FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Moving your goal posts..
Moving your goal posts..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It may have been done to death already, but are your personal preferences set in stone?
For example we have a fairly rigid age preference but often are messaged by people outside it who when we point it out reply by saying something like "we're only 3, 4, 5..even 20 years outside it, or worse still age is only a number"!
I'm not just referring just to age, people have all kind of likes/dislikes..so the question is..are your preferences a moveable feast and if they are have you enjoyed fab adventures with people who superficially didn't tick all the boxes? Discuss  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My age requests are pretty much there for a reason, so haven't gone beyond them otherwise. The married one also is rigid- that doesn't change. The height one has been proven wrong by one man, but generally not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Im pretty easy going to be honest,nothing is set in stone apart from safe sex but the rest can be juggled about a bit if someone really interesting comes along
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we do have preferences but just every once in a while people from outside them come and suprise us ,more than any preference sense of humour and personality will always win
Lou and Stu x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends.... do you mean move them a short distance along the goal line or pick them up and take them to a different field."
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LOL, probably both, I'd love to hear from someone who wanted to meet a George Clooney lookalike but ended up with Barry Chuckle and had the time of their lives!
The reason for my question is that I'm conscious of wasting peoples time, so if they dont tick all the boxes I tell them so from outset, even though they might well be lovely people who just dont read profiles (which is another bugbear of mine lol), so we may well miss out but I dont want to turn this into a full time job!
I guess the line has to be drawn somewhere and even though we all have basic qualties we look for even that doesn't guaranteee a fun night out  |
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I have different preferences for different activities.... it would be a monster profile if I tried to explain them all... and people would just say they fit the preference for one activity so why don't they match the preferences for the main activity I have my profile on display for.
So - my preferences on my profile:
I do have to laugh at some of the "but I am only 5 years outside your preference".... I sometimes want to reply "yeah but you look at least 10 years outside of it" 
I don't think they understand it is not the actual number which is the preference.... it is how people of that age generally look.
If someone said they were 39 but looked 49, I would turn them down.
If someone said they were 45 but looked 35, I wouldn't (well not because of their age).
Height - no, not a lot of room to move those goalposts... it is important to me and I'd prefer not to overlook this preference and then spend the evening looking over the top of them.
Distance is a guideline... but they'd have to be seriously hot totty and tick all the other boxes to get me interested in someone over 2 hours away. |
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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
Since as our profile says we have 'no issues' about swinging it's hard to find where the goalposts actually are!
We certainly have personal preferences in as much we have a good idea what sort of person we find attractive - but then both of us have had fantastic sex with persons far removed from those physical preferences - especially at parties where we really do go with the flow
What we mean is we do tend to meet people within certain categories more often - but then we have played with folks from 21 to 70 (that we know of) and of all shapes and sizes and had some amazing times
So really we are not sure how to answer the question come to think about it
xx
j&r |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have different preferences for different activities.... it would be a monster profile if I tried to explain them all... and people would just say they fit the preference for one activity so why don't they match the preferences for the main activity I have my profile on display for.
So - my preferences on my profile:
I do have to laugh at some of the "but I am only 5 years outside your preference".... I sometimes want to reply "yeah but you look at least 10 years outside of it"
I don't think they understand it is not the actual number which is the preference.... it is how people of that age generally look.
If someone said they were 39 but looked 49, I would turn them down.
If someone said they were 45 but looked 35, I wouldn't (well not because of their age).
Height - no, not a lot of room to move those goalposts... it is important to me and I'd prefer not to overlook this preference and then spend the evening looking over the top of them.
Distance is a guideline... but they'd have to be seriously hot totty and tick all the other boxes to get me interested in someone over 2 hours away."
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That's interesting polo, distance and height is an issue for me too, so when I point out to someone who lives 300 miles away that arranging a meet would be inpractical they reply with..'but Im over 6ft', which they think will make it all alright lol!
Anyway this is beginning to sound like a rant on my part, which it isnt  , was just interested to hear some light hearted reflections  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Certain criteria have no exceptions, however, age range is not set in stone, and it depends if I consider the person exceptional to be worth my while or not!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We will make exceptions for the right people.. We tend to prefer younger guys.. But have had some great fun with older ones.
We dont set things like no married men, as to be fair its there business not ours.
We tend to go on attitude and respect shown. My only none moving part is I have to like their photo.
I have had some fantastic messages, read great profiles, then asked for the photo and thought Nope.. no way.
I dont really have a lower age limit, upper age limit we have broken a few times..
Katie. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to play with my own age group and only a couple of times played with 30 somethings, but they were exceptional!
My preference for not meeting married men, not meeting in hotels, short and bi men won't change. |
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"It may have been done to death already, but are your personal preferences set in stone?
For example we have a fairly rigid age preference but often are messaged by people outside it who when we point it out reply by saying something like "we're only 3, 4, 5..even 20 years outside it, or worse still age is only a number"!
I'm not just referring just to age, people have all kind of likes/dislikes..so the question is..are your preferences a moveable feast and if they are have you enjoyed fab adventures with people who superficially didn't tick all the boxes? Discuss "
its like everything in this game some peeps go on age others on looks others size and others well i,ll leave you guys to choose |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say that our preferences or boundaries, or come to think of it, what we are looking for have changed over the years.
We first started looking for Bi-fems, then onto couples wi bi-fem for soft swap, then couples for full swap (same room) and now we play seperatly, or when in a 4some, play in seperate rooms.
I guess nothing is set in stone, we would just change the boundaries if we all feel comfortable with the situation at the time.
S. |
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As it says on my profile, most of my boundaries and preferences are fluid.
A regular FB of mine is above my age range, but they don't act their age, and they make me laugh, which is a battle half won with me.
The only one of mine that isn't fluid, or subject to change is the safer sex one. I refuse to put myself at risk. |
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I think the only thing set in concrete for us is the ‘single MUST be single’. Liking or not liking someone is a massive equation and also depends on individual tolerance. For example when I got together with what was to become my first wife I was her dream bloke come true (apparently), slightly different story 12 years later with divorce papers in hand. Then the ‘don’t likes’ escalate through the roof and all the little things that didn’t matter becomes massive the ‘what I hate about him’ list just keeps growing till you get to the classic line ‘don’t know what I ever saw in that person’.
So for us it’s really a matter of give and take, but we would still say that personality and sense of humour can offset a multitude of other objective things. If we were to write up a specification of what we consider ‘perfect’ if the personality/GSH box doesn’t get ticked then its not going to happen.
So I guess that’s 3 things set in concrete…
1, Singles MUST be single.
2, Personality MUST be to our liking.
3, MUST have a sense of humour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have a fun date tomorrow night with some very good friends of ours The lady partner is 10yrs below my preferred age
I know........ it's a bloody hard job sometimes, but I'll struggle through I'm certain  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have a fun date tomorrow night with some very good friends of ours The lady partner is 10yrs below my preferred age
I know........ it's a bloody hard job sometimes, but I'll struggle through I'm certain "
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LOL, I'm sure you'll soldier on!
It reminds me of a guy I was chatting to, he seemed nice enough to be fair, but was only 34, after a couple of message exchanges his profile age had suddenly increased by 10 years to fall inside my age preference! When I pointed it out to him he was upfront about it, but it did make me wonder how he was going to go from looking like a 34 year old, to looking like a 44 year old if I'd decided to meet him..Ive noticed his age has since gone back to 34! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our own criteria is very open a wide age range, soft play, full play, same or seperate room etc, so we tend to find that most people fall within that scope.
It is actually other peoples criteria that we are inflexible on, daily we get mails from people whose profiles say "won't meet smokers" or whose age range 1 or both of us falls outside, in those cases we do not bend, we would feel uncomfortable meeting those who find smoking such a turn off and I feel like "last boy picked for the team only there because they want to play with Sasha" when we are outside thier age limits so we will not meet them no matter what they say about being flexible or "making exceptions" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have a fun date tomorrow night with some very good friends of ours The lady partner is 10yrs below my preferred age
I know........ it's a bloody hard job sometimes, but I'll struggle through I'm certain
Jack you’re a hero I had to check your profile to do some sums and if I got it right that puts you on level peggings with me on a 23 year age gap? You soldier on mate, let me know if you need a hand "
lol, thanks, but I can manage all by myself
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Generally speaking I don't move the goalposts, I know what sort of guys I am attracted to and I like to be true to myself.
Older guys just don't do it for me sexually so I don't entertain that.
Smokers are personally a no no for me too, so however attractive and appealing I viewed a guy to be I wouldn't play with a smoker.
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it doesn't take much too actually read a profile!
when your 18 to 30 the criteria is very different to when your 50 to 70!!!
Basically you have much more choice.
just for fun ponder on this.....
from 20 to 30 - if a man lives right
It's once in the morning & twice at night
From 30 to 40 - If he still lives right
He misses a morning & sometimes at night
From 40 to 50 - It's just now and then
From 50 to 60 - it's God knows when
From 60 to 70 - if he's still inclined -But don't let him kid you
it's still in his mind
his sporting days are over
his little light is out-
what used to be his sex appeal
is now his water spout
it used to be embarrasing
to make the thing behave
for nearlyevery morning
it stood and watched him shave
But now he's getting older
it sure gives him the blues
to have it dangling down his legs
and watch him clean his shoes! |
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Nice one Scorpio...
There was a joke a while back, might have been on here, I can’t remember but here goes…
An old man goes to the chemist and asks for Viagra but also wants the tablets cut into 4 quarters. The chemist says…
“Yes sir, we can do that for you but you should realise that a quarter of a tablet will not give you a full erection!”
The old man replies… “I’m 79, I don’t want a full erection, I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t keep pissing on my slippers!” |
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ok, here's one for all those guys that "lie" on thier profile!
Importance
someday when your feeling important
some day when your ego's in bloom
some day when you get to thinking
that your the best man in the room
some day when you think that your going
would leave an ubfillable hole
just follow these simple instructions
and see how they humble your soul
take a bucket and fill it with water
plunge your hands in it up to the wrist
pull them out and the hole that remains
is the measure of how you'll be missed
you may splash all youplease as you enter
you can stir up the water galore
but stop and you'll see in a minute
that things are the same as before
The moral of this is quite simple
it's just do the best that you can
be proud of yourself, but remember
There is no indispensible man!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes absolutely, why bother having them if you are not going to stick to them? So when i get messages by those not in the age group i want, i delete them.
Prefer single guys and not those cheating on a partner, dont see the point, plenty of single guys, there's no need to lower my standards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice one Scorpio...
There was a joke a while back, might have been on here, I can’t remember but here goes…
An old man goes to the chemist and asks for Viagra but also wants the tablets cut into 4 quarters. The chemist says…
“Yes sir, we can do that for you but you should realise that a quarter of a tablet will not give you a full erection!”
The old man replies… “I’m 79, I don’t want a full erection, I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t keep pissing on my slippers!” "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am easy going if I like the look of someone then I will start to get to know them, and if that works out, I go a head and meet them, as for moving the goalposts’ well am not in a hurry, so with me there room for change.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My goalposts have definitely changed. I think when you get used to the lifestyle a little, you want to get a little more adventurous at times. Theres some things Ill never be into, BDSM etc, though I have had someone whip me at Chams, just to see what it was like, they didnt do it properly I suspect. |
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