FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I have seen a friends fella on here...
I have seen a friends fella on here...
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Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.
We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.
We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.
We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.
Could anyone advise us what to do please? |
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A very unpleasant situation for you 
Does your female friend know about Fab?
If they are close fiends hold a dinner party and tell them you're so glad you can confess about Fab now seeing as the male is on there. |
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We have never discussed it with them and he can't accom... So it looks a little suspect. We Dont really know him well but have known her longer.
Its a hard situation and we may leave it but look for a chance to bring swinging up in a convo and see if there's a reaction leading to an open discussion.
We feel uncomfortable about it.
Thank you those who posted. |
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I would say it depends on how close you are to your friend. If you do tell her, she will ask how you found out, which could result in you two being outed as swingers, which may or may not be an issue for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."
Agreed. A friends husband messaged us a while back with a single profile. He did not know it was us. I instantly blocked him and said nothing- We don't know what goes on in their lives and what he gets up to has nothing to do with us x |
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."
You don't need to know all the facts to say "your partner is on a swinging site"
If they know and its all fine, then no harm done.
If they don't, then...wouldn't you want to know your partner was cheating on you?
Staying quiet is the easy option but I'd it were a close friend of mine I'd tell without question. |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Lancashire |
Send him a message...
"Do you and (friends name) have a coupés profile too, or doesn't she know your on here"
A friend saw her neighbours fella on here a short while ago and after a similar message he went unlos very quickly |
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I think the worst part about this is they are going to get married. In one way a lot of future heartache could be spared maybe.
A female friend and I met a guy at a social. He then messaged his wife-to-be's sister on here. The poor woman created a profile to message the women who had veri'd him.
I have women blocked so she could only message my friend. She was horrified but decided to go with the truth. In the end the fiancé was very grateful.
But it could have turned out different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!
I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either "
Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought.... |
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
You don't need to know all the facts to say "your partner is on a swinging site"
If they know and its all fine, then no harm done.
If they don't, then...wouldn't you want to know your partner was cheating on you?
Staying quiet is the easy option but I'd it were a close friend of mine I'd tell without question. "
I don't agree but that's what forums are for  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
If I were being cheated on, I would want to know. It would be hard for a friend to tell you and a very difficult position for them to be in. I would still talk to the guy first and hope he would do the right thing by his fiancee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All men r the same thats why im single"
Hence I'm single for the same reason regards women then in that case. Be realistic. We aren't the same just as you aren't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you. We will find a way to talk to him first, then see what to do next. We are feeling that if she doesnt know we should tell her. "
Just remembered talking to him =instant purge of all evidence + he starts telling her how you two are some kind of weird perverts who have been trying to get him to have a threesomes with you but he turned you down. Also that you guys tried to blackmail him into meeting with you by treating to tell her that you already had.
Thus when you turn up to talk to her she's already loaded up with "the truth" to smash you guys as evil perverts trying to steal her wonderful future husband who would never lie to her.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x"
 I would want to know if it was my partner. |
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I (Dave) had exactly the same problem about 4 years ago on here when I was a single. I had known said couple for a number of years and actually saw the fem on here. Clothed upper body shots with the face blurred taken from Facebook used on here. Not exactly subtle! Anyway when I was certain I actually knew one of the lads she had seen from a social and he varified it was her from a face pic I had.
I had to mention it to my friend, outing my life style at the same time. It wasn't easy seeing a good friend having to hear it but he was greatful and had suspicions as things had been distant for a month or two.
My advice OP is to tell the friend . Don't try and mediate the profile on here.. you're only getting further in the mess. Go with direct facts and also accept that your private life is going to be aired with it. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.
We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.
We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.
We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.
Could anyone advise us what to do please?"
If you don't know all of the facts, I'd want to be very certain before dropping this bombshell..  |
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Like the rule of fight club.
1, no talks about fight club.
What's on fab stays on fab.
It's his/her life and should not be judged as we don't know why they are on fab,it's their personal choice to be on here and not for us to question why.
I have seen people I know on fab and just left it at that.
Leave them to their life and walk on by. |
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"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x
I would want to know if it was my partner."
So would I. And if she already knows then it's not an issue telling her is it? Unless the OP doesn't want to be outed as being on fab x |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!
I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either
Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought.... "
A very good late night thought. I would also stick it on a memory stick and pop it along in the mail with the printouts; When she confronts him, he will most likely deny it and say that the printout is a fake
If I were about to engage in a relationship and my best friend found out that he was a cheat then I would want her to let me know some way |
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By *enithWoman
over a year ago
closer than you think |
I was messaged by a close work colleagues husband ..... Decided not to say anything to her.
Month later she approached me and asked if I was still on the site (she knew of my lifestyle) as she thought her husband was cheating. I admitted he had messaged me and the look in her eyes when she asked why I hadn't said anything will stay with me for a long time ...... She was devastated
we did a bit more searching on the site and discovered he had also set up a profile as a TV and had pics taken in their bedroom!!!! Let's just say they are now separated!
I say tell her!! |
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I know her from work as we've become friends, (not really close but still friends), she knows some of my friends and even family. Plus she has access to my Facebook profile, with all my friends and family on there and my work stuff.
I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.
As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.
It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.
I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?
Thank you.
She |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"I know her from work as we've become friends, (not really close but still friends), she knows some of my friends and even family. Plus she has access to my Facebook profile, with all my friends and family on there and my work stuff.
I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.
As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.
It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.
I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?
Thank you.
She"
Set up a new hotmail account at an Internet cafe and email from there
A screen-shot, making certain that there aren't any other tabs open, is virtually untraceable
Be a friend to your friend. How would you feel if the situtation was reversed and she kept mum |
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You are quite right and we are going to tell her. So 1 last question do we do it now,or do we wait until she's had Christmas and New Year and then do it so we don't ruin Xmas for her if? potentially she doesn't know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are quite right and we are going to tell her. So 1 last question do we do it now,or do we wait until she's had Christmas and New Year and then do it so we don't ruin Xmas for her if? potentially she doesn't know?"
I would tell her now. But that's just me. |
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I'm a firm believer in keeping my nose out of other peoples business: that applies to my children too.
I'm not the moral police or privy to what goes on behind closed doors. I've seen friendships ruined by good intentions.
We all know what the road to hell is paved with! |
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!
I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either
Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought.... "
Best idea I have come across so far.
This means your lives as swingers stays discreet and you give the guy a chance to reset his relationship and a chance to being responsible.
If this doesn't work, then there's not much you can do. If you decide to have a chat with him, thus compromising your privacy as swingers, then do it in a mature open minded way and not in an accusatory manner since you don't know the ins and outs of their relationship. You have to approach it diplomatically along the lines of you have come across his profile and you hope that your friend is aware or involved somewhat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know her from work as we've become friends, (not really close but still friends), she knows some of my friends and even family. Plus she has access to my Facebook profile, with all my friends and family on there and my work stuff.
I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.
As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.
It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.
I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?
Thank you.
She
Set up a new hotmail account at an Internet cafe and email from there
A screen-shot, making certain that there aren't any other tabs open, is virtually untraceable
Be a friend to your friend. How would you feel if the situtation was reversed and she kept mum"
I would do this, however once done it can't be undone, so if she comes to you about it upset or looking for advice, someone to cry to etx you would have to be very careful with what you do and say, would you be able to deal with that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
This! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She might know about it and get a kick out of knowing he is with other women., the fact that she has not told you anything about it could simply mean that they want to keep their own kink private. If your close friend confides in you to say that she thinks her other half is having an affair then thats all different, blab all but 'til then., just keep on enjoying yourselves.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
If he is the sort of guy that goes on a site like this. Then he is the sort of guy to say you set his profile up to cause trouble
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are quite right and we are going to tell her. So 1 last question do we do it now,or do we wait until she's had Christmas and New Year and then do it so we don't ruin Xmas for her if? potentially she doesn't know?"
After Xmas and new year. If you do it before then there's a big chance during any future Xmas's and new year, all she'll think about is finding out her future husband cheated. Possibly ruining both days for her. Just a thought. |
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we had our pictures stolen once and used for another profile with a different location, ages and preferences. It was easy for anyone looking at that profile to think that what they saw was fact...it wasn't.
I still say before you tell all you know ensure you know what you're telling is right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She might know about it and get a kick out of knowing he is with other women., the fact that she has not told you anything about it could simply mean that they want to keep their own kink private. If your close friend confides in you to say that she thinks her other half is having an affair then thats all different, blab all but 'til then., just keep on enjoying yourselves.... "
Hi. good point. However in that case wouldn't it be likely she'll thank the OP for looking out for her but go on to say she already knew he's on fab with her permission? Again sorry just a thought. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A very unpleasant situation for you
Does your female friend know about Fab?
If they are close fiends hold a dinner party and tell them you're so glad you can confess about Fab now seeing as the male is on there."
that's twisted in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have never discussed it with them and he can't accom... So it looks a little suspect. We Dont really know him well but have known her longer.
Its a hard situation and we may leave it but look for a chance to bring swinging up in a convo and see if there's a reaction leading to an open discussion.
We feel uncomfortable about it.
Thank you those who posted. "
Don't converse with him at all. Tell your friend he's on there, show the profile and then let her decide. If it comes out that he's on here and your friend knows you done any type of communicating with him before telling her, that would piss her off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh yeah and do it after Xmas and new year, never know he might knock it on the head himself before then, keep an eye on his profile and if it's still in use and been logged into after New Years, tell her. When you tell her show her the profile then with her permission arrange a meet and confirmation it is him so he can't worm his way out of it by saying someone set him up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She might know about it and get a kick out of knowing he is with other women., the fact that she has not told you anything about it could simply mean that they want to keep their own kink private. If your close friend confides in you to say that she thinks her other half is having an affair then thats all different, blab all but 'til then., just keep on enjoying yourselves.... "
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Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
"
You don't feel that creepy and frightening? |
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"Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.
We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.
We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.
We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.
Could anyone advise us what to do please?"
depends if you dont mind 'outing' yourself, but a quiet word with him, ask if they have a couples profile maybe? In situations like this, mostly the messenger takes the heat, tricky one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
"
...I'm sure you don't mean to come across as slightly pompous, but to me, it seems uncomfortably so.
I really think your involvement and the way you've oohed and ahhed, the way you've decided is the best time to 'out' him and the situation to her - will probably only end in strife for YOU.
Leave them alone, whatever happens in their relationship should happen organically without interjection from outsiders.
Your guilt over 'knowing' what you think you 'know' needs to dealt with by you - leave her to find out if there's anything to find out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
"
Good choice. I'd want to know if it were me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
"
How would you feel if a screen shot of your profile was posted with an anonymous typed letter to someone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.
"
You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x"
Yes tricky i agree.either stay out of it or aproach the fella about it u never no it might make him see sense and stop what he is doing behind her back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.
You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?
"
I'd rather they told me in person of course.
But I could fully understand a fiend having a moral dilemma before telling me so long as they told me.
But a friend who covered up such a hurtful thing isn't worth shit quite frankly, they aren't a friend and they aren't worth keeping.
In bin right after the cheat.
A friend has your back, not your cheating partners back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.
You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?
I'd rather they told me in person of course.
But I could fully understand a fiend having a moral dilemma before telling me so long as they told me.
But a friend who covered up such a hurtful thing isn't worth shit quite frankly, they aren't a friend and they aren't worth keeping.
In bin right after the cheat.
A friend has your back, not your cheating partners back."
I'd be more hurt that these friends had mulled things over to such a degree and seemed to be more concerned about how they come out of it.
If she really doesn't know what her partners up to (even if she doesn't, it's still not their place to tell her), what a double whammy that'd be for her - cheating spouse-to-be and shady friends. |
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Telling a friend does not always work the best advice you could take is that it has nothing to do with you he's an adult his mistakes his choice if he blows it just delete him and get back to what you want to do on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
im inclined to agree with this until I thought about it, if as we are to assume his future wife knows nothing about this site and you turn up with a profile of her fiance on a sex site that you yourself are on, being vanilla she's hardly going to thank you for sharing, likely hood is she'll vent her spleen on you and he'll somehow wriggle free only for you to be singled out for abuse. A woman scourned! I'd confront him, it's safer
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But can you guarantee without question that she isn't doing the same on this site or indeed any other site. And I mean cast iron guarantee...I would not get involved solely because of this reason... |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
"
Good choice
Say in the anonymous letter that you are a well-wisher and your only reason for sending the screen shot is so that she is aware of what he is doing. And that if she is already aware of what he is doing then that is wonderful
Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her
That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail
As another poster said, if I ever found out that my best friend knew that my husband (one who does not exist and is only brought up in conversations with tradesmen when I have broken something and need someone to blame) was cheating and she kept quiet, then that would be the end of my friendship with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is not your life and you shouldn't get involved in other people's business.
It's not for you to judge why he is on here. you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, non of us do.
If he stays on here and meets others he runs his own chance of getting found out by her one way or the other. What will happen will happen, but it will be of his own doing not yours.
If you haven't got the bottle to say it to her face (like a true friend would) you can't be that much of a close friend. She will always be thinking who posted that letter just as much as her partners actions which isn't fair on her. Your not really thinking of her own well fair but can't live with knowing what he is doing. Your trying to protect yourself first without what thought all of this will do to them.
Leave well alone !
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
Good choice
Say in the anonymous letter that you are a well-wisher and your only reason for sending the screen shot is so that she is aware of what he is doing. And that if she is already aware of what he is doing then that is wonderful
Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her
That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail
As another poster said, if I ever found out that my best friend knew that my husband (one who does not exist and is only brought up in conversations with tradesmen when I have broken something and need someone to blame) was cheating and she kept quiet, then that would be the end of my friendship with her"
Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
"
You really need to give yourselves a good talking to instead of writing about anonymous letters and the like. This is real life not some TV show. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regarding the anonymous letter, please don't do it. Imagine receiving that yourself, you'd be forever wondering who sent it, who is watching you.
Either do it by showing your friend in person, or leave it alone, being anonymous is a cowardly way to do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over, |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over, "
I understand your predicament and think this above could be the worst situation, maybe she is aware. |
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"Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over,
I understand your predicament and think this above could be the worst situation, maybe she is aware. "
True,and may a mutual understanding that no one on fab would know about as many contributions may add to this predicament as in lifestyles of habit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you need 100% proof it's him first.
I once saw my friends hubby on a dating site saying he was single with no children, I showed her the profile for a while she forgave him but they broke up a few weeks later.
If I was attached I would want my friends to tell me. |
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win...."
Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.
Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
Good choice
Say in the anonymous letter that you are a well-wisher and your only reason for sending the screen shot is so that she is aware of what he is doing. And that if she is already aware of what he is doing then that is wonderful
Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her
That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail
As another poster said, if I ever found out that my best friend knew that my husband (one who does not exist and is only brought up in conversations with tradesmen when I have broken something and need someone to blame) was cheating and she kept quiet, then that would be the end of my friendship with her
Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters?"
Ever heard or experienced friendship?
Minding ones' own business is fine where strangers are concerned. I would assume that my friends would warn me in some way before I get deeply involved with some creep who could literally destroy my life
And if he is doing this with her consent, then fine. Stating that the 'informants' are swingers will not threaten her
I would much rather know about this now than after that blissful walk down the aisle |
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"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
Good choice
Say in the anonymous letter that you are a well-wisher and your only reason for sending the screen shot is so that she is aware of what he is doing. And that if she is already aware of what he is doing then that is wonderful
Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her
That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail
As another poster said, if I ever found out that my best friend knew that my husband (one who does not exist and is only brought up in conversations with tradesmen when I have broken something and need someone to blame) was cheating and she kept quiet, then that would be the end of my friendship with her
Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters?
Ever heard or experienced friendship?
Minding ones' own business is fine where strangers are concerned. I would assume that my friends would warn me in some way before I get deeply involved with some creep who could literally destroy my life
And if he is doing this with her consent, then fine. Stating that the 'informants' are swingers will not threaten her
I would much rather know about this now than after that blissful walk down the aisle"
Yes I have heard of and experienced friendship, I'm 59. I would never send a friend a type written anonymous letter purporting to be from a well wished nor would I presume to know intimate details of their private life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.
We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.
We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.
We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.
Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.
You don't feel that creepy and frightening? "
Sounds like a easy way to get arrested for harassment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If decide to tell her make sure your 100% sure it's him and be prepared to be blamed .just do it in person as the other way mentioned is really creepy and will freak her out |
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I think I'd tell. I'd want to know if it were me.
I'm happy to be the shot messenger. If it's a decent friendship, it'll survive cause my friends know that I love them and I wouldn't deliberately hurt them.
If she knows then that's cool. If she doesn't then she will and then she can make an informed choice.
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....
Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.
Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around."
You're jumping to the conclusion that you know their whole story... I'm not saying it's right but it would probably be better to be that supporting friend rather than the one that tells.... It's a powder keg |
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And I wouldn't send an anonymous letter... I'd have the courage of my convictions to take responsibility and treat my friend with the respect she deserves rather than freaking her out with random post that she may well just assume is a prank and bin it. If you value your friendship with her then man up and take the risk of her shooting the messenger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....
Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.
Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.
You're jumping to the conclusion that you know their whole story... I'm not saying it's right but it would probably be better to be that supporting friend rather than the one that tells.... It's a powder keg "
It wouldn't be very supportive to not tell her though.
Instead surely you talk to her, tell her that if she's a swinger you understand her lifestyle because you are too, and then say you were concerned about finding her future husband, but not her, on a swingers site. |
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It's a hard one. I've got a singles and couples profile (Mrs. obviously knows). Having been on the receiving end of this in Vanilla life (not Mrs. kinkysouls). I'd rather have been told, then wasting a whole chunk of my life with them. I could have been with someone who appreciated me, or just having fun in general.
You've got to think of the following:
You know them, how do you think they'll react?
How do you know, she doesn't know?
How you going to break it?
Are prepared for him kicking off, if you 'grass' him up?
Are you willing to be the bearer of bad news? Nobody likes the bringer, of bad news!
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Me and Mrs. have had this conversation, because we've both had crap partners, in hindsight a) we'd want to know, so we could put our time, love,fun into someone/something better. b) we were then free to move to move on, and possibly meet a better match.
Or you could just keep your nose out like some think, and try to sleep happily; a lot of people do...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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depends how close a friend it was
its ok people saying keep your nose out but if the boot was on the othet foot how hurt would you be knowing you had married a man who was cheating on you before you was even wed and the person who you thought was a good friend knew and said nothing
if it was me id want to know and would hope anybody who was my friend would tell me
if she found out i wouldnt be able to look her in the face and be there for her as a friend knowing i knew all along
thats just me though |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....
Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.
Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.
You're jumping to the conclusion that you know their whole story... I'm not saying it's right but it would probably be better to be that supporting friend rather than the one that tells.... It's a powder keg "
So, in your opinion, it would be better to let a friend be hurt and then support her than to avoid her getting hurt in the first place. I am glad that I have friends who think differently
In an ideal world, this guy would not be on a swingers site but would be cheating elsewhere and it would not be a problem for the OP to approach her and tell her about his activities
As it stands, if she already knows and consents to it, then noting is lost if the OP just called her to let her know. However, if she is unaware, then the OP has outed herself
Granted, that it is a difficult situation. But that is what friends are for; to care enough for you to try and think for the best for you, just as the OP is doing
Years ago, when I was younger and foolish and believed in happiness ever after, I got cheated on. My friend found out and she agonised for days before plucking up enough courage to tell me. Sent me in deep depression for days but I am eternally grateful to her; she is my bestest, bestest friend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Those suggesting telling are presupposing that they understand fully the relationship between the best friend and her putative groom.
I would suggest life isn't like that.
Block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.
They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.
Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!
If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....
Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.
Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.
You're jumping to the conclusion that you know their whole story... I'm not saying it's right but it would probably be better to be that supporting friend rather than the one that tells.... It's a powder keg
So, in your opinion, it would be better to let a friend be hurt and then support her than to avoid her getting hurt in the first place. I am glad that I have friends who think differently
In an ideal world, this guy would not be on a swingers site but would be cheating elsewhere and it would not be a problem for the OP to approach her and tell her about his activities
As it stands, if she already knows and consents to it, then noting is lost if the OP just called her to let her know. However, if she is unaware, then the OP has outed herself
Granted, that it is a difficult situation. But that is what friends are for; to care enough for you to try and think for the best for you, just as the OP is doing
Years ago, when I was younger and foolish and believed in happiness ever after, I got cheated on. My friend found out and she agonised for days before plucking up enough courage to tell me. Sent me in deep depression for days but I am eternally grateful to her; she is my bestest, bestest friend"
Indeed this is kinda like someone going "yeah I saw that your brake line had split before you left for work that day...but hey I bought you flowers to brighten up your hospital room, how great a friend am I! ?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Those suggesting telling are presupposing that they understand fully the relationship between the best friend and her putative groom.
I would suggest life isn't like that.
Block and move on."
OK so what your saying her is that he has permission?
Despite that being massively unlikely it's also a non issue.
If he is the Convo goes
"Hey I hate to tell you but we found tour husband on fab swingers"
"OMG no way you guys are on there too!?"
"Wait you know?"
"Yeah he's got total permission, but thank you so much for telling me I know it must've been difficult"
"Yay"
"4 some?"
*cue porno intro music* |
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Just message the guy back.
"Sorry we know your girlfriend and would be uncomfortable meeting you"
Then block. He'll either be sweating or, if he's playing with permission, will understand.
win/win
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Told my friend earlier about what advice I gave on this thread and she said right now imagine it's me and you and if I saw her boyfriend on here who she lives with and is engaged to. She said you wouldn't wait till after Xmas you'd tell me straight away and then you'd set up a fake profile to honey trap him and arrange a meeting where we would both kick the absolute fuck out of him. She knows me too well!
She then went on to say how hurt she would feel if I slept on this information for even a day without telling her what if seen. So, my advice now is to tell your friend straight away, face to face none of this writing an anonymous letter bollocks because that would freak the fuck out of me and make me think he was involved in some corrupt dodgy business. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage."
She may blame them for NOT telling her, if they go ahead and get married, then she finds out. She should then be blaming her fiance, not her friends, he is the one cheating. |
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"Send him a message...
"Do you and (friends name) have a coupés profile too, or doesn't she know your on here"
A friend saw her neighbours fella on here a short while ago and after a similar message he went unlos very quickly"
I'd do this! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Those suggesting telling are presupposing that they understand fully the relationship between the best friend and her putative groom.
I would suggest life isn't like that.
Block and move on.
OK so what your saying her is that he has permission?
Despite that being massively unlikely it's also a non issue.
If he is the Convo goes
"Hey I hate to tell you but we found tour husband on fab swingers"
"OMG no way you guys are on there too!?"
"Wait you know?"
"Yeah he's got total permission, but thank you so much for telling me I know it must've been difficult"
"Yay"
"4 some?"
*cue porno intro music*"
no I'm saying it's not possible to know about a relationship you are not part of and you shouldn't assume you do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
She may blame them for NOT telling her, if they go ahead and get married, then she finds out. She should then be blaming her fiance, not her friends, he is the one cheating."
how would she know that the op knew and had said nothing? |
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By *ymeCouple
over a year ago
winchester |
"All men r the same thats why I'm single"
pls don't count all men like that as I'm married for 25 years and have only ever had 1 partner my wife till a month ago when we had a 4some
there are some about you know
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No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ? |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
"No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ?"
If you are a good friend, then you should care about her feelings. If the boyfriend does not care, and he apparently doesn't, and he is so open about cheating then he deserves everything he gets. If you knew someone had murdered someone... Would you say it was none of your business to tell the police? It's only a matter of degree |
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"No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ?
If you are a good friend, then you should care about her feelings. If the boyfriend does not care, and he apparently doesn't, and he is so open about cheating then he deserves everything he gets. If you knew someone had murdered someone... Would you say it was none of your business to tell the police? It's only a matter of degree"
Give me a break. What a fallacious argument.
A single bloke having sex is as bad as murdering someone ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
this id want to know |
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If I was her I'd want to know.
If I was your friend I'd want to know.
Find a way to tell her either in person or anonymously.
If she knows then there is no problem.
I've been cheated on. It's never pretty. |
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"Send him a message...
"Do you and (friends name) have a coupés profile too, or doesn't she know your on here"
A friend saw her neighbours fella on here a short while ago and after a similar message he went unlos very quickly"
That'll be me then! I messaged him asking about clubs etc to entice him, he bit, then asked 3 times if he was single, which he said he was, so I messaged back saying does ......... Know, hence gone within the hour!! She's a good friend and neighbour so took the easy option and didn't need to tell her |
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"Send him a message...
"Do you and (friends name) have a coupés profile too, or doesn't she know your on here"
A friend saw her neighbours fella on here a short while ago and after a similar message he went unlos very quickly
That'll be me then! I messaged him asking about clubs etc to entice him, he bit, then asked 3 times if he was single, which he said he was, so I messaged back saying does ......... Know, hence gone within the hour!! She's a good friend and neighbour so took the easy option and didn't need to tell her"
Til he returns with a new profile and blocks you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I should forget it. Getting involved will just be a horrendous mess. I should just block and forget you saw it. No one knows what goes on in a marriage and the world is too full of sanctimonious chin waggers. leave well alone |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
"No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ?
If you are a good friend, then you should care about her feelings. If the boyfriend does not care, and he apparently doesn't, and he is so open about cheating then he deserves everything he gets. If you knew someone had murdered someone... Would you say it was none of your business to tell the police? It's only a matter of degree
Give me a break. What a fallacious argument.
A single bloke having sex is as bad as murdering someone ? "
I said it's a matter of degree..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I should forget it. Getting involved will just be a horrendous mess. I should just block and forget you saw it. No one knows what goes on in a marriage and the world is too full of sanctimonious chin waggers. leave well alone"
This ^^^^ |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
She may blame them for NOT telling her, if they go ahead and get married, then she finds out. She should then be blaming her fiance, not her friends, he is the one cheating.
how would she know that the op knew and had said nothing? "
The same way lots of people seem to know exactly what's going on in this couples relationship and precisely how each of them will react to a situation that no one on here is really sure about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of wondrous arguments for and against... but essentially no one can tell you (op) your conscience. Maybe a relationship will be wrecked if you get involved, maybe this is his final fling...
..but if you have ever been cheated on then maybe you would have appreciated someone telling you, prior to investing a lot of your life with that person....
What if he gives his real partner an sti, that affects the rest of her life? And you said nothing?
It's not YOUR problem, this much is true, but she is YOUR friend...
This is your moral dilemma, I wish someone had told me that my ex was bare back gang banging everything in sight.... would have saved me two years of sti testing, the humiliation....the collapse of all I knew.
But would I have believed them? Who knows.
For those concerned about my mental well being or choosing to use my honesty as flame bait, crack on, I am long past worrying about such things, but looking at this case with reflective eyes, I know what I would do.
Happy swinging xx
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Generally I take the _iew this is a discreet site so it is not right to choose which right to privacy you keep and which you ignore.
It seems to me the unwritten rule that we all pretty much choose to abide by on here is that people are entitled to conduct their affairs in privacy.
I would say stay out of it 99.9 times out of a hundred, even if they were married and close friends.
The only exception I might (I won't say would) make is in this sort of situation, where the couple are engaged to be married.
The reason I make the distinction is in a marriage you can never know the reasons people do things and it is best not to judge. I know some married men are on here and blame their wives for not being this and that and mostly I think that is an excuse, but sometimes it really isn't and the wife has contributed to a situation. I know of men who married expecting a really healthy sex life and women who have admitted to acting the slut in order to get their man, but then stop being that way almost immediately. There I have some sympathy with the husband and the wife is guilty of her own deceit. It's rare, but in most cases of infidelity by either sex there are wrongs on both sides. We shouldn't judge. Most people already judge 'swingers' and we don't like or agree with their judgment and generally think we are none of their business anyway.
However if a couple are engaged then it is more likely one is walking blindly into a situation they neither would wish for nor have contributed to. So in this case I would try to find a compromise between the unwritten rule we have that what goes on here stays on here and protecting someone who may be a victim in waiting.
So first I would bring the subject up with the woman hypothetically somehow and gauge her reaction. Then I would confront him, anonymously, for his reaction and explanation. Maybe via a message on here from a temporary profile asking him why he couldn't accomm, what his marital situation was, what will he do when married, does he want bareback sex with you etc. If he was not forthcoming then confronting him in person would be the next step.
As a final, final resort I would consider informing her anonymously if you think it is best for her as she is totally against swinging, would be devastated her partner was doing it and he gave every indication it would continue regardless. If for example you have evidence that he denies being engaged and would happily have unprotected sex then I see no real diemma, she ought to be informed what sort of person he really is and how little regard he has for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Generally I take the _iew this is a discreet site so it is not right to choose which right to privacy you keep and which you ignore.
"
No. We don't sign up to that when we join this site.
And if every person on this site was open about enjoying recreational sex, there wouldn't be any stigma attached to it anymore and this kind of discussion wouldn't even have to happen. |
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It's a shame he has to come on fabs if he's getting married poor girl I wouldn't want to marry somebody who's already cheating on me before we get married he obviously don't love her enough or cowardly about telling her the sex is no good!!! |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage."
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women "
To be fair it's a fairly common outcome.
There's a reason that "don't shoot the messenger" is a well known phrase |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women "
Sorry I don't quite get you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The question I would ask myself is this... what if it wasn't through fabs?
What if you walked into a bar and there was your friends fella, all over another woman? He doesn't see you and you leave....
Now, would you tell her? Because if the answer is still no, then whether he is on fab or not is inconsequential and similarly, if you would tell her, then the fact you have seen him on fab is no different than seeing him in a bar.....
.... all of that said, I would do the follow (because I am evil and malicious  ) I would set up another account and message said fella (thus keeping my anonymity), I would ask him how his soon to be wife feels about his swinging ways... and then I would watch as he became unlos, if he doesn't become unlos, then I would assume that all is right in their relationship, no harm has been done... anonymity kept, no broken hearts.. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women "
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though"
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I am going to fly in the face of public opinion and say.
Fuck him, if he wants to fuck around then hr must be prepared for the consequences.
So message him saying busted.
Tell her.
Can't stand liars.
But please remember as I type this I am in a really bad mood, had almost a bottle of wine.
My opinion may change in the morning.
But hey, fuck it!
Mr grumpy he-man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would keep my nose out of what doesn't concern me - when someone gets involved in another couples relationship, there's only one loser ... best left alone for them to sort out themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its all cool, the OP asked for an opinion you gave one (kudos), okay so you are a little squiffy, its no bad thing, don't they say that drink releases honesty (I have proof thats a lie).
The forum is just that, a place to voice ones opinions...
...by the way, anyone saying don't tell her, are cheaters themselves.... just kidding, calm down! |
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The best way of punishing the cheating bloke is let him go ahead with the marriage. As disillusion sets in with the wife she will start to make his life a misery and thus attain her true potential as a woman. |
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"The best way of punishing the cheating bloke is let him go ahead with the marriage. As disillusion sets in with the wife she will start to make his life a misery and thus attain her true potential as a woman."
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match?"
Not if he is cheating on some other woman |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match?
Not if he is cheating on some other woman"
But if you were always suspecting him of being faithful... |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match?
Not if he is cheating on some other woman
But if you were always suspecting him of being faithful..."
I don't understand what you mean
Whilst I agree that there can be 'mitigating circumstances' why some married men and women look for sex outside of their marriage, I don't meet married men as most are cheating on their wives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match?
Not if he is cheating on some other woman
But if you were always suspecting him of being faithful...
I don't understand what you mean
Whilst I agree that there can be 'mitigating circumstances' why some married men and women look for sex outside of their marriage, I don't meet married men as most are cheating on their wives"
This for the simple fact that if they would lie to their partner, the person they are married to and share a history with... wtf will they tell a stranger who they want to meet for sex? |
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.
Either you know her or you have a poor understanding of women
If my friend had kept her mouth shut, who knows where I could have ended up with that guy. As it is, I just suffered a few days of hurt and moved on. Learnt a valuable lesson though
But if you met him now might it not be a perfect match?
Not if he is cheating on some other woman
But if you were always suspecting him of being faithful...
I don't understand what you mean
Whilst I agree that there can be 'mitigating circumstances' why some married men and women look for sex outside of their marriage, I don't meet married men as most are cheating on their wives"
I completely agree. I chose to remain faithful whist my then partner was cheating. I confess myself shocked at the number of women I have met who said they were unattached/separated/divorced
whilst having unsuspecting partners in the background. I found their caculating plans to jump ship shockingly cruel. If it was me I'd probably send the woman an anonymous message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op please block him and move on.
She is not a friend, she is a WORK friend. If you tell her and everyone at work finds out that you're a swinger ... You have just jeopardized YOUR JOB. That is a big risk
Also if they are going to get married soon. They probably already started writing checks for food , hall , church and invitations.
If you drop this bombshell and they decide to still get married.
How are you going to feel at work and their wedding? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a very difficult situation. One that needs to be handle right and thoughtfully. You are asking a group of strangers that don't know her or him . I am of the opinion that you should tell her . But you must ask yourselves how is she going to react to the news .she,ll ask for proof , do you have it ? And if so will I be enough to stop him being able to lie about being on here . In might say someone has his picture and even given out he's number. So your going to have to make sure he cant get out of it and she believes you and not him . There are a number of ways to achieve this . I'm happy to help . Just ask . All the best , Pete |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage."
However it won't be an idyllic marriage when she catches something from him would it or finds out he's been cheating on her |
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"Generally I take the _iew this is a discreet site so it is not right to choose which right to privacy you keep and which you ignore.
No. We don't sign up to that when we join this site.
And if every person on this site was open about enjoying recreational sex, there wouldn't be any stigma attached to it anymore and this kind of discussion wouldn't even have to happen."
Hmm, in many ways I'd like to agree with that, but society just isn't there yet.
It would be a bit like saying to all the gay men in the country in the 1950's to come out and be open about their homosexuality and society would suddenly accept it. In reality some would have had their attitudes changed but society as a whole wouldn't have suddenly become accepting. The result would have been a whole load of people openly despised. It took a longer incremental route to get there (and we aren't fully there even now but at least homophobes are seen as the disgusting ones by society generally now) as no doubt ours would.
So while that is the current reality of the situation I do think a lot of people do sign up expecting a degree of privacy. Just the fact that this is something many want on here is enough for me to respect that, but then I have respect for peoples privacy full stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And I wouldn't send an anonymous letter... I'd have the courage of my convictions to take responsibility and treat my friend with the respect she deserves rather than freaking her out with random post that she may well just assume is a prank and bin it. If you value your friendship with her then man up and take the risk of her shooting the messenger. "
Bravo! Completely agree. Either you value your friend enough to tell her face to face, or you shamefully block delete and keep his secret. Anonymous letters are straight off Jeremy Kyle and a coward's half way house. |
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"No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ?
If you are a good friend, then you should care about her feelings. If the boyfriend does not care, and he apparently doesn't, and he is so open about cheating then he deserves everything he gets. If you knew someone had murdered someone... Would you say it was none of your business to tell the police? It's only a matter of degree
Give me a break. What a fallacious argument.
A single bloke having sex is as bad as murdering someone ?
I said it's a matter of degree..... "
' A matter of degree' means there is barely any difference between the two.
e.g almost the same.
What do rolly eyeballs mean ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x"
I agree...
I had to tell a best friend she was cheated on it wasn't a great moment
They now married with three kids so they worked it out.
However if not a close friend block and move on. |
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Evidence available that this man's fiance doesn't know = he doesn't mention her on his profile and he says he'll meet married people. Evidence available that it's actually him = his face picture, available to be lifted from any public Facebook page.
Based on this people are saying that a true friend would send an anonymous letter to his fiance explaining that if they live by the same moral code as them it's all fine but if not then it's only right that they're informed that it's wrong. In my opinion a true friend finds out the truth before presuming that everybody's private life is the same.
However if the man in question reads the forum all sorts of brown stuff might hit the fan. |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
"No O.P. YOU advise me.
Why would people who profess to being open minded enough to swing even CONSIDER it their moral duty to fucking well interfere in someone elses sex life.
Do you tell on people who defraud the tax man ? Don't pay their bus fare ? Pull a sickie ??? Or is it just the sexual morality of the nation you concern yourself with ?
If you are a good friend, then you should care about her feelings. If the boyfriend does not care, and he apparently doesn't, and he is so open about cheating then he deserves everything he gets. If you knew someone had murdered someone... Would you say it was none of your business to tell the police? It's only a matter of degree
Give me a break. What a fallacious argument.
A single bloke having sex is as bad as murdering someone ?
I said it's a matter of degree.....
' A matter of degree' means there is barely any difference between the two.
e.g almost the same.
What do rolly eyeballs mean ?"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.
"
Im very much in agreement here.
If they are intending to marry and he is already being a sly worm by cheating...definately get involved and stop her future heartache. Thats what friends do...x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same thing happened to us. Titan actually works with the lady and she was pregnant at the time. This bugged him a bit. Turns out they were both swingers and she was fully aware of the situation. Best to avoid the situation and let it unravel itself without your involvement. This lifestyle and this site attracts all kinds of people, some you would suspect and some you wouldn't. |
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