FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Has the site changed you?
Has the site changed you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When I originally joined the site, I was always polite and tried to avoid being blunt with people, even just saying no to meeting someone. But as time has gone on, I feel I've just had enough of all the bullshit on here that I couldn't careless about others reaction (to some extent). Men complain about how rude people can be when getting a refusal, but they don't experience it from our side, the abuse we can get from saying not interested or the types of messages we get; so now I do reply with a polite not for me message, but don't want to engage further and explain why, as there's no explanation really, yet some don't seem to understand that and it gets frustrating/time consuming. Some end up being blocked because of it.
In no means do I think being rude is acceptable in any form, but I now, I give direct answers and think they won't like it, but they asked so can have the answer; whereas I cared more about their feelings previously.
Sorry bit of a rant and probably don't make sense...but has it changed you at all in any form of way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The site hasn't changed me, but I don't jump through hoops anymore.People want promises made before you even meet for a drink, they get a polite no thanks these days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it has changed me but in a positive way, I'm far more confident in myself and in my body, im more direct and im honest about what I want in general |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
No, the site has not changed me. I have changed since joining the site but that it more down to me driving that change. I had a lot of free time when I first joined and held a lot of parties, I stopped once I saw through some of the moochers and scroungers that attracted. I had good times and that is what counted.
I have a very realistic _iew of what it is all about but I hold no one else accountable but me for some of the wrongs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it has changed me but in a positive way, I'm far more confident in myself and in my body, im more direct and im honest about what I want in general"
Agree with this too, I'm far more confident than what I was  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The site hasn't changed me, but I don't jump through hoops anymore.People want promises made before you even meet for a drink, they get a polite no thanks these days."
Not sure what promises these will be, all I ask prior to a social is a face pic and that they will actually turn up. |
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By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
Yes I think this site has changed me.i never used to think guys were interested in me for "fun" times I had low self esteem.
Now I've met guys off here that would normally walk past me in the street and not look twice I now know that I can be attractive to some guys
And as for my attitude yes that has changed to when k first joined I tried to answer everyone that wrote winked fabd a pic. I still reply to all but I dnt make it my life to be on here and reply like I did before. I used to worry about how people took me on here.
But now I know the ones who still like it still bother with me those who dnt move on or are abusive but are blockable
I like the phrase "fab is what u make of it,do as u wanna do and be happy and enjoy" I think anything outside of this is no longer worth worrying about
Such a good thread thank you for posting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definitely not as polite to people or feel the need to reply to every message like I did when I joined, I tried to answer everyone as I didn't want to appear rude, time and experience has made me realise exactly what I want and if some stranger gets offended because I don't reply or decline their invitation to meet then it's their issue not mine  |
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Well I hope it will. I am still too kind regardless of my past experiences 
Any excuse is good for the ninja emoticon 
I need probably to add that the girls I (kindly) rejected did not go crazy as you said men did, apart from a very few cases (not on the site yet). Men do it because they know finding another girl is not easy. Girls can very easily find another man/couple hence they do not care about a rejection.
This is pretty much the difference which summirizes our worlds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure what promises these will be, all I ask prior to a social is a face pic and that they will actually turn up. "
Very reasonable and to be expected, if only all of Fab thought like this! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's changed me a bit.
Gone a bit pervy, before i never even perved at anyone but now i do.
Gone off looking on the internet for guys tbh, i used to love going out and tapping off irl.
I was probably more ignorant irl too, on here not so much, not gonna say why.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I think this site has changed me.i never used to think guys were interested in me for "fun" times I had low self esteem.
Now I've met guys off here that would normally walk past me in the street and not look twice I now know that I can be attractive to some guys
And as for my attitude yes that has changed to when k first joined I tried to answer everyone that wrote winked fabd a pic. I still reply to all but I dnt make it my life to be on here and reply like I did before. I used to worry about how people took me on here.
But now I know the ones who still like it still bother with me those who dnt move on or are abusive but are blockable
I like the phrase "fab is what u make of it,do as u wanna do and be happy and enjoy" I think anything outside of this is no longer worth worrying about
Such a good thread thank you for posting"
I've had people say I've "changed" but if not putting up with others bullshit is me changing, then fair enough. If they can't see the positives along side the said change then so be it; I don't ask them to talk to me etc.
I still reply to messages, even with a no. But I did have it set so no male could message me before, as replying to them all was time consuming, so now I don't get as many, I manage to reply to them.
I'm glad it has boosted your self-esteem, no one should feel they're not worthy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I hope it will. I am still too kind regardless of my past experiences
Any excuse is good for the ninja emoticon
I need probably to add that the girls I (kindly) rejected did not go crazy as you said men did, apart from a very few cases (not on the site yet). Men do it because they know finding another girl is not easy. Girls can very easily find another man/couple hence they do not care about a rejection.
This is pretty much the difference which summirizes our worlds "
Only some men have acted this way, whether it be messages or in chat. In the long run it does no favours, as people talk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This site has changed me coz I spend far took much time on here going through new pictures and reading forum posts that I really should.
I used to be Facebook addict and now I am a Fab addict  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah ok so men are not that bad, are they?  "
Most of them are fine, it's the odd one that spits his dummy out and becomes abusive and nasty because you don't want to meet them, I'm sure there's a few women who can be that way too...same in life |
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Generally I've had a good time here, though my initial impression of the site definitely set me back big time. Not fully realising how the site worked and being rejected a lot basically turned me off the basic premise of what the site is about. I can see why a lot of guy's throw the towel in not long after joining. Luckily I hung about long enough to realise this site isn't a total waste of time after all. It can be very nice once you fully understand what it's all about. The ability to spot all the dickheads and then ignore them is a very important talent to learn and makes this place much more tolerable.
Eventually I worked out it wasn't me that was a total failure and I now understand more how things work. I'm currently taking a break from the site (other than the forums) whilst I work out how to approach things in the future so my confidence doesn't get destroyed again. The forums have been a real life saver really as they give me a better chance to show people what I'm like and I've made some good contacts through them. I think potentially my future on here could be very good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I accidentally flashed a page of arse, leg or torso shots a big taxi full of colleagues a few weeks ago (staying in a hotel, I had to take new pics!) and I didn't bat an eyelid.
They thought it was the funniest thing ever and we had a good laugh about it, entirely at my expense, for a couple of days.
Before joining Fab I would have been absolutely mortified and embarrassed and it would have probably changed my working relationship with a couple of them.
So, embarrassment levels are down, confidence is up. Plus I'm better at taking pics now, thankfully |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's in the process of changing me!
Thanks to a very special person (they know who they are) who took the time to send me a very long and detailed personal email yesterday ...
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"I accidentally flashed a page of arse, leg or torso shots a big taxi full of colleagues a few weeks ago (staying in a hotel, I had to take new pics!) and I didn't bat an eyelid.
They thought it was the funniest thing ever and we had a good laugh about it, entirely at my expense, for a couple of days.
Before joining Fab I would have been absolutely mortified and embarrassed and it would have probably changed my working relationship with a couple of them.
So, embarrassment levels are down, confidence is up. Plus I'm better at taking pics now, thankfully "
I agree with the confidence I'm happy to talk to anyone now whereas before I was a bit shy.
With picture taking too. I wish I could do something photography related!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I think this site has changed me, I never used to think people would be interested in me for any fun, I had low self esteem!
Now I have been here a while and getting to know people and they also getting to know me, I have opened up a bit to some, and hope they can see past my low self confidence.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also going to my now favorite club had helped me change in soo many ways.
People respect me for what I am, not how i look
The whole experience of being around like minded others, having a laugh and joke with them, generally getting on well just being myself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My _iew of men in general has suffered terribly since being on Fab.
Xxx"
Do you mean as in their approach to you or how they behave, or another?
I was talking to a female friend on here and she said she wouldn't be able to have a vanilla relationship again, since being on here; due to the amount of men that are married/attached using this. Think it's quite sad to see as not everyone is the same, but you can't change doubts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I think this site has changed me, I never used to think people would be interested in me for any fun, I had low self esteem!
Now I have been here a while and getting to know people and they also getting to know me, I have opened up a bit to some, and hope they can see past my low self confidence.
"
Glad to see men are having the confidence boost too always good to make friends who can help and listen |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Generally I've had a good time here, though my initial impression of the site definitely set me back big time. Not fully realising how the site worked and being rejected a lot basically turned me off the basic premise of what the site is about. I can see why a lot of guy's throw the towel in not long after joining. Luckily I hung about long enough to realise this site isn't a total waste of time after all. It can be very nice once you fully understand what it's all about. The ability to spot all the dickheads and then ignore them is a very important talent to learn and makes this place much more tolerable.
Eventually I worked out it wasn't me that was a total failure and I now understand more how things work. I'm currently taking a break from the site (other than the forums) whilst I work out how to approach things in the future so my confidence doesn't get destroyed again. The forums have been a real life saver really as they give me a better chance to show people what I'm like and I've made some good contacts through them. I think potentially my future on here could be very good."
Yes agree a lot of men do leave quite quickly and don't work out how it works or what to do. The ratio of men to couples and fems causes a lot of this, as messages have to be filtered and meeting everyone to see if there's a connection or whatever you're looking for, would be near impossible! But when you stick it out, act like a human being, you get noticed far more and respected for it too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doubt it has changed me much...disappointed that it's such a vain game...got used to being turned down. ...a lot. ..! I'm sure there are loads of cruddy lying cheating guys on here...but I'm not one...but how do you convey your not...I'm not sure...does anyone care..not sure on that either.....! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I originally joined the site, I was always polite and tried to avoid being blunt with people, even just saying no to meeting someone. But as time has gone on, I feel I've just had enough of all the bullshit on here that I couldn't careless about others reaction (to some extent). Men complain about how rude people can be when getting a refusal, but they don't experience it from our side, the abuse we can get from saying not interested or the types of messages we get; so now I do reply with a polite not for me message, but don't want to engage further and explain why, as there's no explanation really, yet some don't seem to understand that and it gets frustrating/time consuming. Some end up being blocked because of it.
In no means do I think being rude is acceptable in any form, but I now, I give direct answers and think they won't like it, but they asked so can have the answer; whereas I cared more about their feelings previously.
Sorry bit of a rant and probably don't make sense...but has it changed you at all in any form of way? "
only in that some women are very brutal in the way they react if they react ,your approach to it ,sorry no thanks is fine but I've had many let downs many that have cost me money and i am very disappointed with that ,other than that I've become a little more patient in my approach I'm a nice guy but some women here are spoilt by their attention and popularity  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Yes.
I've been on swinging websites for years so was quite aware of what I would be open to as a single female member. However, before Fab I would not have gone to a club alone, go to a swinger festival, or travel miles for a party. Fab has given me the opportunity to try new things |
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"I was talking to a female friend on here and she said she wouldn't be able to have a vanilla relationship again, since being on here; due to the amount of men that are married/attached using this. Think it's quite sad to see as not everyone is the same, but you can't change doubts "
This is sad ah I understood what vanilla means!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it has changed me but in a positive way, I'm far more confident in myself and in my body, im more direct and im honest about what I want in general"
That's pretty much how I feel too.
Interesting question you posed, op. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My _iew of men in general has suffered terribly since being on Fab.
Xxx
Do you mean as in their approach to you or how they behave, or another?
I was talking to a female friend on here and she said she wouldn't be able to have a vanilla relationship again, since being on here; due to the amount of men that are married/attached using this. Think it's quite sad to see as not everyone is the same, but you can't change doubts "
I mean men's approach to sex and how they see and treat women they want to have sex with. The base filth, the downright nastiness when they're refused, and the abrupt vitriol from seemingly reasonable, 'nice' men with whom you've been chatting, when they realise you're not going to drop your pants for them.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I mean men's approach to sex and how they see and treat women they want to have sex with. The base filth, the downright nastiness when they're refused, and the abrupt vitriol from seemingly reasonable, 'nice' men with whom you've been chatting, when they realise you're not going to drop your pants for them.
"
I've seen and experienced similar. There's a lot on here that seem to believe you can't have a conversation with them, unless you're planning on taking it further, but then I do talk to a few who will never be more than a conversation and it is accepted. Maybe it's more those that can't handle a 'no' that feel the need to react that way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" only in that some women are very brutal in the way they react if they react ,your approach to it ,sorry no thanks is fine but I've had many let downs many that have cost me money and i am very disappointed with that ,other than that I've become a little more patient in my approach I'm a nice guy but some women here are spoilt by their attention and popularity "
Oh definitely agree with some women being spoilt by their popularity/attention they receive. I take men giving me compliments with a pinch of salt and those that know me well will confirm this. I'm not blind, nor daft. See it all the time, especially in chat, men working their way down the list saying exactly the same thing to every female! Unfortunately some are blind and choose to believe it, but I don't let it affect me, I'll say thanks but that's it, it means nothing as I know it's already been said to numerous others.
Sorry you've llost money along the way  But glad you've managed to learn from your mistakes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not been on this site long enough to have much of a say.
What I will say though is I log on every day/evening with much anticipation and log off feeling rather dissapointed with myself . Im begining to think this site is not for me |
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By *km45Man
over a year ago
UTTOXETER |
Yes I feel a lot more confident on here. Having some great conversations with the ladies. Few timewasters but have some meets to be arranged soon including one tomorrow.
Glad I joined fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Peter...
3 months and not a single meet??
Try going to a club, get verified and meet new people. "
I can't even get a reply from a message Marmite. If I can get that, What chance do I have at a club? As much chance as the England Rugby team qualifying to the next round |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Peter...
3 months and not a single meet??
Try going to a club, get verified and meet new people.
I can't even get a reply from a message Marmite. If I can get that, What chance do I have at a club? As much chance as the England Rugby team qualifying to the next round "
Mate you're a good looking chap (I'm saying that as 100% straight bloke, by the way!) and you seem a decent guy so you have all the attributes to do very well on here
I used to think the same as you, but I've found if you engage with the community, whether it's on the forums or clubs etc, keep positive, and engage with a little respect then the chats will flow, the rapport will build and the meets will follow!
The ladies here are just normal people like you and me, so treat them normally like you would anyone else not on a sex site and I'm sure you will be very much in demand!
Keep the faith! and good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Peter...
3 months and not a single meet??
Try going to a club, get verified and meet new people.
I can't even get a reply from a message Marmite. If I can get that, What chance do I have at a club? As much chance as the England Rugby team qualifying to the next round
Mate you're a good looking chap (I'm saying that as 100% straight bloke, by the way!) and you seem a decent guy so you have all the attributes to do very well on here
I used to think the same as you, but I've found if you engage with the community, whether it's on the forums or clubs etc, keep positive, and engage with a little respect then the chats will flow, the rapport will build and the meets will follow!
The ladies here are just normal people like you and me, so treat them normally like you would anyone else not on a sex site and I'm sure you will be very much in demand!
Keep the faith! and good luck! "
Glad to see a male telling another male that us females are "normal" people still, even though we're on here. When people say they don't know how to chat, I say just act like you're in a pub and talking to new people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've not been on this site long enough to have much of a say.
What I will say though is I log on every day/evening with much anticipation and log off feeling rather dissapointed with myself . Im begining to think this site is not for me "
3 months isn't long for a single male on here. Completely understand how hard it is for you, but like Marmite said, get to a club, it's a completely different scenario and easier to talk to people face to face than through messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All I can say is I as an individual am always respectful and treat people as I want to be treated"
If only everyone else thought that way. I try to do that, but I won't stand and take abuse from others |
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