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The secret of a succesfull marraige
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't rely on your partner to make you happy ......but when you feel happy share your happiness with them. Be kind, considerate and give each other pleasure freely. 
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There are as many secrets as there are successful marriages I suspect.
An acquaintance of mine has just left her husband because she doesn't love him any more. Is there any secret that can prevent that happening? If you truly love somebody is it possible to stop? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be supportive. If your wife complains about anything or anyone agree with her. Don't try and argue the other side.
She will not be happy with you if you do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be supportive. If your wife complains about anything or anyone agree with her. Don't try and argue the other side.
She will not be happy with you if you do. "
So if she hates your family ? ha
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
"Marrying the right person in the first place
Absolutely this! I had cold feet on the morning of my wedding day but didn't go with my gut and it lasted, well a very short time indeed! "
I had major cold feet, and even my dad told me noone would be cross if I said I couldn't do it. I don't regret it because I have my son... but I'm not sure i'd ever do it again. |
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"There are as many secrets as there are successful marriages I suspect.
An acquaintance of mine has just left her husband because she doesn't love him any more. Is there any secret that can prevent that happening? If you truly love somebody is it possible to stop?"
Sometimes it's a question of was it actually love in the first place? A friend of mine was with her husband for 17 years, a mostly good 17 years she said but then slowly fell out of love and said she felt like he was more of a brother or family to her than a husband...they divorced and she's now with someone she says she's absolutely 100% in love with and never felt this way with her ex husband, not even at the beginning of their relationship. She said something which made me think, 'maybe I just felt love for him but wasn't in love with him'...can relationships be successful if you love a person but aren't in love with them? I personally don't think they can unless it's the other way round ie you're in love and then end up loving them if that makes sense!  |
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"Marrying the right person in the first place
Absolutely this! I had cold feet on the morning of my wedding day but didn't go with my gut and it lasted, well a very short time indeed!
I had major cold feet, and even my dad told me noone would be cross if I said I couldn't do it. I don't regret it because I have my son... but I'm not sure i'd ever do it again."
It's good you had your dad to talk to, I didn't speak to anyone, I kind of just assumed it'd upset the family and with all the time, money and effort that had gone into it by everyone, I didn't want them to feel let down but deep down, knew he wasn't the one...I'm definitely sure I wouldn't do it again but like you, I don't regret it either, not because I have any children but because it allowed me to become me, slightly more bitter and twisted than I already was but more of a realist and to go with my gut more than I used to! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our secret of a successful marriage? Don't have kids. We haven't and we're still very happy after 20 years. Of the 12 weddings we've been to, every one of the couples that had kids are now separated, the 2 that didn't have kids (inc. us) are still together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love, trust, honesty.
Not going to sleep on an argument.
Being bests friends as well as husband and wife.
Act as a team but maintain some sense of individuality.
Allow time apart doing your own thing as well as all the the things you do together.
Compromise.
The list is by no means exhausted but those are a few things that work for us |
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"There are as many secrets as there are successful marriages I suspect.
An acquaintance of mine has just left her husband because she doesn't love him any more. Is there any secret that can prevent that happening? If you truly love somebody is it possible to stop?
Sometimes it's a question of was it actually love in the first place? A friend of mine was with her husband for 17 years, a mostly good 17 years she said but then slowly fell out of love and said she felt like he was more of a brother or family to her than a husband...they divorced and she's now with someone she says she's absolutely 100% in love with and never felt this way with her ex husband, not even at the beginning of their relationship. She said something which made me think, 'maybe I just felt love for him but wasn't in love with him'...can relationships be successful if you love a person but aren't in love with them? I personally don't think they can unless it's the other way round ie you're in love and then end up loving them if that makes sense! "
I don't understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Is it the difference between romantic love and brotherly love? |
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"There are as many secrets as there are successful marriages I suspect.
An acquaintance of mine has just left her husband because she doesn't love him any more. Is there any secret that can prevent that happening? If you truly love somebody is it possible to stop?
Sometimes it's a question of was it actually love in the first place? A friend of mine was with her husband for 17 years, a mostly good 17 years she said but then slowly fell out of love and said she felt like he was more of a brother or family to her than a husband...they divorced and she's now with someone she says she's absolutely 100% in love with and never felt this way with her ex husband, not even at the beginning of their relationship. She said something which made me think, 'maybe I just felt love for him but wasn't in love with him'...can relationships be successful if you love a person but aren't in love with them? I personally don't think they can unless it's the other way round ie you're in love and then end up loving them if that makes sense!
I don't understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Is it the difference between romantic love and brotherly love?"
I didn't properly at first but yes, it's exactly that! It's almost like a convenience thing, for some a convenient and comfortable marriage is more important than a more romantic one...it's a question of could you marry your friend who you love (in a brotherly or family sense), that is everything you'd love in a husband/wife/father/mother but aren't in love with? Or do you need the whole romance and sweep me off my feet, making my whole body warm when I'm with you, kind of love? It's a matter of compromises I think, how one perceives life to be, ideology and the general outlook on life as an individual!
Oh and how many times you've been screwed over by people who 'loved' you and how many mushy, romantic movies you've seen...again all moulding your perception and ideology! |
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"There are as many secrets as there are successful marriages I suspect.
An acquaintance of mine has just left her husband because she doesn't love him any more. Is there any secret that can prevent that happening? If you truly love somebody is it possible to stop?
Sometimes it's a question of was it actually love in the first place? A friend of mine was with her husband for 17 years, a mostly good 17 years she said but then slowly fell out of love and said she felt like he was more of a brother or family to her than a husband...they divorced and she's now with someone she says she's absolutely 100% in love with and never felt this way with her ex husband, not even at the beginning of their relationship. She said something which made me think, 'maybe I just felt love for him but wasn't in love with him'...can relationships be successful if you love a person but aren't in love with them? I personally don't think they can unless it's the other way round ie you're in love and then end up loving them if that makes sense!
I don't understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Is it the difference between romantic love and brotherly love?
I didn't properly at first but yes, it's exactly that! It's almost like a convenience thing, for some a convenient and comfortable marriage is more important than a more romantic one...it's a question of could you marry your friend who you love (in a brotherly or family sense), that is everything you'd love in a husband/wife/father/mother but aren't in love with? Or do you need the whole romance and sweep me off my feet, making my whole body warm when I'm with you, kind of love? It's a matter of compromises I think, how one perceives life to be, ideology and the general outlook on life as an individual!
Oh and how many times you've been screwed over by people who 'loved' you and how many mushy, romantic movies you've seen...again all moulding your perception and ideology!"
Ok I understand thank you.
I suspect I've been very lucky then. |
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"Always, and we mean ALWAYS, provide each other with an alibi. If you can't do that what's the point of marriage? "
If you knew how many times we've said that to each other .
I think that's it in a nutshell really, its when you've got his back and you know he's got yours even on those days when you don't like each other very much.
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Communication.
Honesty.(if you never hear something you don't necessarily like you are not getting honesty)
A genuine concern for you partners happiness and well-being.
Never go to sleep on an un-resolved argument.
You are a team. Always remember that.
Always look to add fun.
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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find someone who loves you for you - that doesnt control you and puts themselves first before you and the kids - i needed to do this and failed miserably - we were together 20 yrs in spite of the crap |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely these are also tips for a successful relationship also?
I don't believe marriage is actually the holy grail these days.
I met him at 21, married at 23 and had daughter at 25. Married 9 years this month.
(he's ten years older)
Respect one and other... and generally just try not to be a dick  |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
Add being best buddies into the dynamic and it becomes almost effortless. Great sex and mutual respect don't go amiss but in truth it's such a complexed question, way too many facets.
Oh, 20 years n counting.
Him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having him work away for about half of our relationship.... everything from 2 weeks to 6 months straight. It's nice to have my own space from time to time, eat when I want, not watch the football and go out with friends without worrying that I'm spending all my time out of the house. Only down side is the drinking when he's home. Falls in d*unk and wonders why he wakes up on the sofa... |
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