FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Has the scene changed for you?
Has the scene changed for you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Firstly sorry if been bought up before.
My partner and I were at Abfab this weekend and although it wasn't the busiest night there was still enough for what could have been a good night.
However what we noticed and have noticed quite a bit often is people don't seem as friendly or as social as they used to. Nobody seemed to want to talk with others let alone play with others. There seems to be more and more couples that only want people watching them. I don't know if it's just us but there seems a lot more 20 somethings going and they only stick with other 20 somethings.
Luckily we did meet a older couple and had some fun and they shared our views.
What's people's thoughts on this? |
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I've never been to a club so wouldn't know. As time goes on younger people in their 20's will be 'on the scene' and their way of doing things might be different to what you're used to. It's the way of things. |
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The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
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Thankfully never been an issue when we have been to chameleons...always lots of people who have never been anything but friendly regardless of age and we haven't noticed anyone who didn't join in but it's difficult to tell with so many people there. |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
We have noticed that when we attend a club we are in the minority regarding age, there are a lot more young people entering this lifestyle, and are only looking for people there own age, which is quite understandable, So you get select groups forming in clubs making it that bit more difficult to mix and socialise  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
"
You have a new puppy?  aw. Sweet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was there on Saturday too, but during the day.
I have been a few times at night but I find it's a much friendlier place during the day than the evening.
I'll make a point of saying hi to people, especially if I can see it's their first time there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was there on Saturday too, but during the day.
I have been a few times at night but I find it's a much friendlier place during the day than the evening.
I'll make a point of saying hi to people, especially if I can see it's their first time there."
We do try chat to first timers as it's always scary first time. I'll agree we're not great a chatting to others we're both a bit shy.
I also understand younger people will want to play with younger people but they still don't need to be rude. it's possible that it's a London effect and that's why some people don't really see it.
I suppose we're feeling a little disappointed that it's not the social event we were used to |
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet. "
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs! "
A kitten then?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs! "
Aw a new baba! Boy or girl? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs! "
I do love your status! That's the best one I've seen in ages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs!
Aw a new baba! Boy or girl?"
Eeeek!!!!! A child 
(Congratulations xxx) |
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OP, I was there two weekends ago and I noticed it too. Couples were sitting on their own and didn't show any inclination to social aide with the couple in the sofa next to them. However when one couple started to play in the big social room, two others came to sit on the sofas next to them and started as well, while looking at each other in the strangest way as if they were outstaring each other. I have to say it wasn't the most sexiest thing ever, and weird observing it.
But these weren't young couples. Think it's the London effect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was there on Saturday too, but during the day.
I have been a few times at night but I find it's a much friendlier place during the day than the evening.
I'll make a point of saying hi to people, especially if I can see it's their first time there.
We do try chat to first timers as it's always scary first time. I'll agree we're not great a chatting to others we're both a bit shy.
I also understand younger people will want to play with younger people but they still don't need to be rude. it's possible that it's a London effect and that's why some people don't really see it.
I suppose we're feeling a little disappointed that it's not the social event we were used to"
I agree, there's no excuse for rudeness. I hope you have a better time the next time you go xxx |
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs!
A kitten then? "
not a new kitty  |
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"The scene has only changed for me, in that I rarely go out anymore, now that I have a wonderful bundle of joy. I'd rather stay in and do family stuff.
When I was out, I always had to make the effort to socialise, or I'd be sat on my own all afternoon/evening.
You have a new puppy? aw. Sweet.
gosh no, I don't do puppies or dogs!
I do love your status! That's the best one I've seen in ages. "
thanks, I do try to make people smile, but my sarcasm takes over and status' get reported and deleted |
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I've been around the scene since 2003 and have noticed a lot if changes. The men especially are more likely now to be less sociable. There are more people cheating on partners.
Kestrels/Abfabs is generally very good but I have been to places that are very cliquey and where closed groups of friends basically go to watch each other. |
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Having been older when we decided to try this lark it always seems to have been like that for us. If we went to a night club (ha ha) or pub we wouldn't expect younger people to approach us though and we wouldnt approach them so it didn't come as a surprise . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll begin by saying that I've never been to Abfab. And also that I haven't been clubbing for very long, only about a year, so noticing differences isn't something I can speak to.
Having said that, when we go to clubs we like to play with people around our age, 20s-30s. Don't get me wrong, we chat to lots of people, but even the social side will tend to be skewed to the younger crowd as that is who we primarily want to play with, especially with couples. Chatting online can be aimless, but generally when we go to a club we would like to play with people. And we do tend to chat mostly to people we want to get to know better and eventually play with.
I have been in large groups of 20-somethings at clubs. I hope we weren't seen as anti-social. We just talk so we can get to know who we are playing with. Sometimes we are catching up with friends we only get to see in clubs.
I think general anti-social behavior is not age specific. I've seen older crowds be insular, and I've seen older people generally not talking much. Same with younger people. Maybe it is a general trend - I really don't know as I haven't been doing this long enough to see trends. But I don't think it is a young person thing.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'll begin by saying that I've never been to Abfab. And also that I haven't been clubbing for very long, only about a year, so noticing differences isn't something I can speak to.
Having said that, when we go to clubs we like to play with people around our age, 20s-30s. Don't get me wrong, we chat to lots of people, but even the social side will tend to be skewed to the younger crowd as that is who we primarily want to play with, especially with couples. Chatting online can be aimless, but generally when we go to a club we would like to play with people. And we do tend to chat mostly to people we want to get to know better and eventually play with.
I have been in large groups of 20-somethings at clubs. I hope we weren't seen as anti-social. We just talk so we can get to know who we are playing with. Sometimes we are catching up with friends we only get to see in clubs.
I think general anti-social behavior is not age specific. I've seen older crowds be insular, and I've seen older people generally not talking much. Same with younger people. Maybe it is a general trend - I really don't know as I haven't been doing this long enough to see trends. But I don't think it is a young person thing.
-Courtney"
Tbf I used younger people as an example but yes older people are just as bad at times. The anti social side I meant was more noticing people not talking to anyone even down to glaring at someone if they try make eye contact. I think the attitude that because we talk we must play means people might be a little put off chatting to others.
Part of my comment at Abfab was that when I 1st went 10 years ago people seemed more chatty and approachable.
Also I've noticed that the cliques of friends don't seem as noticeable recently. Which is a good thing as I do find that quite intimidating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we chat to youngsters - theyre alright once you say hi -  "
Well, once you've turned their baseball cap round the right way and pulled their trousers up they are  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we chat to youngsters - theyre alright once you say hi -
Well, once you've turned their baseball cap round the right way and pulled their trousers up they are "
haha -they usually pretty well undressed when we meet them - but i get what you saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll begin by saying that I've never been to Abfab. And also that I haven't been clubbing for very long, only about a year, so noticing differences isn't something I can speak to.
Having said that, when we go to clubs we like to play with people around our age, 20s-30s. Don't get me wrong, we chat to lots of people, but even the social side will tend to be skewed to the younger crowd as that is who we primarily want to play with, especially with couples. Chatting online can be aimless, but generally when we go to a club we would like to play with people. And we do tend to chat mostly to people we want to get to know better and eventually play with.
I have been in large groups of 20-somethings at clubs. I hope we weren't seen as anti-social. We just talk so we can get to know who we are playing with. Sometimes we are catching up with friends we only get to see in clubs.
I think general anti-social behavior is not age specific. I've seen older crowds be insular, and I've seen older people generally not talking much. Same with younger people. Maybe it is a general trend - I really don't know as I haven't been doing this long enough to see trends. But I don't think it is a young person thing.
-Courtney
Tbf I used younger people as an example but yes older people are just as bad at times. The anti social side I meant was more noticing people not talking to anyone even down to glaring at someone if they try make eye contact. I think the attitude that because we talk we must play means people might be a little put off chatting to others.
Part of my comment at Abfab was that when I 1st went 10 years ago people seemed more chatty and approachable.
Also I've noticed that the cliques of friends don't seem as noticeable recently. Which is a good thing as I do find that quite intimidating "
Ah! I see. Sorry, I read your post as being age specific. My mistake. 
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'll begin by saying that I've never been to Abfab. And also that I haven't been clubbing for very long, only about a year, so noticing differences isn't something I can speak to.
Having said that, when we go to clubs we like to play with people around our age, 20s-30s. Don't get me wrong, we chat to lots of people, but even the social side will tend to be skewed to the younger crowd as that is who we primarily want to play with, especially with couples. Chatting online can be aimless, but generally when we go to a club we would like to play with people. And we do tend to chat mostly to people we want to get to know better and eventually play with.
I have been in large groups of 20-somethings at clubs. I hope we weren't seen as anti-social. We just talk so we can get to know who we are playing with. Sometimes we are catching up with friends we only get to see in clubs.
I think general anti-social behavior is not age specific. I've seen older crowds be insular, and I've seen older people generally not talking much. Same with younger people. Maybe it is a general trend - I really don't know as I haven't been doing this long enough to see trends. But I don't think it is a young person thing.
-Courtney
Tbf I used younger people as an example but yes older people are just as bad at times. The anti social side I meant was more noticing people not talking to anyone even down to glaring at someone if they try make eye contact. I think the attitude that because we talk we must play means people might be a little put off chatting to others.
Part of my comment at Abfab was that when I 1st went 10 years ago people seemed more chatty and approachable.
Also I've noticed that the cliques of friends don't seem as noticeable recently. Which is a good thing as I do find that quite intimidating
Ah! I see. Sorry, I read your post as being age specific. My mistake.
-Courtney"
Tbh we did prefer to play with people of a similar age to us, but the last few have come across one way swingers ie she is allowed to play with who she wants but if he touches than problems start. That's certainly isn't age specific.
The other group in seeing more and more are the look at us guys, the type that'll take up a popular room and hog it for hours, or fuck on the steps to the pool meaning people need to squeeze past to get in the pool. |
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I find this an interesting thread - the dynamics in clubs are intriguing to me. We are new to this lark and also older, but pretty much have only played at clubs (Xtasia and Chameleons) apart from one hotel meet.
In the couple of months we've been doing this, I think we've found the clubs to be generally incredibly sociable places - we've been very pleasantly surprised. However, the scene seems to drive a certain kind of behaviour - we see people cruising around the bar area, chatting to people for a while and then moving onto the next... then the next... then the next... I guess this makes total sense if you want to identify someone with whom you'd like to play.
We have found ourselves arranging to meet couples before we arrive, and then we inevitably end up chatting with them. There were a lot of younger people during our last visit to Xtasia on Saturday and I wondered whether we shouldn't be doing a little bit of cruising ourselves  |
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