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Feelings of Guilt
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I recently had the opportunity to meet a truly wonderful women and spontaneously, we hit it off and ended up in bed pretty quickly - we met again a few days later and again it was awesome sex as she ticks most of my boxes in and out of bed lol - however she as become very withdrawn and upset and is now feeling guilty over what we have done
We are both married, we both open and honest with each other - her hubby is an arse by all accounts and is always putting her down in front of her friends
So my questions to you are this
Is it wrong of me to encourage her to have fun when she wants ? (not necessarily with me all the time)
Should I back off her and let her carry on as she was ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she is struggling to say no, then you should help her by backing off.
If it's just that kind of "oh I really shouldn't but I still will" guilt, then you're kind of insignificant. She will with or without you. |
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Oh this is sad to read but the problem is, you may have had plenty of affairs in the past(sorry I don't know if you have!) but for her this may have been her first time and felt this was an escape and then the realisation of returning to her home life and seeing what she has and what she put at risk has suddenly hit her hard. Give her time. Only she will know what she feels she wants. Can't say I condone with cheating BUT nevertheless it's a lifestyle and i would never judge you guys upon that, best of luck to you spud.
Rach xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh this is sad to read but the problem is, you may have had plenty of affairs in the past(sorry I don't know if you have!) but for her this may have been her first time and felt this was an escape and then the realisation of returning to her home life and seeing what she has and what she put at risk has suddenly hit her hard. Give her time. Only she will know what she feels she wants. Can't say I condone with cheating BUT nevertheless it's a lifestyle and i would never judge you guys upon that, best of luck to you spud.
Rach xxxx"
Well said Rach...but a cheat will cheat whateve....if hes married |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she is struggling to say no, then you should help her by backing off.
If it's just that kind of "oh I really shouldn't but I still will" guilt, then you're kind of insignificant. She will with or without you. "
Thanks - I think (but don't know for cert) if she wanted to she would carry on meeting others (I am not the first0 - but its because I actually in this instance we tick each others boxes sexually in so many ways - time will tell im sure |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh this is sad to read but the problem is, you may have had plenty of affairs in the past(sorry I don't know if you have!) but for her this may have been her first time and felt this was an escape and then the realisation of returning to her home life and seeing what she has and what she put at risk has suddenly hit her hard. Give her time. Only she will know what she feels she wants. Can't say I condone with cheating BUT nevertheless it's a lifestyle and i would never judge you guys upon that, best of luck to you spud.
Rach xxxx"
 see my other reply above - re this is not her first and what is driving me to want to encourage her more |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My first question would be...does your wife know
No - but that's not the question
Then do you feel guilty with what your doing to your wife "
Again that's not the question is it - we are all drawn to this lifestyle by different things going on in our lives - my storey is not uncommon to the vast majority of men and some women on here - is it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My first question would be...does your wife know
No - but that's not the question
Then do you feel guilty with what your doing to your wife "
Ps: in regards to your reply via Rach " a cheat will always cheat" your 100% right and you never met my wife have you, so you assumed that I cheated on her ? |
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If you're not her first then she's clearly playing a game. I know nothing about the woman and can't judge as would horribly wrong of me to... However if she's done this before then she knows the feelings she was expected to feel like guilt. My only other guess is maybe she's stepping away as if like you saw you both click so well, maybe she's fearful of this turning into aomething deeper?? The the reality of falling in love with another man and the logistics of what she will have to do start kicking in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're not her first then she's clearly playing a game. I know nothing about the woman and can't judge as would horribly wrong of me to... However if she's done this before then she knows the feelings she was expected to feel like guilt. My only other guess is maybe she's stepping away as if like you saw you both click so well, maybe she's fearful of this turning into aomething deeper?? The the reality of falling in love with another man and the logistics of what she will have to do start kicking in. "
I have to admit that had crossed my mind as the chemistry between us was instant - whatever happens I certainly think I made a new friend and soul mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My first question would be...does your wife know
No - but that's not the question
Then do you feel guilty with what your doing to your wife
Ps: in regards to your reply via Rach " a cheat will always cheat" your 100% right and you never met my wife have you, so you assumed that I cheated on her ? "
No i never assumed at all...it takes allthings to make people cheat..but some are just serial cheaters...and i'll bet all my wages you clicked when you first met your wife as well..if you know what i mean |
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"I recently had the opportunity to meet a truly wonderful women and spontaneously, we hit it off and ended up in bed pretty quickly - we met again a few days later and again it was awesome sex as she ticks most of my boxes in and out of bed lol - however she as become very withdrawn and upset and is now feeling guilty over what we have done
We are both married, we both open and honest with each other - her hubby is an arse by all accounts and is always putting her down in front of her friends
So my questions to you are this
Is it wrong of me to encourage her to have fun when she wants ? (not necessarily with me all the time)
Should I back off her and let her carry on as she was ?
"
Do you feel there might be more to this than just sex on her part and that's what's triggering her guilt feelings? I think you should leave her marital problems to one side as they're playing into your desire to protect her and consider what would be best for her long term. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP do you really want the baggage of someone that feels guilty (/ whatever terms she uses for her feelings)?
Up to you what you do. Only you know if it's worth the hassle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would never encourage anyone to cheat.
I would encourage them to either think about repairing their relationship or ending it.
Hes married himslf 
What's that got to do with anything?
"
Nothing lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I recently had the opportunity to meet a truly wonderful women and spontaneously, we hit it off and ended up in bed pretty quickly - we met again a few days later and again it was awesome sex as she ticks most of my boxes in and out of bed lol - however she as become very withdrawn and upset and is now feeling guilty over what we have done
We are both married, we both open and honest with each other - her hubby is an arse by all accounts and is always putting her down in front of her friends
So my questions to you are this
Is it wrong of me to encourage her to have fun when she wants ? (not necessarily with me all the time)
Should I back off her and let her carry on as she was ?
Do you feel there might be more to this than just sex on her part and that's what's triggering her guilt feelings? I think you should leave her marital problems to one side as they're playing into your desire to protect her and consider what would be best for her long term."
well said and I bare that in mind ty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I recently had the opportunity to meet a truly wonderful women and spontaneously, we hit it off and ended up in bed pretty quickly - we met again a few days later and again it was awesome sex as she ticks most of my boxes in and out of bed lol - however she as become very withdrawn and upset and is now feeling guilty over what we have done
We are both married, we both open and honest with each other - her hubby is an arse by all accounts and is always putting her down in front of her friends
So my questions to you are this
Is it wrong of me to encourage her to have fun when she wants ? (not necessarily with me all the time)
Should I back off her and let her carry on as she was ?
Do you feel there might be more to this than just sex on her part and that's what's triggering her guilt feelings? I think you should leave her marital problems to one side as they're playing into your desire to protect her and consider what would be best for her long term.
well said and I bare that in mind ty "
shes playing you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally I'd back off and let her sort things out herself
I wouldn't advise you to encourage her to do anything she's not sure about "
Thanks - I have been here on scene for near on over 10 years with wife and as a single, and have been caught out by the love bug twice, the last time (early 2015) ended up in me being stalked by her - but we are friends now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Leane - you might be right I am a sucker for that -
in regards to my marital status which one here seems hell bent on mentioning lots - I repeat you know NOTHING about me and my life nor my wife nor her own swinging exploits, so i'd leave things be ok  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Leane - you might be right I am a sucker for that -
in regards to my marital status which one here seems hell bent on mentioning lots - I repeat you know NOTHING about me and my life nor my wife nor her own swinging exploits, so i'd leave things be ok "
honestly, if its not her first time and shes doing it with others, theres f all wrong with her. I would say its SELECTIVE guilt, walk away before you end up getting hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It does sound a little like she is playing games with you but it might be genuine as you said you both hit it off and they was a connection so maybe she might be worried she could develop feeling for you so she is backing off.
Its all theory here though you really need to have a conversation with the lady concerned. GL |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Leane - you might be right I am a sucker for that -
in regards to my marital status which one here seems hell bent on mentioning lots - I repeat you know NOTHING about me and my life nor my wife nor her own swinging exploits, so i'd leave things be ok
honestly, if its not her first time and shes doing it with others, theres f all wrong with her. I would say its SELECTIVE guilt, walk away before you end up getting hurt. "
I think I be ok as just a coffee buddy as she does know some of my other friends and I am bound to bump into her sometime im sure - but yours and other warnings headed thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It does sound a little like she is playing games with you but it might be genuine as you said you both hit it off and they was a connection so maybe she might be worried she could develop feeling for you so she is backing off.
Its all theory here though you really need to have a conversation with the lady concerned. GL"
Thank you for that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Leane - you might be right I am a sucker for that -
in regards to my marital status which one here seems hell bent on mentioning lots - I repeat you know NOTHING about me and my life nor my wife nor her own swinging exploits, so i'd leave things be ok
honestly, if its not her first time and shes doing it with others, theres f all wrong with her. I would say its SELECTIVE guilt, walk away before you end up getting hurt.
I think I be ok as just a coffee buddy as she does know some of my other friends and I am bound to bump into her sometime im sure - but yours and other warnings headed thanks "
some women can be just as bad as some men. its supposed to be about fun not mind games, shes playing a game, probably telling other guys the same thing. save yourself for someone that wants good old fashioned fun. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She's backing off you should too great sex and being in the same situation as each other is no excuse to hound her if she's no longer interested"
Hi huni, long time no chat lol .... your right and whilst in my defence I was not hounding her, I was more hooked up in the whole "chemistry thing" and the shared likes/dislikes sexually, as for rest, I think some comments here today lead me to think she is playing me - but hey ho I am thick skinned lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really don't understand why people stay in unhappy relationships
After doing the same for years, sake of the kids, easier, fear, money whatever....so much happier with all the hurdles I faced as a single parent, than in an unhappy relationship
Cheating is just such a turn off....i feel sorry for the other half... Even if they are an arse!! Doesn't warrant cheating.
I know its not the answer to your question but just touches a nerve |
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"She's backing off you should too great sex and being in the same situation as each other is no excuse to hound her if she's no longer interested
Hi huni, long time no chat lol .... your right and whilst in my defence I was not hounding her, I was more hooked up in the whole "chemistry thing" and the shared likes/dislikes sexually, as for rest, I think some comments here today lead me to think she is playing me - but hey ho I am thick skinned lol "
Well sorry but you know me I'm straight talking! and it sounded a bit like hounding to me in your OP and from further comments made it does sound like your better off without her out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She's backing off you should too great sex and being in the same situation as each other is no excuse to hound her if she's no longer interested
Hi huni, long time no chat lol .... your right and whilst in my defence I was not hounding her, I was more hooked up in the whole "chemistry thing" and the shared likes/dislikes sexually, as for rest, I think some comments here today lead me to think she is playing me - but hey ho I am thick skinned lol
Well sorry but you know me I'm straight talking! and it sounded a bit like hounding to me in your OP and from further comments made it does sound like your better off without her out "
Thank you huni - I trust your judgment and appreciate your comments xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I really don't understand why people stay in unhappy relationships
After doing the same for years, sake of the kids, easier, fear, money whatever....so much happier with all the hurdles I faced as a single parent, than in an unhappy relationship
Cheating is just such a turn off....i feel sorry for the other half... Even if they are an arse!! Doesn't warrant cheating.
I know its not the answer to your question but just touches a nerve"
so as a "swinging " couple who also play separately alone (and did do for years) where does that put me and my wife then ? |
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We have a 3some regular with another woman her husband is a complete tosser pulls her down she needed a shoulder to cry on and one thing led to another was just the 2 of us at first and after a few time,s Paul would join in never feel guilty in front of her husband when we see hin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really don't understand why people stay in unhappy relationships
After doing the same for years, sake of the kids, easier, fear, money whatever....so much happier with all the hurdles I faced as a single parent, than in an unhappy relationship
Cheating is just such a turn off....i feel sorry for the other half... Even if they are an arse!! Doesn't warrant cheating.
I know its not the answer to your question but just touches a nerve
so as a "swinging " couple who also play separately alone (and did do for years) where does that put me and my wife then ?"
Swinging couple who also play separately....erm if you both agree and its all out in the open, what's the problem???
It's the lies and the sneaking about that ultimately fucks up everything |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"I really don't understand why people stay in unhappy relationships
After doing the same for years, sake of the kids, easier, fear, money whatever....so much happier with all the hurdles I faced as a single parent, than in an unhappy relationship
Cheating is just such a turn off....i feel sorry for the other half... Even if they are an arse!! Doesn't warrant cheating.
I know its not the answer to your question but just touches a nerve
so as a "swinging " couple who also play separately alone (and did do for years) where does that put me and my wife then ?"
The post you quoted was about people in "unhappy relationships" so I guess if you are unhappy it relates to you, if you are happy, then it doesn't relate to you.
OP you have said that you have fallen into the love trap before, and dont want to again, but from your posts it sounds like you have perhaps fallen for her? If thats the case, I would give it some space if I were you. Think about your own emotional health before hers. If you are just swinging separately from your wife, and she is cheating on her husband, then you are in 2 different places. I would say it is considerably more complicated and complex for her than it is for you. Let her decide what is best for her, you are too close to objectively help her to decide that.
But I'm just a stranger on a forum so don't take my advice too seriously  i hope it works itself out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op in my very recent experience I'd say if she is feeling guilty then maybe she isn't sure about her feelings regarding her marriage n maybe friendship n support may be better for now.
I left my ex six weeks ago after playing away and I never felt any guilt so I new it was over. Now I'm as happy as a bear with a honey pot  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she's not "playing" you then she proberbly needs a friend rather than a fuck.
If she's "playing" you... Well... Why would you fuck someone who treats you that way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cheated when married and I had the guilt. Initially it was a thrill and escapism. Then guilt set in. At the time I was pretty unhappy in my marriage. The man I cheated with was also married. He backed off but I missed him and went back for more and soon a lot of my guilt went -my need to feel something that made me feel good (even if just temporary) was greater.
People stray for many reasons and it's not always as black and white as it looks to the outside eye.
This shouldn't be a place where anyone is judged. |
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best wishes and i hope everything turns out as good for you 