FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Intimidated...

Intimidated...

By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think its good to check who some met so you know what kind of peeps they want.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

No, if someone messages me I assume they like my profile and would like to meet if we get on.

There's an awful lot of people on here with body issues I'm surprised they ever meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I think its good to check who some met so you know what kind of peeps they want."

I have veris from lots of very different types...so its not quite as simple as that...IMHO

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By *usterMan over a year ago

worthing

"No, if someone messages me I assume they like my profile and would like to meet if we get on.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Nope. I don't even check out someone's previous verifications for this very fact. As long as they've met others, and their pics and profile pique my interest then I'll give them a go.

I don't know this woman but I feel that not meeting someone who has shown an obvious interest just because of their previous meets is a bit of a weak excuse. I do hope she rethinks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I do, but for the opposite reasons

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

yes ive turned down a few men because of this

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

Lol.

*looks at OP*

Oh you!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Look great..

Doesnt really matter how someone looks, even tho it attracts attention. More importantly is someone whois fun to be with and you get on, is my thinking..

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

I don't read previous veris before I meet someone to avoid that kind of thinking. Plus veris only show part of someone's Fab story, not the whole so I'd rather make my own mind up. I'm more likely to be put off if someone messages me and tells me I have a gorgeous body, since I know what it looks like out of my public photo gallery and they'd be bound to be disappointed when confronted by the reality.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X "

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

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By *tarbeckCouple over a year ago

york

"yes ive turned down a few men because of this

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By *ynecplCouple over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Don't look at other people verifications other than to see how recent they have met to judge if they are going to turn up or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

Yep I do this all the time

I'm terrible at deciding for people if they will like me or not

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By *P2903Couple over a year ago

Rotherham

Dont aim to do it. Generally look at verifications to see if they have had past meets. but I have to admit I've done this once, saw the Amazing looking women he had met and was put off by it.

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No never we do look at Veris carefully for other reasons.

See her point though if she's feelings a little insecure.

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"Lol.

*looks at OP*

Oh you!"

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Dont aim to do it. Generally look at verifications to see if they have had past meets. but I have to admit I've done this once, saw the Amazing looking women he had met and was put off by it. "

But everyone makes sure their photos on here are the best taken. I do tend to warn some guys that my pics may be better than real life, but no-one has every complained.

Had a couple of guys run out on me halfway through the meet though!

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"No never we do look at Veris carefully for other reasons.

See her point though if she's feelings a little insecure. "

I understand her feeling that way...just think its a shame as it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to me...I fancy all kinds of women for all kinds of different reasons...

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple over a year ago

North Manchester

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

You've a great body there girl, you shouldn't have any body issues lovely lady.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant."

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

Ditto lol if it looks like they'll fuck anything that moves I'll avoid!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?"

They may well be interested, but once I've got something in my head it puts me off. Never said it was logical

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No, if someone messages me I assume they like my profile and would like to meet if we get on.

There's an awful lot of people on here with body issues I'm surprised they ever meet"

Well said diamonds!

The oh had a play with a smokin lady in a club last night. She was lush....but was really body conscious. Such a shame as it affected her confidence!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've had exactly this. Young very fit guy, all his previous veris are from completely stunning gym fit women and his veris to them go on about how amazingly sexy and hot they were. I just know my body will be a complete anticlimax so I won't meet them...especially when they want to travel a fair way and get a hotel. I just feel pressured into being something amazing when in reality I'm a middle aged tired mum.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Same here x then again I'd also refuse someone for being out of my league imo too x

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By *tarbeckCouple over a year ago

york

"I've had exactly this. Young very fit guy, all his previous veris are from completely stunning gym fit women and his veris to them go on about how amazingly sexy and hot they were. I just know my body will be a complete anticlimax so I won't meet them...especially when they want to travel a fair way and get a hotel. I just feel pressured into being something amazing when in reality I'm a middle aged tired mum."
you look bloody fantastic to us xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?"
I'd assume they think big girls are easy x and the fact when I have refused some of these guys they have basically commented on how someone like me can't really be picky sort of confirms my thoughts xx

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I think a lot of people have body issues.I would just assume they wanted to meet as they liked what they saw.

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By *irmbutfairMan over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a (non-swinging) female friend recently in which she was going to stop dating someone as he "liked her too much".

Much like this I assume women are nodding men are at a loss

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

No, each and every lady I have sex with has something unique and special that made me think 'I want sex with you'. I'd be slightly concerned that she was worrying about what she thought I might be thinking than enjoying herself.

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By *ouble CCouple over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Well we check veris and if they look like 'Ken and Barbie' we can be put off but ya don't know till ya meet up. Mr C is worse than me. Lol. Miss C. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This happened to one of my recent meets. A lady wouldnt meet him because i had veried him. If only she knew how disgusting my tummy is she'd have felt so much better! Must admit i do check out people veris and have been put off before. Usually if theyve met much younger girls

Would feel all old and saggy in comparison! Lol x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?"

fall back plan, better than a wank

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?

fall back plan, better than a wank

Suits me. Better than a wank for me too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Your gorgeous Ruby

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested?

fall back plan, better than a wank

"
but would someone really spend time getting to know you and chatting over a period of time ifnthey weren't interested?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Doesn't bother me either. My pics are really clear on what i look like so if they messaged they they know what i look like.

I don't have a particular type either, don't see why anyone else would have. Variety is good.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I do have a look and also at some friends. If they are all skinny I think "he's not going to like me".

But if he was genuine about meeting I'd not be put off by it. Would be crazy to worry about comparing yourself to some woman you may not even know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't feel intimidated by a guy having met younger or slimmer women. I am what I am and if someone likes me for who I am and wants to meet me then that is what matters to me.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I wouldn't feel intimidated by a guy having met younger or slimmer women. I am what I am and if someone likes me for who I am and wants to meet me then that is what matters to me.

There, this. A bit of self confidence is very sexy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't feel intimidated by a guy having met younger or slimmer women. I am what I am and if someone likes me for who I am and wants to meet me then that is what matters to me.

It's hard to explain, but it only seems to happen where that is the only veris displayed, I guess for me there is a bit more to it...i spend quite a while chatting and if we clicked on every other level I guess it wouldn't be an issue....so I guess there must be something else giving me doubts about meeting...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

But why would they message you if they weren't interested? I'd assume they think big girls are easy x and the fact when I have refused some of these guys they have basically commented on how someone like me can't really be picky sort of confirms my thoughts xx"

I've never had that. I tell them I'm fat. I'm being honest & letting them know what to expect & they tell me off for putting myself down

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

For me, I am put off if they have veris from people who I would judge to be into very different things to me...bareback sex, meets with multible men (I'm not really into greedy girls), a certain type of dogging, etc....I think we all draw conclusions about what kind of person we might potentially be meeting based on past veris...at least I certainly do..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

"
I wouldn't say it was any of those things I just find it sad that some women can't realise that men go for all kinds of different things in a woman red hair, blonde hair, big, small some men just like all kinds off things

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

So why this thread, that's all the lady did decided you wasn't who she wanted to meet based on your verifications

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope can't say I would feel intimidated as I don't see the point of comparing myself to others on here. If you're looking at anothers profile you are only seeing what they want you to see, which as we know might not be the full picture.

Also as i don't have a 'type' per se I meet a variety of different ages & body shaped men. I'm sure I am not alone in this, variety after all is the spice of life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fuck yeah!! I don't need it in my head she's met Brad Pitt! I'll turn up more like his brother Cess!!

Rather not know thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

I've never had that. I tell them I'm fat. I'm being honest & letting them know what to expect & they tell me off for putting myself down "

I'm talking guys that contact us and I say thanks but not for me... And then they get abusive.. if I'm talking to them prior to saying no.... I will be amazingly sexual. I am just not stupid enough to believe all the suck up comments. Some men like big ladies but not as many as make out they Do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

I wouldn't say it was any of those things I just find it sad that some women can't realise that men go for all kinds of different things in a woman red hair, blonde hair, big, small some men just like all kinds off things"

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

So why this thread, that's all the lady did decided you wasn't who she wanted to meet based on your verifications "

I started the thread because I was interested in what others felt about the same kind of situation.

My last post was on a different subject relating to what we glean from veris..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

I've never had that. I tell them I'm fat. I'm being honest & letting them know what to expect & they tell me off for putting myself down

Even the ones I say no thanks to are polite

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

I can only speak for myself but if a guy has in the past met better than me i dont see why he would lower his standards to me, if he can do better he should do better

I'm not actually a feel sorry for myself person, I don't think I'm ready for the knackers yard just yet and I'm not a shrinking Violet in the corner, I'm just self awear and realiatic

can't speak for anybody else though

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

So why this thread, that's all the lady did decided you wasn't who she wanted to meet based on your verifications "

Yeah, I'm a bit

about this now. Perhaps she found out the OPs aversion to greedy girls and thought it best to let him down gently instead of discussing her love for MMMMMMMMMMMMF

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By *urvyemmaWoman over a year ago

wigan/bolton

Just looked at your veris and most of them are slim. .so think I would assume the same as the woman, that you prefer smaller petite women..sure,you might like me/her but not your 'ideal ' type and it would do my head in and I wouldn't feel confident and relaxed. I totally get where she coming from

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Yes that's what I don't understand.

If someone has messaged you there must be some inital attraction that made them do so otherwise why would they bother?

Or is more or a case that you're doing the comparing instead of them....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Yes that's what I don't understand.

If someone has messaged you there must be some inital attraction that made them do so otherwise why would they bother?

Or is more or a case that you're doing the comparing instead of them....

Yes of course it is the woman doing the comparing. Everyone has issues of some sort

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or is more or a case that you're doing the comparing instead of them....

Oh yeah definitely

I've already posted that I'm terrible at deciding for other people if they will like me or not

I turn guys down all the time I like because I feel they can do better mainly based on past meets

I never tell them that's why though because that would make me look like I'm fishing for compliments

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By *rinking-in-laCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant."

Some people have tastes which vary. How you compare to someone else is irrelevant. You may be bigger or you may be smaller. But if someone likes you then who they have seen before makes no difference to the fact they find you attractive due to the shape you are. Not because you are a certain ratio of volume different to another person.

Andy has been with small women and large women. They were all excellent and attractive for a variety of reasons. Some large women don't have certain features smaller women do and some smaller women don't have features larger women do. The same goes for men.

People are attracted to more than one paradigm of human shape and they are attracted so for the very things which make the shapes different.

Plus ca change.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there.

Seriously Ruby, with a body like that, damn girl, you have nothing to worry about!! X

Thanks but I know how I feel about it. If they obviously have a thing for small, petite women then I'm not going to enjoy myself feeling like a giant.

I've never had that. I tell them I'm fat. I'm being honest & letting them know what to expect & they tell me off for putting myself down "

I send one pic then make them meet me for a coffee first. Then I don't have to say anything, they can decide for themselves.

People can like many different types of people. Only they will know if they like me or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think I'd meet anyone if I read their veris.

I'm just me & if they message me wanting to meet & I'm attracted to them to, then I'll meet them. I just assume they were attracted enough to me to message in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also do this a lot! I haven't ever turned a meet down for this reason alone but I do worry they will be dissapointed once we meet!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone has varied tastes, then I'd expect their veries to reflect that they'd met a range of different types of people. This isn't just a fat thing - if all their verifications were from superBBW and they were forever popping up on threads to extol the virtues of very large women then the same applies, because I'm not that big. Or if they only seem to meet blondes. Or if their profile goes on about trying to meet milfs/Cougars/wanting to be a toy boy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/09/15 17:12:42]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If someone has varied tastes, then I'd expect their veries to reflect that they'd met a range of different types of people. This isn't just a fat thing - if all their verifications were from superBBW and they were forever popping up on threads to extol the virtues of very large women then the same applies, because I'm not that big. Or if they only seem to meet blondes. Or if their profile goes on about trying to meet milfs/Cougars/wanting to be a toy boy. "

Exactly my point.

I think intimidated is perhaps the wrong word in the op. More put off.

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By *igSuki81Man over a year ago

Retirement Village

"... Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

Honest answer - yes

I do have a nosey at previous veris and if i dont think id make the grade or theres a common pattern in who they meet which isnt someone like me then im very hesitant and often dont message or meet.

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By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

This doesn't just happen on FabS. In the real world too, if a really handsome, tall guys starts chatting me up, I start wondering what is wrong with him. He couldf have picked a really tall, attractive woman, yet he is there taking the time to make me feel special; weirdo

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By *om and JennieCouple over a year ago

Chams or Socials

"Dont aim to do it. Generally look at verifications to see if they have had past meets. but I have to admit I've done this once, saw the Amazing looking women he had met and was put off by it.

But everyone makes sure their photos on here are the best taken. I do tend to warn some guys that my pics may be better than real life, but no-one has every complained.

Had a couple of guys run out on me halfway through the meet though!

I'm very insecure about my body & seeing pics of a man's previous meets normally makes me feel pretty rubbish - their age doesn't bother me.

When I 1st joined I thought the men who wanted to meet me were just desperate for sex & the fat woman would do but it doesn't appear to be the case as I've met some more than once.

I make sure they've read my profile because I don't recognise the lady in my pics - the gent who took them did a fantastic job hiding my wobbly bits!!

No one has complained (yet!!)

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

So do I and that is also what I meant!

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By *uriousBristolCplCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Respect that's how you feel but just to let you know you look amazing ing your pics x

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By *urvyemmaWoman over a year ago

wigan/bolton

Yes exactly this...loads of blokes on here will meet literally anyone..I want someone who actually finds me sexy!

(One guy told me he didn't need to see a face pic he would just meet me anyway. .lovely! )

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Yes that's what I don't understand.

If someone has messaged you there must be some inital attraction that made them do so otherwise why would they bother?

Or is more or a case that you're doing the comparing instead of them....

Yes of course it is the woman doing the comparing. Everyone has issues of some sort"

I know, I do too!

I'm only going by the OP's scenario ~ two people seemingly getting on well and then off as doubts appear because previous displayed veri's have been slimmer & younger.

All I'm saying is that wouldnt put me off if we were getting on well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes though only one in particular as he had met mostly slim young women with flat stomachs. I added him to my hot list until I saw his status looking for bareback sex and removed him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is exactly why I have a shit profile. I can't compete with the women on here. Fantastic pics and profiles. Women of all shapes sizes ages colours.

If I chat to someone and they still want to meet me after they've seen my pic then that's great. They find something about me that they like. Doesn't matter who they have met before or will meet next. All that matters is that me and that person like each other.

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

An interesting though......

I would have a gander at veris but that would be if I have not met them before....

Mainly do I fit in to demographic eg male and age....it would not be the be all and end all

For me I have only played with a few people on my veris.....and I am happy they are not overly sexual

I take each person on my own interaction with them

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"No, if someone messages me I assume they like my profile and would like to meet if we get on.

There's an awful lot of people on here with body issues I'm surprised they ever meet"

Tell me about it and they often post seeking validation from strangers: truly don't get it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No, if someone messages me I assume they like my profile and would like to meet if we get on.

There's an awful lot of people on here with body issues I'm surprised they ever meet"

Spot on. Men like women it's that simple. Variety is the spice of life and all that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/09/15 19:30:37]

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

[Removed by poster at 13/09/15 19:37:30]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/09/15 19:42:37]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will you lot make your minds up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I send one pic then make them meet me for a coffee first. Then I don't have to say anything, they can decide for themselves.

People can like many different types of people. Only they will know if they like me or not."

This

Couldn't agree more.

If only all people on Fab were this quick to meet up... I suspect there'd be a hell of a lot more action going on. Well done

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

She must feel quite insecure as I've just had a look at your veris OP and you don't really have the same 'type' of women on there at all.

I think with your charming ways you should be able to get her to reconsider

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Will you lot make your minds up

I decided I couldn't be arsed after all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You taking the piss? Unless you have excellent photo shop skills or have stolen pics. Scorching body.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off. "

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think I'd meet anyone if I read their veris.

I'm just me & if they message me wanting to meet & I'm attracted to them to, then I'll meet them. I just assume they were attracted enough to me to message in the first place."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

This is me too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is exactly why I have a shit profile. I can't compete with the women on here. Fantastic pics and profiles. Women of all shapes sizes ages colours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If a person sends me a message and in their profile they have written a specific type of woman they prefer to meet I just make sure they are fully aware that I am not a slim or petite lady. If they continue to message them I have no problem past that point.

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Yep all the time. I know I'm short have wobbly bits and low self esteem and not young or pretty. R

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are enough reasons to not meet someone. Lets not add a another unnecessary one. Chat to the individual and suss out if they are feeding you bs. You ladies are always saying you can see through it so put your skills in action. Don't dismiss someone immediately because they have met different types of women to yourself. I like curry and chilli, but i fancy a meat and tata pie somedays. Know what I mean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't really feel like I'm missing out by dismissing people on that basis though. Plenty more men I can meet for who I AM their type.

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By *apillonNoirWoman over a year ago

There...

If a man sends me a message and he has stated preferences for curvier ladies written in his profile as well as having veris from curvier ladies then I delete. I am not blessed with large boobs or an ass to decently fill a pair of hands. I cannot imagine for the life of me why he has sent the initial message beyond being a)d*unk or b)horny. Everyone has preferences and often they're apparent in a profile or published veris. Never question a rejection - it can make you go around in circles whilst going quietly mad...!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

No.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't really feel like I'm missing out by dismissing people on that basis though. Plenty more men I can meet for who I AM their type. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I totally get this. I'm exactly the same. It's not rocket science to work out someone's type and more often than not I'm mlies away from it. I'd feel very self conscious and wonder why they would ever want me.

It doesn't matter how many compliments people pay me on here. They don't change how I see myself.

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By *ynchedWoman over a year ago

Dunstable

If they've messaged me then I assume they are interested and would def meet for a coffee to see how it goes...

but....

I always worry that they'll be disappointed when they meet me in person.... My tog also managed to cover up my wobby bits in the pics!

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By *eneral HysteriaMan over a year ago

Newcastle

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

I've had a woman ask me about this type thing while we on a meet.

It was a little awkward as I don't like to discuss others due to discretion - I then got paranoid wondering if she was trying to suss me out to if I would blab about her!

It then stopped being sexy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive."

I'm sure all your veries are dead chuffed to know that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"
no I don't look at veris no need to read the notches I just go with flow ,everyone's taste is different ,has she said no she won't meet ?

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman over a year ago

B & M Bargains

I check veris to see if they have met someone before who is describing themselves as BBW or fat..

I think this comes from a couple of POF dates years back when I was thinner where the person looked me up and down in horror as if my pics hadn't already told them I was overweight.

I don't want to be a disappointment so I make sure they have met and enjoyed people of a similar size to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing wrong with your size rhia

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By *ighland_RoseCouple over a year ago

Brigadoon

I wouldn't meet someone if I suspected I wasn't the usual type he/she fancied. I could never relax and wouldn't feel sexy so there would be no point in it. I realise people don't always fancy just one type of person but I'd rather be at the top of their types list than at the bottom of it.

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

Also most women (and maybe men too for all I know) have some kind of self esteem issue so it's the norm and not something I'm going to apologise for.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't meet someone if I suspected I wasn't the usual type he/she fancied. I could never relax and wouldn't feel sexy so there would be no point in it. I realise people don't always fancy just one type of person but I'd rather be at the top of their types list than at the bottom of it.

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

Also most women (and maybe men too for all I know) have some kind of self esteem issue so it's the norm and not something I'm going to apologise for."
hey you are actually gorgeous and your figure is amazing so what amazes me because you do seem quite confident, if you fancy the man in question and he floats your boat why would you allow who had been there before to affect your interest in him the others mean nothing to you ,I personally hide my veris for this reason and show if required but I do find that a difficult one to fathom

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By *ighland_RoseCouple over a year ago

Brigadoon

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

Also most women (and maybe men too for all I know) have some kind of self esteem issue so it's the norm and not something I'm going to apologise for.hey you are actually gorgeous and your figure is amazing so what amazes me because you do seem quite confident, if you fancy the man in question and he floats your boat why would you allow who had been there before to affect your interest in him the others mean nothing to you ,I personally hide my veris for this reason and show if required but I do find that a difficult one to fathom

I'm confident in who I am as a person, maybe that's the confidence you see? As for the physical I'm aware of my shortcomings that's all, and photos don't show all!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive.

I'm sure all your veries are dead chuffed to know that

Not sure what you mean by that. I took them as individuals. Saw things in them that I liked. We clicked. Type became irrelevant. I dont see it as a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

I'm confident in who I am as a person, maybe that's the confidence you see? As for the physical I'm aware of my shortcomings that's all, and photos don't show all!

Plenty of guys like 'milfs', they get that we come with flaws and our bodies have been through stuff. Maybe they're bored of 'perfection' and want something different? Some women love guys with scars, i don't see why men are any different?

I have pics that don't hide anything, this is why when someone messages me i'm thinking they'll like me anyway, (or sometimes i can tell if i'm a fetish but not always) but if they wanna fuck ma and i want them, then i go for it. I'm here for a good time, not to start worrying about my body and that.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple over a year ago

Brigadoon

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

I'm confident in who I am as a person, maybe that's the confidence you see? As for the physical I'm aware of my shortcomings that's all, and photos don't show all!

I'm not a MILF....not unless it stands for MadCatWoman I'd Like to Fuck....hmm going to try that out on the bf

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

I'm confident in who I am as a person, maybe that's the confidence you see? As for the physical I'm aware of my shortcomings that's all, and photos don't show all!

I'm not a MILF....not unless it stands for MadCatWoman I'd Like to Fuck....hmm going to try that out on the bf

I put milf in quotes coz i know some people don't use the term and was using it loosely it coz just means older woman usually, i was supposed to be saving typing time but now had to type all this out to explain so next time i am not gonna try to save time. I should have learned by now never to cut corners as it usually means taking longer to do something.

Cat woman sounds good though. I missed the blackpool comic con, it was really bad i heard so not that bothered anyway.

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

Exactly my point.

I think intimidated is perhaps the wrong word in the op. More put off."

'intimidated' is the word that the lady in question chose to use in her message to me....hence why I used it here

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Yes that's what I don't understand.

If someone has messaged you there must be some inital attraction that made them do so otherwise why would they bother?

Or is more or a case that you're doing the comparing instead of them....

Yes of course it is the woman doing the comparing. Everyone has issues of some sort

I know, I do too!

I'm only going by the OP's scenario ~ two people seemingly getting on well and then off as doubts appear because previous displayed veri's have been slimmer & younger.

All I'm saying is that wouldnt put me off if we were getting on well.

That's good to know CL

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"She must feel quite insecure as I've just had a look at your veris OP and you don't really have the same 'type' of women on there at all.

I think with your charming ways you should be able to get her to reconsider

Aww, you sweetie

...anyway, how do you know about my charming ways?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And for those that think oh no not another needy woman with low self esteem that just wants strangers to tell her she's gorgeous, you're wrong, I'm just giving my opinion.

I'm confident in who I am as a person, maybe that's the confidence you see? As for the physical I'm aware of my shortcomings that's all, and photos don't show all!

I'm not saying I wouldn't meet someone who had met one stunning example of womanhood but rather someone who's profile showed that's the only type of person they favour. I just haven't the confidence to compete in that league. Put me in my own league of undersized, overweight, middled aged, mad cat women and I'll wipe the floor with the competition!"
hey beautiful think you just need someone genuine like me to keep telling you how sexy and desirable you are ,I actually think its why a lot of women get addicted to this site

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"She must feel quite insecure as I've just had a look at your veris OP and you don't really have the same 'type' of women on there at all.

I think with your charming ways you should be able to get her to reconsider"

I was thinking the same! Varied ages and body types

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Exactly my point.

I think intimidated is perhaps the wrong word in the op. More put off.

'intimidated' is the word that the lady in question chose to use in her message to me....hence why I used it here"

I was referring to the way I feel. I wouldn't be intimidated by your verifications. I'm not saying others wouldn't be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive.

I'm sure all your veries are dead chuffed to know that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm often intimidated by some of the people on here!

There are some beautiful people who I wouldn't have a chance with in real life!

I always read veris and compare myself to their other meets - I would like to be confident enough not to care but I'm not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive.

I'm sure all your veries are dead chuffed to know that

"
hey scarlet do you just think men especially men on fab " any hole is their goal "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm often intimidated by some of the people on here!

There are some beautiful people who I wouldn't have a chance with in real life!

I always read veris and compare myself to their other meets - I would like to be confident enough not to care but I'm not

"
Awwww hey Mary you come across as dead confident too see its like ive always said you can message all you like and verify all you like but theirs no substitute for meeting in the flesh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel intimidated by people on here all the time. Varying reasons for those feelings too, not all down to me either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't ever feel intimidated , I see no point to. I'm happy and confident with my body

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do, but for the opposite reasons

I like your style foxy..

So just out of interest why is ok to be put off by past meets if they are mingers but not if they are good looking

Because you're not allowed to admit to any self esteem issues without being written off as needy, fishing for compliments or pathetic. Fab rules, innit

Some men have a definite "type" and that comes across in their veris. If I'm not of the same "type" then I will be put off.

Said this on another thread. None of my veris are my usual type. I have thrown type out the window. Its too restrictive.

I'm sure all your veries are dead chuffed to know that

hey scarlet do you just think men especially men on fab " any hole is their goal "

No.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

Yeah definitely,probably the main reason I don't end up meeting men im chatting to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Exactly this. I feel a bit blah about my body at the moment and I can't bear to put myself through any comparisons which is why I'm not meeting!

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By *ummersun99Woman over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Insecure people aren't needy, and confident people aren't smug, but both are just fine here and unlikely to be missing out with people who aren't what they are looking for anyway (for what ever reason), IMO

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!? "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

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By *ummersun99Woman over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

Exactly my point.

I think intimidated is perhaps the wrong word in the op. More put off.

'intimidated' is the word that the lady in question chose to use in her message to me....hence why I used it here

I was referring to the way I feel. I wouldn't be intimidated by your verifications. I'm not saying others wouldn't be."

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"I don't ever feel intimidated , I see no point to. I'm happy and confident with my body

Good on you!! You go girl!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

This was my original point. I don't care what someone thinks of my reasoning - if I'm not going to be relaxed and enjoying myself then I just won't meet that person, I'll meet someone else instead who I WILL feel relaxed with and enjoy myself! "
so what makes you feel relaxed about a guy lots and lots of text messages ,lots of veris from other women or maybe speaking on the telephone or meeting in person in a public place for a social ,I always feel relaxed in any scenario not because I'm the best looking I'm not but because that is me

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By *olarfox OP Man over a year ago

North Cambs

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Hot damn, with your amazing curves I would bloody well hope that you would feel relaxed with me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

It's true what you both said though. Just realised by trying to convince people to be more confident we're just invalidating how they feel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

It's true what you both said though. Just realised by trying to convince people to be more confident we're just invalidating how they feel."

Valid points made.

I wonder AB if as a society we're encouraged not to endorse something that could be viewed as a negative ~ always having to put a postive spin on feelings not allowing people just to be themsleves......

I probably haven't worded that quite right but I know what I mean!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I (miss) look at other peoples veris to see the calibre of people they meet. I used to do it for the reason that if I felt she was "too good looking" or had a much better body than me then I wouldn't feel confident enough taking my clothes off as would feel I was been compared to her.

However as I've improved my body and are now a lot more happier and confident with it I no longer do this. Slightly different but recently speaking to and had a social meet with a very good looking couple who previously I would have said "nooo I can't compete with that" but now I'm just excited to play.

The photos of me on our profile I like to make sure they truly depict me (stretch marks and all) so that the people who are messaging and want to meet know about my 'flaws' so there's no surprises once the clothes come off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

It's true what you both said though. Just realised by trying to convince people to be more confident we're just invalidating how they feel.

Valid points made.

I probably haven't worded that quite right but I know what I mean!"
I think we as people who care about others should always encourage people who have negative feelings about themselves ,they have probably had a lifetime of negativity thrust on them let's send them positive vibes absolutely no harm in trying anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

It's true what you both said though. Just realised by trying to convince people to be more confident we're just invalidating how they feel.

Valid points made.

I probably haven't worded that quite right but I know what I mean!"

Good point.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I (miss) look at other peoples veris to see the calibre of people they meet. I used to do it for the reason that if I felt she was "too good looking" or had a much better body than me then I wouldn't feel confident enough taking my clothes off as would feel I was been compared to her.

Xx"
your body is great nothing wrong with it ,sexy is in the mind and that comes across irrespective of the way the body looks veris shouldn't make any difference their opinions or look are specific to them not the experience you may have

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

Don't apologise, you said it far better than me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if that was going to be a reason to not meet up with someone it would have been right at the beginning of the chat - not later on getting nervy and cold feet as it got nearer to the time - which is what has happened here -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!?

Oops sorry for repeating what's been said!

Lots of things turn me on and off someone, but fab doesn't change my self esteem and confidence levels, up or down... And I enjoy myself within those paradigms

It's true what you both said though. Just realised by trying to convince people to be more confident we're just invalidating how they feel.

Valid points made.

I probably haven't worded that quite right but I know what I mean!"

I know what you mean, you worded it ok for me and others have the same opinion. Depression, miscarriages (keeping pregnancy a secret until it's more viable), is hidden in society and things like that because they're negative, even films have to have a happy ending every single time...we don't really know how to handle negative stuff and sometimes try to help, when really all we probably should do is listen.

Nobody with a poor self image asked anyone to help them but some of us shoved our thoughts into their faces anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is the same as a guy saying to a woman he won't meet her because the guys she was with before had a bigger cock. Makes no sense.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone with self esteem issues isn't going to change because some think they should...just like some people are going to try sex with people outwith their usual type if it's available to them.

Who would have fun on a meet where they are intimidated, what ever caused it.. Or is the lady not meant to feel what she actually feels?!? "

This is true

I think a lot of people think that because your not confident in your looks you will be a boring meet, crying in your coffee and talking down on yourself all the time

That certainly isn't true with me, I'm a very out going person, talk to anybody and happy with my life, I'm just realistic and I know I'm nothing great to look and and also know I'm not what 90% of the guys are looking for

When I meet people I don't even talk about myself in that way as I know its not what people want to hear, I suppose on here I'm just more open to talking about it when the topic comes up because its just a forum subject, its not something I disguss in real life though

We all have our feelings and reasons behind those feelings, its what makes us us, I've never had a problem when meeting people but like its already been said you need to meet who you feel comfortable with

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

For all the ladies who decline meets because they think they're not good enough, two points (in case they haven't been made)

1. I can't be the only man on here that revels in the variety of body / face / hair types that I can meet on here.

2. Maybe you're more their type than that other woman was?

Don't filter us out on our behalf - give us credit for the ability to make our own choices.

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By *ery curious maleMan over a year ago

Bishop Auckland

"Yup. Regularly. I don't want to put myself through that sort of negative comparison so I just won't go there. "

Just looked at your pics and you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Fabulous figure x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope not me, I've been swinging a while to know some guys like the person aswell as attraction which may include different body types, I'm a big gal and don't hide it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be worried when I saw the veris of the lovely guys who contacted me. The ladies they met looked gorgeous on their pics and I felt old and inadequate!

Now I've been swinging for around 18 months, I've seen many of these 'gorgeous ' women in real life - and I'm no longer worried!

I find sadly that there's often a huge difference between how people look/come across on their profiles and what you actually get when you meet them!

So ladies and gents - never be worried about competing with these 'amazing' people - most of them are no more amazing than you or I!

And if people didn't like the look/sound of you - then they wouldn't message/reply - would they??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is the same as a guy saying to a woman he won't meet her because the guys she was with before had a bigger cock. Makes no sense. "

It's never going to make sense to those of you that don't feel that way. Feelings often don't make sense. It's not something we have control over.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well if a lady is intimidated by how others look then she has a confidence problem ..

If your not happy with yourselfthen do something about it ..

These people that intimidate u work bloody hard to look that good and u can do the same ..

To me your all beautiful as variety is the spice of life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For all the ladies who decline meets because they think they're not good enough, two points (in case they haven't been made)

1. I can't be the only man on here that revels in the variety of body / face / hair types that I can meet on here.

2. Maybe you're more their type than that other woman was?

Don't filter us out on our behalf - give us credit for the ability to make our own choices. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well if a lady is intimidated by how others look then she has a confidence problem ..

If your not happy with yourselfthen do something about it ..

These people that intimidate u work bloody hard to look that good and u can do the same ..

To me your all beautiful as variety is the spice of life"

Are you assuming that all people worry about is their body?

Some things you can't do anything about

Like age, facial looks etc

People feel intimidated for many reasons and its not just their weight

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

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By *irceWoman over a year ago

Gloucester

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

Well I understand and it's best just to go for it as you never know it may be great, but us humans are complicated

Meeting guys in there 20s took a lot of thought and the pressure of not being good enougth can be all in the mind, not everyone will like you and tis best to bounce back from bad meets, for the good ones are memorable

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i got told my veris were daunting and they were the social ones

i dont compare myself to anyone in any way shape of form, but then ive taken the time, to like myself, as i am x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

For me?

Honest answer?

Years of being told I was fat and ugly

Not a sob story here so no

please I'm just answering a question

I wasn't even allowed to walk round the house in anything other than fully clothed, I remember one day walking out the bathroom with a towel on to my bedroom and he saw me and told me to get dressed as I made him feel sick, I had comments like that daily

You know some days I look at myself and think....actually your not that bad, then I remember comments he used to make and think, actually who are you kidding you are

I suppose I look back and think if that's how my husband saw me, you know that guy who was supposed to love me, how am I supposed to expect anyone to see me any different

I'm a very confident person in many ways, I'm day to day life I'm fine, I bought 3 kids up practically alone they have turned out great, work wise I'm doing good, I know I'm good at my job, I get on with people and I never compair myself to anybody really but when I'm put in a situation where my looks are an issue then yes my past comes back and my insicuraries come out

I wish I could think he was a wanker and I'm as good as everybody else but I can't

*and breath*

OK maybe one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have to answer yes! I like to check veris to see if I'm punching above my weight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well if a lady is intimidated by how others look then she has a confidence problem ..

If your not happy with yourselfthen do something about it ..

These people that intimidate u work bloody hard to look that good and u can do the same ..

To me your all beautiful as variety is the spice of life"

Why do you assume it's feeling like a fat bastard? ("Work hard" and you too can be slim!) I can't do anything about my height or my skin, I'm not going to go blonde, or get loads of tattoos and piercings, or age/get younger to suit.

I don't have a confidence problem, I look at plenty of other people and think I'm far better looking than them. But if I'm going to feel like I'd be compared unfavourably then bugger that, I'll just meet someone else and enjoy myself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

For me?

Honest answer?

Years of being told I was fat and ugly

Not a sob story here so no

please I'm just answering a question

You know some days I look at myself and think....actually your not that bad, then I remember comments he used to make and think, actually who are you kidding you are

I suppose I look back and think if that's how my husband saw me, you know that guy who was supposed to love me, how am I supposed to expect anyone to see me any different

I wish I could think he was a wanker and I'm as good as everybody else but I can't

*and breath*

OK maybe one

i feel you could choose to learn to be cherished, xx its a tough challenge but youve done harder things in you life, including not pulverizing to a pulp, the person that did this to you, you need to get to this state mentally with him and take back your power, and every time you hear that voice visualize him in a cage, locked up, over there somewhere, it takes the voice, outside of yourself and stops you thinking it, in your own voice xx

women are beautiful (so are men btw)

nurture yourselves till you are peaceful, no good scolding your thoughts, it doesnt help xx

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

I think it's daft being put off by what you think the veris tell you about who you're meeting... Until you've met the person and experienced them for yourself you may find the whole thing a very pleasant surprise... I've been delighted and surprised by the ladies I've met through fab ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's daft being put off by what you think the veris tell you about who you're meeting... Until you've met the person and experienced them for yourself you may find the whole thing a very pleasant surprise... I've been delighted and surprised by the ladies I've met through fab ..

No more daft than letting anything else put you off meeting someone. We all gather information about a person and make a judgement about whether we want to meet them. it's part of building up a picture of a person. Not sure why it should be seen as daft.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

I do it in everyday life too. And I compare myself favourably as well as unfavourably. I don't know what makes me do it, I always have. I think this makes me fairly normal tbh, everyone has a vague idea of how they fit into the spectrum of what's considered beautiful. "
so would you say you where led by what society in general sees as beautiful, I'm genuinely interested as I see things differently

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always check previous veris, if theyre slim chances are I drift of messaging eventually. I know its stupid and I know if the person messaging didnt like my pics they wouldnt have got in touch in the first place but I guess we can be our own worst enemies at times. I think anyone whos ever had confidence issues can easily become a slave to comparing themselves to others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

I do it in everyday life too. And I compare myself favourably as well as unfavourably. I don't know what makes me do it, I always have. I think this makes me fairly normal tbh, everyone has a vague idea of how they fit into the spectrum of what's considered beautiful. so would you say you where led by what society in general sees as beautiful, I'm genuinely interested as I see things differently"

Yeah, probably. I've had it ingrained in me for too many years to be able to honestly say I'm independent from the images presented to us from an early age. Things like small/petite equals feminine.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

I do it in everyday life too. And I compare myself favourably as well as unfavourably. I don't know what makes me do it, I always have. I think this makes me fairly normal tbh, everyone has a vague idea of how they fit into the spectrum of what's considered beautiful. so would you say you where led by what society in general sees as beautiful, I'm genuinely interested as I see things differently

Yeah, probably. I've had it ingrained in me for too many years to be able to honestly say I'm independent from the images presented to us from an early age. Things like small/petite equals feminine. "
I guess I can see where your coming from but where all presented with the same images I guess its just in our makeup whether it has a negative impact on us or not.

How I see it is, I've always been grossly overweight, I've always been average looking it I've always tried to make the most of myself and for me I've been happy with that.

Now if I was the sort of person that was bothered, I'd be more bothered about these threads on here that really praise big women/bbws and some of the negativity, now I'm never going to be slim but I'm not that big anymore and all the media hype about big women and yes they should be proud of who they are but some things I read on here and in the media could make you feel as though it's a negative thing not to be big

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?"

I'm not intimidated by any of my meets' previous veris...I take it that after I've built up a rapport and shared my private pics with a guy - and he still wants to meet - that he finds me attractive.

Presumably she had read your verifications before you started chatting and knew what she was comparing herself to at the outset?

I too have seen some of the local single females in the real world and honestly they wouldn't get a second glance outside of Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"yes ive turned down a few men because of this

Me too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been getting on great with a woman in her mid forties on here and was hoping we might meet up...I think she is sexy as hell!

She has just messaged to say that she's decided that because I have a number of veris from younger/slimmer women, she feels se would be a bit intimidated and too selfconscious for us to meet up.

Does the type of people someone has met before ever intimidate you or make you worry that you won't meet the grade (for want of a better expression)?

I'm not intimidated by any of my meets' previous veris...I take it that after I've built up a rapport and shared my private pics with a guy - and he still wants to meet - that he finds me attractive.

Presumably she had read your verifications before you started chatting and knew what she was comparing herself to at the outset?

I too have seen some of the local single females in the real world and honestly they wouldn't get a second glance outside of Fab

Don't put yourself down. Some people are beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hands up, guilty as charged.

I have to say that I get lots and lots of offers of various meets, (like all women on here), but I turn down guys who sometimes have met younger slimmer women. It is a case of my insecurity and I need to believe they do really really want to meet me.

Hmmmm maybe I have just been way to honest lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A question to the less confident, what is it that makes you compare yourself to other women? Is it just on here, or do you do it in everyday life as well.

I do it in everyday life too. And I compare myself favourably as well as unfavourably. I don't know what makes me do it, I always have. I think this makes me fairly normal tbh, everyone has a vague idea of how they fit into the spectrum of what's considered beautiful. so would you say you where led by what society in general sees as beautiful, I'm genuinely interested as I see things differently

Yeah, probably. I've had it ingrained in me for too many years to be able to honestly say I'm independent from the images presented to us from an early age. Things like small/petite equals feminine. I guess I can see where your coming from but where all presented with the same images I guess its just in our makeup whether it has a negative impact on us or not.

How I see it is, I've always been grossly overweight, I've always been average looking it I've always tried to make the most of myself and for me I've been happy with that.

I'd like to point out this isn't just a fat thing! When I say small/petite is more feminine what I actually mean is small, not thin. I have big hands, big feet, literally big bones (not in the excusing my weight sense but actually big). I'm a big person. We're told from childhood little girls are supposed to be little and pretty and dainty and petite who grow up into elegant women, not clunking great heffers who take up more space in the world than half the men on here.

Re media hype around big women, yes there's been more of late. But if you ever wanted to redress the balance you could just stop looking for it and every advert on TV, every soap, most health related news stories, every magazine, every cartoon, every mannequin, everything that's not specifically aimed at a plus-sized audience will remind you that slim is the ideal.

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