FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Double standards

Double standards

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Cant believe the cheek sometimes. When i've sent messages to contact a fem or couple, once or twice i've had a response of " we are looking for someone nicer, or fitter". And i think " have you looked in the mirror lately ". I'm not wot i used to be, i was ripped like a boxer when i was younger, but i'm still fairly acceptable now and not bad looking with good responses from who i've met. Anyone else had that thrown at them from rude contacts ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cant believe the cheek sometimes. When i've sent messages to contact a fem or couple, once or twice i've had a response of " we are looking for someone nicer, or fitter". And i think " have you looked in the mirror lately ". I'm not wot i used to be, i was ripped like a boxer when i was younger, but i'm still fairly acceptable now and not bad looking with good responses from who i've met. Anyone else had that thrown at them from rude contacts ?

If that is really what you think then why contact them in the first place?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A couple contacted me saying they were visiting my area and could I play with them, I politely declined and pointed out that I wasn't meeting any more.

I was immediately sent back an abusive mail saying I was a skinny c**t,go eat some hamburgers as my body obviously craved some and I'd never have been able to handle her man anyway!

I'd went from sexy lady to skanky c**t in three mails lol! xxx

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By *-and-KCouple over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Can't handle rejection laine?

ps only kidding

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A couple contacted me saying they were visiting my area and could I play with them, I politely declined and pointed out that I wasn't meeting any more.

I was immediately sent back an abusive mail saying I was a skinny c**t,go eat some hamburgers as my body obviously craved some and I'd never have been able to handle her man anyway!

I'd went from sexy lady to skanky c**t in three mails lol! xxx

Would you like your hamburger.. wth cheese or without?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There is no need for people to be rude, we only ever decline by saying "one of us doesn't think we would be sexually compatible"

As for wanting to meet people that you think are "out of thier league" why shouldn't they ? we all find different things exciting and attractive, for one person it's a larger size for the next it is a slimmer size, whatever it is that floats your boat that is what you should look for, ie larger people can seek slimmer people, slimmer people can seek larger people, because opposites often attract.

If your not what people are looking for then you simply won't get as many meets but I would not advise anyone to "lower thier standards" for any reason.

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By *ercedesgirlCouple over a year ago

gosforth

Talking bout rude..I had a dogging meet arranged last week. Ten mins before we were due to meet my hubby had chest pains(which turned out to be a full blown heart attack) In my panic to get him to hospital i left my phone so couldnt contact the guys.

When I got back in i messaged everyone apologising profusely. One guy messaged said no problem and was I looking to meet that day !! When I explained hubby was going to have a bypass and I wouldnt be meeting for a few weeks.. He said I was a Lying ugly fat smellyc*nt who probably was a man (even tho we'd spoken on the phone!!)

What can I say..another aresehole blocked! Dont take em to heart and think youve had a lucky escape!!x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't trawl profiles and I don't contact people. What I'm looking for men seldom put on their profiles, so they contact me.

What I am, what I'm looking for, is all there for all to see. If I'm not for you, you don't have to stop and comment. The messages I can't understand are those from people asking to meet - and when you decline as they're outside your criteria they return with abuse.

If I had said yes, let's meet I wouldn't be a fat ugly cow that they'd scrapped the bottom of the barrel for then!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

At least they are been honest, how many times do we see posts on here moaining that people arent honest.

We are all adults on here (well at least over 18 anyway, some DO need to grow up) and as adults we should be able to speak honestly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There is no need to get personal when declining a meet with someone,we had one the other day when i said we were not free that day i got called a fat ugly slag lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If that is really what you think then why contact them in the first place?"

i was just thinking that

why would you mail someone who you feel like that about?

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By *b430Man over a year ago

Tayside

If that is really what you think then why contact them in the first place?

i was just thinking that

why would you mail someone who you feel like that about?"

It is just his own double standards coming out now too.

They were good looking enough to meet until they turned him down and then they turn unatractive?

Those that say they don't have "double standards" are just the ones that can't see that we all do at one time or another - That's life!

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By *teph_NaturallyTV/TS over a year ago

Kettering

A simple "thanx but no thanx" is my usual response to ppl if i dont want to or cant meet them...manners cost nothing...not replying is also rude, so i do try to repsond to all mails whenever possible!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thats not wot i meant. I dont judge them on looks. I'd seen there pics and was happy to meet. If they were looking for brad pit then fair enough. They didnt have to reply the way they did. Thats all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Talking bout rude..I had a dogging meet arranged last week. Ten mins before we were due to meet my hubby had chest pains(which turned out to be a full blown heart attack) In my panic to get him to hospital i left my phone so couldnt contact the guys."

Just as an aside, I hope your hubby's making a speedy recovery :O)

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Compared to some replies people send.... I can't really see the problem with them saying they are looking for someone fitter. If a couple only want to meet Mr Adonis.... so what? It doesn't mean they have to look the same. If you need to look like what you are asking for, I'm going celibate....... and I dread to think what some of the women look like who specify they only meet hunky black men with massive cocks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Double Standards....

We could be here for ever!

I'm not going to harp on about, please read my profile, why? Because it never happens!

Truth be told, we're all swingers, to what ever level we take it, an email onsite today my not be your cup of tea, but you may wake up tomorrow and find it then becomes more appealing!

I always reply to emails sent to me, bar one I received yesterday, I hit the block button.

Bippy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we have had a few rejections it happens we accept that not everyone is for everyone else but a polite thanks but no thanks is all it takes,any form of rudeness isnt really necessary .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"...not replying is also rude"

No it's not!!

I put on my profile NO married or bi men and I wont reply to anyone outside my chosen criteria. If a married bi men then takes it on himself to write to me good luck waiting for a response!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

always be polite... that is the key i find.

if i get an email that is litrally "you free tonight" then occasionaly i will just ignore but that is as rude as i get

if i physically dont think someone is attractive or thier is no personality click it is a simple "thank you but no thanks

i have only ever had one person be rude to me an that was a simple click of the block button

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By *ertnbeckyCouple over a year ago

oldham

"
shurrup bitching fatty.....only joking m8 you look quite presentable to us good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"
...... Have you looked in the mirror lately. WFT FAIL !!!

* sits in crypt * looks Confused

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By *_midland_cpl_xCouple over a year ago

birmingham

we have had guys call mrs sexy as hell one message and when we decline they call her a dog

we have also been called racist for declining one guy and a cpl in no more than the words said we should be swinging with any age when we decline them (but we find swinging with people old enough to be our parents wrong)

we do get annoyed when people don’t read our profile but what can you do we just block people that are either rude or that don’t bother to read our profile

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Some of you arnt getting the point ! ! If i'm not wot they are looking for, a simple "no thanks" is satisfactory . You dont have to reply with a discription why ! Thats all .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some of you arnt getting the point ! ! If i'm not wot they are looking for, a simple "no thanks" is satisfactory . You dont have to reply with a discription why ! Thats all .

If you are reading the profiles 100% you should hardly ever be contacting people who aren't looking for you.

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By *ollie_JCouple over a year ago

London

Never had a rude on yet

Occasionally we also reply to say no thanks, for those that we don't think we will meet, to winks and out of the blue friends requests

But there is not enough time in the world to answer every wink we a now thanks

We do though answer emails, a lough it may take a few days after reading.. We tend to batch em up

Although, cheeky this, we are free tonight, and its one of those things... A arranged meet has had to postponed, now going aaaaahhh.. Were have all the couples gone..

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By *b430Man over a year ago

Tayside

"Some of you arnt getting the point ! ! If i'm not wot they are looking for, a simple "no thanks" is satisfactory . You dont have to reply with a discription why ! Thats all .

You are not getting the point of some of the replies in here either!

Your own double standards have come out again, in that, once they turned you down (for whatever reason) you have started a thread and have said in it "have you looked in the mirror lately". Maybe they shouldn't have replied the way they did and maybe you shouldn't have said what you did here either! - Double Standards .... You can't have it both ways!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

with the volume of mails some people get on here, I think you're lucky to get a reply at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh dear. I didnt reply with" have you looked in the mirror lately". I just stated in the forum wot i felt like replying with. One last time, all i am saying is when someone has contacted you and requested a meet, regardless of how uncompatable they are to you, you shouldnt state they are too fat, too old, too young , too ugly etc. I dont ! Does that make sense ! Yes. School out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't really think it matters if its something you thought or said, if I thought someone wasn't all that - I probably wouldn't be in this situation because I wouldn't have messaged them.

If you're aiming below your own standards, the rejections going to hurt that bit more.

If Kelly Brook told me I looked like a troll, it wouldn't phase me as I know I'd be punching above my own weight. If Ann Widdecombe told me I looked like a troll - I'd be annoyed but probably keep the fact that I contacted her a great secret!

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Oh dear. I didnt reply with" have you looked in the mirror lately". I just stated in the forum wot i felt like replying with. One last time, all i am saying is when someone has contacted you and requested a meet, regardless of how uncompatable they are to you, you shouldnt state they are too fat, too old, too young , too ugly etc. I dont ! Does that make sense ! Yes. School out.

Some people have no tact...we would just answer no thanks if the person wasn't what we were looking for.

But, some people have no standards if they mail people who are obviously not as attractive as they would like.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

How come it's not rude to tell someone:

"Sorry you are outside of my age range"

"Sorry but you're not what I am looking for"

"Sorry but you are not my type"

And more so, how come there's a lot less fuss if someone said:

"Sorry you are too slim for me, I prefer larger women... yet it's rude to say they are too big.

"Sorry you are too young for me"... yet it's rude to say too old.

"Sorry but I am not a fan of big muscle men" ... yet it's rude to say you're not buff enough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This is like pulling teeth. ! I'm on here to meet people for fun. Regardless of age, race, weight or how attractive they are to me or others. I'm not trophy hunting for the most attractive cpl or fem. I message people on the area there in, and if their intrest are similar to mine. Its ignorant to assume i've "dropped my standards" . All i'm saying is you should just reply with no thanks ! FFS !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How come it's not rude to tell someone:

"Sorry you are outside of my age range"

"Sorry but you're not what I am looking for"

"Sorry but you are not my type"

And more so, how come there's a lot less fuss if someone said:

"Sorry you are too slim for me, I prefer larger women... yet it's rude to say they are too big.

"Sorry you are too young for me"... yet it's rude to say too old.

"Sorry but I am not a fan of big muscle men" ... yet it's rude to say you're not buff enough.

Very good question and could also be a thread in it's own right. There really should not be a difference in the examples you give, but in our society most people are not ready for that level of honesty.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"...All i'm saying is you should just reply with no thanks ! FFS !

I had never thought of adding the "FFS!" on the end of a 'no thanks'.... do you think that will help me stop getting the follow-on messages of "But why not?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is like pulling teeth. ! I'm on here to meet people for fun. Regardless of age, race, weight or how attractive they are to me or others. I'm not trophy hunting for the most attractive cpl or fem. I message people on the area there in, and if their intrest are similar to mine. Its ignorant to assume i've "dropped my standards" . All i'm saying is you should just reply with no thanks ! FFS !

Your right, it reflects badly on anyone who chooses to be rude or lacking in tact. Some do without realising it which is unfortunate, some on purpose which is just sad.

BUT some people do persist after being given a number of polite rejections, at that stage it can get harder to remain tactful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Lol. FFS was the end of statement, not intended to finalise reply. But it may help. Or even better, GFYSYSC also ends in a more discriptive fashion. !

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I didn't assume you have dropped your standards, but you just confirmed you have......unless in real life you would fuck anything that walked too

I am almost certain you may find even less interest now

PS, I still agree with you, that people could try getting a bit more tact when saying No thanks.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

okay.... lets make this really really simple for you....

I know of a lady on here that came on the site....brand new profile...

went away for 4 hrs...

came back online and had 250 replies waiting for her...

now.... hand on heart... would you answer EVERY single one of them????

really?????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

okay.... lets make this really really simple for you....

I know of a lady on here that came on the site....brand new profile...

went away for 4 hrs...

came back online and had 250 replies waiting for her...

now.... hand on heart... would you answer EVERY single one of them????

really?????

I don't think his point had anything to do with people not replying in fairness - to make it simple for you.....

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

okay.... lets make this really really simple for you....

I know of a lady on here that came on the site....brand new profile...

went away for 4 hrs...

came back online and had 250 replies waiting for her...

now.... hand on heart... would you answer EVERY single one of them????

really?????

I don't think his point had anything to do with people not replying in fairness - to make it simple for you..... "

look at the last line....

"All i'm saying is you should just reply with no thanks ! FFS !

so people have three options..

1) no reply at all.... which we have seen people moan about...

2) reply with a reason... which we have seen people moan about...

3) reply with a "no thanks"... Which we have seen people moan about...

been on long enough... seen people annoyed with all three

sometimes I wonder why people bother... because you can't do right for doing wrong in some peoples eyes.....

if rejection is taken to heart, swinging isn't something you should be involved in...

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By *atisfy janeWoman over a year ago

Torquay

There is a very real need for a button you can push to denote 'Thanks but not for me' or 'Thanks but not interested' in response to a message from another member.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"There is a very real need for a button you can push to denote 'Thanks but not for me' or 'Thanks but not interested' in response to a message from another member."

do that... and I am willing to bet you within one week you would get people complaining about "impersonal replies"

people will always find something to moan/whinge about....

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"There is a very real need for a button you can push to denote 'Thanks but not for me' or 'Thanks but not interested' in response to a message from another member."

We already have that... it's called the delete button. But like many things, some people still don't understand the clearest of messages.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Let me sum this up....

People moan at no replies.

People moan at no reasons being given even though they think they are a match.

People moan at being given a reason.

In short... you're all just moaning because you got a knock-back. Order yourselves a home study pack on rejection... you'll have a happier life.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"There is a very real need for a button you can push to denote 'Thanks but not for me' or 'Thanks but not interested' in response to a message from another member."

I read that wrong, I thought it said to "detonate"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago
Forum Mod

Id love a detonate button

Makes things realy clear with no room for argument

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

lol boom

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By *andy muncherMan over a year ago

Nottingham

"Let me sum this up....

People moan at no replies.

People moan at no reasons being given even though they think they are a match.

People moan at being given a reason.

In short... you're all just moaning because you got a knock-back. Order yourselves a home study pack on rejection... you'll have a happier life."

some peeps on here just cant take rejection it happens your face dont fit tough move on

there will always be some one else who will like you i have peeps always asking to see my face pics all the time you think the ones who are going blow you out as soon as they see you but not always ive had sum pleasant surprises so just take as it comes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

look at the last line....

"All i'm saying is you should just reply with no thanks ! FFS !

so people have three options..

1) no reply at all.... which we have seen people moan about...

2) reply with a reason... which we have seen people moan about...

3) reply with a "no thanks"... Which we have seen people moan about...

been on long enough... seen people annoyed with all three

sometimes I wonder why people bother... because you can't do right for doing wrong in some peoples eyes.....

if rejection is taken to heart, swinging isn't something you should be involved in...

I have looked at the last line, I also took the time to read the thread.

If you do that I think it's clear to see that you have taken the last line out of context. I just feel the 'lets make this really really simple for you' quote is a little unfair to the intelligence of the Op when you're not even responding to the point he has raised and clarified throughout the thread (whether or not anyone agrees with them). He didn't complain about people choosing not to respond.

Apart from that I actually agree with most of the rest of the points you've made.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

actually the most beautiful profiles can become quite unattractive when you read constant moaning posts on these type of forums.

A half full glass is so much more attractive than a half empty one.

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By *corpio67Man over a year ago

hillingdon

if I send a mail to anyone I always add.

"a polite no thanks is ok"

That way no one is offended and you give them a way out!

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By *b430Man over a year ago

Tayside

"Oh dear. I didnt reply with" have you looked in the mirror lately". I just stated in the forum wot i felt like replying with.

.............

Does that make sense ! Yes. School out.

Does it make sense to you that stating it in the forums or sending it in a mail is the same thing i.e. you were happy to meet them until they rejected you and gave you the comments back, you then started a forum using the "look in the mirror comment" which is just as bad as them saying you weren't up to scratch in the looks department!

If the people that mailed you back with the comments were reading the forums they could be just as offended as you were at their comments!

So, to summarise, you have double standards just like they maybe do too and probably most of us have at some point also. That's life and it isn't something to get yourself so wound up about.

They didn't like the way you looked and you weren't that keen on them either (but would have met them anyway for a bit of fun - as you have said!). Best thing to do is move onto your next candidate for "fun" and forget about the ones who obviously don't want to meet you. Not that difficult to work out really!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This is like talking to a 5 year old. I was not offended by them not intrested in a meet. Simply by the way they replied. I dont need to know why they arnt intrested really. Whether they already have a meet planned or just arnt attracted. They just have to say no thanks. ! READ IT PROPERLY !

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"actually the most beautiful profiles can become quite unattractive when you read constant moaning posts on these type of forums.

A half full glass is so much more attractive than a half empty one.

My cup it over flows.... a little bit like my toilet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/10 14:29:10]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It would appear that not many people agree with you, so the stats suggest that they don't have to do anything.

I don't see the double standards on their part - they don't think much of you physically, you don't think much of them physically - they didn't approach you. Job done.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"This is like talking to a 5 year old. I was not offended by them not intrested in a meet. Simply by the way they replied. I dont need to know why they arnt intrested really. Whether they already have a meet planned or just arnt attracted. They just have to say no thanks. ! READ IT PROPERLY !

One quick question then.....

Why is your thread titled "Double standards" (which does tie in with your comment on not looking in the mirror)and not "Rude Replies"... which has nothing to do with double standards does it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok. Starting from begining. I posted a mail to meet a couple, they replied with a rude response suggesting i was below average, amongst other remarks, and wernt intrested in the least. At that point i 'thought' have you two looked in the mirror lately ! I didnt send that _iew. I dont judge people on looks or age or anything else. That also means i dont deem them as sub standard, apart from there attitude. Ok they wernt brad and ang, but there was no need to be so rude. I dont seek out fems or cpls by looks alone. I have had great times with people of all shapes and race. I find it veßy narrow minded of some of the peoples posts in regard to my topic. To asume that i must have 'lowered my standards' in order to meet makes me wonder about their attitude towards others. Its simple, if you dont meet the criteria, then 'no thanks'. Some people should read the whole thread as well before adding useless contributions. I hope i made this clear.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Ok. Starting from begining. I posted a mail to meet a couple, they replied with a rude response suggesting i was below average, amongst other remarks, and wernt intrested in the least. At that point i 'thought' have you two looked in the mirror lately ! I didnt send that _iew. I dont judge people on looks or age or anything else. That also means i dont deem them as sub standard, apart from there attitude. Ok they wernt brad and ang, but there was no need to be so rude. I dont seek out fems or cpls by looks alone. I have had great times with people of all shapes and race. I find it veßy narrow minded of some of the peoples posts in regard to my topic. To asume that i must have 'lowered my standards' in order to meet makes me wonder about their attitude towards others. Its simple, if you dont meet the criteria, then 'no thanks'. Some people should read the whole thread as well before adding useless contributions. I hope i made this clear.

No it hasn't - what's it got to do with double standards?

PS - if we are paraphrasing.....they didn't say you were below average - they said you were below the standard they were looking for.

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By *atisfy janeWoman over a year ago

Torquay

It could have been worse....they could have said 'You are the weakest link....fook off!'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they weren't all that themselves, why contact them in the first place? or why think it afterwards if you don't judge based on looks?

Seems to me like you tried it on with someone you thought you were better than and they had the audacity to decline or you're just bitter.

At least you're not moaning though, because nobody likes a moaner (not in this sense anyway!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Its no good. I'm wasting my time. Most are missing the point. Regardless of wot anyone thinks, theres no need to be rude in replies. Its that simple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One persons honesty is another persons rudeness. Maybe they just wanted to be blunt with you, I can understand that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Wow, the 1st response the thread was designed for. Thanks

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

I can't understand how you can accuse them of having double standards as they patently don't as their reply (perhaps a little too blunt) proves! They have their selection criteria and are sticking with it! Did they word their reply in a rude way or was it just straight forward and you've chosen to take offence? Z

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I still don't understand what the double standard is

Did their profile say "NO blunt replies"

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Yes, this and your other posts make it very clear that being rude comes from all sides, including you.

Now as this thread is going around in circles because you don't like the answers that don't agree with you, I am shutting it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your message could have been the 100th that day and they probably got sick and tired of finding ways to let people down and just said it like it is!!

That said - I too find it hard to reconcile your comment about them "looking in the mirror" with your own of not judging people: it sounds a little like you have your own double standards.

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