FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > In it for the long haul?
In it for the long haul?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you ask if swingers are in it for the long haul before you meet?
I prefer to establish longer term connections with people, so if guys say that they're just here in-between relationships then it turns me off (I'm not really into being someone who gets a call whenever someone gets dumped).
Anyone got any thoughts? |
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We like to make long-term friendships, with the possibility of multiple meets.
We understand that it wont always work like that, and we are happy to do "one-offs" too, but ideally something a little more long-term is our goal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always treat every first meet as though it's a one off. anything that continues afterwards, as long as all parties are happy is allowed to develop naturally rather than being planned from the first meet. We would never ask people what their long term plans were in regards to swinging because frankly it's not really any of our business, as ours isn't theirs. |
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"We avoid the long haul. Much prefer short and sweet, no strings."
Always prefered the short term commitment, having been a commitment phobe in the past, that was what I was looking for and seemed to get plagued by guys wanting something regular and being annoyed when my life got in the way - hmmm, that was what I liked about swinging, that I could still do my own thing. However, since meeting my bf, things have changed - from first meet we both talked about where we were at with this swinging thing and where it could go next - neither of us realised or planned for the relationship to come out of it, but just happened. Now, when we meet as a couple, or I meet singly, don't really want or need anything else from that meet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's quite interesting. I assumed that people would have looked for those that were 'lifestyle' swingers and had made a commitment to being in the lifestyle.
Clearly I was mistaken! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We always treat every first meet as though it's a one off. anything that continues afterwards, as long as all parties are happy is allowed to develop naturally rather than being planned from the first meet. We would never ask people what their long term plans were in regards to swinging because frankly it's not really any of our business, as ours isn't theirs. "
This. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's quite interesting. I assumed that people would have looked for those that were 'lifestyle' swingers and had made a commitment to being in the lifestyle.
Clearly I was mistaken!"
It's a delicious past time to us, a hobby to enhance an already busy life not a lifestyle...For us, If it became that, I think it would be time to give it a rest... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer long haul sexual relationships,on here it just doesn't happen often. Sometimes due to work commitments-I find a lot of the men I'm attracted to have very busy work lives-or distance. I think because I'm looking for something I don't get in my off Fab life I'm not settling easily with anyone. I've only had one long haul from here and it wasn't discussed beforehand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't give a toss. As long as they're ticking my boxes and the sex is fun, wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to me if they deleted their profile the next day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's quite interesting. I assumed that people would have looked for those that were 'lifestyle' swingers and had made a commitment to being in the lifestyle.
Clearly I was mistaken!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I far prefer one offs and actually discourage guys who seem to want to meet regularily.
A long time ago i did have many guys i met for regular meets, most were great but some then asked more of me such as wanting to live with me or for me to only see them, complaining why i met so many othet guys etc ..... so now i tend to stick to one offs in general with the rare exception. Clubs are good for one offs  |
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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago
Chatham |
Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag."
Yes, I think that's what I meant. People who aren't just going to 'go monogamous' at the first sign of life away from fab. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag.
Yes, I think that's what I meant. People who aren't just going to 'go monogamous' at the first sign of life away from fab."
I think if you are a couple looking for couples you don't need to worry about this so much. I am guessing what you are talking about is differentiating between single swingers and NSA seekers who would be monogamous if they were in a relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag.
Yes, I think that's what I meant. People who aren't just going to 'go monogamous' at the first sign of life away from fab.
I think if you are a couple looking for couples you don't need to worry about this so much. I am guessing what you are talking about is differentiating between single swingers and NSA seekers who would be monogamous if they were in a relationship? "
Yes, that's what I meant. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Well first us we have only looked for couples so far, but if we were ever to look for a "special guest star" for the evening, we would want a single swinger that understood us, rather than someone who didn't understand and was judging us.
I have read forum posts from single guys saying "I met this couple and shagged the wife, the husband must be fucking crazy, if she was my Mrs I wouldn't let anyone near her". We wouldn't want to open up our relationship to people who had those kind of attitudes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have met people from this site and others. Some have been long term, one couple for eight years and have just started seeing another couple, 6 months now, on a regular basis. I have also had meets where it has been a one off or seen people a couple of times.
That doesn't mean I want exclusivity, far from it! But it is nice to make a connection with someone. Having said that it can also be great sex just having a one off meet.
Nsa or nsa? For me its always been about no strings, good adult fun. And having been around the scene for 15 years, I guess you could say it's long term nsa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well first us we have only looked for couples so far, but if we were ever to look for a "special guest star" for the evening, we would want a single swinger that understood us, rather than someone who didn't understand and was judging us.
I have read forum posts from single guys saying "I met this couple and shagged the wife, the husband must be fucking crazy, if she was my Mrs I wouldn't let anyone near her". We wouldn't want to open up our relationship to people who had those kind of attitudes. "
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"It's quite interesting. I assumed that people would have looked for those that were 'lifestyle' swingers and had made a commitment to being in the lifestyle.
Clearly I was mistaken!
It's a delicious past time to us, a hobby to enhance an already busy life not a lifestyle...For us, If it became that, I think it would be time to give it a rest..."
I totally with you on this... Who lives a "lifestyle" anymore...
It's an outdated concept at best.
All are free to take the best course of action at the time, if that's monogamy now and in 6 months or 3 years, then so be it. |
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"Well first us we have only looked for couples so far, but if we were ever to look for a "special guest star" for the evening, we would want a single swinger that understood us, rather than someone who didn't understand and was judging us.
I have read forum posts from single guys saying "I met this couple and shagged the wife, the husband must be fucking crazy, if she was my Mrs I wouldn't let anyone near her". We wouldn't want to open up our relationship to people who had those kind of attitudes. "
Yeah... That sits somewhere between childish and sick....
And possibly does them no favours, they are just having sex and not in or aware of the moment... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only relationship we're interested in is our own. Inevitably we've made some friends and we bump into people occasionally but we don't tend to stay in touch and rarely repeat a meet.
I understand about the attitude thing though and agree. We're happy doing what we do but sometimes you read some views (on here of all places!) and it's a reminder of why we keep our activities very very private.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very interesting thoughts here ...for me it's about embracing the libertine philosophy behind swinging ..enjoying the opportunities to meet and share pleasure with nice people ...sometimes you get on so well with someone it continues into further meets , months and longer possibly ...but it's always very free of commitments or expectations with no pressure...and there is a desire for new experiences so you keep excited for the next possibility ...I do think the zipless fuck philosophy is very important ....I have learned a lot of the mental approach to have from a wonderful lady I have met here too .... |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"We always treat every first meet as though it's a one off. anything that continues afterwards, as long as all parties are happy is allowed to develop naturally rather than being planned from the first meet. We would never ask people what their long term plans were in regards to swinging because frankly it's not really any of our business, as ours isn't theirs. "
Pretty much this ^^^^^
Swinging has become more of an occasional but enjoyable hobby for us. We might still be doing it,in a year or two or we might not. We aren't even sure of our own long term swinging plans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag."
exactly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I totally with you on this... Who lives a "lifestyle" anymore...
It's an outdated concept at best."
Erm, you do know that 'lifestyle' means 'the way in which you live'.
So unless you're dead, it's not actually an outdated concept. |
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"I totally with you on this... Who lives a "lifestyle" anymore...
It's an outdated concept at best.
Erm, you do know that 'lifestyle' means 'the way in which you live'.
So unless you're dead, it's not actually an outdated concept."
Well if you want to take things totally literally, then yes, but over time "lifestyle" has come to mean the prescribed set of rules that apply to a sub-culture, that should be adhered to, if you would like to wear their badge.
We that is an outdated concept and moreover, it's boring & you can be anything you like in this world, but never boring.
So maybe I died a long time ago, but I certainly feel free of "lifestyle". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
"
I hate the term 'lifestyle'. It insinuates the type of people that live for sex 24/7. I also hate the term 'swinger' for similar reasons. |
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
"
Funny, just the other day a friend of mine was talking with her girlfriends about sex clubs and sex parties....
They all said it was disgusting and why would anybody want to have sex in front of other people....
She nearly burst out laughing, they would never think it of her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I hate the term 'lifestyle'. It insinuates the type of people that live for sex 24/7. I also hate the term 'swinger' for similar reasons. "
Most the time we just have fun. We've had a couple of moments that have been so good we barely believe they happened ourselves. But there's also been moments where we've thought this is everything we feared swinging would be.
So it's not a lifestyle for us, we're just dippers
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
Funny, just the other day a friend of mine was talking with her girlfriends about sex clubs and sex parties....
They all said it was disgusting and why would anybody want to have sex in front of other people....
She nearly burst out laughing, they would never think it of her."
I LOVE these moments
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together. "
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger. |
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
I hate the term 'lifestyle'. It insinuates the type of people that live for sex 24/7. I also hate the term 'swinger' for similar reasons. "
Swinger. Just immediately makes me wann a go....
Hollywooooooooooooood
Hollywood swingers!!
Ba ba ba! |
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
Funny, just the other day a friend of mine was talking with her girlfriends about sex clubs and sex parties....
They all said it was disgusting and why would anybody want to have sex in front of other people....
She nearly burst out laughing, they would never think it of her.
I LOVE these moments
"
Even more.... They said "that sort of stuff only happens in Europe!" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The lifestyle seems a bit 70s and gives images of seedy parties, dirty old men.. I know not to everyone, but in my mind.
We don't really think of ourselves as swingers even, we're married adults that like to go and have occasional adult fun with others.
I can understand why some want to do it as a subculture type thing, but I prefer to see it as an escape from our 'normal life' and we love the fact that nobody knows and those moments when friends are joking about orgies etc. oblivious that we've done them.
"
That's fair. I am out to my friends that I go to sex clubs, have multiple partners, casual sex etc. Mostly because half of them do the same. It's quite nice really. I guess in my case it's more of a lifestyle, but I can see how you could classify it as a hobby instead. |
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"
I hate the term 'lifestyle'. It insinuates the type of people that live for sex 24/7. I also hate the term 'swinger' for similar reasons.
Most the time we just have fun. We've had a couple of moments that have been so good we barely believe they happened ourselves. But there's also been moments where we've thought this is everything we feared swinging would be.
So it's not a lifestyle for us, we're just dippers
"
Not far different from playing golf on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
I play, smoke a cigar and swig whiskey from a hip flask on the way round....
But I'm far from a chain smoking, hard drinking golfer!
Just enjoying another taste of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's fair. I am out to my friends that I go to sex clubs, have multiple partners, casual sex etc. Mostly because half of them do the same. It's quite nice really. I guess in my case it's more of a lifestyle, but I can see how you could classify it as a hobby instead."
I see your situation as very different. I'm looking at it from a 'normal' couples perspective. If I'd set out to have a particular kind of relationship (as a single) I'd probably see it more in your terms and I completely agree about wanting to find like minded people etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes to some extent, though it's more about attitude than time scales. I want to meet people who have a swinging ethos, not those who just signed up on here to chance their arm at a quick shag.
Yes, I think that's what I meant. People who aren't just going to 'go monogamous' at the first sign of life away from fab."
I prefare ladies who are real swingers not justto sample a pussy for first time. I like a sub who is a swinger and stays in this lifestyle. If they do, it leads to more meets for me and great times to be had... A journey of lust, passion, insane sex and lots of fun.  :  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together.
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger."
you never know what's around the corner. I could meet someone tonight who fills all my needs and desires and have left fab for good within a few weeks. You just don't know. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I see your situation as very different. I'm looking at it from a 'normal' couples perspective. If I'd set out to have a particular kind of relationship (as a single) I'd probably see it more in your terms and I completely agree about wanting to find like minded people etc.
"
I'm not personally looking for a relationship here, I already have a couple of them. I'm just looking for people to have sex with. But I find the swingers I've met who are 'into swinging' are much more interesting and pleasant people to spend time with than the people who are just 'looking for a fuck'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I hate the term 'lifestyle'. It insinuates the type of people that live for sex 24/7. I also hate the term 'swinger' for similar reasons.
Most the time we just have fun. We've had a couple of moments that have been so good we barely believe they happened ourselves. But there's also been moments where we've thought this is everything we feared swinging would be.
So it's not a lifestyle for us, we're just dippers
"
I like that. I'm a 'dipper'.
In my case though it's spelled 'dipshit'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
you never know what's around the corner. I could meet someone tonight who fills all my needs and desires and have left fab for good within a few weeks. You just don't know. "
Yes for sure. Although I guess to me that's like meeting someone and giving up my airsofting hobby - it's something that I wouldn't do just because I met someone new. Which is I suppose why I'm looking for people who are really into swinging as a hobby/lifestyle, I just wondered if there were any other similar people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Not far different from playing golf on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
I play, smoke a cigar and swig whiskey from a hip flask on the way round....
But I'm far from a chain smoking, hard drinking golfer!
Just enjoying another taste of life."
Whereas my Dad identifies as a 'golfer, even though he only plays once or twice a month. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
you never know what's around the corner. I could meet someone tonight who fills all my needs and desires and have left fab for good within a few weeks. You just don't know.
Yes for sure. Although I guess to me that's like meeting someone and giving up my airsofting hobby - it's something that I wouldn't do just because I met someone new. Which is I suppose why I'm looking for people who are really into swinging as a hobby/lifestyle, I just wondered if there were any other similar people."
There are. I'm just like you in that respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see your situation as very different. I'm looking at it from a 'normal' couples perspective. If I'd set out to have a particular kind of relationship (as a single) I'd probably see it more in your terms and I completely agree about wanting to find like minded people etc.
I'm not personally looking for a relationship here, I already have a couple of them. I'm just looking for people to have sex with. But I find the swingers I've met who are 'into swinging' are much more interesting and pleasant people to spend time with than the people who are just 'looking for a fuck'."
Think that's more to do with how comfortable people are with what they're doing, regardless of what they call it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together.
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger."
I do know what you're saying- and understand.
But I think we never know what might happen in the future. The most ardent swinger might meet someone and suddenly inexplicably want to be monogamous.
Or they may just go off sex for other reasons.
Or not want to meet with you anymore.
Things change. |
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"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together.
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger."
It's a tricky one as people change.
Also, I'm trying to understand what you're getting at. You someone committed to the lifestyle or you? |
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"
Not far different from playing golf on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
I play, smoke a cigar and swig whiskey from a hip flask on the way round....
But I'm far from a chain smoking, hard drinking golfer!
Just enjoying another taste of life.
Whereas my Dad identifies as a 'golfer, even though he only plays once or twice a month. "
I like him already! |
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"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together.
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger.
I do know what you're saying- and understand.
But I think we never know what might happen in the future. The most ardent swinger might meet someone and suddenly inexplicably want to be monogamous.
Or they may just go off sex for other reasons.
Or not want to meet with you anymore.
Things change."
It's a good point.... Your life can change in an instant.
I was once applied for a job on one of the ice stations, I didn't get it, but would most likely of been very little sex for two years....
But I would of loved the experiance, instant end to any "lifestyle".
Also many times I have literally received emails and hopped on a plane, within the week, to work across the other side of the globe.
Bringing about a total change to how I live. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"How could I possibly know if I was in it for the long haul unless I'd got to know them a bit? You can't really tell what someone is like from a profile, a few pics and some message exchange. You need to actually meet them and spend some time together.
As I said, in swinging for the long haul. Not going to back out after five minutes because you met someone who isn't a swinger.
I do know what you're saying- and understand.
But I think we never know what might happen in the future. The most ardent swinger might meet someone and suddenly inexplicably want to be monogamous.
Or they may just go off sex for other reasons.
Or not want to meet with you anymore.
Things change."
This
We have been meeting others on and off for a fair few years. Over that time we have changed a great deal in what we are looking for and want. No doubt we will continue to change... |
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you never know what's around the corner. I could meet someone tonight who fills all my needs and desires and have left fab for good within a few weeks. You just don't know.
Yes for sure. Although I guess to me that's like meeting someone and giving up my airsofting hobby - it's something that I wouldn't do just because I met someone new. Which is I suppose why I'm looking for people who are really into swinging as a hobby/lifestyle, I just wondered if there were any other similar people."
It's a weird one this for me, I see your point.
More people pulling in the same direction, leads to its own way of life and is much less repressive for those involved.
On the other hand, the thing I hate most about this "lifestyle" is how exclusive it is (and not the good exclusive).
At some point you become perilously close to isolating yourself.
This causes misunderstanding and excludes a large amount of people who would benefit the group.
I guess I'm just saying it takes all kinds and diversity is paramount.
I'm a name not a number!!
Power to the people!!
Don't ask, thought it needed something rousing to finish it off! |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I see it more of a lifestyle, and class myself as a swinger. I like to understand more about ethical non monogamy, sex education, gender politics, female sexual empowerment, sexual health etc. So I'm on here but also reading articles, websites, books, listening to podcasts, watching documentaries etc. I would love to find other people who are interested in similar.
I think swinging or more of a mindset, you can be single and have 5 NSA meets a week and not be a swinger, or you could not have a meet in a year and still be a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...
I think swinging or more of a mindset, you can be single and have 5 NSA meets a week and not be a swinger, or you could not have a meet in a year and still be a swinger. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see your situation as very different. I'm looking at it from a 'normal' couples perspective. If I'd set out to have a particular kind of relationship (as a single) I'd probably see it more in your terms and I completely agree about wanting to find like minded people etc.
I'm not personally looking for a relationship here, I already have a couple of them. I'm just looking for people to have sex with. But I find the swingers I've met who are 'into swinging' are much more interesting and pleasant people to spend time with than the people who are just 'looking for a fuck'."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always find that the more we meet one person the more open and fun it gets so much prefer meeting quite a few times so really in it for a long term meet |
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