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why be a sub ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

Power dynamics withing sexual relationships is something that some people like to play with. Some are Dom, some are Sub and some are Switch so in some circumstances they are Dom and in other circumstances they are Sub.

The Dom/Sub relationship is not only within swinging, its more like two overlapping circles. The over lap being Doms and Subs who also happeb to swing. Within swinging you would ask the person you want to play with to play. Within a Dom/Sub relationship you would ask the Dom.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sex is complicated. I wonder whether men taking part in a GB would think of themselves as Dom or Sub. They could be sub as they are servicing a woman. Could be Dom as they are fucking her. But whos controlling who. I dont know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sex is complicated. I wonder whether men taking part in a GB would think of themselves as Dom or Sub. They could be sub as they are servicing a woman. Could be Dom as they are fucking her. But whos controlling who. I dont know"

A sub lends control.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority."

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why be into gang bangs, bi, straight, want to share a partner etc etc.... And that is why some people are sub or Dom. for some it is just role play, for others an intricate part of their personality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Tbh I find GB can be weird too. I was at a party, only reason I went was the organisers wife. She was giving a guy a bj then turned to me. She had to ask her husband if she could go to the bedroom and fuck me. He agreed. Before I knew it a queue had formed by the bed to fuck her. I felt uneasy about it. I left soon afterm

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tbh I find GB can be weird too. I was at a party, only reason I went was the organisers wife. She was giving a guy a bj then turned to me. She had to ask her husband if she could go to the bedroom and fuck me. He agreed. Before I knew it a queue had formed by the bed to fuck her. I felt uneasy about it. I left soon afterm"

I will always look to my partner for his approval and in fact in gang bangs I'm happy to let him say yay or nay to guys... I know he would only choose guys id like.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub "

Do you like GB then. Are you sub in yours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub "

Very true... Some of us just enjoy it for what it is x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub

Very true... Some of us just enjoy it for what it is x

Good to hear

maybe sex is less complicated than I thought.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Not everyone or everything done in swinging has a Dom/sub dynamic to it. The lines have somewhat blurred between the details scene and the swinging scene. You can swing and enjoy casual sex with multiple partners without being a Dom or a sub and equally you can enjoy the Dom/sub thing without having casual sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Im not sure swinging is straightforward. There seems to be couples commenting about my posts - a lot not very friendly - and I wonder if its the man or woman(en) commenting due to this sub master dynamic. I know there are all sorts of people that are swingers but who is in charge in a sex based lifestyle. After all swingers life, to a larger extent than many, revolves around physical attraction and sex.

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By *eepster69Man over a year ago

Dumfries

I think your getting a sexual fetish confused with abuse OP. I'd say the majority of couples do the sub/dom thing as one or both parties get off on it.

If you asked a group of women do they have sexual fantasies that involve submitting to their male partner, You would find a high proportion do. Hence the success of 50 shades.

For me the sub/dom thing can be fun for a change, but it isn't my favourite sexual fantasy. But I have had girlfriends who very much got off on it and I was happy to oblige.

Most if not all sub/dom dynamics you meet in clubs will have set out their 'rules' before they go into the club and will often have code words if one party feels uneasy.

It does seem you are in fact uneasy about it, which is fine, but please don't feel the need to judge anybody elses lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't"

But if people don't ask questions how can they learn? There's lots of things I don't understand but from reading forums it's changed my opinion and some things I find really horny now where I didn't before. Asking questions isn't always a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think your getting a sexual fetish confused with abuse OP. I'd say the majority of couples do the sub/dom thing as one or both parties get off on it.

If you asked a group of women do they have sexual fantasies that involve submitting to their male partner, You would find a high proportion do. Hence the success of 50 shades.

For me the sub/dom thing can be fun for a change, but it isn't my favourite sexual fantasy. But I have had girlfriends who very much got off on it and I was happy to oblige.

Most if not all sub/dom dynamics you meet in clubs will have set out their 'rules' before they go into the club and will often have code words if one party feels uneasy.

It does seem you are in fact uneasy about it, which is fine, but please don't feel the need to judge anybody elses lifestyle.

Who's judging. Im just asking a question.??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP...you don't "be" a sub...like it is a choice thing...you just "are" sub...or not...if you try to "be" a sub or a dom then it won't work...I could never "be" dom as it would be acting out something I just am not naturally...so would never be convincing...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

. and I dont get the master and sub female attraction. Is this swinging or something swingers do. It is a bit weird for someone new to swinging when a woman asks for permission to fuck or is told to. BTW Ive met people on another site names after a Greek goddes."
hi you're either into it or your not its a fantasy thing on the part of the couple concerned like role play I guess it doesn't really appeal to me either but I do find I tend to lead in sexual situations but its not a must for me to

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I don't get gang bangs or bukkake. I know others love them. I wouldn't see the point asking others why they did anything I wasn't comfortable with, no one has to justify themselves to me, so I get where 2Wheels is coming from.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP...you don't "be" a sub...like it is a choice thing...you just "are" sub...or not...if you try to "be" a sub or a dom then it won't work...I could never "be" dom as it would be acting out something I just am not naturally...so would never be convincing..."

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom."

Which is my point exactly!!

I have a strong personality outside of my sex life...but deep down I am sub...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Which is my point exactly!!

I have a strong personality outside of my sex life...but deep down I am sub..."

As I stated "not strictly true"! I could be a Domme but choose not to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom."

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are a Dom/sub couple but I would never refer to myself as a Dom or a master.

For us it was about two people who had always known they had the role in them, we met and it was a part of our sex life we instantly settled into.

It's not for everyone to like or even for everyone to understand but for us it works and is a big part of who we are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Due to inexperience I kinda like being told what to do and would prob try almost anything.

I just like being bossed

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Due to inexperience I kinda like being told what to do and would prob try almost anything.

I just like being bossed

Fair enough. Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

You keep assuming all subs are female and all find are male. Just because thats the way it is in 50 shades of drivel don't automatically assume only men assume the dominant role. I have met many dominant women over the years and hope to meet a few more yet.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

"Im not sure swinging is straightforward. There seems to be couples commenting about my posts - a lot not very friendly - and I wonder if its the man or woman(en) commenting due to this sub master dynamic. I know there are all sorts of people that are swingers but who is in charge in a sex based lifestyle. After all swingers life, to a larger extent than many, revolves around physical attraction and sex."

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

For us, swinging is the total opposite, it is about freedom, and removing power and control. It is setting each one of us free. We aren't together because we have to be, we are together because each and everyday we choose to be.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel i fit within the sub band purely because i am very shy even though i know im very naughty. I love lots of dirty sex, spanking, clubs etc. Being sub lets me be looked after, someone else is responsible for me. I cant feel embarresed doing what i love if someone else is making me do it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

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By *r.dominationMan over a year ago

Newbridge

Well put ..............

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

Its true I have seen bizarre power dynamics with couples way before I ever heard about swingers. FYI I lived in Holland for many years and worked in Amsterdam when I first arrived. I saw girls who were very liberated and couples who were anything but. Moving on Ive realised that couples in the real non-swinging world can ofcourse be great together but also that power dynamic of male control exists. I mention this to try and explain my point here. Why would this skewed power dynamic not exist with swingers as it does with non swingers. All i hear on my posts is people using their own subjective views not allowing for the possibilities that others they might meet could be in coersed power dependant "relationshops". The problems in non swinging couples dont disappear when people swap partners or swing. It could be as bad or even worse as the Dom and Sub toles are formalised.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Getting a bit heavy here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some People enjoy power dynamics.. it's not bad or skewed unless it is abuse and d/s is not abuse.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And that my friend is why I love swinging, the one place I know, where you can play with the sexual power thing! It's very horny

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

Why indeed?

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

i feel there is also value in the allowing of a partner to give and/ or receive at times just for them to experience themselves in a different way...its all about experience and gaining understanding of what one likes and doesnt like, and whereas i can be sub to some men and women, there are some, i wont go there with.

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

maybe you are thinking of a stereotypical D/s relationship.. i have found after talking, discussing and reading that, this is only one small slice of the spectrum of this preference, its much more individualistic than i first thought..enjoy your research, ive found it fascinating x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And that my friend is why I love swinging, the one place I know, where you can play with the sexual power thing! It's very horny

Nicely put

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

I can get a bit intense at times. Im recently single but never was really a good partner. Maybe I project my own feelings on here too much as Ive never really been part of a "scene" or lifestyle. Swinging sort of interests me but not just the sex which is available in more steteotypical hooking up x

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering."

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

Very well put.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

I would think that it would be fairly obvious that there are likely to be different dynamics within a swinging relationship and a vanilla relationship. They have chosen a different relationship style which necessitates a different dynamic.

OP you are not in a swinging relationship, many people who Are in swinging relationships have described to you their dynamics, some of the posters men, some women. Even though they are giving you their first hand knowledge and descriptions of their relationships, you still seem to not believe it, even though you have never experienced it yourself.

Why do you think they are all wrong, and you are right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

Why do you think they are all wrong, and you are right?

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

i think people get intense when they are finding things out, exploring, working out what is and isnt for them, either defensively, because we want to think, we know who we are, or, in fear that people will somehow take advantage of our vulnerable questioning state,

we often feel we should know...

i find it helpful to go around with a state of wondering, but then as a curious person im not afraid to say im a dumbass in some arenas, but that's partly why i'm here.

i have had a very long spell of celibacy and not being interested in the slightest..and i had to change my perceptions of what relationships were before i wanted to enter the scene here as a single.. its much more diverse, than i previously imagined.

there are pros and cons of being in this world.. i take one day at a time and take time out to process when i need to...but i am very glad i am getting 'touch' again. this journey is about the self, self knowledge, self fulfillment..and i dont mean that necessarily in a selfish way..but it keeps me level headed about what i try, what i agree to, and when i face challenges and fears of my own...

its all about finding out, trying things, changing myself, if it doesn't work and looking for and experiencing variety.. maybe its a bit deep for some on here..but thats ok, they aren't me.. as long as im happy with myself then anything that happens is a bonus x

ive found that as you walk into this world its at first a little overwhelming, but slowly you start to find your feet, start off slowly and take things at your own pace, the avenues change sometimes, you start looking for different things, or more of something you've enjoyed.. the best thing sometimes is the people on here..some of them are lovely and just amazing people..the laughs ive had with some of them...i wouldnt have missed out on entering this scene, for the world..no matter what comes next x enjoy and remember anything goes..you are just as valid as the next person whatever you are seeking x

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan over a year ago

London

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Why be the passive watcher of a movie?

And not the director?

We all have areas of our lives where we want someone to take care of things for us, set the rules, create our environment....

You too.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

Always said the thing that turns me off is a passive submissive, there has to be fire, energy in the relationship.

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

we often feel we should know...

i find it helpful to go around with a state of wondering, but then as a curious person im not afraid to say im a dumbass in some arenas, but that's partly why i'm here.

Very thoughtful and honest. I appreciate there are so many single males on here and women in particular get hundreds of messages. Im not and never have been hooked on sex alone but I have an addictive personality. I wont go into my earlier years in Holland etc but Ive indulged in risky sexual behaviour to compensate and appease my impulsive character.

I thought swinging could be an avenue fir me; somewhere I could lose myself. I have asked questions in my posts trying to find out about what makes people tick and why. Ive seen that maybe others are trying to find out about themselves and sec is, after all, something we all love to do and triggers the same pleasure/reward responses as some drugs in the brain. Thanksvfor this post. It has made me think x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

It is what flicks my switch to submissive. If it's not flicked then I'm a minx/brat/stubborn/challenge, call it what you will (and yet I choose to be sub which sounds a contradiction lol).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey I think it would be great to be a sub and spend most of my time under water

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan over a year ago

London

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

Your joking... It's natural for man to want to dominate all around him.

This is a huge point to debate... But we do, most women too, very rarely can you let that guard down with anyone and just let thing happen.

Especially us westerners, we love to grab the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im a Dom by nature. But LOVE my gang bangs. Im neither sub or dom while in one. My fb "hosts" as I normally have my mouth full or under too many bodies. So my host directs the action. But one word from me the action stops so I'm in charge. If you know what I mean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah its good, would like a sub my self, someone that sub"mits" to your cock on daily basis

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification..."

I couldnt do that, be a sub or dom for that matter. Sex to me isnt about control but empathy and mutual pleasure. Yes I like dirty sex, bareback too but the whole control side of it leaves me cold. Im not criticising those who dont feel like I do - thought Id better write that to placate the thought police on here who seem to think they are the arbiters of what swingers do. All to their own and enjoy.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification...

just as a note, its only empathy and intuition and genuineness that gets me to sub for anyone..that's the only thing that does, and you cant fake that...but that's 'my' version of being submissive..its not 'the' version.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

However don't forget the submissive side of the husband on his knees begging you to fuck his wife.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant."

OP all i am trying to do is help you to understand what a swinging relationship is like because you seem to have misunderstood what its about. This is the same as many other couples have tried to do over many threads.

I have never said swinging is the be all and end all. Perhaps it simply comes across that way because this is a swingers site and so that is the only aspect of my life that I talk about on here. It's not as though I'm going to chat about my career or family or my car or my hobbies etc. On Fab.

I am very tolerant and in all the threads that we seem to have bashed heads in I have supported peoples right to do what makes them happy. I just find it frustrating and disappointing when you keep dismissing the views of people in swinging relationships and stating your own views about what is "really going on" in a situation that you have never experienced yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant.

You are becoming funny now. Stop taking everything to heart and always making me the subject instead of the discussion. You continuously go on about me. You tend to personalise my views and its a pity. I must have really anoyed you on that daft poly something thread. I dont have anything personal to say about uou so perhaps you could allow me the same dispensation. Just because you are swingers doesnt make you experts on people or sex for that matter. For what its worth I have been an on off swinger on a different site - not sure if Im allowed to say it here. Ive been to a reasonable number of parties but I find Aberdeen dead as far as swinging is concerned.Enjoy the site

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I've skimmed the thread and seen lots of things I agree and disagree with and that's usual on these type of posts. I (Rach) am sub, but only to R. No one else is given or trusted with that level of power transfer.

For us the D/s has nothing to do with swinging. It's something between us that we have started to include others who are into that lifestyle. We would never act D/s around regular swingers as it requires a certain mindset that I'm only comfortable adopting with others who have an understanding of what it means.

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

And in answer to your question why be sub... its a sexual preference for me in the same way that being bi is. I can't help what I'm attracted to and I actively seek it out. I can have satisfaction from a number of different encounters but when with R I love this dynamic.

Rach x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x"

Thanks for your post.I think you have explained your preferences and how people can adopt this D/S sexual role within a relationship as well as with others whether swingers or not. You may have noticed one or two other posters here think D/S is a swingers preference only. I thought that it was more complicated than that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I think you are getting confused with what your idea is and what you think you're reading.

D/s relationships or play come from BDSM, it's a kink/fetish. Swingers may or may not have fetishes. You can swing with or without kink and you can delve into BDSM without swinging.

I'm very much into kink and would love to be in a relationship where that is a big part of it (my fetish is for discipline and then submission but not 24/7). Part of that submission, I hope, would be for my partner to want to swing and for him to control who we meet. My reason for this actually goes beyond the D/s dynamic, to reduce potential jealousy. I'm only giving my hopes airing here so that you can see that the human variable means every relationship, every D/s dynamic, every swinger and individual is different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

I lived the lifestyle 24/7 for sometime (not now) and never played publicly or involved others. In fact I've only ever been involved in one scene as a sub with someone additional involved with us. Played publicly more than this but only as the two of us.

D/s never has to involve other partners and in lots of cases this would be a limit for them, it just so happens that for us, we both enjoy D/s, we also both enjoy swinging. Sometimes both cross but they don't need to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Well Ive been told I know nothing about swinging because they assume this is the only swingers site. Because I know nothing my comments on D/S are pointless as I need to be a swinger to understand. If you look through the posts you will see what I mean. Are you saying your relationshop is built around D/S. So not just role play in sex but in everything.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses. "

Yes, by authority I don't mean assertive - authority does not need to assert itself in my book.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

When we are together for our playtime (having children means we don't have the luxury of anytime being playtime) then we almost always will assume, what an time who knows the lifestyle, to be a M/s relationship. For us this is almost like extended foreplay and deepens the feelings.

I would never be comfortable with referring to D/s as role play though. For me role play is assuming roles, for me D/s is showing a part of myself usually masked for everyday life. I find it hard to explain but there is no acting in the way I would assume the term role play meant. However this is all subjective and based on individual interpretation of the words.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

Thanks for your input. Block button.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

Thanks for your input. Block button."

That wasn't due to this thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

The point I'm trying to make is there are some kinks and fetishes which are considered more 'mainstream' or 'acceptable' than others. In my opinion, as long as it's consensual then it's none of my business what people get up to and nobody should care about what others think of their sex life and their choices.

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By *eepster69Man over a year ago

Dumfries

Who's judging. Im just asking a question.??"

If you look at some of your posts, you imply you feel the 'sub' is being coerced into acting this way.

I believe couples who have the maturity and trust in their relationships to take part in the swinging lifestyle have a healthier respect for each other than many 'normal' couples.

I trust we aren't supplying material for a thesis or any other research material for you?

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By *eepster69Man over a year ago

Dumfries

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn"

Some of you are so funny and continue to talk about me and not the subject. I think that is very telling and tefkects a defensive attitude to opinions and quedtions. Yes finding something weird is an opinion so I thought it was ok to express it. Calm down and take a deep blocj button

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice."

All subs have a choice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn

It's not defensive and I never said that having an opinion was wrong It's just that generally it's pretty pointless debating fetishes with someone that dismisses them as weird and seems closedminded as to why others might enjoy them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice."

Not necessarily. Before anyone does anything sexual, consent should be obtained. By forcing someone to do something without consent, that's sexual abuse or rape. Even where people have given up control in a Master slave type relationship, that has happened through discussion and consent and consent can always be withdrawn by anyone at any point.

There are people who would think that you were disgusting by just having a profile on a swingers site looking for casual sex.

There's a phrase on the Fet scene 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok' which recognises that not everyone is into the same things but as long as they don't force their sexual preferences onto you, it's ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice"

Pets dont though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/15 19:52:52]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether."

I thought so. Just trying to lighten the serious mood. Its supposed to be fun

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By *eepster69Man over a year ago

Dumfries

Holborn, Can you confirm you aren't finding material for research or a thesis etc?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Holborn, Can you confirm you aren't finding material for research or a thesis etc?"

I can confirm Im not doing anything like that. Im just having a bit of fun with some people taking themselves very seriously. No thesis here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether.

I thought so. Just trying to lighten the serious mood. Its supposed to be fun

Your OP called something that some people are into as 'weird' so you set the tone of the thread in my opinion.

I don't find non consensual related subjects funny and is not something I would make light of.

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By *evilishCouple69Couple over a year ago

Glasgow

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

As you can see from our name, we're a D/s swinging couple

I'm (Miss P) a switch so I can take either role but have only felt really able to sub with my boyfriend. Prior to us meeting, I was in an 8 year monogomous relationship where BDSM was a huge part of our sex life with me as the Domme and him my sub, no swinging at all.

When Master A and I got together we were both actively looking on the dating scene for a person into BDSM as we already knew that sexually it was the big turn on for us. After we got together we started talking about the idea of swinging and incorporated it into our sex life - mostly vanilla stuff though, just because majority of the people we've met haven't been into BDSM.

The whole asking permission thing is part of just a standard couple set up, though reading your posts makes me think she was giving the impression that he was ordering her to have sex with the guys? Usually these kind of scenes (with partial or total power exchange) are discussed in detail before but the important thing to remember with BDSM play is the sub is really the one in control, they safe word and all of it stops

You do get the ones though who play without safeword but (hopefully!) it's through building up trust to the point they trust their partner with their life/safety. The ones who rush in/give up their power to people they don't know or trust exist too but that might be the turn on to them, the risk of the unknown. With all of the more risky areas of life, this is more dangerous and tends to be frowned upon in the BDSM world as it gives the whole thing a bad reputation, usually it's the horror stories that make the news.

You mentioned you're not really enjoying the Aberdeen scene much, have you gone along to the club? I know you're mostly interested in bareback but you're open and chatty about your preferences so you might meet some like minded people

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

As you can see from our name, we're a D/s swinging couple

I havnt been to the swinger club tet. Ive read very mixed reviews. Thanks for your post, we are all very different.

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By *layfulserfMan over a year ago

Northolt

For me there are a number of reasons

I used to be a supervisor and would have to control situations so it made a change.

When meeting couple's my preference out of respect has always been for the partner to be the alpha male.

Im also no stud and not every couple is looking for a stud and a Bull.

I enjoy role play and love being teased and made to feel my manhood literally aching for attention

It can provide an opportunity to experiment and explore

Im no doormat though and wont play with people who are disrespectful

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority."

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses.

Yes, by authority I don't mean assertive - authority does not need to assert itself in my book.

Semantics I suspect (I'm not a lover of the word dominating). It's difficult to explain a holistic presence in a single word.