FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Married men playing away
Married men playing away
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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At the risk of being bombarded and insulted I wanted to ask how many of you think it is acceptable to play with a married man or woman for that matter when their other halfs do not know what they are doing
Let the flood gates open
James  |
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I want no part of anyone being deceitful to their wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, partner. I don't care what their reasons are for playing away and others can do as they please but it's not for me. |
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I prefer not to know. Have played with many people that have been married in the past but mainly in club settings. I only knew coz they were wearing a ring. Most guys on here would lie and either say they are not or their partner knows they are doing it. Does it make it right that I ignore the fact he is wearing a ring? No but then they could simply take it off and I'd have no idea anyway  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it Groundhog Day?  "
Yeah this subject been done to death.
Some don't care some care massively. This type of thread usually ends up with a slanging match. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I wouldn't knowingly meet a married/attached man,there are plenty of single men to meet instead.I know people think they will never get found out but it happens and i'm not on here to cause pain to others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not bothered at all .
It's their life , and their relationship .
If the cheater is happy to do it , and the partner doesn't know about it , there must be something amiss in the relationship . It's just NSA sex . |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
I answer this with a couple of questions.....How would you feel finding out that your husband/wife had cheated? How would you like to have to deal with an angry husband/wife contacting you when they found out that you fucked their partner?
Personally, I don't much like the sound of either of those but if the consequences don't bother you then fill ya boots |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't knowingly meet a married/attached man,there are plenty of single men to meet instead.I know people think they will never get found out but it happens and i'm not on here to cause pain to others."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I answer this with a couple of questions.....How would you feel finding out that your husband/wife had cheated? How would you like to have to deal with an angry husband/wife contacting you when they found out that you fucked their partner?
Personally, I don't much like the sound of either of those but if the consequences don't bother you then fill ya boots "
Can't be put any clearer than that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not bothered at all .
It's their life , and their relationship .
If the cheater is happy to do it , and the partner doesn't know about it , there must be something amiss in the relationship . It's just NSA sex ."
Their life their relationship. No worry of mine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To us it is totally unacceptable.
To be dishonest to your life partner, whether married or not, is pretty low. Some say they have their reasons however those reasons are usually for their own convenience from what we have seen-and fairly often they use the reason of their partner's sex drive being not equal to their's.
It is questionable as to what these dishonest people are doing; is it called swinging, or cheating?
Not judging anyone in particular, just stating our opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To us it is totally unacceptable.
To be dishonest to your life partner, whether married or not, is pretty low. Some say they have their reasons however those reasons are usually for their own convenience from what we have seen-and fairly often they use the reason of their partner's sex drive being not equal to their's.
It is questionable as to what these dishonest people are doing; is it called swinging, or cheating?
Not judging anyone in particular, just stating our opinion."
It is indeed cheating if their partner doesn't know and/ or consent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To us it is totally unacceptable.
To be dishonest to your life partner, whether married or not, is pretty low. Some say they have their reasons however those reasons are usually for their own convenience from what we have seen-and fairly often they use the reason of their partner's sex drive being not equal to their's.
It is questionable as to what these dishonest people are doing; is it called swinging, or cheating?
Not judging anyone in particular, just stating our opinion.
It is indeed cheating if their partner doesn't know and/ or consent. "
However, if the partner knows, give their consent and will confirm it, then go ahead and fill your boots!
Personally still not our thing, but it is totally honest for the people involved. |
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By *ngeluk69Woman
over a year ago
Near enough |
"I answer this with a couple of questions.....How would you feel finding out that your husband/wife had cheated? How would you like to have to deal with an angry husband/wife contacting you when they found out that you fucked their partner?
Personally, I don't much like the sound of either of those but if the consequences don't bother you then fill ya boots "
I have had this discussion many a time with my partner, and we believe that if a person can lie to their partner they can lie to us. Personally I have to trust someone before I meet them, I'm not one for a 'blind f**k'.
I have been on the receiving end of a scorned wife and to be totally honest it's awful, embarrassing and darn right rude of the guy I was meeting to make out that I pursued him, I did make sure I pointed her in the direction of his profile (on another site) and she could see quite plainly that he had been on there since 2008 and had verifications from quite a few people from way before he met me.
Oh and if my partner cheated on me I'd kill him, one simple rule of swinging... No secrets. He knows who I meet, where I am and all the other details |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not bothered at all .
It's their life , and their relationship .
If the cheater is happy to do it , and the partner doesn't know about it , there must be something amiss in the relationship . It's just NSA sex ."
 |
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i go to clubs and can pick out the married guys ,they are by far the worst ones for bad behavior " off to play snooker with the lads love see you later" iv heard it all from them, like dogs off a lead, desperate for a quick f..k looking at their watches and throwing unused condoms in bin on way out! i try to avoid  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't knowingly get with one. They've legally tied themselves to someone else.
What if they was just in a relationship "
I have unknowingly been with guys who are in relationships then found out later (i mostly have regular meets so that's how i found out). Not happy about it personally.
Tbh so long as i don't have to legally be involved in anything is my main priority, and if someones girlfriend ever confronted me i'd be pissed off that a guy had put me in that situation. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
For me, I'm a swinger. Swinging is a form of ethically non-monogamy. The ethical part of it means that everyone involved knows and approves of What's happening. If there is a spouse/partner somewhere who is in the dark about what's going on, then it's not ethical, so it's not swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not bothered at all .
It's their life , and their relationship .
If the cheater is happy to do it , and the partner doesn't know about it , there must be something amiss in the relationship . It's just NSA sex .
Their life their relationship. No worry of mine."
Also feel the same
I'm not here to judge what other do
I lived in a sexless marriage for years and though I never cheated on him going without sex was hard and I can understand why some give into the temptation
I honestly feel if your partner does not want you they have no reason to complain if you go else where, I was good enough to cook, clean, look after the kids, work, provide money but not to have sex with....go figure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me, I'm a swinger. Swinging is a form of ethically non-monogamy. The ethical part of it means that everyone involved knows and approves of What's happening. If there is a spouse/partner somewhere who is in the dark about what's going on, then it's not ethical, so it's not swinging. "
Absolutely spot on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At the risk of being bombarded and insulted I wanted to ask how many of you think it is acceptable to play with a married man or woman for that matter when their other halfs do not know what they are doing
Let the flood gates open
James "
Totally unacceptable.
Does that answer your question. . . |
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Do we know what they are doing????
I think that was missed from the set of criteria.
We don't tend to ask if people are married or not when we play with them.
I guess if they let it slip then we would have to take a moralistic _iew point.
On the whole we tend to assume couples are couples, whether that be bf/gf; hubby and wife; or fuck buddies;
If they are cheating and tell us, then it would be a no thanks. But there are plenty of people out there for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People do judge one way or another that's the point"
Thing is though, it isn't about judging in our opinion.
We think everyone knows what is right and wrong, they just choose to think it doesn't apply to them.
Being dishonest to the one you care about? Obviously you don't care about them too much! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me, I'm a swinger. Swinging is a form of ethically non-monogamy. The ethical part of it means that everyone involved knows and approves of What's happening. If there is a spouse/partner somewhere who is in the dark about what's going on, then it's not ethical, so it's not swinging. "
Thankyou... That explains my position perfectly, even tho I hadn't been able to articulate that as such so far. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm married he knows all about this profile and is happy for me to meet others....
But I choose not to meet people who are cheating on their partners, I'm sure i have met people cheating in the past but I wouldn't do that to someone else knowing they were in a relationship x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People do judge one way or another that's the point"
PS.
Less of the OLD in your self-description, you aren't much older than us and we are certainly not old!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
"
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?"
Some people just have a higher sex drive than others, all becauae one half does not want and can live without sex that does not mean the other is happy to do it
I know I will get a cyber kick in for this but I'm saying it anyway
If your partner does not want sex with you why do they care who else you have sex with?
Like in my situation
As I said above I was in a sexless marriage for years my ex constantly told me I was fat and ugly, so if I had played away why should it bother him, he didn't want me sexually so why care if others did? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?"
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Each to their own. ...but honesty with the potential "player" i.e me is essential. ..it isn't something I want to be party to, as there are plenty of single guys on here to satisfy my desires....but I don't judge x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion... "
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So if a new playmate says they have their OH's consent to play away, you take that as gospel ?
Utter bullshit and just a cop out to make some feel they're not contributing to a doomed relationship.
Some will go to extraordinary lengths to convince others they're not cheating, I personally don't know why they bother.
Also define cheating ? Having no strings sex with strangers is no different to men who visit working girls, for what they claim not to get at home.
Women don't have that choice and seeking discreet fun outside of their relationship, is a solution to their physical needs.
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
"
Nothing gives us that right but I am willing to bet you a doughnut and an iced finger bun that sad tale doesn't apply to a lot of people on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if a new playmate says they have their OH's consent to play away, you take that as gospel ?
Utter bullshit and just a cop out to make some feel they're not contributing to a doomed relationship.
Some will go to extraordinary lengths to convince others they're not cheating, I personally don't know why they bother.
Also define cheating ? Having no strings sex with strangers is no different to men who visit working girls, for what they claim not to get at home.
Women don't have that choice and seeking discreet fun outside of their relationship, is a solution to their physical needs.
"
|
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
"
Nothing like taking an extreme anecdote and applying it to everyone.
I very much doubt that most cheating partners, all have caring responsibilities for partners with Brain Cancer.
I'm also fairly certain that most people would be able to distinguish between those who have partners who no longer have the mental capacity to concent. And those who have partners in charge of their full mental faculties.
So no argument not won right there.
Straw man knocked down right there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You'd be surprised how many messages I get from male halves of couples on here asking me to meet them alone, even some I have met have asked me to meet them without their wifes knowing
Even loving swinging couples in solid secure relationships cheat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
Nothing gives us that right but I am willing to bet you a doughnut and an iced finger bun that sad tale doesn't apply to a lot of people on fab. "
Your most probably correct. But the point is still that you don't have the facts whatever they may be. Even if it's just the simple fact that a bloke or woman is a greedy bugger, people should think right I'm not playing with them, and that should be the end of it. There's no need for the moral outrage that comes with these posts. The real thing that gets my goat is that there seem to be as many posts on this subject lately as please improve my shitty profile ones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You'd be surprised how many messages I get from male halves of couples on here asking me to meet them alone, even some I have met have asked me to meet them without their wifes knowing
Even loving swinging couples in solid secure relationships cheat "
Yup exactly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
Nothing like taking an extreme anecdote and applying it to everyone.
I very much doubt that most cheating partners, all have caring responsibilities for partners with Brain Cancer.
I'm also fairly certain that most people would be able to distinguish between those who have partners who no longer have the mental capacity to concent. And those who have partners in charge of their full mental faculties.
So no argument not won right there.
Straw man knocked down right there. "
An extreme example yes but it shows there are genuine reasons. What makes a reason good enough I don't know but people judge far too quickly.
Straw man standing tall and proud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You'd be surprised how many messages I get from male halves of couples on here asking me to meet them alone, even some I have met have asked me to meet them without their wifes knowing
Even loving swinging couples in solid secure relationships cheat "
True . I'm single by choice but I'm not on here to judge others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having a discussion with a lady friend on here about this post and she has just come up with a valid point. We are all on here to get extra sex, aside from those that just come on to chat of course, whether we be singles or couples. Whether we be married or whatever. What's essentially happening is people are saying it's alright for some to get extra sex and not others. The morals of marriage partnerships etc are being brought into an essentially nsa pastime.
Food for thought. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3.  |
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"I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As i always say .. you wont know most of the time if a person is wed or not .. here for consensual nsa sex and some people will say or do whatever to get that |
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"Most men here who are cheating claim to be in sexless relationships which, to me is a rather damning indictment of their skills as a lover. If your mrs doesn't want you, neither do I! "
Haha that made me chuckle  |
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
Nothing gives us that right but I am willing to bet you a doughnut and an iced finger bun that sad tale doesn't apply to a lot of people on fab.
Your most probably correct. But the point is still that you don't have the facts whatever they may be. Even if it's just the simple fact that a bloke or woman is a greedy bugger, people should think right I'm not playing with them, and that should be the end of it. There's no need for the moral outrage that comes with these posts. The real thing that gets my goat is that there seem to be as many posts on this subject lately as please improve my shitty profile ones."
I agree in as far as we don't have the facts so can't possibly know and as I said don't try and involve me, justify actions or disrespect the unwitting partner and I don't care what people do.
If people want to be morally outraged I don't care much either but I personally don't feel such outrage.
I do often feel very sad when I see a post or a profile saying that they aren't getting sex at home or their partner isn't very adventurous, doesn't have an equal sex drive etc etc. Or the ones where they claim to be doing their partner a favour because if they weren't on fab they would be unhappy at home or having an affair.....usually shortly after they've complained that they can't get any meets . But it takes all sorts and these threads will run all the time mugs like me respond
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3. "
Because for some people just getting up and leaving a relationship isn't as easy as that
If your married you have financial commitment if it's a joint mortgage even if you leave your still responsible for payments on that house so you have rent and council tax on a new place and mortgage and council tax on the place you have left till your name is taken off which could take years, not many people can afford that
it's easy to look from the outside and say ....just do this
in the real world some things as not ad easy as they sound |
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About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer not to know. Have played with many people that have been married in the past but mainly in club settings. I only knew coz they were wearing a ring. Most guys on here would lie and either say they are not or their partner knows they are doing it. Does it make it right that I ignore the fact he is wearing a ring? No but then they could simply take it off and I'd have no idea anyway "
I know what you mean, but after I was divorced I left my ring on (and still do). It helps stop people (male and female) hitting on me.
And no, I am not handsome, super well endowed or rich. I just have a pulse and, for some out there, that's enough.
Gary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is. "
Guys in swinging relationships message me semi regular looking for meets alone, I've had it a few times where couples have mailed me and when I say I dont meet couple they ask me to meet alone without her knowing
I wonder how many couples on here who look down their noses and those who cheat are being cheated on, or how many are doing what they condemn about other
Some couples don't even know what's going on within their own marriage yet they feel qualified to give advice to others |
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"I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is.
Guys in swinging relationships message me semi regular looking for meets alone, I've had it a few times where couples have mailed me and when I say I dont meet couple they ask me to meet alone without her knowing
I wonder how many couples on here who look down their noses and those who cheat are being cheated on, or how many are doing what they condemn about other
Some couples don't even know what's going on within their own marriage yet they feel qualified to give advice to others "
That's the human condition though. My mum is forever telling me to get out and about while I still can, despite the fact that I am out almost every day and a few evenings a week. She never went anywhere and would avoid going out at all if possible.....we often project our regrets on to others and try to stop them making the same mistakes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is.
Guys in swinging relationships message me semi regular looking for meets alone, I've had it a few times where couples have mailed me and when I say I dont meet couple they ask me to meet alone without her knowing
I wonder how many couples on here who look down their noses and those who cheat are being cheated on, or how many are doing what they condemn about other
Some couples don't even know what's going on within their own marriage yet they feel qualified to give advice to others
That's the human condition though. My mum is forever telling me to get out and about while I still can, despite the fact that I am out almost every day and a few evenings a week. She never went anywhere and would avoid going out at all if possible.....we often project our regrets on to others and try to stop them making the same mistakes."
Or some (obviously not all) are playing to what they can see is the most popular opinion on here, regardless of their actual thoughts on the matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are going to cheat regardless of what anyone on here thinks or says. I personally wouldn't. Couldn't live with the guilt. Not for me to judge others though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It doesn't matter to me. Life is too short to get hung up about things like that. As long as they are discreet and sharing pleasure, why not.
It's up to each individual to decide for thenself what suits their own circumstances. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
Nothing gives us that right but I am willing to bet you a doughnut and an iced finger bun that sad tale doesn't apply to a lot of people on fab.
Your most probably correct. But the point is still that you don't have the facts whatever they may be. Even if it's just the simple fact that a bloke or woman is a greedy bugger, people should think right I'm not playing with them, and that should be the end of it. There's no need for the moral outrage that comes with these posts. The real thing that gets my goat is that there seem to be as many posts on this subject lately as please improve my shitty profile ones.
I agree in as far as we don't have the facts so can't possibly know and as I said don't try and involve me, justify actions or disrespect the unwitting partner and I don't care what people do.
If people want to be morally outraged I don't care much either but I personally don't feel such outrage.
I do often feel very sad when I see a post or a profile saying that they aren't getting sex at home or their partner isn't very adventurous, doesn't have an equal sex drive etc etc. Or the ones where they claim to be doing their partner a favour because if they weren't on fab they would be unhappy at home or having an affair.....usually shortly after they've complained that they can't get any meets . But it takes all sorts and these threads will run all the time mugs like me respond
"
Yeah I kinda wish I'd not responded on this thread. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3.
Because for some people just getting up and leaving a relationship isn't as easy as that
If your married you have financial commitment if it's a joint mortgage even if you leave your still responsible for payments on that house so you have rent and council tax on a new place and mortgage and council tax on the place you have left till your name is taken off which could take years, not many people can afford that
it's easy to look from the outside and say ....just do this
in the real world some things as not ad easy as they sound "
So why can't you do 1 or 2 then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3.
Because for some people just getting up and leaving a relationship isn't as easy as that
If your married you have financial commitment if it's a joint mortgage even if you leave your still responsible for payments on that house so you have rent and council tax on a new place and mortgage and council tax on the place you have left till your name is taken off which could take years, not many people can afford that
it's easy to look from the outside and say ....just do this
in the real world some things as not ad easy as they sound
So why can't you do 1 or 2 then?"
Maybe because they have no problems being dishonest to their partner and cheating? |
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation. "
Agreed, but it's the not negotiating/talking about it that defines if someone is behaving in an underhand manner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At the risk of being bombarded and insulted I wanted to ask how many of you think it is acceptable to play with a married man or woman for that matter when their other halfs do not know what they are doing
Let the flood gates open
James "
Iv generally always been one to NOT play with married/attached men who were playing away, however in a couple cases I have been told they are single yet to find out after that they are married/attached.
I will on rare occasions meet and possibly play with a married/attached man. It all depends on the person and how I'm feeling about it at the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is.
Guys in swinging relationships message me semi regular looking for meets alone, I've had it a few times where couples have mailed me and when I say I dont meet couple they ask me to meet alone without her knowing
I wonder how many couples on here who look down their noses and those who cheat are being cheated on, or how many are doing what they condemn about other
Some couples don't even know what's going on within their own marriage yet they feel qualified to give advice to others "
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
"Our thing" is to play only in clubs. If I have sex with a man (or men) there it is on impulse - I don't ask about their marital status, or anything else for that matter. In the clubs I'm looking for good sex and fun, not a relationship. If we arranged meets my feelings could well be different. |
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On here we wouldn't meet attached guys and in general I don't agree with it. However i have played with guys I knew were in relationships locally. Not really my problem tbh it's not right but us not playing is not going to stop them so we carry on. Also ensures it's just fun and you are not gonna get clingy single guys who want more than fun. Married guys play and bugger off home and leave us to our fun. But single is always our main priority. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think if people are in a sexless relationship they have 3 options:
1. Just accept that's the way it is and that's the way it will stay.
2. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and then either fulfil your desires inside the relationship, or open in up to ethical non-monogamy.
3. If you can't do either of the above, or you tried number 2 and it didn't work, then leave the relationship.
I'm not on a moral high horse, but I don't really get why people can't do one of the 3.
Because for some people just getting up and leaving a relationship isn't as easy as that
If your married you have financial commitment if it's a joint mortgage even if you leave your still responsible for payments on that house so you have rent and council tax on a new place and mortgage and council tax on the place you have left till your name is taken off which could take years, not many people can afford that
it's easy to look from the outside and say ....just do this
in the real world some things as not ad easy as they sound
So why can't you do 1 or 2 then?"
Well speaking for myself as I can't speak for anyone else
I was in a sexless marriage because my ex had basically gone off me, he was constantly telling me how fat and ugly I was, regularly called me repulsive and told me I made him feel sick
Right I'll address number 2
Talk to my partner and tell him how he made me feel?
Do you think talking would have made him start seeing me as attractive, I used to the all him regular to stop with the name calling he'd just laugh at me
So I do number 2
Accept that's the way it is and how it will stay
Like I said its easy to look from the outside and say.....just do this
Personally I didn't want to just accept my life was to live with an abusive bully
Talking did nothing
I couldn't afford to move out
Of course not everybody's situation is the same as mine but I'm sure there are many people who can't just up sticks and move because they are unhappy, real life for most don't work like that
I put up with his abuse for 8 years before we split and as I said above I never cheated, even though he did, but I can understand why people in dead end relationships they can not get out of do
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet married men and am married myself. I fully disclose that on my profile and my forum posts, people who disagree are fully able to just avoid me, I'm not somehow going to contaminate the site. I don't claim to be a swinger. I'm not dragging down the moral standards, I'm just here, doing my thing.
What I won't do though is meet anyone who on their profile or posts bangs on about how they would never cheat or meet someone who was cheating, and then messages me privately trying to do just that. Nor will I secretly meet the male half of supposedly secure swinging couples who also messages me privately trying to meet. Both of these things happen at least once a week.
I also dislike the fetishisation of infidelity, so anyone who tells me how it turns them on specifically that I'm married, or expects me to drop my knickers for them just because they are, is of no interest to me either. Be married, be single, be whatever. It is what it is. "
Well said
I would also add that given your popularity within the forums / hot pics I would hazard a guess that a vast amount of people don't give two shits what your marital status is either... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having a discussion with a lady friend on here about this post and she has just come up with a valid point. We are all on here to get extra sex, aside from those that just come on to chat of course, whether we be singles or couples. Whether we be married or whatever. What's essentially happening is people are saying it's alright for some to get extra sex and not others. The morals of marriage partnerships etc are being brought into an essentially nsa pastime.
Food for thought."
Everyone on here is in some way doing what is unacceptable to conventional society. And societies everywhere have different rules, same as people have differing levels of morality. If we do not want to be judged for our prefences, what gives us the moral right to impugn another's choices? The most we can do is say 'no, I don't want to be involved in that.' and move on. We don't even need to know nor can we ever know people's entire stories, motivations or impetus. But then again, I dont know everything. So each to his own... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't think we're in any position to judge from a moral standpoint and generally if we're looking for casual sex with strangers, their relationship status doesn't tend to matter, what is happening in their lives is entirely up to them and their conscience. However, it is hard to arrange to meet attached people, it limits our play time and we often develop friendships with those we meet that could be curtailed by that...who we will absolutely not meet are those who denigrate their partners, are derogatory about them in our conversations or who try to make excuses for what they do or are...own it for what it is, cheating on your partner... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
More important than whether it's 'acceptable' or not (pointless argument, it's subjective) is the fact that people are honest about it. Everyone is entitled to choose whether they get involved with someone who is already married, which is why those of us who are should make it clear from the start or in our profiles! |
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"The usual thing is no sex at home. I see people say talk to there other half instead of doing the dirty. Perhaps they already have and that's not resolved the matter. I've seen people say just leave the marriage. That ignores the fact that the rest of the relationship might be perfectly fine. I understand perfectly why people would not want to meet someone that was attached but I don't follow why people get so judgemental of others, especially when they don't know the full facts. As with all things if you don't like it move on to the next profile. And why people keep starting these threads is beyond me.
Thing is, what full facts make it ok to cheat?
We haven't heard of one person yet who has died from lack of sex, have you?
No. However, I had a friend whose wife went through a long battle with brain cancer. She slowly lost pretty much everything that made her her, including a lot of brain tissue due to various treatments and surgeries.
She ended up confined to a wheelchair, and incapable of recognising family members, let alone sexual activity.
This went on for the best part of a decade, with him as the primary carer. Eventually he sought sexual release with another woman.
That was enough to make his situation bearable, and keep them "together", until she passed away - which was beneficial for his kids.
I for one don't feel comfortable judging someone in that situation in such a black and white fashion...
Argument won right here. Such an awful thing to have to go through.
We don't know each others stories. Do we even have the right to know. Just dont judge people too easily. Yes no one has died through lack of sex, but what gives us the right to deny someone happiness because it doesn't meet our moral standard.
Nothing gives us that right but I am willing to bet you a doughnut and an iced finger bun that sad tale doesn't apply to a lot of people on fab.
Your most probably correct. But the point is still that you don't have the facts whatever they may be. Even if it's just the simple fact that a bloke or woman is a greedy bugger, people should think right I'm not playing with them, and that should be the end of it. There's no need for the moral outrage that comes with these posts. The real thing that gets my goat is that there seem to be as many posts on this subject lately as please improve my shitty profile ones.
I agree in as far as we don't have the facts so can't possibly know and as I said don't try and involve me, justify actions or disrespect the unwitting partner and I don't care what people do.
If people want to be morally outraged I don't care much either but I personally don't feel such outrage.
I do often feel very sad when I see a post or a profile saying that they aren't getting sex at home or their partner isn't very adventurous, doesn't have an equal sex drive etc etc. Or the ones where they claim to be doing their partner a favour because if they weren't on fab they would be unhappy at home or having an affair.....usually shortly after they've complained that they can't get any meets . But it takes all sorts and these threads will run all the time mugs like me respond
Yeah I kinda wish I'd not responded on this thread."
I wish that several times a day...but here I am still responding |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
did i use to when i first started.... yep, without a care in the world!
would i now...... nope, not ever think about it!
what changed? an incident that i was part of indirectly which made me see what pain the person who didn't know went thru when they did find out....
what happened? I was at a party with a well respected "single" guy... and we thought we all know him....
I get a frantic call the next day, asking if "x" had been drinking at all... nope, coffee all night!! why? because on his way home from party he has been in a one person accident on the motorway... and had died
and thats when we all found out he wasn't single.... married with children, and we found out the wife didn't know about his secret life.... because she had found his profile and what he'd been up to on the site.....
and then she came online............
I have never seen so many angry painful and passionate words lashed out at everyone, it made me realise there were other people that were affected by actions as opposed to "well they will never find out" and "i am bulletproof"
life taught me that day... they do, and you are not!!!!
so if you want an extreme story from the other side of the coin, there you have it!!!
it can take something as extreme as that to think beyond you at times.... i gave up swinging for a good year after just because I felt my entire approach needed changing.....
|
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation. "
Nice thought.... But not sure how it would play out...
This is my last marriage thread, but....
Picture this, woman gets married young, has children, one has motor neurones disease...
She spends her whole life looking after her family, her hubby, doing everything so they have good lives.
But her hubby no longer wants sex with her (she produced the wrong child).
He works hard, brings home the bacon and loves them, but he doesn't see her as sexual. He puts her down, refuses to discuss her ideas.
She wants to try things and has spoken to him, would try anything, but no...
Finally she decides before she dies she will do something about it....
She can leave she has spent all her life raising and looking after children, she could not afford it, he won't discuss ideas with her.... She is sexually dead & she loves him...
In your black and white world.... What does she do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"did i use to when i first started.... yep, without a care in the world!
would i now...... nope, not ever think about it!
what changed? an incident that i was part of indirectly which made me see what pain the person who didn't know went thru when they did find out....
what happened? I was at a party with a well respected "single" guy... and we thought we all know him....
I get a frantic call the next day, asking if "x" had been drinking at all... nope, coffee all night!! why? because on his way home from party he has been in a one person accident on the motorway... and had died
and thats when we all found out he wasn't single.... married with children, and we found out the wife didn't know about his secret life.... because she had found his profile and what he'd been up to on the site.....
and then she came online............
I have never seen so many angry painful and passionate words lashed out at everyone, it made me realise there were other people that were affected by actions as opposed to "well they will never find out" and "i am bulletproof"
life taught me that day... they do, and you are not!!!!
so if you want an extreme story from the other side of the coin, there you have it!!!
it can take something as extreme as that to think beyond you at times.... i gave up swinging for a good year after just because I felt my entire approach needed changing.....
"
That's an extreme and pretty heartbreaking example, but given that you said at the start you thought you knew him and you thought he was single - does that not highlight that whatever people's _iews, when meeting people in this way, you can never be 100% certain of their circumstances? If I was felt so strongly that I must never do anything with anyone who was attached, I wouldn't meet people this way and I wouldn't meet them at clubs or parties either because how could I ever be sure? |
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation.
Nice thought.... But not sure how it would play out...
This is my last marriage thread, but....
Picture this, woman gets married young, has children, one has motor neurones disease...
She spends her whole life looking after her family, her hubby, doing everything so they have good lives.
But her hubby no longer wants sex with her (she produced the wrong child).
He works hard, brings home the bacon and loves them, but he doesn't see her as sexual. He puts her down, refuses to discuss her ideas.
She wants to try things and has spoken to him, would try anything, but no...
Finally she decides before she dies she will do something about it....
She can leave she has spent all her life raising and looking after children, she could not afford it, he won't discuss ideas with her.... She is sexually dead & she loves him...
In your black and white world.... What does she do?"
what about negotiation is black and white?
I am very well aware that many marriages aren't based around communication its obvious when you read a lot of these threads. But in the situation you describe negotiation of sorts has taken place at least a one sided kind and the answer is pretty clear. I'm not one of the "leave or put up with it" people please don't confuse my attempts to open up discussion with them. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
" I wouldn't meet people this way and I wouldn't meet them at clubs or parties either because how could I ever be sure? "
all you can do in the end is ask.... i am probably one of the few people in clubs that do....
I think there is a huge difference into going into it knowingly and unknowingly...
If i ask and then find out they lie, at least on my conscience i can say... I tried and my conscience is clear (i have stopped meeting people if i find out they lied)
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation.
Nice thought.... But not sure how it would play out...
This is my last marriage thread, but....
Picture this, woman gets married young, has children, one has motor neurones disease...
She spends her whole life looking after her family, her hubby, doing everything so they have good lives.
But her hubby no longer wants sex with her (she produced the wrong child).
He works hard, brings home the bacon and loves them, but he doesn't see her as sexual. He puts her down, refuses to discuss her ideas.
She wants to try things and has spoken to him, would try anything, but no...
Finally she decides before she dies she will do something about it....
She can leave she has spent all her life raising and looking after children, she could not afford it, he won't discuss ideas with her.... She is sexually dead & she loves him...
In your black and white world.... What does she do?
what about negotiation is black and white?
I am very well aware that many marriages aren't based around communication its obvious when you read a lot of these threads. But in the situation you describe negotiation of sorts has taken place at least a one sided kind and the answer is pretty clear. I'm not one of the "leave or put up with it" people please don't confuse my attempts to open up discussion with them."
Yeah.... Er.... The last part wasn't really directed at you.
You have given nothing to make me assume that you deal in absolutes.
And I'm sorry if it came across like I was responding personally.
I also agree... Renegotiation would be a great solution.... If it was given the chance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not bothered at all .
It's their life , and their relationship .
If the cheater is happy to do it , and the partner doesn't know about it , there must be something amiss in the relationship . It's just NSA sex .
Their life their relationship. No worry of mine."
one worry i had was when only the male part of the couple turned up, |
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation.
Nice thought.... But not sure how it would play out...
This is my last marriage thread, but....
Picture this, woman gets married young, has children, one has motor neurones disease...
She spends her whole life looking after her family, her hubby, doing everything so they have good lives.
But her hubby no longer wants sex with her (she produced the wrong child).
He works hard, brings home the bacon and loves them, but he doesn't see her as sexual. He puts her down, refuses to discuss her ideas.
She wants to try things and has spoken to him, would try anything, but no...
Finally she decides before she dies she will do something about it....
She can leave she has spent all her life raising and looking after children, she could not afford it, he won't discuss ideas with her.... She is sexually dead & she loves him...
In your black and white world.... What does she do?
what about negotiation is black and white?
I am very well aware that many marriages aren't based around communication its obvious when you read a lot of these threads. But in the situation you describe negotiation of sorts has taken place at least a one sided kind and the answer is pretty clear. I'm not one of the "leave or put up with it" people please don't confuse my attempts to open up discussion with them.
Yeah.... Er.... The last part wasn't really directed at you.
You have given nothing to make me assume that you deal in absolutes.
And I'm sorry if it came across like I was responding personally.
I also agree... Renegotiation would be a great solution.... If it was given the chance."
 |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties. |
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"With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties. "
It is sad... & women I think would do anything to get a relationship on track...
But the above situation is far mor common than you might think, take the time to communicate to s few people, those you know who have a "great life" & behind the smile you might find something else.
Fact is nobody wants to help you when your married, they assume that's what your partner is for. |
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"With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties. "
I think that too and I think that maybe sometimes people have a very narrow _iew of what being sexual is or can be the intimacy. touching, closeness and that it doesn't have to involve penetration.
But I have no idea of people's history, experience, life story etc and they all colour how we/they feel about sex.
That's why an either or _iew is a bit simplistic. |
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"With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties. "
Oh if only life was sooooo simple. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with some of the REAL issues in life. I'm happily married but our relationship is pretty much sexless after many years of severe post natal depression.
Option 1 - tell depressed person that although you both love each other the fact there's no sex means you're going to play away (will really help self belief )
Or
Option 2 - play away and satisfy that need occasionally so you can continue to maintain the happy relationship
I know what I've chosen but others may well think otherwise.
Everyone makes their own choices in life. |
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"With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties.
Oh if only life was sooooo simple. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with some of the REAL issues in life. I'm happily married but our relationship is pretty much sexless after many years of severe post natal depression.
Option 1 - tell depressed person that although you both love each other the fact there's no sex means you're going to play away (will really help self belief )
Or
Option 2 - play away and satisfy that need occasionally so you can continue to maintain the happy relationship
I know what I've chosen but others may well think otherwise.
Everyone makes their own choices in life."
I can't see how that opinion warrants the answer you've given. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...
who we will absolutely not meet are those who denigrate their partners, are derogatory about them in our conversations or who try to make excuses for what they do or are...own it for what it is, cheating on your partner..."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"did i use to when i first started.... yep, without a care in the world!
would i now...... nope, not ever think about it!
what changed? an incident that i was part of indirectly which made me see what pain the person who didn't know went thru when they did find out....
what happened? I was at a party with a well respected "single" guy... and we thought we all know him....
I get a frantic call the next day, asking if "x" had been drinking at all... nope, coffee all night!! why? because on his way home from party he has been in a one person accident on the motorway... and had died
and thats when we all found out he wasn't single.... married with children, and we found out the wife didn't know about his secret life.... because she had found his profile and what he'd been up to on the site.....
and then she came online............
I have never seen so many angry painful and passionate words lashed out at everyone, it made me realise there were other people that were affected by actions as opposed to "well they will never find out" and "i am bulletproof"
life taught me that day... they do, and you are not!!!!
so if you want an extreme story from the other side of the coin, there you have it!!!
it can take something as extreme as that to think beyond you at times.... i gave up swinging for a good year after just because I felt my entire approach needed changing.....
"
Sad story. But he was the issue, not the people he met. She had no right to lash out at everyone else. Understandable but wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"did i use to when i first started.... yep, without a care in the world!
would i now...... nope, not ever think about it!
what changed? an incident that i was part of indirectly which made me see what pain the person who didn't know went thru when they did find out....
what happened? I was at a party with a well respected "single" guy... and we thought we all know him....
I get a frantic call the next day, asking if "x" had been drinking at all... nope, coffee all night!! why? because on his way home from party he has been in a one person accident on the motorway... and had died
and thats when we all found out he wasn't single.... married with children, and we found out the wife didn't know about his secret life.... because she had found his profile and what he'd been up to on the site.....
and then she came online............
I have never seen so many angry painful and passionate words lashed out at everyone, it made me realise there were other people that were affected by actions as opposed to "well they will never find out" and "i am bulletproof"
life taught me that day... they do, and you are not!!!!
so if you want an extreme story from the other side of the coin, there you have it!!!
it can take something as extreme as that to think beyond you at times.... i gave up swinging for a good year after just because I felt my entire approach needed changing.....
"
That is a tragic story and yes I belive it brings balance to the argument. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"With all this talk of sexless relationships, like the hypothetical mentioned above with the disabled child. I always think that it's not just sexless for one of them. Both of them are missing out on sexual fulfilment and enjoyment and that is sad for both parties.
Oh if only life was sooooo simple. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with some of the REAL issues in life. I'm happily married but our relationship is pretty much sexless after many years of severe post natal depression.
Option 1 - tell depressed person that although you both love each other the fact there's no sex means you're going to play away (will really help self belief )
Or
Option 2 - play away and satisfy that need occasionally so you can continue to maintain the happy relationship
I know what I've chosen but others may well think otherwise.
Everyone makes their own choices in life."
I too hope that my wife never has to deal with severe post natal depression. I don't see how that makes it any less sad that your wife isn't getting any sexual fulfilment or enjoyment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We're to start I am one of the married bogey men. Their are occasions in life when things just don't go to plan. I am happily married and have been for 18 yrs however due to a serious illness our sex life has all but ended. I have discussed options with my wife to which the reply has always been one of disgust or my being selfish. I don't want affairs and I don't want a divorce. I occasionally want to feel the touch and excitement of a woman who is physically able to enjoy sex. I have visited working girls but It just doesn't feel right. I recently visited a club were I met some great people had a laugh and wasn't judged maybe some of you should do the same
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're to start I am one of the married bogey men. Their are occasions in life when things just don't go to plan. I am happily married and have been for 18 yrs however due to a serious illness our sex life has all but ended. I have discussed options with my wife to which the reply has always been one of disgust or my being selfish. I don't want affairs and I don't want a divorce. I occasionally want to feel the touch and excitement of a woman who is physically able to enjoy sex. I have visited working girls but It just doesn't feel right. I recently visited a club were I met some great people had a laugh and wasn't judged maybe some of you should do the same
"
We don't see much judging going on here, just _iews on what people see as right or wrong.
So do you think that what you are doing is right?
You may have your reasons, and some reasons on here are quite plausible compared to some of the 'my wife has gone off the idea of sex, or I need more than she gives' stuff, however have you discussed with your wife what you are doing? If not, are you comfortable with being less than honest with her?
I guess you are considering having sex with others behind your wife's back. Is there much difference between that and an affair?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're to start I am one of the married bogey men. Their are occasions in life when things just don't go to plan. I am happily married and have been for 18 yrs however due to a serious illness our sex life has all but ended. I have discussed options with my wife to which the reply has always been one of disgust or my being selfish. I don't want affairs and I don't want a divorce. I occasionally want to feel the touch and excitement of a woman who is physically able to enjoy sex. I have visited working girls but It just doesn't feel right. I recently visited a club were I met some great people had a laugh and wasn't judged maybe some of you should do the same
We don't see much judging going on here, just _iews on what people see as right or wrong.
So do you think that what you are doing is right?
You may have your reasons, and some reasons on here are quite plausible compared to some of the 'my wife has gone off the idea of sex, or I need more than she gives' stuff, however have you discussed with your wife what you are doing? If not, are you comfortable with being less than honest with her?
I guess you are considering having sex with others behind your wife's back. Is there much difference between that and an affair?
"
Omg your last 3 paragraphs are doing exactly what you said isn't happening in the first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're to start I am one of the married bogey men. Their are occasions in life when things just don't go to plan. I am happily married and have been for 18 yrs however due to a serious illness our sex life has all but ended. I have discussed options with my wife to which the reply has always been one of disgust or my being selfish. I don't want affairs and I don't want a divorce. I occasionally want to feel the touch and excitement of a woman who is physically able to enjoy sex. I have visited working girls but It just doesn't feel right. I recently visited a club were I met some great people had a laugh and wasn't judged maybe some of you should do the same
We don't see much judging going on here, just _iews on what people see as right or wrong.
So do you think that what you are doing is right?
You may have your reasons, and some reasons on here are quite plausible compared to some of the 'my wife has gone off the idea of sex, or I need more than she gives' stuff, however have you discussed with your wife what you are doing? If not, are you comfortable with being less than honest with her?
I guess you are considering having sex with others behind your wife's back. Is there much difference between that and an affair?
Omg your last 3 paragraphs are doing exactly what you said isn't happening in the first."
Really? And what is that??
Surely it is clear we are asking the question, not judging the person?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For me, I'm a swinger. Swinging is a form of ethically non-monogamy. The ethical part of it means that everyone involved knows and approves of What's happening. If there is a spouse/partner somewhere who is in the dark about what's going on, then it's not ethical, so it's not swinging. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're to start I am one of the married bogey men. Their are occasions in life when things just don't go to plan. I am happily married and have been for 18 yrs however due to a serious illness our sex life has all but ended. I have discussed options with my wife to which the reply has always been one of disgust or my being selfish. I don't want affairs and I don't want a divorce. I occasionally want to feel the touch and excitement of a woman who is physically able to enjoy sex. I have visited working girls but It just doesn't feel right. I recently visited a club were I met some great people had a laugh and wasn't judged maybe some of you should do the same
We don't see much judging going on here, just _iews on what people see as right or wrong.
So do you think that what you are doing is right?
You may have your reasons, and some reasons on here are quite plausible compared to some of the 'my wife has gone off the idea of sex, or I need more than she gives' stuff, however have you discussed with your wife what you are doing? If not, are you comfortable with being less than honest with her?
I guess you are considering having sex with others behind your wife's back. Is there much difference between that and an affair?
Omg your last 3 paragraphs are doing exactly what you said isn't happening in the first.
Really? And what is that??
Surely it is clear we are asking the question, not judging the person??"
Yes it's very clear |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When I swing with a couple I never check to make sure they are a genuine couple and not cheating on an unsuspecting partner. It is in my opinion none of my business what goes on in their vanilla life.
I am always very wary when people want to know personal details before having NSA sex and implies suspicion and distrust. Definately a passion killer for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation. "
Does it say that in the marriage vows? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For me, I'm a swinger. Swinging is a form of ethically non-monogamy. The ethical part of it means that everyone involved knows and approves of What's happening. If there is a spouse/partner somewhere who is in the dark about what's going on, then it's not ethical, so it's not swinging. "
Exactly this...swinging is about everybody enjoying themselves but not at the expense of someone getting hurt...it is especially important if the person that potentially could get hurt is not even there (or as you say in the dark) unless they have given consent and condone the swinging... |
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"About the sexless marriage thing. I always thought that unless it was negotiated before hand most people enter into marriage expecting it to be sexual, if one person changes their mind for whatever reason (illness excepted) then the terms of the marriage should be up for renegotiation.
Does it say that in the marriage vows?"
Not in mine but I believe in church they include something about "with my body I thee honour or worship". |
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