FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Being Owned
Being Owned
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position? |
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"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?"
Owning you means you can only fuck who he says when he says how he says so you must be prepared to fuck anyone he chooses. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
there are a few who play that way.
I don't understand it so I can offer zero advice. It's not for me and I would imagine trust is hugely important, so it would be a NO, until you get to know and trust him.
if you have reached that point and you do...... good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What if he wants to test you and make you fuck some old fat guy? There has to be limits if you are owned.
Is he experienced Dom? I've known these things to go badly wrong.
There is another website dedicated to kinky things which I would urge you to look at before agreeing anything |
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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?"
Personally I don't get this whole side of the Dom/Sub thing - for me its just fun kinky bedroom play...afterwards all goes back to equality and equal respect. People that want to 'own' others and those that want to be 'owned' seem more concerned with the poser thing than the sexual kink...nothing wrong with that but I cannot get my head around it myself.
I guess I am in no way a real Dom...nor would I want to be... |
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"What if he wants to test you and make you fuck some old fat guy? There has to be limits if you are owned.
Is he experienced Dom? I've known these things to go badly wrong.
There is another website dedicated to kinky things which I would urge you to look at before agreeing anything"
Although I enjoy that site a lot I'm not sure it's a easy place for a brand new person into the scene, has got a few 'intense' people on there |
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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago
North Cambs |
"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?
Personally I don't get this whole side of the Dom/Sub thing - for me its just fun kinky bedroom play...afterwards all goes back to equality and equal respect. People that want to 'own' others and those that want to be 'owned' seem more concerned with the poser thing than the sexual kink...nothing wrong with that but I cannot get my head around it myself.
I guess I am in no way a real Dom...nor would I want to be..."
Ooops - power thing.... |
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"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve"
What are his reasons and as importantly what are yours for wanting to enter into this type of relationship? There's a thin line between this and the thin end of the abuse wedge, be sure of your own and his motives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve"
The questions is, is this what you want? will this excite and thrill you? If so then go for it. If you don't want to be owned and controlled by someone else, then don't. |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
Just do whatever makes you and him happy. It's a pretty low level power exchange he is after and it's more sexual control than a Ds type of ownership were you are committing to more of a responsibility for or to each other.
Just make sure you clarify with him exactly what his expectations are and be clear about what you are committing to.
End of the day, it's supposed to be fun or pleasurable or rewarding. Don't worry about what others think. |
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Take it from someone who knows,ownership is a very special gift..Much less tho if unearnt and thus undeserved ..
Im thinking you should certainly say no until you at least know alot more about the subject.
if i can anwser any specific questions,feel free to inbox me x
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By *MaleMan
over a year ago
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I've seen a few females go a running from the guys they meet who then want to own them. Usually it's just the exclusivity of having the fem meeting them and solely them. Of course if that is for the fem and she's a one guy woman 'swinger' that's her shout.
If the fem is more for one masterful guy that owns her sexually, submissively whilst taking on the arranging her/him in meeting others then exclusivity is going to cause problems.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?
Personally I don't get this whole side of the Dom/Sub thing - for me its just fun kinky bedroom play...afterwards all goes back to equality and equal respect. People that want to 'own' others and those that want to be 'owned' seem more concerned with the poser thing than the sexual kink...nothing wrong with that but I cannot get my head around it myself.
I guess I am in no way a real Dom...nor would I want to be..."
Agreed!
I'm sub/occasional switch in the bedroom - but outside the bedroom I submit to no-one!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's he like with your needs already? Is he caring now and makes sure you enjoy meets between yourselves?
What's he like intimately? Does he enjoy intimacy and caring about you, or do you feel he's just wanting to do this coz he's a nosey git or control freak?
And don't forget you could cancel the arrangement any time you want to. Keep things like passwords to yourself, he doesn't need that much access to your privacy to do this.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I struggle with this with my Husband in that there might be someone i'd really quite like to meet but he doesn't like them. It works for us though because we are married and when I'm meeting I'm meeting so we both get something out of it. It's done with love and respect. I'm not sure how I'd feel about a virtual stranger laying down the law. There would need to be a good solid relationship built on trust and respect for it to work i would have thought. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle with this with my Husband in that there might be someone i'd really quite like to meet but he doesn't like them. It works for us though because we are married and when I'm meeting I'm meeting so we both get something out of it. It's done with love and respect. I'm not sure how I'd feel about a virtual stranger laying down the law. There would need to be a good solid relationship built on trust and respect for it to work i would have thought."
I meant to add that my husband doesn't own me...it's more the similarities with someone else having a say in who you meet. |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
We have never got any if this role play thing. To me what you are suggesting is both abhorrent and a recipe for disaster. That's to me though - if it's what floats your boat go with it but be careful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What's he like with your needs already? Is he caring now and makes sure you enjoy meets between yourselves?
What's he like intimately? Does he enjoy intimacy and caring about you, or do you feel he's just wanting to do this coz he's a nosey git or control freak?
And don't forget you could cancel the arrangement any time you want to. Keep things like passwords to yourself, he doesn't need that much access to your privacy to do this.
"
He is very caring when we are intimate. Very intense but certainly makes sure that all of my needs are tended to. He never rushes a meet and is always affectionate, passionate and attentive. He isn't pushy and always complementary.
I trust him and I like him.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's he like with your needs already? Is he caring now and makes sure you enjoy meets between yourselves?
What's he like intimately? Does he enjoy intimacy and caring about you, or do you feel he's just wanting to do this coz he's a nosey git or control freak?
And don't forget you could cancel the arrangement any time you want to. Keep things like passwords to yourself, he doesn't need that much access to your privacy to do this.
He is very caring when we are intimate. Very intense but certainly makes sure that all of my needs are tended to. He never rushes a meet and is always affectionate, passionate and attentive. He isn't pushy and always complementary.
I trust him and I like him.
"
Seems like a good start. If he genuinely cares about what you enjoy and want then it will likely give him a lot of pleasure giving you permission to meet people you want to meet. I liked it when my sub told me about the dirty things he's done, or is going to do, it's sexy as fuck for me, that's probably why he wants to do this.
If the idea of being owned appeals to you then give it a try. You can always cancel it if you don't like it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him. Keep your independence
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him. Keep your independence
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Take it from someone who knows,ownership is a very special gift..Much less tho if unearnt and thus undeserved ..
Im thinking you should certainly say no until you at least know alot more about the subject.
if i can anwser any specific questions,feel free to inbox me x
"
Totally agree. It's not something that can just happen, and needs a significant level of trust and understanding to be in place first. My inbox is open if you want to discuss further too  |
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"What's he like with your needs already? Is he caring now and makes sure you enjoy meets between yourselves?
What's he like intimately? Does he enjoy intimacy and caring about you, or do you feel he's just wanting to do this coz he's a nosey git or control freak?
And don't forget you could cancel the arrangement any time you want to. Keep things like passwords to yourself, he doesn't need that much access to your privacy to do this.
He is very caring when we are intimate. Very intense but certainly makes sure that all of my needs are tended to. He never rushes a meet and is always affectionate, passionate and attentive. He isn't pushy and always complementary.
I trust him and I like him.
"
Sounds wonderful - there is something about possessiveness which really trips my trigger, I love letting go to someone I trust who just wants to take over and take me on an adventure - not because I am into anything particularly kinky, just because the total abandon is a relief and a real thrill.
Mind you, there are one or two scenarios I have discussed.........  |
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In the bedroom,if it turns you on yes.
Outside the bedroom no.
It takes a long time to get to know someone properly and to trust enough for this. If it is a proper committed relationship then good, but if it is a casual FB thing then i think you may get the grotty end of the stick.
But it is your decision, you know him, you know how you feel, if you are not sure wait, if he is genuine he will wait for you. |
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Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"why ask on here and hide your profile we don't no who we chatting to"
I'm sorry it's not to be deceptive I've simply hidden it for a little while whilst I decided what I want to do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't "
Red flag system.? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve
Then he does,nt own you he only wants you to fuck the ones he likes"
.that's subjective.
Not everyone treats ownership of anything the same.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't
Red flag system.?"
Red flags means warning signs, red for danger.
I operate this way, just love sharing sexual experiences with other people, love them telling me what they like doing or what they'll be doing, and afterwards telling me what they've done. I like giving permission coz i know my sub really wants to go do it. It can be a good experience if you're both enjoying the same things and the dominant one enjoys your pleasure.
On the opposite end of the spectrum i had one guy tell me he wanted to know who i was meeting, and what i got up to. We had no sub/dom arrangement and i wasn't happy to share who i was about to meet, it was none of his business. I stopped seeing this guy, he had no right to tell me what to do and i don't like being forced to do anything. I would have been happy to sexual details of what we got up to, but i didn't want anything more than that. He said he was sub, he wasn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't
Red flag system.?
Red flags means warning signs, red for danger.
I operate this way, just love sharing sexual experiences with other people, love them telling me what they like doing or what they'll be doing, and afterwards telling me what they've done. I like giving permission coz i know my sub really wants to go do it. It can be a good experience if you're both enjoying the same things and the dominant one enjoys your pleasure.
On the opposite end of the spectrum i had one guy tell me he wanted to know who i was meeting, and what i got up to. We had no sub/dom arrangement and i wasn't happy to share who i was about to meet, it was none of his business. I stopped seeing this guy, he had no right to tell me what to do and i don't like being forced to do anything. I would have been happy to sexual details of what we got up to, but i didn't want anything more than that. He said he was sub, he wasn't."
Thank you for responding. I have been meeting and chatting with this guy for several months he is intense but equally attentive and very passionate. He is very open we always meet at his and he has never pressured me to give more than I am willing. He doesn't know my last name or address |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't
Red flag system.?
Red flags means warning signs, red for danger.
I operate this way, just love sharing sexual experiences with other people, love them telling me what they like doing or what they'll be doing, and afterwards telling me what they've done. I like giving permission coz i know my sub really wants to go do it. It can be a good experience if you're both enjoying the same things and the dominant one enjoys your pleasure.
On the opposite end of the spectrum i had one guy tell me he wanted to know who i was meeting, and what i got up to. We had no sub/dom arrangement and i wasn't happy to share who i was about to meet, it was none of his business. I stopped seeing this guy, he had no right to tell me what to do and i don't like being forced to do anything. I would have been happy to sexual details of what we got up to, but i didn't want anything more than that. He said he was sub, he wasn't.
Thank you for responding. I have been meeting and chatting with this guy for several months he is intense but equally attentive and very passionate. He is very open we always meet at his and he has never pressured me to give more than I am willing. He doesn't know my last name or address"
No problem.
I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years, he was a covert narcissist. Which meant that although he seemed really nice, open, honest and the perfect boyfriend, he was actually doing a lot of stuff behind my back and sometimes abusing me but it wasn't obvious. It was a huge shock when i found out what he was up to, and some people in these relationships never find out what they're up to and really like. I think maybe this is the type of person others are warning you about. They are users, controlling and 100% to be avoided if you wanna stay sane.
If you ever, ever, and i really mean ever, feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything you don't want to do then seriously consider breaking any contract with the guy. But there are genuine dominants out there who do care you have fun and they want to come along for the ride coz it's fun for them too.
Do try and enjoy it, if at any time you ever have any concerns then don't ignore them and google narcissist red flags. 
Hope you have fun though, it's a lot of fun when you find what you want. |
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"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't "
Absolutely agree with this advice, also speaking from experience. I've got years of experience playing sub.. At least fifteen years I would say. And it would take a HUGE amount for me to give myself up for ownership now, based on past experiences. OP- I would warn you against it tbh, since you seem so brand spanking new to the whole idea. Why not ease yourself into the bdsm scene gently and take it from there? A good Dom would see your inexperience and build on it, not chuck you in at the deep end. |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve
Then he does,nt own you he only wants you to fuck the ones he likes
.that's subjective.
Not everyone treats ownership of anything the same.
"
I find the who 'ownership' term when not accompanied with collaring, as just a swingers term. I doubt he means it with the same level of power exchange as someone on the fetish scene. It's a bit much to say predators Use the term ownership.
Just do what suits you. It doesn't raise any red flags with me apart from thinking, oh he's a swinger rather than a dom. Loads of Bulls use the term ownership, in a derogatory or status way rather than in a D/s sense.
Just ask him want he means and if it works for you, then great. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Enter lightly. Many predators operate like this, personal experience.
On the kink side of things it's a red flag system which is used as a reference, it asks questions that can be difficult to answer but it helps to see the other angles.
If it seems to nice or easy it probably isn't
Absolutely agree with this advice, also speaking from experience. I've got years of experience playing sub.. At least fifteen years I would say. And it would take a HUGE amount for me to give myself up for ownership now, based on past experiences. OP- I would warn you against it tbh, since you seem so brand spanking new to the whole idea. Why not ease yourself into the bdsm scene gently and take it from there? A good Dom would see your inexperience and build on it, not chuck you in at the deep end. "
Thanks I am of course new to the concept and won't agree to anything I don't understand or feel comfortable with.
He isn't looking to own me entirely I think from what we have discussed so far it would be just how I play on the scene so to speak.
I maybe a little inexperienced with this but I'm confident that I know my limits.
Thank you all for your advice and taking the time to give it. I really do appreciate it. |
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"
Thanks I am of course new to the concept and won't agree to anything I don't understand or feel comfortable with.
He isn't looking to own me entirely I think from what we have discussed so far it would be just how I play on the scene so to speak.
I maybe a little inexperienced with this but I'm confident that I know my limits.
Thank you all for your advice and taking the time to give it. I really do appreciate it. "
So if he isn't looking to own you as a sub, but just control who you play with, he's just being controlling then?! Why would you agree to that? If I was in your position, the answer would still say no. Why would you give up your sexual freedom to a man you have only known for a few months, unless you were in a proper, committed relationship where that was what both of you wanted? What do YOU want, OP? |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"^ mind you - if he owns you - would it be that simple 
What's he gonna do take her to small claims court?
basement and rent her out
Oh dear.  "
It does depend how serious both he takes his role, and how much you submit to it. To get the most out of it - you need to give up and trust his decisions 100% to focus at every point during play. But when fantasy is reality, he could well have ideas that just aren't what you envisaged. He wants to choose your partners, you would have to go along with it and the play as 'his sub' and not knowing essential basics like 'red', does mean you could easily get put in a situation out of your control but at the hands of 'master'. As you have read, some women like the idea of total power exchange - but will only do this with certain people the know and trust. Some have only given it to people as a fantasy, others embrace it - though you have to be a little experienced with the joys and pitfalls. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve"
What if you really like a guy but he's says no?
I don't think I could had over that choice to somebody else |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He says that I can choose but he wants to approve
What if you really like a guy but he's says no?
I don't think I could had over that choice to somebody else "
That was exactly my point further up. Its hard enough when the other person having a say is your husband because there will be times when you don't share the same _iews as the other person over someone. I would really struggle,if that other person wasn't the love of my life, to do what they wanted over what i wanted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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and also I don't see somebody who has a say over who and when you meets as no strings fun, surely if they are telling you who you can and can't meet they have attached strings, I see that as progressing past a fuck buddies |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Lots and lots for me to think about and I haven't made any decisions yet.
I guess I find the thought of relinquishing control to someone else appealing but of course as some of you have said I don't have the experience.
Thanks again all |
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"I would love to be owned but that's just me."
Ownership can be awesome- it's a gift each person gives to each other. But this doesn't seem to be that type of scenario - doesn't seem to me that OP or the guy she is talking about know what they are talking about. And that's where it enters into the control freak domain which I (and others on the thread) have tried to address. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would love to be owned but that's just me.
Ownership can be awesome- it's a gift each person gives to each other. But this doesn't seem to be that type of scenario - doesn't seem to me that OP or the guy she is talking about know what they are talking about. And that's where it enters into the control freak domain which I (and others on the thread) have tried to address. "
And I have taken note of all the much appreciated advice. This isn't something that I would enter into with dus consideration and if it doesn't feel right or if I don't trust or enjoy him I won't
These are just baby steps I imagine that everyone begins somewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would love to be owned but that's just me.
Ownership can be awesome- it's a gift each person gives to each other. But this doesn't seem to be that type of scenario - doesn't seem to me that OP or the guy she is talking about know what they are talking about. And that's where it enters into the control freak domain which I (and others on the thread) have tried to address. "
Yes I know. |
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"What if he wants to test you and make you fuck some old fat guy? There has to be limits if you are owned.
Is he experienced Dom? I've known these things to go badly wrong.
There is another website dedicated to kinky things which I would urge you to look at before agreeing anything"
To many men dont know their arse from their elbow re this. Be careful. |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
"Hi All,
I'm new to the forum but not the site however I wonder if you could tell me what you think.
I have been meeting and chatting with someone regularly. I trust him and have a great time with him.
He has asked if he can own me, take control of who and how I meet. Accompany me if he so desires and other parties agree.
Is anyone else in a similar position?"
Well I hope you are prepared to lose your identity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is how Anne and I first got together as a couple. It has been mutually beneficial and great fun. Don't let the naysayers put you off, OP. Go with what your heart and head tell you. If you're wary, don't do it. If it feels right, take the plunge. Ultimately none of the posters above know the guy while you do. If you have a high level of trust then why not try and see how it goes? You can always change your mind if you find it's not for you. Good luck. J x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is how Anne and I first got together as a couple. It has been mutually beneficial and great fun. Don't let the naysayers put you off, OP. Go with what your heart and head tell you. If you're wary, don't do it. If it feels right, take the plunge. Ultimately none of the posters above know the guy while you do. If you have a high level of trust then why not try and see how it goes? You can always change your mind if you find it's not for you. Good luck. J x"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think if played as a game or role play between adults ok, but in reality as a life style nobody man or woman should be owned ,,,slavery has been abolished as far as I'm aware , id think it through OP  |
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OP, it's all about the level you both want to achieve and are happy with. I had a very sub g/f for 10 years, we were deeply in love and hence I cared for her and fitted days and scenes indoors and outdoors to suit her likes and it takes time to now each other properly. Communication is absolutely essential especially at the start as trust has to be gained/earned. Her particular likes when we met, she was 48 then, we're big cock, being looked at dressed up outdoors and younger dominant women. Naturally I had things I liked to and it was to a point finding a happy medium. I depends also n your level, you will probably just ut your toes in at the start, but if you are owned you do as you are told and should gain immense pleasure from serving him and want to stretch your boundaries and at times be out of your comfort zone. The pleasure also comes in the hours and days after as well. The subject is wide and varied and different couples have different likes and dislikes, what you do now to what you might be doing with him into years time will have no comparison. This is all for fun though, so have lots, it's good to serve, xxxxx. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have thought that if you say he owned you the you give up any right to say no after you are collared, it might be he has to okay who you meet but where might this go next, it could well be a fantastic adventure, but set your hard limits now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take it from someone who knows,ownership is a very special gift..Much less tho if unearnt and thus undeserved ..
Im thinking you should certainly say no until you at least know alot more about the subject.
if i can anwser any specific questions,feel free to inbox me x
"
A great offer you have been made there and definitely worth getting advice. Unfortunately there are a lot of wannabe Dominants out there who themselves don't actually understand what it means. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love meeting new people and have on several occasions met "owned" women - when you do so you tend be allowed to be dominant - so there is that dual element to this - I think  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A dominant doesn't tell you what to do, they give you permission to do the stuff you want to."
And if they don't want you doing things you want to do they say no? |
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By that I mean THE Lot.. Finances Etc !!
