FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Time-waster sadness.

Time-waster sadness.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't know why but I often feel a bit gloomy or sad when I'm called a time-waster on here. Usually men say it when we have had a chat and then I've decided that we are not right for each other for some reason.

But, it's almost like these guys feel like entering into a conversation with them means that you will 100% have sex with them. Of course, that's rubbish. Even if you're naked and in bed you still don't owe them sex.

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By *obbytupperMan over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

You are a one off Wasphunter and I should imagine that most guys on here possibly wouldn't qualify for what you seek. They are unable to handle rejection and so become nasty calling you names. Don't worry about them, they are little spoiled boys.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't know why but I often feel a bit gloomy or sad when I'm called a time-waster on here. Usually men say it when we have had a chat and then I've decided that we are not right for each other for some reason.

I don't know why I feel sad when some random bloke ok the Internet says I've wasted his time. But I do. Perhaps it's because I'm a real person just looking for a connection or two. Not just a screen with some words on them."
hey its life ,says something good about you that you feel upset at the loss of that person even though its not to go further ,you must have enjoyed your chats up until that point ,hey disappointment goes hand in hand with this place I'm constantly disappointed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Timewaster - standard term used by someone bitter who cannot handle rejection who thought by someone chatting to them, they were guaranteed a shag.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I feel bad if I have to cancel or postpone a meet. Its always for legitimate reasons, and I never stand them up. But there's always some sadness there.

It could be because you are a decent person WH. I think you are anyway. Weird, but decent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Timewaster - standard term used by someone bitter who cannot handle rejection who thought by someone chatting to them, they were guaranteed a shag."
timewasters come in all shapes and sizes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To elaborate on that...you're only treated as a human being when they can get something from you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

"
I don't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

Really? On a site such as this?

I only message guys i might eventually want to Fuck. That's what I'm here for when I'm meeting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

I don't

i'm talking about people who do.

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I don't know why you feel sad....Have you been speaking to them for a while and then realise they are not for you?

Or is it just with the one message wonders?

I feel sad for me because I find it hard to find anyone that interests me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

I don't

i'm talking about people who do."
I don't expect anything from anyone but if I chat to them I do expect to be thought of in the same way they would expect it of me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's sad that people only talk to you coz they think they're gonna get a fuck for doing that.

I don't

i'm talking about people who do.I don't expect anything from anyone but if I chat to them I do expect to be thought of in the same way they would expect it of me

I expect everyone who contacts me to want to fuck me lol...but yeah it's nice not to be left feeling used by people.

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By *drianukMan over a year ago

Spain, Lancs

Sad isn't the word. Disappointment is a better word when something doesn't work out how I had hoped.

Dealing with disappointment is something we adjust to.

I'm constantly disappointed but...no harm done.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple over a year ago

Brigadoon

"To elaborate on that...you're only treated as a human being when they can get something from you.

So agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To elaborate on that...you're only treated as a human being when they can get something from you.

So agree with this."
just bad experiences their are nice guys here to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

WH..you are one of the stalwarts on here...I think we all know who the true time wasters are.

Generally wasting there own time as much as anyone else's.

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By *he Knight is YoungMan over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

Half the time I feel like I am canvassing myself on here and part of a cheap meat market.

That's why I formed a nice group of friends off here and it does grow in numbers as to add to the fun.

But time wasters only have a limited amount of excuses till they are put back to pasture and left in their own bs.

Never fear WH have patience and loving the holster prezzie

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By *iSTARessWoman over a year ago

London

Wasp, you're one of the toughest people on here but of course, you're human.

I've had my fair share of abuse this week from spoilt brats who throw a strop when I politely decline. It's disapointing and occasionally upsetting but I see it as a positive. They've shown their true colours and glad not to have let them into my life. And bed.

Found delete and block easiest way. Out of sight, out of mind.

Sod em

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

You're only a timewaster if you arranged a meet and then you didn't turn up without telling them in advance.

Otherwise, you're not.

They can call you whatever Wasp, but if you're not, just ignore it. Chin up, smile and Merry Christmas.

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By *inzi LTV/TS over a year ago

The Garden of Eden in Beautiful North Wales

We all get them hun, even a 'cock in a frock' like myself! The main problem seems to be with men that think with their cock but there are one or two nice ones out there that will spend the time to develop some kind of repartee.

My problem is, I hate blocking people but sometimes you just have to... then I feel so bad after!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Timewasters are often people who chat for ages and promise much but don't deliver ,in terms of meets not sexually

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 26/12/15 10:04:25]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a few people in here have hit the nail.

Most guys expect to be guaranteed sex as soon as they engage in conversation with someone.

I think it's ridiculous.

I understand this is a site for people looking to satisfy their sexual desires but we must respect others for the choices that they make.

Take me for example, I don't get much attention on here or even replies back from women, but it doesn't get me down or stopping me from trying. You just move on and respect their decision.

Don't get too down about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never felt bad about blocking anyone.they are blocked for a reason,mostly because we don't want any contact from them.

We are on fab for some fun,not to interact with people we don't find fun.

It's not personal.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

People can describe me how they see fit, it means nothing to me.

I am on the internet to arrange meets when I need them, hopefully with people who are looking for the same.

Everything else, is meaningless to me in the grand scheme of things.

You see bitterness, angst, hurt and baggage being flung at people to make that person feel superior or as a coping strategy.

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By *xyzptlk088Man over a year ago

Galway

Hey missy,only know you from your forum posts but you come across as quite genuine,I don't think you should feel any sadness if you don't click with someone and they feel put out,I get that guys get excited and think YES!!! I am in here if they are engaging in conversation. I have met people on here and we have been basically blowing each others minds online but face to face the spark is not there so nothing happens,it is disappointing but nobodys fault.The same applies if the initial spark fizzles out in conversation.So my advice is just have fun let what happens happen and regret nothing that needs no regret.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

...and to be fair, it's not always 'just' words on a screen.

Many people that say that use it as a defence mechanism.

If someone (even a stranger) said the same to them in physical life, would it be 'just' letters forming words and sounds coming out of a mouth, therefore they have no effect?

I think not

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By *enard ArgenteMan over a year ago

London and France

Wasp,

Don't worry about it; some ( most?) just assume that a chat means a fuck;

And then don't like what they think is rejection .

They also probably misunderstand your lifestyle and sexuality, and assume that because of what you are and your interests, you will fuck anyone; which is quite clearly not true. Anyone who reads your profile properly will see that you are quite particular about what ( who) you want and why.

To me, chat is a chat with a _iew, usually, to meeting, but that's the point, starting to find out if (note IF) it might work out. And calling it off if it's not going to be right.

The time wasters are those who really lead you on, with all sorts of promises, then suddenly " change their mind" with no explanation, or just disappear. Then you realise they were just getting off on fantasy.

Some people are just interesting to chat with; for instance you are very different to me, and I doubt if we would hit it off at all sexually, but you are very interesting, and it would be fascinating to chat with you , for no other reason, than that.

( no I am not trying to get to chat with you, I expect neither of us has the time for that in reality!)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Timewaster - standard term used by someone bitter who cannot handle rejection who thought by someone chatting to them, they were guaranteed a shag."

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By *drianukMan over a year ago

Spain, Lancs

Lots of virtue-signalling going on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is most certainly down to the fact that I would guess most men have no idea what and who you really are . They wouldn't have any idea what you seek , what may float your boat and your criteria when looking for a meet on here .

This is in no way meant to disrespectful . I for one wouldn't know where to start if engaging in conversation relating to a potential meet with you . But I have the advantage of having read numerous posts over the years , and I know we wouldn't be compatible . The guys you chat with may not know you specifics .

If you are upfront with them , it's their own fault if they feel they have had their time wasted . Just ignore it and carry on without feeling bad . But if you think they may be justified maybe you should be a bit more straight up with what you are after ?

It just depends how many messages it takes for them to realise you may not be for them .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am put off from engaging in conversation with some people,in case they assume I'm interested in them sexually. I have no qualms about telling them I'm not interested but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone doesn't have the time to send a few messages without feeling that their time has been wasted, then what hope have they got?

Surely people aren't that precious that they aren't able to chat away to someone without the need for a meet?

Just block and forget, don't pity their time,if they feel like it's been wasted then that's their problem,Lee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely the whole point of this god forsaken place is to chat then meet ,you can tell very little about a person or their personality from a text message ,you look at their pics face included and chat for a while appear to get on ,the next step must be either to telephone always a good prelude to a meet or meet socially

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think my profile is quite simple really!

"I'm only into BDSM. Very into BDSM. I'm not interested in meeting anyone who isn't into BDSM and I'm really looking for people who are experienced and dominant."

I'm looking for people into BDSM who are dominant and experienced.

This particular guy *was* dominant and experienced. However we didn't have the same interests within BDSM so I said 'you know what, you're not for me. Good luck with your search' and he accused me of being a time-waster (mostly because he was demanding I perform tasks online to 'prove' myself to him and that's not how I play).

I suppose it just bothers me when people say 'you're a time-waster' rather than 'I'm sorry we're not compatible'. Because you can't be compatible with everyone. And finding out if you *are* compatible isn't really time-wasting in my opinion.

Negging someone - i.e. calling them a time-waster - is a pick up artist technique designed to make women feel shitty about themselves and more likely to sleep with the guy in the end. It's an awful technique. But evidently from how I feel - it works. It erodes self-confidence and makes you feel like you owe someone something, or that you have to prove something.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone is different in reality the written word isn't the person in my experience ,you can say anything in a text you can't in life

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks everyone. I was just needing a rant last night.

I really do get fed up of the phrase 'you're a time-waster' being used instead of 'we're not compatible'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sadly there seem to be a few guys (not many fortunately) who think that as you've replied and are chatting, they're guaranteed a meet. That isn't your fault, its their unrealistic sense of entitlement.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being up front about what you want doesn't make a difference. They still may not be compatible,it's not about what someone has to offer or the sexual acts they want,the personalities have to be compatible for me to enjoy them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Always stick to what's right for you. If they can't take that it's more about their inability to handle rejection, or the realisation of not being irresistible, which is never possible, no matter who you are. Stick to your own standards and always be true to yourself. If you do you'll always have class and respect. Everyone else should respect your right to that. Happy Christmas

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks everyone. I was just needing a rant last night.

I really do get fed up of the phrase 'you're a time-waster' being used instead of 'we're not compatible'."

i'm slightly envious of you getting messages from people who can spell time waster without an 'i' in the middle! count your blessings!

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By *lighty1Woman over a year ago

You Dont Need to Know, right now

It's an awful technique. So don't fall for it. You don't owe anyone a shag. You are who you are, and if they don't like it they should feck right off. Keep your confidence high - you are a strong independent person, with a 100% right to want what you want x

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I use the site how I want if others don't like it....tough, they can think what they like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my profile is quite simple really!

"I'm only into BDSM. Very into BDSM. I'm not interested in meeting anyone who isn't into BDSM and I'm really looking for people who are experienced and dominant."

I'm looking for people into BDSM who are dominant and experienced.

You need to chat to people to find out if you're compatible or not. I agree with you, you haven't wasted anyone's time. You have freed him up so he can go look for someone suitable.

Sounds like he's just being arsey because you won't bow to his demands. What he means is, he wasted his own time. Instead of chatting and finding out about you as a person he had already decided that you would fit what he wanted. Don't worry about it.

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By *ightyandLeftyCouple over a year ago

Funtown

Aww don't be sad...its their problem if they can't handle rejection...if u don't have a connection why would you want to sleep with them...Some people think being a swinger means they will sleep with anybody...and maybe some are like this which is their choice..but some of us like to have a spark.

Just block and forget.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

Only ppls opinions with a damn are from those who actually know you well . Not someone you haven't even met face to face . I take other their praise or damnation with equal large pinches of salt.

But as said you are only human and sometimes things just get to you abit more than normal. May be time just to take a step back till you are back to face the normal toys throwing/ tantrums with the disregard they deserve .

End of the day these ppl have just confirmed by that behaviour that your intuition about not meeting then was spot on .

Hope you feel better about things soon x

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By *xyzptlk088Man over a year ago

Galway

"I use the site how I want if others don't like it....tough, they can think what they like

thems fighting words missy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with everything you say in your post... you never know some one until

you've spent some serious time chatting and in one another's company a lustful sexual experience is different to a connective sexual experience... it's the same in a relationship you can date some one for years but until you live together that's when everything seems a little different...

but as for waisting some ones time that's there way of trying to get at you for them feeling rejected. but hey why would you date,sleep with or give your intimate time to that you have no connection with...

stand your ground and stick with your way of doing things xx

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I use the site how I want if others don't like it....tough, they can think what they like

thems fighting words missy

I'm Scottish.....enough said lol

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I agree with everything you say in your post... you never know some one until

stand your ground and stick with your way of doing things xx