top ever designed. She is a slim leggy blond nearly 6' tall with 36" legs which just look incredible in a mini.
The idea was that once we had enjoyed a little flashing etc in the club we would take our new play pal away for a very naughty 3'some.
Strangely we have been totally unable to find anyone suitable to join us so it looks like our evening will be cancelled (another boring Sat watching Casualty on tv!)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are loads of genuine single guys on here if you see the verifications on cpls and single guys profile.
Thw club we use has a waiting list for single guys. The socials we go to allways have there fair share of singles. Dont know why you are having a problem finding one when there are so many around |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
From the other side of the fence....
Just because I answer messages and am interested in meeting, doesn't mean I'm free on the date a couple suggest. Not being free doesn't make me a fantasist.
Single men have genuine reasons for cancelling too, sometimes.
Finally, if a couple asked for my surname and the name of the hotel, they'd be told the meet was off. How do I know they're not going to cancel it on my behalf?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I appreciate that our frustrations are likely insignificant compared to those encountered by single guys but you are absolutely correct Invictus - it just spoils things for everyone who is genuine.
As for clubs unfortunately we live in one of these god forsaken parts of the UK where there is not one nearby. The Aberdeen club has unfortunately closed leaving us a 3 hour drive (each way) to get to the next nearest.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The best way is communication, chat to men even when you’re not looking for one and not just when you are, so when it does come down to looking for one there’s a good chance that one you’ve spoken to or had a good banter with will be interested. |
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"For sure.
We had aimed to go out this Sat evening to a regular nightclub where we hoped to meet with someone through the site.
My wife was going to be wearing stockings, heels with a tiny leather mini skirt & the skimpiest top ever designed. She is a slim leggy blond nearly 6' tall with 36" legs which just look incredible in a mini.
The idea was that once we had enjoyed a little flashing etc in the club we would take our new play pal away for a very naughty 3'some.
Strangely we have been totally unable to find anyone suitable to join us so it looks like our evening will be cancelled (another boring Sat watching Casualty on tv!)
"
And you think its hard getting a single guy ive met a few cpls who asked could i get another guy for the meet impossible to many fussy guys on this site and me and the cpls say there loss  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not only you. We have been turned down by several single guys in the last year. It does beggar the question are they really here to meet or just look!"
No offence, but this read like you can't possibly believe *any* single man would turn you down. Maybe you just aren't what they are looking for?! |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I also think That it can be hard to meet someone as sometimes your free a certain night and the single male isnt that night. Its sods law. I have tried to arrange to meet certain people but it has taken months and months to actually meet them.
I have had to let people down when kids have been ill and have also been messed around too. You never know if it is a legitimate reason for them cancelling.
I have met many lovely single men tho. Its worth percivering tho |
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"Its not only you. We have been turned down by several single guys in the last year. It does beggar the question are they really here to meet or just look!
No offence, but this read like you can't possibly believe *any* single man would turn you down. Maybe you just aren't what they are looking for?!"
Class, and I bet you dont even realise you are doing it!! |
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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago
Back of Beyond |
My thoughts exactly! He's probably one of those who say they can't make it on the night the couple want.
Then the couple, just like we have then ask when he will be available, only to get the usual answer...
I don't know I'll get back to you.
what is a couple supposed to deduce from that? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Clearly there is some misconception that amongst some of you that we are being too demanding &/or unrealistic in our expectations. Maybe
However we are quite open in our proposals with everyone who writes to us. We make it clear right at the outset the planned dates. Additionally we put some photos on our profile.
We have no illusions that we are the sexiest creatures in the world.
Lastly we understand that people have another life & some times other things get in the way with plans.
The point is that too many guys approach us knowing all of the above only to suddenly call off at the last moment. That happens too often to be genuine in every case. We may be a bit cynical but we are not that innocent.
Never the less we treat ever person we correspond with in the same honest & polite way giving them the consideration that they often dont give to us.
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By *appyfuckerMan
over a year ago
in a happy place north wales coast |
"Is it just us but we find it incredibly difficult to find someone genuinely interested/suitable to play with?
There is supposed to be heaps of horny single guys out there all desperate to find a good looking sexy couple to play with. At least the forums are full of complaints that they are not treated seriously by couples & find it difficult meeting up with any!
Once again we have spent ages trawling through profiles & writing to single guys inviting them along for fun with us. However when we mention an actual date or suggest meeting up first for coffee & a chat they suddenly go cold explaining they have to tidy their sock drawer on the planned date or some such thing.
On this occasion we have invited 8 different guys only to have every single one apologise & explain that they are unavailable on the night discussed.
"Why oh why" is just a rhetorical question incidentally.
Just needing to let off some steam at having wasted lots of effort once again only to have to cancel a keenly anticipated night of fun.
Is there anyone else that has encountered these problems?"
omg whats wrong with them wish i lived in scotland |
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"Clearly there is some misconception that amongst some of you that we are being too demanding &/or unrealistic in our expectations. Maybe
However we are quite open in our proposals with everyone who writes to us. We make it clear right at the outset the planned dates. Additionally we put some photos on our profile.
We have no illusions that we are the sexiest creatures in the world.
Lastly we understand that people have another life & some times other things get in the way with plans.
The point is that too many guys approach us knowing all of the above only to suddenly call off at the last moment. That happens too often to be genuine in every case. We may be a bit cynical but we are not that innocent.
Never the less we treat ever person we correspond with in the same honest & polite way giving them the consideration that they often dont give to us.
"
it happens your just picking the wrong guys  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Next time I'm up in Aberdeen,I'll meet you...
Someone mentioned verifications.I'm screwed then as I've not had a meet from here yet!  "
Not necessarily, I've met a few with no verifications, I prefer to make up my own mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all have frustrations and feel free to post what you want. You will get timewasters and dreamers on here it's part of it. But meets will come and great friends along the way. So chill out for a bit and let them come to you as they will xxxx
Good luck Lois |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Next time I'm up in Aberdeen,I'll meet you...
Someone mentioned verifications.I'm screwed then as I've not had a meet from here yet!
Not necessarily, I've met a few with no verifications, I prefer to make up my own mind. "
I've read on profiles that interest me-"don't bother contacting us if you have no verifications" 
How are us newbies meant to get anywhere?! 
Btw love your legs in those stockings... 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've read on profiles that interest me-"don't bother contacting us if you have no verifications"
How are us newbies meant to get anywhere?!
Btw love your legs in those stockings...
"
There are some who will only meet if you're verified, but it's come up on forums before and I know I'm not the only one who's not too worried about them.
If you want to open up your audience, try getting to a social as it's another way to get a veri with less hoops to jump through.
Oh, and thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And yes brightbabe does have stunning legs, bloody hate you now lol
 Blame all the running...
I struggle to walk at times lol"
Just years of practise I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the other side of the fence....
Just because I answer messages and am interested in meeting, doesn't mean I'm free on the date a couple suggest. Not being free doesn't make me a fantasist.
Single men have genuine reasons for cancelling too, sometimes.
Finally, if a couple asked for my surname and the name of the hotel, they'd be told the meet was off. How do I know they're not going to cancel it on my behalf?
"
*Nods in agreement while stifling the urge to tell certain self-absorbed couples just where they can get off* |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
it does feel like a single man bashing thread... if it have been the normal "other way round" this would have been flamed to the heavens...
just because a couple is free doesn't always mean a guy is... and yes, heaven forbid I have even had the audacity to turn couples down...
I must be the ultimate timewaster and may god strike me down.....
there are nice guys out there... and heck even some of you in the thread have met me in social occasions.... I am not duty bound to play with anyone... just like women are not duty bound to drop there knickers at the whiff of man!...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
We count ourselves as really lucky as we've never had any of the problems that ive read about on here,everyone that we have arranged to meet has turned up and we've never been messed around by anyone......so thank you guys xx
There have been people that after chatting to I have decided not to meet but thats just how it goes sometimes,personally I like to chat to people for a while to get a feel of them before arranging anything and I never expect to meet everyone that I chat to,I make sure that the guys im chatting to are aware of that too
It works for us so im keeping to my system  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We count ourselves as really lucky as we've never had any of the problems that ive read about on here,everyone that we have arranged to meet has turned up and we've never been messed around by anyone......so thank you guys xx
There have been people that after chatting to I have decided not to meet but thats just how it goes sometimes,personally I like to chat to people for a while to get a feel of them before arranging anything and I never expect to meet everyone that I chat to,I make sure that the guys im chatting to are aware of that too
It works for us so im keeping to my system "
We are the same we have never had our time wasted and have met some great people on here who we have remained friends with for years. We do tend to meet at socials and in clubs now but do still have meets from here. |
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By *LBishCouple
over a year ago
near bury st edmunds |
Touch wood as they say, not been let down in the year we been swinging, but been told by lots, it happens lots. so what we have done is to say meet at a club first meet, then if no click or a no show, then time hasnt been wasted. then if we all get on etc etc private meet would be on the cards for the next time. We found this works and no-ones time is wasted. Have met one single guy at a hotel and phewwww he didnt let us down, but then again it was very local, and only reason we agreed to meet at a hotel.
Good luck and im sure ya will find them out there
xxxx |
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I've not read all the posts (sorry!) we haven't had any major problems and have never been let down but when we want to meet a single guy 99% of those that I chat to suddenly can't make it when you want to arrange to meet, it's a tad annoying but not the end of the world, there are a few genuine single guys that do meet out there! Z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been lucky too - although you can tell the ones who have no intention of actually meeting very early on - I just let it fizzle out with them and concentrate on the decent guys! |
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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago
harrow |
"There are some dreamers out there who like the idea but can't bring themselves to carry out the action.
Also, some people enjoy the chat and the pics but have no intention of making it into real life
But persevere for long enough and you'll find those lovely ones! "
I'll confess to this. I spent years on sites hoping for a meet with no idea how I was actually going to make it work. No one bit and I wasn't found out.
It doesn't surprise me that couples have so many problems. The guy could be the right one, but if you catch him too early .......
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been lucky too - although you can tell the ones who have no intention of actually meeting very early on - I just let it fizzle out with them and concentrate on the decent guys! "
That would mean I would be considered for a possible meet . Being a decent guy . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally find the gents I meet at clubs or socials are more likely to become regular playmates than those who do not frequent such places or events.
Perhaps those who go to clubs and socials are more committed to the scene and are more reliable than the fly by nighters!
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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago
harrow |
"I personally find the gents I meet at clubs or socials are more likely to become regular playmates than those who do not frequent such places or events.
Perhaps those who go to clubs and socials are more committed to the scene and are more reliable than the fly by nighters!
"
I agree. Its a fair test. At least you know they are not working their brains overtime to find a spare hour to meet you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This kind of thing really winds us reliable blokes up as well - it just makes it harder to get meets for us as well.
It's a real shame but I just don't see how you can avoid it I'm afraid. "
I have to disagree with you cute toosh!
I only ever meet single men. In three years of doing this not once have I encountered a time waster. I have a 100% meet rate and threads like this will NEVER put me off single men because my selection process works beautifully for me!
When I read threads like this from people complaining about constantly being let down I never think, "tsk, I'm going to avoid single men" I think these people should look in the mirror to see their problem as they're the one's putting the blokes off!
Blimey O'Rielly, I've massive anal toys and don't guarantee lube and they don't mess me about! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for everbody's comments much appreciated even the ones who suggest that its either our fault or that this is (another) single man posing as a couple.
The negative comments I will ignore since I am confident that as a genuine couple I know we do everything possible to meet genuine single guys.
Clearly there are plenty of others who have encountered the same frustrations as us - both single men & other couples. They all have my sympathy.
Like many people we have a busy other life which means that we only have rare opportunities to have some naughty fun so it is disappointing when weeks of effort end without success. Of course we are not everyone's fantasy couple but there have never been any complaints when we do meet up.
Unfortunately as we are based in Aberdeen there is no local club anymore as its now closed although previously we have had great fun at it. Traveling to the nearest club to us involves a great deal of expense & driving which means that it is inevitably going to be undertaken rarely.
As a number of commentators have suggested this would indeed be the ideal option.
I should possibly have mentioned at some point that we have met a couple of really cool single guys through the site previously - there are a few princes hiding amongst all the frogs for sure. Unfortunately work & personal developments means that they are no longer available to meet hence the reason we are back trawling through the site.
Of course we will persevere & no doubt we will find another cool single guy in time.
We will continue to treat people politely & honesty without cynicism & can only hope that that this is reciprocated.
"over & out" from a genuine Aberdeen couple
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"This kind of thing really winds us reliable blokes up as well - it just makes it harder to get meets for us as well.
It's a real shame but I just don't see how you can avoid it I'm afraid.
I have to disagree with you cute toosh!
I only ever meet single men. In three years of doing this not once have I encountered a time waster. I have a 100% meet rate and threads like this will NEVER put me off single men because my selection process works beautifully for me!
When I read threads like this from people complaining about constantly being let down I never think, "tsk, I'm going to avoid single men" I think these people should look in the mirror to see their problem as they're the one's putting the blokes off!
Blimey O'Rielly, I've massive anal toys and don't guarantee lube and they don't mess me about! "
Disagree with me!!! Right that's it, out clique is officially over!! *hhhmmmpppfff*
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it just us but we find it incredibly difficult to find someone genuinely interested/suitable to play with?
There is supposed to be heaps of horny single guys out there all desperate to find a good looking sexy couple to play with. At least the forums are full of complaints that they are not treated seriously by couples & find it difficult meeting up with any!
Once again we have spent ages trawling through profiles & writing to single guys inviting them along for fun with us. However when we mention an actual date or suggest meeting up first for coffee & a chat they suddenly go cold explaining they have to tidy their sock drawer on the planned date or some such thing.
On this occasion we have invited 8 different guys only to have every single one apologise & explain that they are unavailable on the night discussed.
"Why oh why" is just a rhetorical question incidentally.
Just needing to let off some steam at having wasted lots of effort once again only to have to cancel a keenly anticipated night of fun.
Is there anyone else that has encountered these problems?"
are you serious?
i cant believe anyone has problems finding single gusy to meet on here
i have never had a problem meeting men, ive been in the chat room and found a meet within a hour of looking and thats not because i'll shag anyone lol there lots of good looking guys on here looking for meets |
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