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By *picMan
over a year ago
Petworth |
An Irish jumbo jet flies across the atlantic and lands in New York, and the captain says " Today ladies and gentlemen we have made history, we have crossed the atlantic in 5 hours and 15 minutes"..... and paddy at the front stands up and say " was that a record Sir? ".... and the captain say " No.... that was me speaking" |
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The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer
captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel.
He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dave is telling his mate John his problem:
"You know that new girl at work, the one I want to ask out?" he asks.
"Yeah, what about her?" John replies.
"Well, every time I see her, I get an instant erection, and have to turn away to hide it."
"That's no good. Why don't you try taping your dick to your leg ... then it won't show?" John suggests.
Dave agrees this is a great idea, John even loans him a roll of duct tape.
A few days later, they meet again:
"Well, I called her and asked her out, and she said yes," Dave reports.
"That's great!"
"I arrive at her house, knock her door, and she answers it wearing a tiny low cut dress."
"Great! How'd it go?"
Dave hangs his head and groans; "I kicked her in the face." |
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a young boy loses his first ever job working in a fish and chip shop. his dad goes to see the owner to find out the reasons why. the owner says "i found him with a potato peeler up his arse" his dad says "may i see the potato peeler" ? the owner replies "no i fecking sacked him as well" ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What are the two most important holes in a womans body?
No, not those ones you dirty bugger,s..its their nostrils....how else is she gonna breath while she,s sucking your cock!
A farmer in Barnsley see,s a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts, "Heyyop cock tha watta frm theer is full o horse piss and cow shite".
The bloke says "Im from Poland can you speak a bit slower"?
"Ok" says the farmer, "If - you - use both - hands - my - friend - you -wont -spill - any"!
The other night I saw 4 men carrying a coffin round & round, 3 hours later i saw the same men with the same coffin & I thought to myself....Theyve lost the fucking plot!    |
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