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How important that the man cums?
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
One for the women on here mainly I guess.
Just occasionally, despite being hugely turned on and enjoying some fantastic sex, I have ended up not managing to cum. I think there might be a number of factors which contribute to this.
I'm just wondering how important it is to women that sex with a man culminates with the man actually cumming? Can enjoy the sex (especially if you orgasm your self - perhaps more than once), if the man himself does not cum? Does it leave you feeling let down or self conscious at all - that some how it might have been connected to you or your performance? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never encountered that but i think i would feel a little like I'd done something wrong....unless i was warned beforehand i would normally expect a guy to cum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a meet with a very experienced (I'll cum to the relevance of that later)swinger a few years back. Coffee in the hotel lobby, chit chat and then, yes, let's retire to the room.... had great fun.... lot of positions, breaks, she came a lot.... i didn't... but I have never worried so much about that anyway, as long as the lady is enjoying herself. It didn't bother me, sometimes I just get in the fucking zone as opposed to the cumming zone.
So we left it at that and she went off the scene so I didnt get to talk to her again.
However, I was chatting with a friend of hers some time after and she told me that shed been told it was this one of this girls best meets ever.... I was chuffed
of course as you get older it takes longer to recover so if the meet has a time limit then you dont want to spend half of it waiting to get hard again  |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"I had a meet with a very experienced (I'll cum to the relevance of that later)swinger a few years back. Coffee in the hotel lobby, chit chat and then, yes, let's retire to the room.... had great fun.... lot of positions, breaks, she came a lot.... i didn't... but I have never worried so much about that anyway, as long as the lady is enjoying herself. It didn't bother me, sometimes I just get in the fucking zone as opposed to the cumming zone.
So we left it at that and she went off the scene so I didnt get to talk to her again.
However, I was chatting with a friend of hers some time after and she told me that shed been told it was this one of this girls best meets ever.... I was chuffed
of course as you get older it takes longer to recover so if the meet has a time limit then you dont want to spend half of it waiting to get hard again "
Yes, my experience is somewhat the same - the sex has always been fantastic and the lady has enjoyed herself immensely, so I would hope that she didn't go away disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel I have let the guy down if he does not cum. I also miss out on the lovely white stuff but I do understand that some cannot cum. Viagra can be a cause I understand.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if he doesn't cum then I,ve failed, so yes its important to me  "
That's exactly how I feel.. despite knowing its not the case. If a meet told me it was rare he would cum. I'd most likely choose to play with someone else.
I am slowly getting used to the fact that sometimes Mr doesn't... But then sometimes he does multiple times.
I'm a hypocrite on this one as its rare I orgasm with a meet x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel I have let the guy down if he does not cum. I also miss out on the lovely white stuff but I do understand that some cannot cum. Viagra can be a cause I understand. "
Sertraline anti depressant , is the best one 50 mg 2 to 12 hours before ,
You need to be really relaxed , though doesn't help if you have had a bad day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very good question from the OP.
There are aways going be occasions
When either the man or women do not cum - but it's not always about that it's about the sexual journey you both been on
Undoubtedly full climax is preferable but it's not the end of the world is it ????? |
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I met a lady NYE in a club we retired to a private room where we had some fun, i made it quite clear that i had no intentions of cumming and that my aim was to give her as much pleasure as possible, i managed it and she came 4 times. We are meeting again later this month and this time i will be cumming without fail. She was understanding and i felt happy that someone wanted to pay her full attention, she certainly left with a big grin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a woman i must say if a man doesnt cum ,i feel disappointed and inadequate,i would never see the guy again,we take part in swinging for fun not to feel inadequate,we had a meet where it happened,the worst meeting we have had ,now we ask the guy before hand |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"As a woman i must say if a man doesnt cum ,i feel disappointed and inadequate,i would never see the guy again,we take part in swinging for fun not to feel inadequate,we had a meet where it happened,the worst meeting we have had ,now we ask the guy before hand"
So many of the replies seem to assume that this is a 'chronic problem', as if the man is regularly a 'non-cummer'.
It also seems strange to me that so many women feel that it is somehow their fault or that they feel inadequate if the fella doesn't come. After all, they know damn well that for themselves (for the most part), sex can be wonderful even if they do not orgasm, and if they don't they do not generally expect the man to feel inadequate because they have not  |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"Op, how would you feel if a woman you were with didn't cum?"
Sometimes I realize that the women might simply not have managed to cum on that particular occasion. This does not necessarily reflect badly on my performance and how much she enjoyed the sex. I do however, recognise that it is possible to come away feeling that as a man I have somehow failed to give her as much pleasure as she sometimes enjoys, which can feel frustrating yes. It doesn't however, necessarily mean that we haven't both enjoyed the sex we had together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op, how would you feel if a woman you were with didn't cum?
Sometimes I realize that the women might simply not have managed to cum on that particular occasion. This does not necessarily reflect badly on my performance and how much she enjoyed the sex. I do however, recognise that it is possible to come away feeling that as a man I have somehow failed to give her as much pleasure as she sometimes enjoys, which can feel frustrating yes. It doesn't however, necessarily mean that we haven't both enjoyed the sex we had together."
And that is exactly how it feels the other way round  |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Op, how would you feel if a woman you were with didn't cum?"
I would prefer it if she did, but I try not to be so goal oriented when it comes to sex, and just hope that it is still a sexy encounter and experience without the orgasm.
There have been times when I haven't cum on meets, but have still had a great, sexy time. I try not to feel like I have failed her, and hope that she doesn't feel like she has failed. |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"Op, how would you feel if a woman you were with didn't cum?
Sometimes I realize that the women might simply not have managed to cum on that particular occasion. This does not necessarily reflect badly on my performance and how much she enjoyed the sex. I do however, recognise that it is possible to come away feeling that as a man I have somehow failed to give her as much pleasure as she sometimes enjoys, which can feel frustrating yes. It doesn't however, necessarily mean that we haven't both enjoyed the sex we had together.
And that is exactly how it feels the other way round "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if he doesn't cum then I,ve failed, so yes its important to me
That's exactly how I feel.. despite knowing its not the case. If a meet told me it was rare he would cum. I'd most likely choose to play with someone else.
I am slowly getting used to the fact that sometimes Mr doesn't... But then sometimes he does multiple times.
I'm a hypocrite on this one as its rare I orgasm with a meet x "
I'm exactly the same. I'd feel I had failed in some way if the man I was with failed to cum but I rarely orgasm with meets too, though I've noticed not many realise this or if they do, they're not bothered especially once they've cum |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"if he doesn't cum then I,ve failed, so yes its important to me
That's exactly how I feel.. despite knowing its not the case. If a meet told me it was rare he would cum. I'd most likely choose to play with someone else.
I am slowly getting used to the fact that sometimes Mr doesn't... But then sometimes he does multiple times.
I'm a hypocrite on this one as its rare I orgasm with a meet x
I'm exactly the same. I'd feel I had failed in some way if the man I was with failed to cum but I rarely orgasm with meets too, though I've noticed not many realise this or if they do, they're not bothered especially once they've cum "
If you don't manage to cum does this mean that you haven't enjoyed the sex? Do you feel that the man has underperformed in anyway if you don't manage to cum? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he wasn't stressing about it I wouldn't be and I wouldn't bust a gut trying to make him come. There's plenty of enjoyment to be had without anyone coming. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience (and I am generalising here) it's usually all about the man, his cock and him cumming! It's not nearly as easy for a woman to cum. So I'm delighted if he is not so caught up in his own pleasure! It's rare for a man not to cum but sometimes it happens. If he is respectful and eager to please then I would be much more likely to be up for a repeat meet and chances are he'll cum the next time! |
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Ask yourself this.....
If she doesn't cum after all the hard work you've put into the night, would YOU feel that you'd done something wrong? that YOU weren't good enough? that YOUR technique was poor? that YOU, perhaps, were unattractive? maybe they've changed their mind and are now regretting being there with you?
Typical male ego to think that it's perfectly ok, you know, if I don't cum as long as you do but, flip it around and the woman must be frigid, or inexperienced or just have some psychological issue (you alright dear? everything ok dear? Etc).
Sometimes we don't cum either but maybe that's not your fault right?  |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"Ask yourself this.....
If she doesn't cum after all the hard work you've put into the night, would YOU feel that you'd done something wrong? that YOU weren't good enough? that YOUR technique was poor? that YOU, perhaps, were unattractive? maybe they've changed their mind and are now regretting being there with you?
Typical male ego to think that it's perfectly ok, you know, if I don't cum as long as you do but, flip it around and the woman must be frigid, or inexperienced or just have some psychological issue (you alright dear? everything ok dear? Etc).
Sometimes we don't cum either but maybe that's not your fault right? "
I'm not quite sure how this relates to my original question.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if he doesn't cum then I,ve failed, so yes its important to me
That's exactly how I feel.. despite knowing its not the case. If a meet told me it was rare he would cum. I'd most likely choose to play with someone else.
I am slowly getting used to the fact that sometimes Mr doesn't... But then sometimes he does multiple times.
I'm a hypocrite on this one as its rare I orgasm with a meet x
I'm exactly the same. I'd feel I had failed in some way if the man I was with failed to cum but I rarely orgasm with meets too, though I've noticed not many realise this or if they do, they're not bothered especially once they've cum
If you don't manage to cum does this mean that you haven't enjoyed the sex? Do you feel that the man has underperformed in anyway if you don't manage to cum?"
Sometimes I think I worry I'm taking too long to cum, the more I worry the less likely I am to cum but on other occasions it's obvious the man does as little as possible foreplay on me, is only concerned with his own satisfaction and in those instances, yes, I do think they've underperformed or they just see me as an unpaid prostitute. |
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An interesting subject.
(M of the couple replying)
Sometimes I might not cum when we're playing but I certainly don't find it a disappointment. It seems to be the assumption that the bloke always has to finish with a pop and without that something was wrong but that's not the case for me.
I enjoy the journey rather than just the destination. A few hours of great play isn't spoiled if I don't get that last 5 seconds of climax.
Don't get me wrong, I love to cum but it's not everything. |
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By *uzzbMan
over a year ago
nr Sherborne |
I enjoy being able to last a lot longer, now I'm older. It means I can give a lot more and receive a lot more, and as I really enjoy intense long sessions, that is a real benefit. Sometimes I don't cum, but I've had so much pleasure that it doesn't matter, and I'm ready to go again with someone else the same day, which is great. It's certainly no fault of the partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How would you as a man feel if you didn't make the woman cum? Would you be disappointed or feel like you hadn't performed well? For me it's important a means to an end if you will. If he doesn't cum then I didn't do what I set out to do, our last meet didn't cum and it really annoyed me haha.
Peach |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"An interesting subject.
(M of the couple replying)
Sometimes I might not cum when we're playing but I certainly don't find it a disappointment. It seems to be the assumption that the bloke always has to finish with a pop and without that something was wrong but that's not the case for me.
I enjoy the journey rather than just the destination. A few hours of great play isn't spoiled if I don't get that last 5 seconds of climax.
Don't get me wrong, I love to cum but it's not everything."
I agree, and on the odd occasion I haven't managed to pop at the end it has actually been when the sex itself has been amazing - generally the woman has always felt the same way too.
Sometimes I feel that when I have brought myself back from the brink on a number of occasions in the early stages of sex, it can be as if my body simply gets so used to holding back that if this is over a prolonged period of time it eventually becomes nigh on impossible to come at the later stages.
Once again I would stress that this has only ever happened very rarely and is no reflection of how turned on I am at the time...as a raging hard on would provide testament to.
Sometimes I also find that a short break from proceedings allows things to 'relax' and when we resume I invariably cum like a train! |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"I enjoy being able to last a lot longer, now I'm older. It means I can give a lot more and receive a lot more, and as I really enjoy intense long sessions, that is a real benefit. Sometimes I don't cum, but I've had so much pleasure that it doesn't matter, and I'm ready to go again with someone else the same day, which is great. It's certainly no fault of the partner."
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By *uzzbMan
over a year ago
nr Sherborne |
I guess it's a sign of male prowess to make a woman cum, but if she's genuinely had a good time, then it's not a problem for me if she doesn't cum. Do we get too hung up with perfect sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd prefer it if he did, it's about mutual fun and yes I'd feel like I'd done something wrong if the guy doesn't cum but it happens for all sorts of reasons I suppose and I don't always cum but still enjoy the sex! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a woman i must say if a man doesnt cum ,i feel disappointed and inadequate,i would never see the guy again,we take part in swinging for fun not to feel inadequate,we had a meet where it happened,the worst meeting we have had ,now we ask the guy before hand
So many of the replies seem to assume that this is a 'chronic problem', as if the man is regularly a 'non-cummer'.
It also seems strange to me that so many women feelthat it is somehow their fault or that they feel inadequate if the fella doesn't come. After all, they know damn well that for themselves (for the most
part), sex can be wonderful even if they do not
orgasm, and if they don't they do not generally expect
the man to feel inadequate because they have not "
sex without an orgasm,what is this? surely custard creams and tea is a better alternative haha |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"As a woman i must say if a man doesnt cum ,i feel disappointed and inadequate,i would never see the guy again,we take part in swinging for fun not to feel inadequate,we had a meet where it happened,the worst meeting we have had ,now we ask the guy before hand
So many of the replies seem to assume that this is a 'chronic problem', as if the man is regularly a 'non-cummer'.
It also seems strange to me that so many women feelthat it is somehow their fault or that they feel inadequate if the fella doesn't come. After all, they know damn well that for themselves (for the most
part), sex can be wonderful even if they do not
orgasm, and if they don't they do not generally expect
the man to feel inadequate because they have not
sex without an orgasm,what is this? surely custard creams and tea is a better alternative haha"
Hahaha... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op, like you and others I don't always cum when having sex. It's nothing to do with the lady, it just happens. Sometimes I know when I start its just not going to happen. But it is also a rarity for me to come from oral, another subject I know has been covered many times.
But I can get satisfaction from the physical act, itself. Orgasm, for me at least, doesn't start and end with ejaculating. As someone else has said...its the journey. I don't physically have to cum to walk away from a meet feeling satiated.
My regular playmates know that this sometimes happens with me and I think accept that it can happen.
The downside of this can be, how long you fuck for? I'd hate to 'bang away' for ages and it not be appreciated. There are other sides to my play as well, I hasten to add!
Like everything in life, some will cum within minutes, some will cum after a reasonable time and others just don't cum at all.
Like everything else it comes down to preference, whether you feel cheated if someone cums too quickly or if they don't cum at all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OK ... here goes .
We do make it clear on our profile that Sabrina loves cum . So in essence , a meet where the guy doesn't cum would be far from satisfying .
But that's us and others would no doubt be happy without a happy ending  |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
"OK ... here goes .
We do make it clear on our profile that Sabrina loves cum . So in essence , a meet where the guy doesn't cum would be far from satisfying .
But that's us and others would no doubt be happy without a happy ending "
Same.....I am gutted when guys don't - I feel like I haven't had my fill |
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By *olarfox OP Man
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"OK ... here goes .
We do make it clear on our profile that Sabrina loves cum . So in essence , a meet where the guy doesn't cum would be far from satisfying .
But that's us and others would no doubt be happy without a happy ending "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very frustrating if the guy fails to cum, just as it is for the lady not to cum I guess.
I prefer it if the other man spunks first as I will then still be up for cleaning. It's amazing how quickly after I've cum that desire disappears LOL. |
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I have always had good self control regarding cumming but since having to take beta blockers I very rarely cum which certainly can cause me some frustration!
I must admit I have always been happy as long as the woman had an orgasm or 3 and it was not a big deal to me and I had really never thought of it from the woman's perspective.
Note to self - make greater efforts to ejaculate ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK ... here goes .
We do make it clear on our profile that Sabrina loves cum . So in essence , a meet where the guy doesn't cum would be far from satisfying .
But that's us and others would no doubt be happy without a happy ending "
I'm not happy without a happy ending. I have been known to throw a bratty strop. Lol
I like no love bukkake finishes and facials. It took me about 13 years to even consider letting another lady share.. And that's normally only if we are both being filthy with it. I'm terrible in group situations with getting bored and moving on if a guy says sorry I don't cum. That's fine but I'm bored at that point |
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we met a couple a few years ago and the fem got a little upset that my hubby did not cum. It takes me ages to make him cum and he as always does. One thing is that is get to cum a few times while we are playing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very good question from the OP.
There are aways going be occasions
When either the man or women do not cum - but it's not always about that it's about the sexual journey you both been on
Undoubtedly full climax is preferable but it's not the end of the world is it ????? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always let anyone I play with know that sometimes I don't cum due to medication. It has never stopped any of the meets being lots of fun though
I find it much easier to be open about it rather than have anyone think it's because I'm not having a good time or they have done anything wrong x |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
I think guys have it drummed into them that they should be able to last all night which is fine for some women but they didn't get told that women like when they cum because it shows he has had fun......can't because of medical or psychological reasons is one thing but won't because they don't want to look like they can't last seems silly to me. If you are enjoying it then let go and let the little chap have his fun too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes a person might not ejaculate but will still orgasm with out the "cum"like with tantra, it's certainly been an eye opener of how goal orientated the woman are in regards to making a man bust his nut so to speak .
I honestly made the assumption it was only the guys who played for the end result .
Of coarse with tantric sex the orgasm is not the end result .
Interesting subject OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think guys have it drummed into them that they should be able to last all night which is fine for some women but they didn't get told that women like when they cum because it shows he has had fun......can't because of medical or psychological reasons is one thing but won't because they don't want to look like they can't last seems silly to me. If you are enjoying it then let go and let the little chap have his fun too "
The male sexual ego is one of the most delicate things on the planet . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK ... here goes .
We do make it clear on our profile that Sabrina loves cum . So in essence , a meet where the guy doesn't cum would be far from satisfying .
But that's us and others would no doubt be happy without a happy ending
I'm not happy without a happy ending. I have been known to throw a bratty strop. Lol
I like no love bukkake finishes and facials. It took me about 13 years to even consider letting another lady share.. And that's normally only if we are both being filthy with it. I'm terrible in group situations with getting bored and moving on if a guy says sorry I don't cum. That's fine but I'm bored at that point "
Sabrina is the same - she didn't used to like it when another woman joined in with the guy she was with .
It's not so much the case now , but if he isn't gonna cum he shouldn't have started . Waste of everybody's time in my opinion .
A very blunt opinion , but it's how we feel  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At my last meet I came 3 times, a lot less than the lovely lady! But quite often I cum once and then take quite a while to cum again. And 3 times in the same session is quite unusual. |
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I use Viagra if I want to be certain of being really hard. There's no doubt that it can delay orgasm, however the feeling of being really hard and the effect it has on the lady is usually enough to tip me over the edge. In a meet, using a condom, I very rarely come through fucking. Do many guys experience this?
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