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Unread Messages
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
I have a question for the ladies/couples.
I send individual messages, with hopefully different/interesting subjects; yet I notice a significant number don't get read at all. I don't mean read and no reply...I mean not read.
I'm just wondering, other than sheer volume, why messages would not even be read? |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"If I can see that someone hasn't read my profile from the first part of the message then I just delete it."
I do read profiles though, and put a lot of effort in to writing...and I'm not pushy....but understand your point.
I was wondering if it's just looks sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can mark messages unread, so it looks like we haven't read it.
I don't read messages with no pics and what look crap from the first line, but some i think might be good and aren't so i mark as unread then delete. I also mark unread messages from guys i wanna meet but haven't got time to chat to, then delete them a couple of weeks later.
None of that helps i guess. |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"You can mark messages unread, so it looks like we haven't read it.
I don't read messages with no pics and what look crap from the first line, but some i think might be good and aren't so i mark as unread then delete. I also mark unread messages from guys i wanna meet but haven't got time to chat to, then delete them a couple of weeks later.
None of that helps i guess."
wow complicated lol |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Yes I do. "
Interesting....my profile is pretty honest..I worked hard on it...so if that;s the case..that's cool |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just because a person may tick all your boxes you may not tick there's... Most are read and then marked unread, or just delete without reading. It's not ignorant, as a lass if we replied to every message we got we would not have much time to do anything else! |
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We tend to go by the 'preview' of the message (first lines you can see in the inbox) and the profile pic when dealing with messages from guys. Generally anything involving 'how are you?' or just 'hey!' is left unread.
Also if the profile thumbnail looks like Shrek, is badly shot or is just a cock pic then it also gets passed by.
We're not interested in meeting guys at all so we'd only send a friendly 'no thanks' to those who look to have put some effort into grabbing our attention. We allow messages from guys to our inbox as we've made some single male friends at social meets who we just chat with occasionally  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said, we haven't blocked single mails but there's nothing to suggest we want to meet them so when we get a mail off one he's probably on the back foot from the start.
If the first line is a bit crass (and many are) it's straight in the bin.
If not we may look at the profile. OP, yours looks like you've put some thought into it but the start is so negative we wouldn't get beyond the first couple of lines before deciding it was all a complete turn off. So, bin again I'm afraid.
Not everyone is like us but you can already see a pattern on this thread. Maybe starts to answer your question? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a sheer volume thing. It's a shame for the guys coz there are just so many. I'm terrible for not reading messages but it's nothing particular, I hardly ever look at messages to be honest x |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"It's a sheer volume thing. It's a shame for the guys coz there are just so many. I'm terrible for not reading messages but it's nothing particular, I hardly ever look at messages to be honest x"
How do you decide who you meet then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Yes I do. "
I always read their profile before I open the message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a sheer volume thing. It's a shame for the guys coz there are just so many. I'm terrible for not reading messages but it's nothing particular, I hardly ever look at messages to be honest x
How do you decide who you meet then?"
I get. To know folk in chat rooms but to be honest if I want a meet ill tend to throw up a meet today or specifically say I'm looking for a meet on blah date ... because I'm specifically looking ill check the messages if that makes sense. Or ill message the guys myself rather than just going through messages from guys who messaged me. Or ill go to a social or a club. Or ill get in contact with someone I already know x |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Yes I do.
I always read their profile before I open the message "
Ohhh sneaky, smart...like it...and interesting to know. |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"It's a sheer volume thing. It's a shame for the guys coz there are just so many. I'm terrible for not reading messages but it's nothing particular, I hardly ever look at messages to be honest x
How do you decide who you meet then?
I get. To know folk in chat rooms but to be honest if I want a meet ill tend to throw up a meet today or specifically say I'm looking for a meet on blah date ... because I'm specifically looking ill check the messages if that makes sense. Or ill message the guys myself rather than just going through messages from guys who messaged me. Or ill go to a social or a club. Or ill get in contact with someone I already know x"
cool, all very interesting to know....I also think it is interesting to see the differences....very few men get meets through MEETS, EVENTS...but I'm sure women and couples do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a question for the ladies/couples.
I send individual messages, with hopefully different/interesting subjects; yet I notice a significant number don't get read at all. I don't mean read and no reply...I mean not read.
I'm just wondering, other than sheer volume, why messages would not even be read?"
We do read them we just mark them as unread after so you don't know
Sorry had to delete and re post due to typos |
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"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Yes I do.
Interesting....my profile is pretty honest..I worked hard on it...so if that;s the case..that's cool"
Many women do, I do too.
Someone can seem to tick all the boxes but I'm just not taken with them - nothing specific, just simple attraction or not. Sometimes people are too far away for me (though they may be happy to travel I prefer local and what I consider local) some of them may be into things I'm not, others may use text speak or phrases I'm not comfortable with.
And don't forget that someone can read your message then mark it unread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys  |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys "
lol...good to know...but not good it happens.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys "
Same here
I have never got a single reply from any guy I have messaged first, not even a no thanks
People don't believe me when I say that they think because I'm a female men surely must reply to my mail but they don't, even guys have standards and ignor those they don't like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys
Same here
I have never got a single reply from any guy I have messaged first, not even a no thanks
People don't believe me when I say that they think because I'm a female men surely must reply to my mail but they don't, even guys have standards and ignor those they don't like "
Lol I know, I think people have their perceptions of how it all is but in actual fact the situation is what it is ... we're not all everyone's cup of tea! I will say it doesn't bother me though, maybe that's the difference with single girls, coz we get so many messages we understand reasons why people don't reply so don't get upset about it |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message. |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys
Same here
I have never got a single reply from any guy I have messaged first, not even a no thanks
People don't believe me when I say that they think because I'm a female men surely must reply to my mail but they don't, even guys have standards and ignor those they don't like "
I persoanlly think that is just rude. I've never ever not replied to a message I've received...even if it is a no thank you..... |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message. "
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread. |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message.
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread."
Have you ever seen a single lady's inbox tho? I am guessing it looks totally different than yours. Sometimes there are so many it is just easier to let them fall into oblivion off the bottom of the inbox  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys
Same here
I have never got a single reply from any guy I have messaged first, not even a no thanks
People don't believe me when I say that they think because I'm a female men surely must reply to my mail but they don't, even guys have standards and ignor those they don't like
I persoanlly think that is just rude. I've never ever not replied to a message I've received...even if it is a no thank you....."
Some people find it hard to tell another person basically your ugly, because let's face it that's what sorry your not my type means
Personally being told I'm not somebody's type does not bother me but that does not mean it does not bother them to send it
Some people have no problem saying that to another person but not everybody is the same
Maybe they just feel more comfortable saying nothing |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message.
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread."
My advice is simple....don't spend time concentrating on the people that obviously DON'T want to meet, your time would be better spent on the ones that DO! |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message.
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread.
Have you ever seen a single lady's inbox tho? I am guessing it looks totally different than yours. Sometimes there are so many it is just easier to let them fall into oblivion off the bottom of the inbox "
Lol..there is a joke there about seeing a ladies box...but I'll leave it lol |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I should point out that it's the same for us girls, well certainly is for me, plenty times I don't get a meet. Just coz I message doesn't mean I get lol so it's not just you guys
Same here
I have never got a single reply from any guy I have messaged first, not even a no thanks
People don't believe me when I say that they think because I'm a female men surely must reply to my mail but they don't, even guys have standards and ignor those they don't like
I persoanlly think that is just rude. I've never ever not replied to a message I've received...even if it is a no thank you.....
Some people find it hard to tell another person basically your ugly, because let's face it that's what sorry your not my type means
Personally being told I'm not somebody's type does not bother me but that does not mean it does not bother them to send it
Some people have no problem saying that to another person but not everybody is the same
Maybe they just feel more comfortable saying nothing "
That is a good point...avoidance is a common approach I guess...although there are nicer ways to say no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Yes I do.
Interesting....my profile is pretty honest..I worked hard on it...so if that;s the case..that's cool"
Number 5 will probably be knocking you into the delta without reading cats gory for many |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message.
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread.
My advice is simple....don't spend time concentrating on the people that obviously DON'T want to meet, your time would be better spent on the ones that DO! "
Fair point...I was just interested..I'm a tidy person, so often delete the read messages I've sent....and just seeing loads of unread the other day, made me wonder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I usually read a profile before a message and I am guessing that a lot of ladies do the same.
Although you have a face pic and a well written profile, my guess would be that a lot of ladies see that you are cheating and knowing that is not for them they don't even bother reading your message.
That could well be true...often though, they aren't even deleted...just sit there for weeks and weeks, unread.
My advice is simple....don't spend time concentrating on the people that obviously DON'T want to meet, your time would be better spent on the ones that DO!
Fair point...I was just interested..I'm a tidy person, so often delete the read messages I've sent....and just seeing loads of unread the other day, made me wonder."
I hate sending thanks but no thanks messages I've been doing this for about 12 years now and its still something I struggle to do, I admit I'm one of those people who would rather not reply than tell somebody else they are not my type
I suppose also its because of the abuse I've had in the past when saying no thanks that does not help either
See I'm a human being the same on here as in real life but people tell you to be thick skinned on here but not everybody is, abuse in here bothers me the same as it does in real life
If a guy on here tells me I'm a fat ugly cunt anyway (which they have) for not wanting to meet them that hurts me no less than if a guy walked upto my face and said it
I suppose not replying is also a form of protecting myself from abuse |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"
I suppose also its because of the abuse I've had in the past when saying no thanks that does not help either
See I'm a human being the same on here as in real life but people tell you to be thick skinned on here but not everybody is, abuse in here bothers me the same as it does in real life
If a guy on here tells me I'm a fat ugly cunt anyway (which they have) for not wanting to meet them that hurts me no less than if a guy walked upto my face and said it
I suppose not replying is also a form of protecting myself from abuse "
I think it is sad that anyone can be so nasty to another person...on here or anywhere...and I'm with you...it hurts here as much as face to face. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With the first line on show its easy to see what time and effort has been put into message.
And if it's text speak or presumptuous it gets overlooked.
You sound like a rare species on fab, someone who reads and understands what is required before you reply.
Perhaps in message title something that shows you've read profile, and first line also to show eloquence of writing, and politeness, (both attributes you've shown in writing in the forum)
Good luck xxxxx |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"With the first line on show its easy to see what time and effort has been put into message.
And if it's text speak or presumptuous it gets overlooked.
You sound like a rare species on fab, someone who reads and understands what is required before you reply.
Perhaps in message title something that shows you've read profile, and first line also to show eloquence of writing, and politeness, (both attributes you've shown in writing in the forum)
Good luck xxxxx "
Thank you...what a lovely message and very much appreciated, both the response and the advice. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single females and couples get a huge amount of messages every minute from single males, and often have to scan though their mailboxes to see which one is genuine or just a pisstaker.
Sadly sometimes the genuine messages marked unread gets pushed further down the list of bullshit messages that the reader often miss the message and begins mass deleting when it gets a lot.
It's the combination of a single female or couple not really having a fancy for that single guy and a messaging system that needs a bit of an improvement.
As far as the message system is concerned, I would highly suggest a word filtering coding to be In place to filter and block mail stemming of single line messages, text talk or message just containing vulgar phrases. I know this may not work for everyone but in a site full of single men with most of them pissing about, I think something along like this should be implemented.
Perhaps I should make a suggestion to the web admins. What do you folks think? |
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"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?"
Always.
If the profile doesn't interest me I am unlikely to open the message. But if there are pics attached I may have a peek, if the message is no better than the profile I won't take it any further. |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Always.
If the profile doesn't interest me I am unlikely to open the message. But if there are pics attached I may have a peek, if the message is no better than the profile I won't take it any further."
starting to wonder how most people get meets lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We were discussing this very subject last night, and our meets have come from club visits.
Often we do meet and greets at club just to get chatting to people. At least you can tell how you are likely to get on.
We have quite a few from club on fab, but that's just for chit chat and to keep up to date on club visits.
It's a shame you're not further north as it'd be an honour to get to know you.
Best advice, get a club you like, and become a regular, even if you don't play at every visit , get chatting in person  |
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"We tend to go by the 'preview' of the message (first lines you can see in the inbox) and the profile pic when dealing with messages from guys. Generally anything involving 'how are you?' or just 'hey!' is left unread.
"
This bit has opened my eyes, because I know a lot of the preview from me will simply say Hi {name} or similar….. but this is just a greeting because I construct a message as I do other letters/e-mails etc.. so;
"Hi {name}
Followed by my intro and a couple of sentences why I think we match.
Paul"
From now on though, I will start the intro bit on the top line so it appears in the preview.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single females and couples get a huge amount of messages every minute from single males, and often have to scan though their mailboxes to see which one is genuine or just a pisstaker.
Sadly sometimes the genuine messages marked unread gets pushed further down the list of bullshit messages that the reader often miss the message and begins mass deleting when it gets a lot.
It's the combination of a single female or couple not really having a fancy for that single guy and a messaging system that needs a bit of an improvement.
As far as the message system is concerned, I would highly suggest a word filtering coding to be In place to filter and block mail stemming of single line messages, text talk or message just containing vulgar phrases. I know this may not work for everyone but in a site full of single men with most of them pissing about, I think something along like this should be implemented.
Perhaps I should make a suggestion to the web admins. What do you folks think?"
Interesting idea in principle but not sure how a filter would discern between text speak and just plain awful grammar and spelling. Also, for every 100 pisspoor proformer one liners that are dished out there is always a funny, original, succinct one that would get swept in the cull.
I accept though that to make an omelette you need to break an egg so compromises might have to be made. |
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"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Always.
If the profile doesn't interest me I am unlikely to open the message. But if there are pics attached I may have a peek, if the message is no better than the profile I won't take it any further.
starting to wonder how most people get meets lol"
Clubs in my case.
You get to see the person not a 10 year old pic, you can chat and get a feel for their personality not a carefully edited message which they have started and deleted 5 times cos it made them look like a twat |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Maybe they check out your profile and realise you are not for them
Do you check profiles before reading a message then?
Always.
If the profile doesn't interest me I am unlikely to open the message. But if there are pics attached I may have a peek, if the message is no better than the profile I won't take it any further.
starting to wonder how most people get meets lol
Clubs in my case.
You get to see the person not a 10 year old pic, you can chat and get a feel for their personality not a carefully edited message which they have started and deleted 5 times cos it made them look like a twat "
I think that's why I've been visiting Kestrels more lol |
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By *emel9 OP Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"I wouldn't meet you as you're cheating on your girlfriend! But I guess at least you're honest about that..."
We are all here for different things/reasons I guess. I believe in stating the facts on my profile, so others are fully informed. |
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