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The psychological effects of swinging
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Hi guys,
I just wanted to relate a scenario to you all to get your thoughts.
A few weeks ago, a lady in her late 30's joined this site. I got chatting with her and we started to get on really well. We both started chatting outside of fab and we were chatting throughout the day, every day. We could talk about normal life as well as sex.
After only a week of fab, she closed the account and told me that people on there were just too intense.
We were still chatting, she was being flirty, friendly and we were getting on brilliantly. She asked if I wanted to go to her house, but I couldn't over Christmas. We were still chatting, etc. After Christmas was over, I did go to hers one night, we chatted, etc and had really great sex. She was happy, chatty and smiling that night.
The day after, she was so quiet. That night she sent me a message saying "I can't do this. Sorry!".
When I delved deeper and tried to talk to her to find out why she had suddenly changed her mind, it seems that she isn't happy with the fact that she met me on a swinging site. She thinks it's dirty and taboo.
In the end, she said that she was feeling emotional about her breakup and needed space, and therefore, I accepted it I gracefully pulled away.
Do any women on here have similar feelings? I've tried to put her at ease but I don't understand her.
I'd like help because I like this lady, even if I was to keep her only as a friend without sex, I'd be happy.
Can anyone understand this scenario? |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
It sounds like she was on the rebound, wanted to push her boundaries so joined fab, but found that her boundaries were actually quite limited and she wasn't comfortable with aspects of the lifestyle.
I wouldn't try to change her, I would respect her limits. If she wants to be friends, then leave that door open to her, but I wouldn't chase her. I know you said you would like to keep her as a friend, but if you really wanted a relationship to work, it may well not because it doesn't soubd like you guys are a match when it comes to sexual energy. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
Sounds like swinging maybe went against how she sees herself or the world and so felt somewhat guilty about it all.
As she was only here a little while she wouldn't have had the full experience and possibly would have had an inundated inbox also with all kinds of messages in there.
She may also have the idea that you have many regular play people as you are in the lifestyle.
I would suggest as it's been said above to let her know you are happy to be friends if she wishes to and then leave the ball in her court. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It sounds like she was on the rebound, wanted to push her boundaries so joined fab, but found that her boundaries were actually quite limited and she wasn't comfortable with aspects of the lifestyle.
I wouldn't try to change her, I would respect her limits. If she wants to be friends, then leave that door open to her, but I wouldn't chase her. I know you said you would like to keep her as a friend, but if you really wanted a relationship to work, it may well not because it doesn't soubd like you guys are a match when it comes to sexual energy. "
exactly this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand the whole ex thing that she's going through... I split up with someone a few weeks ago & until veeeeery recently I've not wanted any contact with any man at all, and I think if your situation had happened to me - removing any "dirty or taboo" feelings thar others might associate with swinging - I might have backed off in a similar way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I can relate. I found all very confusing. I went away had a break and returned once I got my head straight. You have to let her work through it...if you've let her know you'd still like to be friends that's all you can do. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"
Do any women on here have similar feelings? I've tried to put her at ease but I don't understand her.
"
I only speak for myself
Yes
I have come across more dysfunctional and weird people in the 'swinging scene' than I have come across in the big-wide world out there
"Can anyone understand this scenario?"
I can
I met someone from a similar site two years ago. He wasn't really a swinger. We met for dinner. We met for dinner again and then we met for dinner again. We have spent whole weekends in each other's company. We have never had sex even when we have slept together both naked
He knows what I am upto and has never mentioned swinging. I know he is interested in me and if my circumstances were different and if I wasn't so screwed up myself, I would have married him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can anyone understand this scenario?"
Kind of.
"In the end, she said that she was feeling emotional about her breakup and needed space"
This bit, yeah i can. I split with someone before joining fab, it was fizzling out anyway and i was happy to get back into promiscuous sex because while with him we hardly had any sex. I felt the relationship was over and dealt with it then joined another site and eventually here. Felt over him. Met someone on here just over a year ago, last november, who wanted a relationship with me, i was happy for about 2 days then felt really sad about getting into a relationship and told him i didn't want one. So yeah sometimes you feel ready for something but aren't.
"she isn't happy with the fact that she met me on a swinging site. She thinks it's dirty and taboo"
This, not really. But i do know some people are brought up a certain way and do not agree with promiscuity, and wouldn't enjoy it. my mum has only ever slept with my dad and she married for life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like she had recently broke up with her boyfriend.... it sounds like she's not over her ex therefore she'll need time to get over him....... you'll need to give her that space..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The interaction you describe isn't swinging. Therefore, it is not amenable to any analysis in relation to swinging with its innate rules and dynamics."
Totally agree
If your chatting/txt etc daily about everything deffo not swinging
That's a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi guys,
I just wanted to relate a scenario to you all to get your thoughts.
A few weeks ago, a lady in her late 30's joined this site. I got chatting with her and we started to get on really well. We both started chatting outside of fab and we were chatting throughout the day, every day. We could talk about normal life as well as sex.
After only a week of fab, she closed the account and told me that people on there were just too intense.
We were still chatting, she was being flirty, friendly and we were getting on brilliantly. She asked if I wanted to go to her house, but I couldn't over Christmas. We were still chatting, etc. After Christmas was over, I did go to hers one night, we chatted, etc and had really great sex. She was happy, chatty and smiling that night.
The day after, she was so quiet. That night she sent me a message saying "I can't do this. Sorry!".
When I delved deeper and tried to talk to her to find out why she had suddenly changed her mind, it seems that she isn't happy with the fact that she met me on a swinging site. She thinks it's dirty and taboo.
In the end, she said that she was feeling emotional about her breakup and needed space, and therefore, I accepted it I gracefully pulled away.
Do any women on here have similar feelings? I've tried to put her at ease but I don't understand her.
I'd like help because I like this lady, even if I was to keep her only as a friend without sex, I'd be happy.
Can anyone understand this scenario?"
Sometimes I do find people on here too intense! It's hard work some days.
When I joined, I was looking forward to meeting lots of new people and exploring my sexuality. I have to say, I thought I would be more confident than I am though. Despite being on here 6 months or so, im still meeting socially and only played at a club with females and a guy I met a couple of times. I'm very anxious about it. Does that mean I am in the wrong place? I sometimes wonder this. But figure I have to allow myself time to get comfortable and come out of my shell.
It's not that I feel it's taboo, I'm pretty open about it to friends etc. i just find it hard to fall into bed with someone I barely know. As a result, I will only meet someone I've chatted to and got to know a bit. Even then only socially at first.
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"The interaction you describe isn't swinging. Therefore, it is not amenable to any analysis in relation to swinging with its innate rules and dynamics."
Yeah, two single people having sex without any mention of more people or non-monogamy isn't really swinging. If it was virtually every teenager would be a swinger. |
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"I understand the whole ex thing that she's going through... I split up with someone a few weeks ago & until veeeeery recently I've not wanted any contact with any man at all, and I think if your situation had happened to me - removing any "dirty or taboo" feelings thar others might associate with swinging - I might have backed off in a similar way."
She did say this to me. Something like she doesn't want a man to be in her life right now. I don't understand it though, because I'm not in her life. We lead separate lives completely. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"I understand the whole ex thing that she's going through... I split up with someone a few weeks ago & until veeeeery recently I've not wanted any contact with any man at all, and I think if your situation had happened to me - removing any "dirty or taboo" feelings thar others might associate with swinging - I might have backed off in a similar way.
She did say this to me. Something like she doesn't want a man to be in her life right now. I don't understand it though, because I'm not in her life. We lead separate lives completely. "
Apart from when you text her all the time and put your penis inside her?  |
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"I understand the whole ex thing that she's going through... I split up with someone a few weeks ago & until veeeeery recently I've not wanted any contact with any man at all, and I think if your situation had happened to me - removing any "dirty or taboo" feelings thar others might associate with swinging - I might have backed off in a similar way.
She did say this to me. Something like she doesn't want a man to be in her life right now. I don't understand it though, because I'm not in her life. We lead separate lives completely.
Apart from when you text her all the time and put your penis inside her? "
I can see where you're coming from. I've decided to let it go. I will miss her though!
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I understand the whole ex thing that she's going through... I split up with someone a few weeks ago & until veeeeery recently I've not wanted any contact with any man at all, and I think if your situation had happened to me - removing any "dirty or taboo" feelings thar others might associate with swinging - I might have backed off in a similar way.
She did say this to me. Something like she doesn't want a man to be in her life right now. I don't understand it though, because I'm not in her life. We lead separate lives completely. "
Maybe she thinks you like her enough for her to think you want a relationship with her but she's not ready for that.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi guys,
I just wanted to relate a scenario to you all to get your thoughts.
A few weeks ago, a lady in her late 30's joined this site. I got chatting with her and we started to get on really well. We both started chatting outside of fab and we were chatting throughout the day, every day. We could talk about normal life as well as sex.
After only a week of fab, she closed the account and told me that people on there were just too intense.
We were still chatting, she was being flirty, friendly and we were getting on brilliantly. She asked if I wanted to go to her house, but I couldn't over Christmas. We were still chatting, etc. After Christmas was over, I did go to hers one night, we chatted, etc and had really great sex. She was happy, chatty and smiling that night.
The day after, she was so quiet. That night she sent me a message saying "I can't do this. Sorry!".
When I delved deeper and tried to talk to her to find out why she had suddenly changed her mind, it seems that she isn't happy with the fact that she met me on a swinging site. She thinks it's dirty and taboo.
In the end, she said that she was feeling emotional about her breakup and needed space, and therefore, I accepted it I gracefully pulled away.
Do any women on here have similar feelings? I've tried to put her at ease but I don't understand her.
I'd like help because I like this lady, even if I was to keep her only as a friend without sex, I'd be happy.
Can anyone understand this scenario?"
she's just an ordinary everyday nice woman and this place isn't for her ,if you are not into this lifestyle either grasp the opportunity  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
You could just be friends, if that's what you and she want, but it may be better to move on and let her find her own way after her break up. It will be a difficult and confusing time for her and she needs the space to sort out her feelings and that could take some time. |
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hope it works out for her!