FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Short messages normal?
Short messages normal?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Recently we have had several messages that usually start with something like "Hi how's you" or "nice pics would you like to chat?" etc you get the picture.
Now it does not bother me as I understand it can be difficult composing a first message to break the ice so we usually reply with something like "Hi thanks for the message how you finding fab? So far we have not met a couple and would be nice to find someone we click with to see if we can change that.. L&k x" or something similar just to find some commen ground and people seem to just reply back with something like "yeah we the same" or "we like your pics".
Now is this normal and it's just we are expecting to much or are we just attracting without sounding harsh slightly simple people? The reason I ask is some of these people have genuine verifications from others that can I obviously string a sentence together and I can't for the life of me work out how they even manged to get to the point where they meet people..
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
I guess a lot of people get so many messages ignored or deleted that some just send a very short message to see whether or not they are going to get a reply before they bother with War and Peace |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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although you have put some effort into your reply, there's nothing to reply back with...no conversation starter. plus it kind of opens up only talk about meeting, hence the replies you're getting.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To be fair my example perhaps wasn't that great I/we usually flick through their profile to find some kind of common ground and try and end every message with some kind of question and seem to just get nothing back so just give up. Don't get me wrong it does not happen all the time and we do speak to a few nice peoe that seem easy to chat to. |
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"To be fair my example perhaps wasn't that great I/we usually flick through their profile to find some kind of common ground and try and end every message with some kind of question and seem to just get nothing back so just give up. Don't get me wrong it does not happen all the time and we do speak to a few nice peoe that seem easy to chat to. "
We do the same as you and get lots of one line responses to our 'essays' and we figure that if they can't make the messages interesting then the meet probably wouldn't be interesting either. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It wouldn't mind if we had contacted them first but we are just being polite and responding even if we are not particularly interested as it's still nice to get to know what makes other people tick.
Another thing we find odd is that we have messaged people that have winked our profile and they just ignore or delete our message. Again we are only being polite and we don't bother anymore but I guess it's because perhaps one part of a couple sent the wink without the agreement of the other  . |
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We put the questions at the end of our messages when we can. There's the other thing, some people just aren't thay conversational. It's a pain to get a chat started with then but some don't mean it lol. |
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I've come to realise that a lot of men send short messages, not put of laziness, but because in the past, when they have poured theit heart and soul into good messages, they have been deleted without any response!
Sad but true.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've come to realise that a lot of men send short messages, not put of laziness, but because in the past, when they have poured theit heart and soul into good messages, they have been deleted without any response!
Sad but true.."
It is true. Send a nice mail back and they often turn out to be great. 
OP if messaging people is like getting blood out of a stone I just give up. Why waste your time on someone that you're not compatible with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It wouldn't mind if we had contacted them first but we are just being polite and responding even if we are not particularly interested as it's still nice to get to know what makes other people tick.
Another thing we find odd is that we have messaged people that have winked our profile and they just ignore or delete our message. Again we are only being polite and we don't bother anymore but I guess it's because perhaps one part of a couple sent the wink without the agreement of the other . "
This is a strange one as surely a wink means we like the look please message. Ok so they may not like what's in the message but at least say thanks but sorry no thanks!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can relate to a great deal of what is being talked about here.
I do most of the writing and this is coupled with a passion for the skill as well. I like to put something into our messages such as some warmth, humour and especially try to find some common ground to establish a connection. To then receive the equivalent of a grunt back is frustrating.
It is indeed like getting blood out of a stone sometimes and I have been know to comment to my other half, "this is like pulling teeth"! Sometimes I give up but often I do try to work at it and see if I can engage the other side.
I think part of the problem is the smartphone revolution. It is so much more difficult to compose a message on a small screen than it is on a traditional desktop pc, like I have. You can't see much of the message you have been sent or much of the message you are writing. Sometimes, I find myself having to drop down to the level of this and shorten my own messages. I don't like it though, the messaging part of things is something I enjoy.
And the wink thing, we rarely even message back to them and just wink back if we think there is a possibility. |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
"Recently we have had several messages that usually start with something like "Hi how's you" or "nice pics would you like to chat?" etc you get the picture.
Now it does not bother me as I understand it can be difficult composing a first message to break the ice so we usually reply with something like "Hi thanks for the message how you finding fab? So far we have not met a couple and would be nice to find someone we click with to see if we can change that.. L&k x" or something similar just to find some commen ground and people seem to just reply back with something like "yeah we the same" or "we like your pics".
Now is this normal and it's just we are expecting to much or are we just attracting without sounding harsh slightly simple people? The reason I ask is some of these people have genuine verifications from others that can I obviously string a sentence together and I can't for the life of me work out how they even manged to get to the point where they meet people..
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Short messages don't bother us, we always check out the profile first and if we are not compatible we just send a polite no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the truth is that you are attracting people who simply don't write very well.
It can be maddening, I would love to meet people one can have a nice correspondence with - but actually, the ones who can't string two words together often turn out to be rather nice, whereas the writers of long essays can be self-important loons.
The answer is, I fear, that ONE CAN'T WIN
Or shall we set up a group for literate swingers? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honey Rose....you're adorable....I so agree....do drop me a line and we can talk about it in private (No, I know, there's no hope for me)."
Lol thank you what you upto .  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair my example perhaps wasn't that great I/we usually flick through their profile to find some kind of common ground and try and end every message with some kind of question and seem to just get nothing back so just give up. Don't get me wrong it does not happen all the time and we do speak to a few nice peoe that seem easy to chat to.
We do the same as you and get lots of one line responses to our 'essays' and we figure that if they can't make the messages interesting then the meet probably wouldn't be interesting either."
if you pick on really attractive couples the response rate will be lesser than if you went for not so attractive its all relative to your taste I've learnt that even if I get chatting to an attractive woman and I do a few they tend to respond with yes and no and maybe or don't even read many messages I send and I'm talking people I've known a while ,obviously the people I really know and I'm friendly with when they know I'm online they search out my messages and we chat ,so a lot of it is relative to popularity and you tend to find not always but the forum women are quite popular that's why they've sought out refuge in the forums  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess a lot of people get so many messages ignored or deleted that some just send a very short message to see whether or not they are going to get a reply before they bother with War and Peace"
Exactly this... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I think the truth is that you are attracting people who simply don't write very well.
It can be maddening, I would love to meet people one can have a nice correspondence with - but actually, the ones who can't string two words together often turn out to be rather nice, whereas the writers of long essays can be self-important loons.
The answer is, I fear, that ONE CAN'T WIN
Or shall we set up a group for literate swingers?"
I completely understand what your saying so I guess that the answer to our question is that yes we are expecting to much
I guess we just expected people that make first contact to perhaps come across a bit more interested but I did start to wonder if we were the odd ones out and missing out on people that could turn out to be really nice but we can't seem to get past the fact that if they can't stimulate us mentally they would struggle physically which again is probably a real unfair presumption.
Crazy thing is Laura has her own profile and the same people can sometimes contact her on there and put a lot more effort trying to entice her out on her own.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I carefully craft each message, try to ask questions and engage the person. But despite my efforts I'm often left down trodden as they are often deleted sometimes without having bothered to even read them. I openly admit that I'm terrible at sending messages but I try! |
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It's a conundrum as to whether to send a long, relevant message, or just a quick one.
I guess a lot of men just " shotgun" messages to any female or couple that comes up in their search .
I don't message much nowadays; but I decide my approach, depending on the person; and try to guess if they might be interested in me: sometimes a short " I found your profile interesting/attractive../ I would like to find out more/ if you are interested " type approach works as well as a long essay. Especially if there is something else in the profile ( a sport or hobby, ( non sex related) to mention .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've come to realise that a lot of men send short messages, not put of laziness, but because in the past, when they have poured theit heart and soul into good messages, they have been deleted without any response!
Sad but true.."
Very true. The same could be leveled to those who reply too....about an earlier comment on not being interesting therefore not interesting in the meet. However I'd like to add there are many on here who may not be articulate or witty yet very good fun under the sheets or on top and visa versa.... I've a lovely friend who was shy and timid at first....but I'm keeping her for myself. She articulate now I can promise you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It wouldn't mind if we had contacted them first but we are just being polite and responding even if we are not particularly interested as it's still nice to get to know what makes other people tick.
Another thing we find odd is that we have messaged people that have winked our profile and they just ignore or delete our message. Again we are only being polite and we don't bother anymore but I guess it's because perhaps one part of a couple sent the wink without the agreement of the other .
This is a strange one as surely a wink means we like the look please message. Ok so they may not like what's in the message but at least say thanks but sorry no thanks!!"
So many say they do not reply to winks unfortunately. I think it would be a good way...no messages allowed untill a wink is reciprocated. We've made it so complicated on fab with all our filters and wish lists that so much of the fun is removed unfortunately. |
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"It wouldn't mind if we had contacted them first but we are just being polite and responding even if we are not particularly interested as it's still nice to get to know what makes other people tick.
Another thing we find odd is that we have messaged people that have winked our profile and they just ignore or delete our message. Again we are only being polite and we don't bother anymore but I guess it's because perhaps one part of a couple sent the wink without the agreement of the other .
This is a strange one as surely a wink means we like the look please message. Ok so they may not like what's in the message but at least say thanks but sorry no thanks!!"
We had that. Winked a bi-female, she winked back to sent her a message. Deleted without being read. Thought there were mixed signals there but oh well |
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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago
Goole |
"It wouldn't mind if we had contacted them first but we are just being polite and responding even if we are not particularly interested as it's still nice to get to know what makes other people tick.
Another thing we find odd is that we have messaged people that have winked our profile and they just ignore or delete our message. Again we are only being polite and we don't bother anymore but I guess it's because perhaps one part of a couple sent the wink without the agreement of the other .
This is a strange one as surely a wink means we like the look please message. Ok so they may not like what's in the message but at least say thanks but sorry no thanks!!
So many say they do not reply to winks unfortunately. I think it would be a good way...no messages allowed untill a wink is reciprocated. We've made it so complicated on fab with all our filters and wish lists that so much of the fun is removed unfortunately. "
Totally agree, you send a wink and it's not replied to you think maybe rightly that they are not interested.
If we had taken the time to send a message would the response been the same? |
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"I've come to realise that a lot of men send short messages, not put of laziness, but because in the past, when they have poured theit heart and soul into good messages, they have been deleted without any response!
Sad but true.."
But then you get a perfect opportunity to use you're messaging skills to reply and still send a sentence or even a lol with some smileys (It's happened to us) and it's no wonder we get bored and drift off somewhere else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only time I send a short message is if I am commenting on a status, for example, otherwise I try to respond to the profile and what I can offer.
It can be very disheartening to write a thought out mail, only for it to be deleted without being read. I know this because they can be deleted within seconds of being sent. So I can understand those that do only send short messages as an opening to see if they get a response. Many people go by the avatar alone, I think. I no longer let it bother me, after all effort in = effort out, hopefully. And those that do just delete, probably weren't ideal anyway.
I have been trying to converse with a verified couple, who though started the conversation generally respond with one word or one sentence replies. Very difficult to make conversation. Yes, maybe they have changed their minds or its the husband having a wank, I don't know. But such is the life of a fab member. |
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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago
Goole |
"I've come to realise that a lot of men send short messages, not put of laziness, but because in the past, when they have poured theit heart and soul into good messages, they have been deleted without any response!
Sad but true..
But then you get a perfect opportunity to use you're messaging skills to reply and still send a sentence or even a lol with some smileys (It's happened to us) and it's no wonder we get bored and drift off somewhere else."
I think single guys' are in the majority so maybe a little thought can reap rewards because couples/females don't have to respond |
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The majority of messages you send and recieve will get deleted and go nowhere, being more selective and generally desirable you when the contexr of what your looking for the percentage will go up, but largely no, it's something you just accept.
You just have to keep in mind many things have to have to happen for a meaingful conversation to happen, physical attraction, personality attraction, schedule clashes, timing their one, the fact some people just seem to forget to reply to messages that their interested in, ensuring the interests are the same and both want the same thing.
All these things plus a few I'm probably forgetting will limit the amount of meaningful onversations you'll have. Often you'll just reach an impassable wall that you can't go past. Either way patience and perserverance are your biggest friends. |
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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago
Goole |
"The majority of messages you send and recieve will get deleted and go nowhere, being more selective and generally desirable you when the contexr of what your looking for the percentage will go up, but largely no, it's something you just accept.
You just have to keep in mind many things have to have to happen for a meaingful conversation to happen, physical attraction, personality attraction, schedule clashes, timing their one, the fact some people just seem to forget to reply to messages that their interested in, ensuring the interests are the same and both want the same thing.
All these things plus a few I'm probably forgetting will limit the amount of meaningful onversations you'll have. Often you'll just reach an impassable wall that you can't go past. Either way patience and perserverance are your biggest friends."
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