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A dilemma of swinging
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I now find myself in a very tricky dilemma in my swinging life. It involves a certain lady who I have now met on quite a few meetings with. The problem is I am really falling for this person and it's like she has a spell over me. We get on great normally and the naughty fun is amazing with her. If she is at a club when I am there we often end up being together for most of the night.
So what's the dilemma well she is involved with someone else who is her bf which she sometimes brings with her to clubs.
I am thinking of being a gent and keep these feelings to myself but more importantly going to try and distant myself from her in a kind way, which I know is going to be hard on both parties.
I hope I am doing the right thing?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if it IS her bf..then you are simply sideline sex n fun....maybe her bf works so cannot always attend.
dont burn your bridges on a good sexual friendship |
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"if it IS her bf..then you are simply sideline sex n fun....maybe her bf works so cannot always attend.
dont burn your bridges on a good sexual friendship "
That's my thoughts about it but I am getting addicted to her. If only there was SA group to talk too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me."
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't think it's the sex your addicted to x it her company. The sex is just an excuse to spend time with her x but to her you are more then likely just her sex toy.
you have a few choices
1. Ignore your feelings towards her. ( that won't be easy )
2. Tell her you never know she might feel same or she could fuck you off x
Or 3. Leave alone and find a new fb x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not."
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags.."
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish."
But if the feelings are not mutual he just gonna get hurt in long run x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish."
I do not think that it would ever be a good thing to tell someone already in a relationship that you have feelings for them. Avoiding them isn't being childish, it's being respectful of their relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not think that it would ever be a good thing to tell someone already in a relationship that you have feelings for them. Avoiding them isn't being childish, it's being respectful of their relationship."
More and more people nowadays are having more than one partner these days. I'd never consider it disrespectful to someones relationship to enquire if they were interested in more with me as well as their existing partner(s). I'm not hurt if someone says no.
If someone is a swinger they're already non-monogamous, it's not exactly a huge leap to date more than one person at a time.
They might even already be in an open relationship and have multiple partners - how would you know if you didn't talk to them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But if the feelings are not mutual he just gonna get hurt in long run x"
It must suck to go through life not telling people how you feel because they might say they're not interested! I dread to think how many rejections I had before finding the right people for me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op also be aware that sometimes it's just and just the enjoyment of someone's company.... It can feel like the real deal but step back for a few weeks and see x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish."
the bf might just not see it like that I'm afraid. I'd respect her and her bf as the couple they are,to the op - take some time out, meet other people...but to me...I would just never ever think of asking for more from an attached person.
for all I know the couple are due to get engaged etc etc..the last thing I'd want is for a guy approaching my expected wife for a loving relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not think that it would ever be a good thing to tell someone already in a relationship that you have feelings for them. Avoiding them isn't being childish, it's being respectful of their relationship.
More and more people nowadays are having more than one partner these days. I'd never consider it disrespectful to someones relationship to enquire if they were interested in more with me as well as their existing partner(s). I'm not hurt if someone says no.
If someone is a swinger they're already non-monogamous, it's not exactly a huge leap to date more than one person at a time.
They might even already be in an open relationship and have multiple partners - how would you know if you didn't talk to them?"
Sharing a partner sexually is a big difference to sharing their feelings. You read many threads from couples on here and they say they know its them they always come home to and then they have feelings for. I certainly couldn't share that side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the bf might just not see it like that I'm afraid. I'd respect her and her bf as the couple they are,to the op - take some time out, meet other people...but to me...I would just never ever think of asking for more from an attached person.
for all I know the couple are due to get engaged etc etc..the last thing I'd want is for a guy approaching my expected wife for a loving relationship. "
Fair enough.
I'd be quite upset if someone felt they *couldn't* approach me if they had feelings (they would obviously not know me very well). I'd love for more people to approach my partners for loving relationships. It makes me really happy to see them happy.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish.
the bf might just not see it like that I'm afraid. I'd respect her and her bf as the couple they are,to the op - take some time out, meet other people...but to me...I would just never ever think of asking for more from an attached person.
for all I know the couple are due to get engaged etc etc..the last thing I'd want is for a guy approaching my expected wife for a loving relationship. "
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"It makes me really happy to see them happy. "
I see your point, I see the others points. It is more likely that someone is in an excusive relationship than they are in a polygamous one, even in this so-called enlightened new millennium. People often choose to keep their feelings to themselves as a punch in the face often offends.
I, personally, would ask, but understand why others wouldn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes me really happy to see them happy.
I see your point, I see the others points. It is more likely that someone is in an excusive relationship than they are in a polygamous one, even in this so-called enlightened new millennium. People often choose to keep their feelings to themselves as a punch in the face often offends.
I, personally, would ask, but understand why others wouldn't."
I can't imagine going out with the kind of guy who would punch someone who asked you for "more" when you're already in a non-monogamous relationship... that kind of person sounds like an over-protective dinosaur. |
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You all are quite right in what your saying.
I don't want to break up her relationship not my thing. Yes I am probably her toy to have fun with and if I tell her how I feel I wouldn't want her to feel upset or angry at me. If she want to be with me then I am sure she would finish with her bf and ask me as I am the single party in this.
I think I will do option one and really keep my feelings too myself but enjoy my time with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the bf might just not see it like that I'm afraid. I'd respect her and her bf as the couple they are,to the op - take some time out, meet other people...but to me...I would just never ever think of asking for more from an attached person.
for all I know the couple are due to get engaged etc etc..the last thing I'd want is for a guy approaching my expected wife for a loving relationship.
Fair enough.
I'd be quite upset if someone felt they *couldn't* approach me if they had feelings (they would obviously not know me very well). I'd love for more people to approach my partners for loving relationships. It makes me really happy to see them happy. "
on a side note lol..way before my swinging days, I met a lovely german woman on an ancient dating site.It turned out she was poly..I met her husband(who had cfs),met their kids..then her and I went out on dates.I think I started seeing someone and that ended, so a year later I met the couple again...things were quite different, they had a rather young woman as their partner..but my god the atmosphere was terrible..the male half appeared more animated with the younger partner...and was treating his wife like shit....
last I think I heard she(the wife) left him..I wonder where she is now..the sex was great  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I can't imagine going out with the kind of guy who would punch someone who asked you for "more" when you're already in a non-monogamous relationship... that kind of person sounds like an over-protective dinosaur."
I wasn't talking about the blokes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You all are quite right in what your saying.
I don't want to break up her relationship not my thing. Yes I am probably her toy to have fun with and if I tell her how I feel I wouldn't want her to feel upset or angry at me. If she want to be with me then I am sure she would finish with her bf and ask me as I am the single party in this.
I think I will do option one and really keep my feelings too myself but enjoy my time with her"
and if he acts like a cunt to her and she's sobbing one night:
POUNCE!  |
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish.
the bf might just not see it like that I'm afraid. I'd respect her and her bf as the couple they are,to the op - take some time out, meet other people...but to me...I would just never ever think of asking for more from an attached person.
for all I know the couple are due to get engaged etc etc..the last thing I'd want is for a guy approaching my expected wife for a loving relationship. "
I tend to agree,difficult I know |
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"Good question but I don't think her bf would allow that, that's my gut feeling plus if I share those heavy heart feelings it might not be what she want from me.
If it was me, I would want to know if people had feelings for me so that we could talk about it like adults. Then I could make an informed decision if they would fit into my existing network of relationships or not.
I'd rather dignify myself as the guy who didnt try to break up a couple..because I fell in love with the missus...during a few niteclub chatsnshags..
Feelings are feelings. Having feelings doesn't mean you're trying to break someone up. They're a perfectly natural thing to happen between two humans. Talking is the grown-up thing to do. Cutting off contact with someone and avoiding them is pretty childish.
But if the feelings are not mutual he just gonna get hurt in long run x"
Which he may do and then again he may end up pleasntly surprised. Who knows until you've layed all your cards on the table?
He's a grown up I'm sure he can handle the outcome either way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You all are quite right in what your saying.
I don't want to break up her relationship not my thing. Yes I am probably her toy to have fun with and if I tell her how I feel I wouldn't want her to feel upset or angry at me. If she want to be with me then I am sure she would finish with her bf and ask me as I am the single party in this.
I think I will do option one and really keep my feelings too myself but enjoy my time with her"
Ouch, proper sucks!
Sending you a hug of strength and warmth, and hope the journey ahead will soon be simpler for you!
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