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Parody Profiles
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Could be quite funny. Here are two to start everyone off:
Lady Looking To...
talk and perhaps meet. I am in a sexless marriage and my husband has no idea I am on here so discretion is a must. Please respect this. Will lose my nerve and delete my account later today.
Lookin for VVWE cock for wife
Must be 10"++. If yur not, JOG ON.
NO blacks asains. Just our prefrens, were not racist.
MUST be able to acomadate TONITE. If U cant, JOG ON.
If yu reply, we will BLOCK u.
Happy swingin.
Can anyone do better?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fit and incredibly handsome man. VWE with amazing stamina. Looking for lesbian couple to convert to hetero - come on girls, you know you can't resist my cock. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"woman in a sexless marriage, looking for breeding, my husband is white, so looking for anyone who isn't to really rub it in his face when he sees the baby come out. Ive been around the block, so I might have picked up a few things, but nothing that a couple of antibiotics can't sort out." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"unbelievably scrawny naturist couple of a certain age going slowly off our minds with boredom in Spain looking for couples for fun. We know, we should never have sold the plumbing supplies business, it was much more fun than being retired.
We know we both look like shell-less turtles but that's only because our skin has turned to leather in the sun."
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Sexy MF couples, professional models, bi F, straight males, can travel, can accommodate. Seeking men, women, couples (MF FF MM) ages 18-99, face pics below, been on Fab for 6 years, but not met anyone yet. 100% genuine couple"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Totally genuine single fem, 35, can be bi with the right girl, nice looking in an average way, I meet when I say I will, party invites welcome. Why am I on a swinging site? Well, do you think I would get this much attention out in the nilla world?
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Looking for MF couples but will only play with female. The male must be in a different room in another building. My hubby will be with us but is only bi so will not take part."
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Old, fat ugly man 55 years old looking for young, slim athletic woman 18-25.
Must be able to accommodate. Only looking to meet when suitable for me. What you want doesn’t matter. I’m in charge here. I decide.
Must be under size 12. If not then jog on.
Must be VWE. At least F cup. Don’t waste your time messaging me if you’re any less than this. I’m not interested.
I’m totally shaven and expect the same from any partner. Any bodyhair whatsoever and you may as well jog on.
Don’t send me pussy pics. Do so and you’ll be instantly blocked.
Must have an interesting profile. I don't have any pics myself but I expect you to have a full array of photos up to a professional standard. If your profile pic is a pussy pic you will be blocked.
Must send recent face pic with first message. Failure to do so and you’ll be instantly blocked. If I find you attractive then I’ll send you a face pic of me.
Any messages that simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’ will get deleted AND you’ll be instantly blocked.
I don’t send messages out myself as I’m too good for that but please make sure your messages to me are of at least A-Level standard and are at least 2000 words long. And please, please make them original. I won’t tell you what I want to see in this original message. You’ll just have to be psychic. Come on girls, is it really too much to ask for you to put some effort in?!
And lastly just a bit about me. Will fill this in later…
Put ‘weirdo’ in the message title so I know you’ve read my profile. Failure to do so will result in your message getting deleted and an instant block.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Old, fat ugly man 55 years old looking for young, slim athletic woman 18-25.
Must be able to accommodate. Only looking to meet when suitable for me. What you want doesn’t matter. I’m in charge here. I decide.
Must be under size 12. If not then jog on.
Must be VWE. At least F cup. Don’t waste your time messaging me if you’re any less than this. I’m not interested.
I’m totally shaven and expect the same from any partner. Any bodyhair whatsoever and you may as well jog on.
Don’t send me pussy pics. Do so and you’ll be instantly blocked.
Must have an interesting profile. I don't have any pics myself but I expect you to have a full array of photos up to a professional standard. If your profile pic is a pussy pic you will be blocked.
Must send recent face pic with first message. Failure to do so and you’ll be instantly blocked. If I find you attractive then I’ll send you a face pic of me.
Any messages that simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’ will get deleted AND you’ll be instantly blocked.
I don’t send messages out myself as I’m too good for that but please make sure your messages to me are of at least A-Level standard and are at least 2000 words long. And please, please make them original. I won’t tell you what I want to see in this original message. You’ll just have to be psychic. Come on girls, is it really too much to ask for you to put some effort in?!
And lastly just a bit about me. Will fill this in later…
Put ‘weirdo’ in the message title so I know you’ve read my profile. Failure to do so will result in your message getting deleted and an instant block.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very good looking, intelligent, well off and well educated couple seek similar. He must be VWE (min of a thick 10"); she size 12 with large natural breasts.
Meet at your hotel (we don't meet at houses). Social first and we will decide if we want to go further. Age range 24 to 30.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Old, fat ugly man 55 years old looking for young, slim athletic woman 18-25.
Must be able to accommodate. Only looking to meet when suitable for me. What you want doesn’t matter. I’m in charge here. I decide.
Must be under size 12. If not then jog on.
Must be VWE. At least F cup. Don’t waste your time messaging me if you’re any less than this. I’m not interested.
I’m totally shaven and expect the same from any partner. Any bodyhair whatsoever and you may as well jog on.
Don’t send me pussy pics. Do so and you’ll be instantly blocked.
Must have an interesting profile. I don't have any pics myself but I expect you to have a full array of photos up to a professional standard. If your profile pic is a pussy pic you will be blocked.
Must send recent face pic with first message. Failure to do so and you’ll be instantly blocked. If I find you attractive then I’ll send you a face pic of me.
Any messages that simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’ will get deleted AND you’ll be instantly blocked.
I don’t send messages out myself as I’m too good for that but please make sure your messages to me are of at least A-Level standard and are at least 2000 words long. And please, please make them original. I won’t tell you what I want to see in this original message. You’ll just have to be psychic. Come on girls, is it really too much to ask for you to put some effort in?!
And lastly just a bit about me. Will fill this in later…
Put ‘weirdo’ in the message title so I know you’ve read my profile. Failure to do so will result in your message getting deleted and an instant block.
"
*applauds* magnificent work my friend |
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"Old, fat ugly man 55 years old looking for young, slim athletic woman 18-25.
Must be able to accommodate. Only looking to meet when suitable for me. What you want doesn’t matter. I’m in charge here. I decide.
Must be under size 12. If not then jog on.
Must be VWE. At least F cup. Don’t waste your time messaging me if you’re any less than this. I’m not interested.
I’m totally shaven and expect the same from any partner. Any bodyhair whatsoever and you may as well jog on.
Don’t send me pussy pics. Do so and you’ll be instantly blocked.
Must have an interesting profile. I don't have any pics myself but I expect you to have a full array of photos up to a professional standard. If your profile pic is a pussy pic you will be blocked.
Must send recent face pic with first message. Failure to do so and you’ll be instantly blocked. If I find you attractive then I’ll send you a face pic of me.
Any messages that simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’ will get deleted AND you’ll be instantly blocked.
I don’t send messages out myself as I’m too good for that but please make sure your messages to me are of at least A-Level standard and are at least 2000 words long. And please, please make them original. I won’t tell you what I want to see in this original message. You’ll just have to be psychic. Come on girls, is it really too much to ask for you to put some effort in?!
And lastly just a bit about me. Will fill this in later…
Put ‘weirdo’ in the message title so I know you’ve read my profile. Failure to do so will result in your message getting deleted and an instant block.
*applauds* magnificent work my friend "
Thank you very much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Only looking to meet attractive females.
If i message you and you don't reply back then i'll call you a fat, ugly ,cunt and pretend my first message to you was for someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Old, fat ugly man 55 years old looking for young, slim athletic woman 18-25.
Must be able to accommodate. Only looking to meet when suitable for me. What you want doesn’t matter. I’m in charge here. I decide.
Must be under size 12. If not then jog on.
Must be VWE. At least F cup. Don’t waste your time messaging me if you’re any less than this. I’m not interested.
I’m totally shaven and expect the same from any partner. Any bodyhair whatsoever and you may as well jog on.
Don’t send me pussy pics. Do so and you’ll be instantly blocked.
Must have an interesting profile. I don't have any pics myself but I expect you to have a full array of photos up to a professional standard. If your profile pic is a pussy pic you will be blocked.
Must send recent face pic with first message. Failure to do so and you’ll be instantly blocked. If I find you attractive then I’ll send you a face pic of me.
Any messages that simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’ will get deleted AND you’ll be instantly blocked.
I don’t send messages out myself as I’m too good for that but please make sure your messages to me are of at least A-Level standard and are at least 2000 words long. And please, please make them original. I won’t tell you what I want to see in this original message. You’ll just have to be psychic. Come on girls, is it really too much to ask for you to put some effort in?!
And lastly just a bit about me. Will fill this in later…
Put ‘weirdo’ in the message title so I know you’ve read my profile. Failure to do so will result in your message getting deleted and an instant block.
*applauds* magnificent work my friend
Thank you very much "
Hahaha incredible  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if you have a border pasted on your walls we wont meet you -
we actually read this once "
Maybe it's an obscure code for facial or pubic hair. If not, it is most bizarre. |
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