FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Disparity in bisexuality
Disparity in bisexuality
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"As Mr Cantilevered has been unavoidably diverted this evening, I find myself in our hotel room on my own with time to have a really good look at this site and admire some profiles that we probably wouldn't necessarily look at if we were lying here together. As I read through, I find myself reflecting on diversity in this niche world of ours. Pat and I have often talked about how proud we are of the inclusivity and broad acceptance of difference within the vast majority of the 'recreational sex community'. I use this expression rather than 'swingers' as not everyone who uses this site is a swinger but nonetheless feel an imperative to pursue a sexual identity beyond the traditional model. In our time, Pat and I have encountered couples who profess to all manner of religions, couples from countries beyond counting, people of all ages, shapes, education, career and political philosophy. Whilst many may have a preferred type of play partner, there is generally a sense of appreciation and respect of the courage and confidence of everyone that decides to play in whatever way seems right to them. Having thought about this apparently open and accepting culture, I couldn't help but be struck by the apparent disparity in the number of couples where the male partner declares as straight but the female as bisexual or bi-curious. Of course there could be some physical or hormonal reason why this might be an entirely reasonable if statistically unlikely scenario. However, I wondered if this has more to do with women being more empowered to own their own sexuality without feeling that it represents some flaw on their part. To put this in context, most of the couples that we have ever met with (and in fairness, that's not a huge number) the male half has always been clear about being straight in their profile or in communication etc. However, very often when an encounter has taken on a physical dimension, as hearts start to beat faster and inhibitions diminish, the 'straight' male half having gotten to know Pat a bit, has started to drop hints about always having wondered what it might be like to touch another guy and before long they're enjoying one of the the most exhilarating times of their life. I have honestly seen strong tough men crying with the emotional release whilst poor old Pat makes them cup's of tea and listens to them talking about how they've suddenly discovered this or that about themselves and how life might have turned out if they'd been more honest with themselves earlier. I daresay there are many members on here with academic or practical knowledge on this and I'd be really interested in whether any other bisexual couples have had similar experiences and whether their interpretation is any different." I can't say more than what I experienced. My first bi encounter was with a CD in a club. No drama, asked advice on fab, a few people agreed I had bi tendencies. Voila. However, years of being called gay at school for completely unrelated reasons gave me a negative image of sexuality for men, probably why it took so long to act on my bi tendencies. I'm happier now than I've been in almost two decades  | |||
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"Unfortunately it's not just women, but almost a complete societal view that bi men are pariahs. For some reason it seems that men can only be accepted as straight or gay, no middle ground. It seems men aren't meant to be as sexually empowered as women" Oh yeah good point. When you say you're bi there are people who immediately say and or think "you're gay and denying it". Ummm nope, don't fancy men, wouldn't kiss one - just love their cocks and even then there has to be a pair of tits in the room to keep it company | |||
"I was straight and became bisexual. All I can say is in here at least, say that you're bi and be proud of it. " Do you really think you became bisexual, rather than released a latent tendency? | |||
"I was straight and became bisexual. All I can say is in here at least, say that you're bi and be proud of it. Do you really think you became bisexual, rather than released a latent tendency? " Believe me, I've analysed it and no, not a hint ever. Always was straight. | |||
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"Unfortunately it's not just women, but almost a complete societal view that bi men are pariahs. For some reason it seems that men can only be accepted as straight or gay, no middle ground. It seems men aren't meant to be as sexually empowered as women Oh yeah good point. When you say you're bi there are people who immediately say and or think "you're gay and denying it". Ummm nope, don't fancy men, wouldn't kiss one - just love their cocks and even then there has to be a pair of tits in the room to keep it company" Well that's pretty much the type of scenario I was referring to. The men I'm thinking about do not wander around 'fancying' or eyeing up other men nor do they have the least interest in snogging or curling up on a sofa with a nice movie or going for romantic walks in an autumn forest! I was referring to men who find themselves in a position where they are heterosexual in every sense other than they occasionally like to play with another man's Elvis Presley in the scenario of an uninhibited sexual encounter with a like-minded couple. My original reflection was about whether a lot of men are unaware of their latency or unable to own it. | |||
"We are eof course ignoring all the women who aren't really bi bit will say they are to please their partner" That is an often quoted idea but we have very rarely found this on the club scene. We've met a very small number of genuinely straight women and a similar number of 'bi' women who are doing it to please, but would hazard a guess that 90% of the women we've met have been bi to some extent. By this I mean that they will have at least some sexual contact with another woman for their own enjoyment. Possibly the situation is different on the 'meeting via a website' scene but we have no experience of that. The difference between the number of bi women and bi men is probably due to how boys are brought up to be 'men' and how society looks down on any man who is less than a man. It can be difficult to overcome a lifetime of being stereotyped on what your sexuality should be. | |||
"Well that's pretty much the type of scenario I was referring to. The men I'm thinking about do not wander around 'fancying' or eyeing up other men nor do they have the least interest in snogging or curling up on a sofa with a nice movie or going for romantic walks in an autumn forest! I was referring to men who find themselves in a position where they are heterosexual in every sense other than they occasionally like to play with another man's Elvis Presley in the scenario of an uninhibited sexual encounter with a like-minded couple. My original reflection was about whether a lot of men are unaware of their latency or unable to own it. " You have just answered your own question. I know you won't have intended to, but you have suggested a more 'masculine' sort of bi-ness. It's ok to suck cock but don't dare kiss or cuddle. That I think is the very reason there aren't as many men being openly bi as there are women, and probably why there are a lot of men who will never admit to themselves that they could be bi. It's hard to accept that society is looking down at you so hiding it is the solution. | |||
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"Being cynical .... So far as a disparity in profiles go - could it possibly be that some people are telling porkies just to improve their chances of getting a meet...? Could it be that some men lie and say they're Straight, when they're not... ... and some women lie and say that they're Bi when they're not... Or is it just me thinking that, all on my own...? "Yes, of course that will be the case with a number of people, probably a significant number at that. However, I think there is a deeply rooted inhibitor within many men which renders them unwilling or unable to become self aware in this way. Other posters have made relevant points each a revelation in it's own right. As a consequence of writing this little piece, I've received some very interesting private messages from people who for their own reasons do not wish to express their opinions in a forum. The upshot though is that many people struggle to sever the link between ingrained moral absolutism and particular aspects of sexual behaviour. | |||
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"Unfortunately it's not just women, but almost a complete societal view that bi men are pariahs. For some reason it seems that men can only be accepted as straight or gay, no middle ground. It seems men aren't meant to be as sexually empowered as women Oh yeah good point. When you say you're bi there are people who immediately say and or think "you're gay and denying it". Ummm nope, don't fancy men, wouldn't kiss one - just love their cocks and even then there has to be a pair of tits in the room to keep it company Well that's pretty much the type of scenario I was referring to. The men I'm thinking about do not wander around 'fancying' or eyeing up other men nor do they have the least interest in snogging or curling up on a sofa with a nice movie or going for romantic walks in an autumn forest! I was referring to men who find themselves in a position where they are heterosexual in every sense other than they occasionally like to play with another man's Elvis Presley in the scenario of an uninhibited sexual encounter with a like-minded couple. My original reflection was about whether a lot of men are unaware of their latency or unable to own it. " No, no I'm sorry but you've lost me... I might not like snogging guys but who doesn't like the fresh air of an autumn forest walk? | |||
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It's sad that even here on Fabs, some men hide it cus other people have such a negative view about bi men  | |||
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"I'm bisexual and not the slightest bit ashamed of it. " Right thing to do | |||
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"I'm quite happy to admit that I'm bisexual on Fabs but there's no way I'd do it in 'the real world' as people would just assume that I'm in denial about being gay. I fancy women,not men but occasionally I like to have a little fun with a guy who's masculine,straight acting and similar to myself,especially in a mmf situation. It's just so much more fun...." Maybe because you play with two partners...reason why I love MFF  | |||
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"Many women look down on bi men, so make y don't express it publicly as they don't want to miss out on meets " Does it matter if one cannot get meets in the first place? | |||
 I suppose in a way, it does also conform to social norms, which is totally not okay for a couple as deviant as us!
However, in a highly sexual moment, none of that matters. I am a heterosexual monogamous woman... who sometimes(often) likes to play as a submissive, bisexual poly slut! | |||
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"I've also seen it written on advice threads in this forum that a guy putting bi-curious or bisexual on here will limit his chances of a meet because some women don't like bi guys. For a liberal, adult website there's a lot of bullshit and politics lol" Yep I confirm. To maintain the balance, can I say that I prefer straight girls? 
I do fancy bi girls of course, but a straight MFF is better from a Sex point of view then a bi MFF...eventhough you can do more combinations in the latter 
Probability to organise it are much less though | |||
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"Many women look down on bi men, so make y don't express it publicly as they don't want to miss out on meets Does it matter if one cannot get meets in the first place? " Improve your profile then. Half of it is about your preferences when it comes to males then at the end says not meeting men so may as well ditch anything to do with them on the profile. Expand it a bit ditch the self pity with regards to experience and just write what you're genuinely looking for and like | |||
