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Porn and expectations on woman
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Has porn given men unrealistic expectations of what a woman should do in bed?
Over my time on fab I have noticed more guys asking do you DP gangbang take it up the arse etc and I have to ask myself is this down to porn
Let's be honest as swingers we are very sexualy liberated people but more and more I am seeing men who expect women to be swing off the shadelear rampant sex kittens up for anything and they seem genuinely surprised when that's not the case especially in younger guys in my experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has porn given men unrealistic expectations of what a woman should do in bed?
Over my time on fab I have noticed more guys asking do you DP gangbang take it up the arse etc and I have to ask myself is this down to porn
Let's be honest as swingers we are very sexualy liberated people but more and more I am seeing men who expect women to be swing off the shadelear rampant sex kittens up for anything and they seem genuinely surprised when that's not the case especially in younger guys in my experience. "
Indeed porn has had an effect on expectations, indeed it also has had an effect on insecurities. Men believing anything to do with their cock being important, and/or women believing they have to do anything and everything to please a man. But fortunately, there are people who try things as a result and discover they love fucking. So it's a double edged sword depending on how likely a person is to feeling insecure. I personally think the world is better with porn because it gives people ideas and the will to experiment and explore |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I grew up in the era before the internet so didnt have any access to any of the stuff available at the click of a mouse today.
But i do think porn has played a big role in unrealistic expectations yes, from squirting to taking it up the arse and licking it clean, and i would imagine women feel under pressure to try and live up to these expectations |
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It's certainly something to worry about with the younger generation. Hopefully teenagers don't watch porn and then think that is how you act in a normal relationship,it can give a distorted _iew of sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well the girls I have dated seem to do all the stuff on the porn films
In fact the porn companies regularly contact them for new ideas
Shame on you other girls that don't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's assuming that the pkrn industry invented all of these things - which obviously they didn't.
I'd say it was no more down to the porn industry than men having 'size issues' because some porn stars have a foot of cock lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's certainly something to worry about with the younger generation. Hopefully teenagers don't watch porn and then think that is how you act in a normal relationship,it can give a distorted _iew of sex."
Given some of the conversations I've heard at college, they already think they are porn stars  |
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"It's certainly something to worry about with the younger generation. Hopefully teenagers don't watch porn and then think that is how you act in a normal relationship,it can give a distorted _iew of sex.
Given some of the conversations I've heard at college, they already think they are porn stars "
Is that from the boys or girls as well? |
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It's a good debate. I think porn can have a really beneficial effect on some people and we are a good example of that. It's given us enjoyment , encouraged us to experiment a lot and we get so many hot dirty new ideas from watching it.
I agree that in teenagers it may give them a slightly warped start to their sexual development. Like all media it will effect different people in different ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?"
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. *oops didn't proof read this*
It should have said, The sooner they are spoken to more openly, the sooner they will realise that sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. They will understand the physical changes that happen to them and will learn that porn is not a real representation of how they are expected to have physical relationships.
If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x"
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x"
Completely agree! My youngest is 13 and the things she used to hear from the boys in primary school were horrible. Now she's getting boys in her school sending her links to porn sites through facebook! That's all blocked now,but it's bloody awful her opening her phone to be confronted with people having rough sex. Half the things she comes out with shocks me,I wouldn't have had a clue at her age. I've alway's been open to her age appropriate of course,but it's still worrying. It's up to us as parents to guide them as best we can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x
Completely agree! My youngest is 13 and the things she used to hear from the boys in primary school were horrible. Now she's getting boys in her school sending her links to porn sites through facebook! That's all blocked now,but it's bloody awful her opening her phone to be confronted with people having rough sex. Half the things she comes out with shocks me,I wouldn't have had a clue at her age. I've alway's been open to her age appropriate of course,but it's still worrying. It's up to us as parents to guide them as best we can."
I know exactly what you mean. I always answer honestly (age appropriately too). I try not to show any embarrassment either which isn't always easy.  x |
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"More often than not, swingers profess to be the sexual elite and look their nose down at 'vanillas'
Little wonder people expect what they read"
 Vanillas (hate that term!) don't have sex and do naughty things you know! |
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x
Completely agree! My youngest is 13 and the things she used to hear from the boys in primary school were horrible. Now she's getting boys in her school sending her links to porn sites through facebook! That's all blocked now,but it's bloody awful her opening her phone to be confronted with people having rough sex. Half the things she comes out with shocks me,I wouldn't have had a clue at her age. I've alway's been open to her age appropriate of course,but it's still worrying. It's up to us as parents to guide them as best we can.
I know exactly what you mean. I always answer honestly (age appropriately too). I try not to show any embarrassment either which isn't always easy. x"
Just don't look the small people in their eyes at the same time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I grew up in the era before the internet so didnt have any access to any of the stuff available at the click of a mouse today.
But i do think porn has played a big role in unrealistic expectations yes, from squirting to taking it up the arse and licking it clean, and i would imagine women feel under pressure to try and live up to these expectations "
While I enjoy fucking like a pornstar I hate wen men ask all these questions, makes me want to avoid them |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"More often than not, swingers profess to be the sexual elite and look their nose down at 'vanillas'
Little wonder people expect what they read
Vanillas (hate that term!) don't have sex and do naughty things you know!"
it's a horrid term |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This thread has really surprised me and made me think as when I posted it I hadn't given much thought about the effects on children and teenagers and how they _iew sex and relationships as I don't have kids and I agree that a more rounded informative _iew on how we educate our children about sex is now a must because the Internet and media have such a wide and far reaching grip on all of us thanks for taking this seriously guys  |
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
I think they should learn about their bodies and relationships earlier. For example, a few of the girls in my niece's class started their periods a year before they were taught about it. Also young teenagers know a hell of a lot more than we did at their age but they're getting most of the information online and from porn. Also from listening to their peers. Some of the kids in my niece's school were identifying themselves as gay/bisexual when they were in primary school.
In my opinion the sooner they should be spoken to more openly sooner than they are. If they are educated about the emotional side of physical relationships and empowered to be able to say no to things they are not ready for then that can only be a positive thing ?
We have too much of a hush hush stiff upper lip attitude towards sex in this Country. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at the things kids know and have seen.
Mrs x"
I think this is massively important. And a key point you make is about being able to say no to pressure and giving your children the confidence to say no to sexual things they don't want to do and knowing that that will be heard. This starts right from the beginning. Parents listening when their toddler/child says no (to anything) and instead of always overriding it, actually trying to hear them and find a solution that validates their strong gut feeling too as well as your need for them to get their coat on and out the door! Tricky. But possible. I read a really interesting article on this about how things we 'make' children do out of politeness such as "kiss your aunt goodbye" when they don't really want to, actually teaches them that their feelings about not wanting to kiss someone aren't as valid as making everyone else happy that they've conformed socially. It's dangerous in the long term as those children who are taught to conform in all aspects over and above their choices being heard can grow up much more vulnerable to not being able to say no when it comes to pleasing someone else, not just sexually.
I don't have a problem with porn myself, but my kids are still young. But when it starts infiltrating into their youth I will be concerned about the expectations put on them by peers, even by just talking to each other about it. I just hope, by then, that I have done something towards ensuring they have the confidence to navigate the tricky situations they will no doubt find themselves in, whilst staying true to their own thoughts and feelings about it, not those of others.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OMG that's really interesting because from a young age I have struggled with saying NO to people or things I don't want to do
Could this be a reason so many people have THE PEOPLE PLEASING GENE
We fear rejection or ridicule and need acceptance so we say yes to things we either don't want or are afraid our peers will snear at us for
Thank fuk I am an oldy n not a starting out on my sexual journy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well the girls I have dated seem to do all the stuff on the porn films
In fact the porn companies regularly contact them for new ideas
Shame on you other girls that don't"
You must be SOOO popular on here.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing is that porn has lots of sub genres and not all of them are really about sex! Some are just about shock value for men to show each other on their phone (e.g "my not so little pony") and there are studios dedicated to producing 'porn for women', which is very appealing to a lot of men too "high contrast, romantic and lots of kissing and intimacy".
The term 'porn' is as broad as 'television'. There's TV that's quite educational and valuable, then there's stuff I wouldn't let my dog watch... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was a young lad there used to be a big thing about men not knowing where the clitoris is.
Before that there was debate (admittedly a little before my time) regarding the existence of the female orgasm.
People both men and women see good adventurous sex in pornography and naturally they want those sorts of experiences for themselves.
Wanting anal sex, wanting oral sex wanting a big cock wanting sex with multiple partners. All these things are ok. I am sure lots of people on this forum enjoy these activities on a daily basis.
As long as its consensual; between adults and no one is coerced crack the fuck on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I was a young lad there used to be a big thing about men not knowing where the clitoris is. "
Good point, as a teenager I intuitively assumed the way to make a girl cum was to smash your fingers in and out like my hand was doing the okey y on crack. Actually for some girls this works so I then assumed there was something wrong with the girls for whom it didn't work. Who knew the magic button was on the outside, not where I would have designed it personally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's certainly something to worry about with the younger generation. Hopefully teenagers don't watch porn and then think that is how you act in a normal relationship,it can give a distorted _iew of sex.
Given some of the conversations I've heard at college, they already think they are porn stars
Is that from the boys or girls as well?"
Both lol |
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I find one of the biggest miss conceptions that come from porn is that a woman squirting is actually an orgasm but for the majority of women I know it isn't they are both separate pleasures orgasm being the better one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find one of the biggest miss conceptions that come from porn is that a woman squirting is actually an orgasm but for the majority of women I know it isn't they are both separate pleasures orgasm being the better one "
I'm not sure this is a porn misconception, tho it is through porn that squirting became common knowledge. The first time I become aware of it was probably 20 years ago and the lady in question thought she was unique.
It wasn't until it became a thing in porn films that I heard any major discussion about it, I think it's now probably being discussed on lose women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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the 1st time i gushed i was mortified i thought i had peed and my partner laughed at my ignorance of my own bodily functions
in some cases porn can be very useful and a way to gain sexual knowlege and thats great
i just wish porn and steriotypes for men n women in the sexual relme were better explained as some of the most recent porn i have _iewed makes me fear for our youth will look at each other as just conquest and comoderties there to use as seen fit at the time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the 1st time i gushed i was mortified i thought i had peed and my partner laughed at my ignorance of my own bodily functions
in some cases porn can be very useful and a way to gain sexual knowlege and thats great
i just wish porn and steriotypes for men n women in the sexual relme were better explained as some of the most recent porn i have _iewed makes me fear for our youth will look at each other as just conquest and comoderties there to use as seen fit at the time "
Nah that's just bad people images on a tv screen don't make people bad, they manage that on thier own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think this is massively important. And a key point you make is about being able to say no to pressure and giving your children the confidence to say no to sexual things they don't want to do and knowing that that will be heard. This starts right from the beginning. Parents listening when their toddler/child says no (to anything) and instead of always overriding it, actually trying to hear them and find a solution that validates their strong gut feeling too as well as your need for them to get their coat on and out the door! Tricky. But possible. I read a really interesting article on this about how things we 'make' children do out of politeness such as "kiss your aunt goodbye" when they don't really want to, actually teaches them that their feelings about not wanting to kiss someone aren't as valid as making everyone else happy that they've conformed socially. It's dangerous in the long term as those children who are taught to conform in all aspects over and above their choices being heard can grow up much more vulnerable to not being able to say no when it comes to pleasing someone else, not just sexually.
"
My 6 year old daughter started saying no when told to kiss so-and-so goodnight when she was about 2 years old. Her dad and I 'allowed' it and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. It took a while for other relatives to understand that we want her to grow up knowing that she has the right to say no and that her voice will be heard. The backlash of this was that we, her parents, didn't get a kiss from her for four years. Only recently has she asked if she can kiss me goodnight and then tells me that she likes it. Her dad has yet to receive his daughter's kiss but it's a small price to pay for the confidence it has given her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The expectation that we want women to suck our cocks like a pro. I think it is to much porn wathcings, for example, in extreme face fucking where you gag her till she throws up on your mmmmm  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that as a group of people, the users of this site may well be a little more adventurous than the general population.
Having said that with the exception of the preference for group sex I've found that ladies I have met else where are just as sexually liberated |
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"
I think this is massively important. And a key point you make is about being able to say no to pressure and giving your children the confidence to say no to sexual things they don't want to do and knowing that that will be heard. This starts right from the beginning. Parents listening when their toddler/child says no (to anything) and instead of always overriding it, actually trying to hear them and find a solution that validates their strong gut feeling too as well as your need for them to get their coat on and out the door! Tricky. But possible. I read a really interesting article on this about how things we 'make' children do out of politeness such as "kiss your aunt goodbye" when they don't really want to, actually teaches them that their feelings about not wanting to kiss someone aren't as valid as making everyone else happy that they've conformed socially. It's dangerous in the long term as those children who are taught to conform in all aspects over and above their choices being heard can grow up much more vulnerable to not being able to say no when it comes to pleasing someone else, not just sexually.
My 6 year old daughter started saying no when told to kiss so-and-so goodnight when she was about 2 years old. Her dad and I 'allowed' it and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. It took a while for other relatives to understand that we want her to grow up knowing that she has the right to say no and that her voice will be heard. The backlash of this was that we, her parents, didn't get a kiss from her for four years. Only recently has she asked if she can kiss me goodnight and then tells me that she likes it. Her dad has yet to receive his daughter's kiss but it's a small price to pay for the confidence it has given her."
I understand that,but it's a silly sad that she doesn't give her dad a kiss,that must be pretty heart breaking for him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really interesting debate. As someone who is 23 and has unregulated internet access since say the age of 14 I would suggest that porn does give unrealistic expectations in the part of all sexes.
Reality doesn't match what is witnessed in a edited film, which I would suggest numbs what some individuals are attracted to. I would suggest that sexually by embracing a love for reality and real bodies and people only then can the obsession with porn be overcome against reality.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think this is massively important. And a key point you make is about being able to say no to pressure and giving your children the confidence to say no to sexual things they don't want to do and knowing that that will be heard. This starts right from the beginning. Parents listening when their toddler/child says no (to anything) and instead of always overriding it, actually trying to hear them and find a solution that validates their strong gut feeling too as well as your need for them to get their coat on and out the door! Tricky. But possible. I read a really interesting article on this about how things we 'make' children do out of politeness such as "kiss your aunt goodbye" when they don't really want to, actually teaches them that their feelings about not wanting to kiss someone aren't as valid as making everyone else happy that they've conformed socially. It's dangerous in the long term as those children who are taught to conform in all aspects over and above their choices being heard can grow up much more vulnerable to not being able to say no when it comes to pleasing someone else, not just sexually.
My 6 year old daughter started saying no when told to kiss so-and-so goodnight when she was about 2 years old. Her dad and I 'allowed' it and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. It took a while for other relatives to understand that we want her to grow up knowing that she has the right to say no and that her voice will be heard. The backlash of this was that we, her parents, didn't get a kiss from her for four years. Only recently has she asked if she can kiss me goodnight and then tells me that she likes it. Her dad has yet to receive his daughter's kiss but it's a small price to pay for the confidence it has given her.
I understand that,but it's a silly sad that she doesn't give her dad a kiss,that must be pretty heart breaking for him "
It is sad but his time will come. For three years both of us just got a high five from her then she started doing her own special cheek to cheek kiss like the French, which he still gets from her. |
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By *eamperveCouple
over a year ago
South West |
Hi everyone
This is a very good discussion; which for once I need to say my bit-
Yes! Porn has affected a lot of people's perspective on what sex is and should be. Any mature, sensible person SHOULD realise that it is staged for a certain kink, and mainly for a quick release.
Sadly, some people struggle to realise this and struggle to determine reality from a performance.
I'm certain that many couples on here enjoy very intimate sex which may be completely different to some of the mischievous things they may enjoy, similar to in the porn films. What they do in the porn films isn't necessary wrong; just not realistic ALL the time.
Consent is and choice is!
I watched a very good documentary about this very topic: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/sex-in-class
It highlighted that teenagers were sadly falling in to the trap of thinking what they saw in porn was reality. From a very young age they can now access porn on their phones etc and laugh about it with their friends. This is all they are learning- it has therefore warped their minds that this is how pleasure is given and received.
The documentary proved that sex ed in schools should also cover that sex is about consenting pleasure and communication. Without it; they probably won't reach a satisfying relationship ( sexual or not).
The boys learnt a lot from the exercises and the girls learnt they could voice their opinions and needs- sex wasn't all about performing and the boy taking what he THOUGHT was right.
A very good documentary which I would recommend to anyone in this forum.
Mrs P x |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I don't watch a lot of porn so any guy who expects me to perform like a porn star is going to be woefully disappointed.
They usually get filtered out while messaging but there are one or two who get through. When they ask whether some sort of sexual gymnastics is on the cards I point out my age and flexibility, and tell them to get real. |
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
Teach how to use the condoms and why. There are way too much young mothers in this country"
It does get taught in schools, wether they choose to use the information they've been taught is another matter |
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"Hi everyone
This is a very good discussion; which for once I need to say my bit-
Yes! Porn has affected a lot of people's perspective on what sex is and should be. Any mature, sensible person SHOULD realise that it is staged for a certain kink, and mainly for a quick release.
Sadly, some people struggle to realise this and struggle to determine reality from a performance.
I'm certain that many couples on here enjoy very intimate sex which may be completely different to some of the mischievous things they may enjoy, similar to in the porn films. What they do in the porn films isn't necessary wrong; just not realistic ALL the time.
Consent is and choice is!
I watched a very good documentary about this very topic: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/sex-in-class
It highlighted that teenagers were sadly falling in to the trap of thinking what they saw in porn was reality. From a very young age they can now access porn on their phones etc and laugh about it with their friends. This is all they are learning- it has therefore warped their minds that this is how pleasure is given and received.
The documentary proved that sex ed in schools should also cover that sex is about consenting pleasure and communication. Without it; they probably won't reach a satisfying relationship ( sexual or not).
The boys learnt a lot from the exercises and the girls learnt they could voice their opinions and needs- sex wasn't all about performing and the boy taking what he THOUGHT was right.
A very good documentary which I would recommend to anyone in this forum.
Mrs P x"
I watched this documentary last night.....thank you for the recommendation,it was really good. And really interesting to see how just more openness and communication actually helped young women to becomem ore assertive and men to listen and consider women more. Good stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex education in Schools needs to dramatically change.
Mrs
In what way if you don't mind me asking?
Teach how to use the condoms and why. There are way too much young mothers in this country"
It is taught and actually the number of teenage mums has been reducing each and every year...
What needs to improve is attitudes to sex.. to encourage the young to speak freely to people
As to the op. I do not think porn gives guys false expectations.... |
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