FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Jealousy issues
Jealousy issues
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " That's my thoughts on the matter as well. I thought this would be a thought provoking thread. Seems I was wrong ho hum | |||
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " That's a very good point you make - when on here years back with my first wife and then a fem FB playing as a couple, id say a very high % of the single men who contacted us just wanted/thought it was a quick way to get a shag  | |||
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " This  | |||
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " Yes I agree | |||
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " | |||
"I've read a few threads of late where people have mentioned that some guys and girls struggle with the idea of swinging and get jealous when they meet others. Do you the forum users feel that this minority of people haven't grasped the idea of swinging or are just have cake and eat it types??" Narcissistic tendencies will run amuck in cases of love and war, why else would the saying be that all is fair? One reason I'm here is to deal with my own narcissism, weird as that may sound. I respect my narcissism for its ability to look after my needs, but I don't let it control me | |||
"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " I e had this discussion elsewhere today, and what was said rings true The word swinger is defined as being a couple who want to meet likeminded couples , used to be at parties, as decried in the old days, especially in the Sunday papers. The Internet has made it possible to have all forms of re,actions hips, for single men and women to dud il their sexual needs without having to pursue a relationship or promise the earth. I remember as a young girl, I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't think I was going to see again. We are all much more liberated. However, I do feel that attachments are sometimes made. This can be because people have misread signals or someone has said what someone has said what they want to hear. Therefore some , either men or women can beleive they mean more than others, therefore they get terribly disappointed when they're not | |||
"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! I e had this discussion elsewhere today, and what was said rings true The word swinger is defined as being a couple who want to meet likeminded couples , used to be at parties, as decried in the old days, especially in the Sunday papers. The Internet has made it possible to have all forms of re,actions hips, for single men and women to dud il their sexual needs without having to pursue a relationship or promise the earth. I remember as a young girl, I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't think I was going to see again. We are all much more liberated. However, I do feel that attachments are sometimes made. This can be because people have misread signals or someone has said what someone has said what they want to hear. Therefore some , either men or women can beleive they mean more than others, therefore they get terribly disappointed when they're not" This is a valid point and I know that lots of relationships happen because of this site and others like it. However a lot of the post I've read where this behavour is mentioned come across as one party getting jealous of the other party meeting others. I'd say there is a level of typical human nature involved plus as stated earlier in thread people not understanding the ethos of swinging. | |||
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"'Genuine swingers' don't get jealous...?! Utter bollocks." Have to agree with you. | |||
"'Genuine swingers' don't get jealous...?! Utter bollocks. Have to agree with you. " I also agree. Everyone is susceptible to feelings, but not everyone lets it get them | |||
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"In reality jealousy has no part in the swinging lifestyle. If you do get jealous then you need to question if this lifestyle is for you? And it is a lifestyle so yes...perhaps some on the site are here just for a bit more sex, rather than as swingers. Just my opinion...don't all rush for the exit door if you think this applies to you...it isn't a judgement. Just an opinion." I'm going no where, I completely agree with you. | |||
"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! " Would say this is correct. Impossible to statistically quantify but I rather doubt many of the single men on here carry on swinging with their significant others when they eventually settle down with wives/partners. | |||
"'Genuine swingers' don't get jealous...?! Utter bollocks." I want a pound for every time someone has spouted this bollocks... Agree ! | |||
"I think genuine swinging couples deal with jealousy through a lot of communication , trust and security in their relationship, this isn't something you get from a casual relationship/friends with benefits/affair/fuck buddy etc etc so jealousy and insecurity arise, in men and women alike! " Same way they deal with anything else really. But in this instance if you have open and honest communication, for us at least then jealousy is a very rare occurance because you are already considering your partners feelings. | |||
"'Genuine swingers' don't get jealous...?! Utter bollocks." Well its a good thing we aren't genuine swingers 
We are only here for the sex and i ( the male ) only do this because I love to feel jealous .... | |||
 like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd | |||
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"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! Would say this is correct. Impossible to statistically quantify but I rather doubt many of the single men on here carry on swinging with their significant others when they eventually settle down with wives/partners. " And single women. And couples. I don't understand this point. If I am happy on here now doing what I do, what difference does it make what I do in future relationships? If I decide to have a monogamous relationship in the future that's my business. Whether I am here as a single or as a couple. | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd "Having had this happen to me too, I don't understand why they lie bur then they don't want to look like they shag anything after all ??....just when they were convincing you they were selective | |||
"I think it's more that a lot of people on this site are not actual "swingers" they are just people looking for sex to be honest! Would say this is correct. Impossible to statistically quantify but I rather doubt many of the single men on here carry on swinging with their significant others when they eventually settle down with wives/partners. And single women. And couples. I don't understand this point. If I am happy on here now doing what I do, what difference does it make what I do in future relationships? If I decide to have a monogamous relationship in the future that's my business. Whether I am here as a single or as a couple. " Apologies to the post I quoted. I've thought about it and do understand what you meant now. | |||
"'Genuine swingers' don't get jealous...?! Utter bollocks. I want a pound for every time someone has spouted this bollocks... Agree ! " Absolutely | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd "I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel | |||
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"I've read a few threads of late where people have mentioned that some guys and girls struggle with the idea of swinging and get jealous when they meet others. Do you the forum users feel that this minority of people haven't grasped the idea of swinging or are just have cake and eat it types??" I think that most swingers I have met have a bit of a tinge of jealousy. From couples that won't play separately in case their partners find someone better, to singles who get huffy when I meet someone else. There's nothing wrong with jealousy, but you have to manage it appropriately. And you have to know when it's my problem and when it's your problem. And trust me, it's almost always your problem. | |||
" At what point does a so called fab become a real life friend ,I suggest when the conversation is taking a turn towards monogamy, the other person decides to let the other know that it's not what they want." When we've met. I don't require monogamy to be 'read life friends' with someone. I require only their friendship. | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel"But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from? | |||
"I've read a few threads of late where people have mentioned that some guys and girls struggle with the idea of swinging and get jealous when they meet others. Do you the forum users feel that this minority of people haven't grasped the idea of swinging or are just have cake and eat it types?? I think that most swingers I have met have a bit of a tinge of jealousy. From couples that won't play separately in case their partners find someone better, to singles who get huffy when I meet someone else. There's nothing wrong with jealousy, but you have to manage it appropriately. And you have to know when it's my problem and when it's your problem. And trust me, it's almost always your problem." Totally agree with this | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel
But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them
Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from? "I did not think of it that way, that's given me food for thought. I guess it comes from my own self esteem issues now I think about it | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel
But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them
Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from?
I did not think of it that way, that's given me food for thought.
I guess it comes from my own self esteem issues now I think about it"I kind of though it was a case of judging people by your own standards to be honest The thing is its no strings fun, people you meet will meet other, as will you, and yes some will be better than you some won't be, but I don't see it like that I see it as different, and that's why I like meeting different people because I like variety that does not mean I enjoyed my last meet less | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel
But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them
Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from?
I did not think of it that way, that's given me food for thought.
I guess it comes from my own self esteem issues now I think about it
I kind of though it was a case of judging people by your own standards to be honest
The thing is its no strings fun, people you meet will meet other, as will you, and yes some will be better than you some won't be, but I don't see it like that I see it as different, and that's why I like meeting different people because I like variety that does not mean I enjoyed my last meet less "I still have a lot to learn. I like your approach better
I don't think it is anything to do with standards, I do have self esteem issues though | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel
But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them
Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from?
I did not think of it that way, that's given me food for thought.
I guess it comes from my own self esteem issues now I think about it
I kind of though it was a case of judging people by your own standards to be honest
The thing is its no strings fun, people you meet will meet other, as will you, and yes some will be better than you some won't be, but I don't see it like that I see it as different, and that's why I like meeting different people because I like variety that does not mean I enjoyed my last meet less
I still have a lot to learn.
I like your approach better
I don't think it is anything to do with standards, I do have self esteem issues though"I beleive you have hit the nail on the head for a lot of single ,sex partners . Not one of us likes to think we're not the best .. Self esteem ha a lot to do with it We must all ask questions, what have they got that I don't have etc etc. I once asked someone what was the difference between me and other women he knew, his answer was....... If you have to ask then you have self confidence issues...... I don't have issues, but I am inquisitive | |||
" Not one of us likes to think we're not the best .. Self esteem ha a lot to do with it " I became much happier in my multi-relationship setup when I realised that I didn't have to be 'the best'. I am simply 'different'. Why would my partner come to me over his other female partner? I'm different to her. I have a different personality, I react differently to him, I am different in bed. I am not better or worse than her. I am simply different. | |||
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" Not one of us likes to think we're not the best .. Self esteem ha a lot to do with it I became much happier in my multi-relationship setup when I realised that I didn't have to be 'the best'. I am simply 'different'. Why would my partner come to me over his other female partner? I'm different to her. I have a different personality, I react differently to him, I am different in bed. I am not better or worse than her. I am simply different. " | |||
"I've only had it once to be honest, had one guy who used to mail me every time I got a new verification asking why I didn't ask him to meet, every time I put a meet today up he would mail me asking why I was advertising and not just ask him, he'd get proper moody, I don't really think it's jealousy I think it was more just him not getting I wanted to meet others too and it wasn't just about him The one thing that did annoy me once was a guy I used to meet who went to a club one night with a woman, I happened to go the same night and see them, when he saw me he looked really shifty, maybe because he told me he was out with family that night, when I asked why he lied to me he said he didn't want to piss me off by saying he was meeting somebody else like I really give a shit who he met, do people regularly lie about who they meet to avoid upsetting other meets? I find that behaviour odd
I would feel uncomfortable if a previous meet saw me with a new meet, this is more because I don't want the previous meet to think that the new meet is better than them, nor the new meet to think that the old meet was better, or that they themselves are better. It's one of the things I'm trying to adjust in my mentality by being a swinger because I cannot control what other people think or feel
But your not controlling what other people think or feel you are deciding for them
Why would you even think if two meets met each other they would be thinking each other was better where does that idea come from?
I did not think of it that way, that's given me food for thought.
I guess it comes from my own self esteem issues now I think about it
I kind of though it was a case of judging people by your own standards to be honest
The thing is its no strings fun, people you meet will meet other, as will you, and yes some will be better than you some won't be, but I don't see it like that I see it as different, and that's why I like meeting different people because I like variety that does not mean I enjoyed my last meet less
I still have a lot to learn.
I like your approach better
I don't think it is anything to do with standards, I do have self esteem issues though
I beleive you have hit the nail on the head for a lot of single ,sex partners .
Not one of us likes to think we're not the best .. Self esteem ha a lot to do with it
We must all ask questions, what have they got that I don't have etc etc.
I once asked someone what was the difference between me and other women he knew, his answer was....... If you have to ask then you have self confidence issues...... I don't have issues, but I am inquisitive "It reminds me of the scene at the beginning of You Only Live Twice where Bond says Chinese girls taste different, the woman enquires if they taste better, and he says no, just different. That's kinda stuck with me more than it should have, probably because she has him shot, and that scene sticks in my head as a subliminal don't do it sort of thing. | |||
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