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Crossing that emotional line and swinging
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Yes a lot of couples that we have talked to were VERY cautious at first - and the more people care about their relationship the more cautious they are - so take that as a positive, because it IS an unknown.
#1. Just take it really slowly! We would suggest perhaps going to a club and decide in advance you are just going to enjoy the atmosphere. That gets you out there, talking to other couples, watching and testing the waters. You may decide in advance that you'll leave open the option to change your mind on play once there, but going with no play" in mind takes all the pressure off and you can just enjoy the evening.
#2. Don't ever, at this early stage in your journey agree to a play date without a social first. This eliminates the possibility that you'll drink too much and end up doing something that you WILL regret. Been there, done that, awful experience. which brings me to #3...
#3. Drink VERY sparingly on meets or at a club. We were given that advice early on and it has served us well. One drink - max two - to settle the nerves. Any more than that sets you up to find fuglies more attractive LOL
#4. Big key is communication - talk talk talk! That's why a social first is essential - you go home, dissect it, say what you did or didn't like about the other couple, good fit for both of you or not? All of this done in private without pressure to play.
#5. You also have to 100% respect each others opinions - when we get messages and face pics from couples (or singles) we BOTH have to be on board for a meet - one of you will be pickier than the other and that sets the bar. That HAS to be the bar for both of you. I reject about 95% of those that come in - that's my standard and there is no argument. It has to feel 100% for both of you, no one "takes one for the team" - that's a recipe for disaster.
#6. Get out there to a club or have a social sooner rather than later - remember, there is NO pressure to play, it's just a social but it'll get you guys into the scene and learning and talking.
Kay and Cee xx | |||
"We are a very much in love couple who have fantasised about swinging or same room sex for a while. What stops us from making the leap is the feeling of 'what if we regret it' or something changes between us after adding in a 3rd party. We are both very open minded and love sex, swapping pics, skyping other couples. Has anyone else had this fear? And what outcome?" Its a very natural fear and one which I imagine lots of people have, I know I did. We discussed it a lot and the question you need to ask yourself is what exactly would change between you? Are you secure in your relationship, are you going in to it as a couple who will experience things together and talk about them openly afterwards? If so the only likely change is a greater openness between you and no regret. However I would say that its much better to take things slowly and only go for full swap when you're absolutely sure because once its done it cant be undone. | |||
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"Okay so some advice from the "oldsters"
Yes a lot of couples that we have talked to were VERY cautious at first - and the more people care about their relationship the more cautious they are - so take that as a positive, because it IS an unknown.
#1. Just take it really slowly! We would suggest perhaps going to a club and decide in advance you are just going to enjoy the atmosphere. That gets you out there, talking to other couples, watching and testing the waters. You may decide in advance that you'll leave open the option to change your mind on play once there, but going with no play" in mind takes all the pressure off and you can just enjoy the evening.
#2. Don't ever, at this early stage in your journey agree to a play date without a social first. This eliminates the possibility that you'll drink too much and end up doing something that you WILL regret. Been there, done that, awful experience. which brings me to #3...
#3. Drink VERY sparingly on meets or at a club. We were given that advice early on and it has served us well. One drink - max two - to settle the nerves. Any more than that sets you up to find fuglies more attractive LOL
#4. Big key is communication - talk talk talk! That's why a social first is essential - you go home, dissect it, say what you did or didn't like about the other couple, good fit for both of you or not? All of this done in private without pressure to play.
#5. You also have to 100% respect each others opinions - when we get messages and face pics from couples (or singles) we BOTH have to be on board for a meet - one of you will be pickier than the other and that sets the bar. That HAS to be the bar for both of you. I reject about 95% of those that come in - that's my standard and there is no argument. It has to feel 100% for both of you, no one "takes one for the team" - that's a recipe for disaster.
#6. Get out there to a club or have a social sooner rather than later - remember, there is NO pressure to play, it's just a social but it'll get you guys into the scene and learning and talking.
Kay and Cee xx"Great advice. Comforting to know that the couples get nervous too!!! | |||
"The previous posts have pretty much said it all. The only thing we would add is, if you go to a club you could go into a couples room and play with each other. Even though it's only the two of you it would give you an idea of how you feel naked and having sex with other people near you. From memory we didn't play with other people until our 4th or 5th visit to a club. We started of just the two of us in a private room, then joining people in the hot tub for a chat before accepting an invitation to play... Good luck and have fun... FnRx" Lots of good advice. We had a spontaneous soft swap with a couple on our 3rd visit to a club which was the day before a prearranged threesome. Never looked back. However what we did differently was to go to a club first and then set up a Fab profile. Him  | |||
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"We are a very much in love couple who have fantasised about swinging or same room sex for a while. What stops us from making the leap is the feeling of 'what if we regret it' or something changes between us after adding in a 3rd party. We are both very open minded and love sex, swapping pics, skyping other couples. Has anyone else had this fear? And what outcome?" If you have that fear swapping is not for you it will change your relationship. However as others have said if you go to clubs and play in couples rooms with each other you can then see how you feel. You may be surprised that the feeling a swap would change your relationship vanishes. If it does fine go for it, if the doubts remain err on the side of caution and don't swap. | |||
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"Okay so some advice from the "oldsters"
Yes a lot of couples that we have talked to were VERY cautious at first - and the more people care about their relationship the more cautious they are - so take that as a positive, because it IS an unknown.
#1. Just take it really slowly! We would suggest perhaps going to a club and decide in advance you are just going to enjoy the atmosphere. That gets you out there, talking to other couples, watching and testing the waters. You may decide in advance that you'll leave open the option to change your mind on play once there, but going with no play" in mind takes all the pressure off and you can just enjoy the evening.
#2. Don't ever, at this early stage in your journey agree to a play date without a social first. This eliminates the possibility that you'll drink too much and end up doing something that you WILL regret. Been there, done that, awful experience. which brings me to #3...
#3. Drink VERY sparingly on meets or at a club. We were given that advice early on and it has served us well. One drink - max two - to settle the nerves. Any more than that sets you up to find fuglies more attractive LOL
#4. Big key is communication - talk talk talk! That's why a social first is essential - you go home, dissect it, say what you did or didn't like about the other couple, good fit for both of you or not? All of this done in private without pressure to play.
#5. You also have to 100% respect each others opinions - when we get messages and face pics from couples (or singles) we BOTH have to be on board for a meet - one of you will be pickier than the other and that sets the bar. That HAS to be the bar for both of you. I reject about 95% of those that come in - that's my standard and there is no argument. It has to feel 100% for both of you, no one "takes one for the team" - that's a recipe for disaster.
#6. Get out there to a club or have a social sooner rather than later - remember, there is NO pressure to play, it's just a social but it'll get you guys into the scene and learning and talking.
Kay and Cee xx"Couldn't have said it better Xxx | |||
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" For me it did change things: so much so I've not had sex with him this year. That's because our boundaries were broken, so communications is paramount." Hope all is ok xx | |||
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" For me it did change things: so much so I've not had sex with him this year. That's because our boundaries were broken, so communications is paramount. Hope all is ok xx " We're getting there, thank you x | |||
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"CLCC's post above was brilliant. "Thank you  | |||
"We had the exact same fears when we discussed trying this. We eventually (after much talking) had our first proper meet last night with a single guy. Nothing has changed between us at all apart from the fact we can't keep our hands off each other now. There's no regrets or anything about what we did and we will be doing it again. " . I can c why he can't keep his hands off you your beautiful | |||
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"Also special thanks to Twoblondes and CLCC for your amazing input x" Thanks I'm really glad that I have helped. We have only been in the lifestyle since January so we are just a few months into the journey ourselves.
It's nice to speak to some other couples on here who understand what it's like for couples who are in a committed relationship when they enter into the lifestyle. I imagine it is very different to single people joining the site. | |||
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"Okay so some advice from the "oldsters"
Yes a lot of couples that we have talked to were VERY cautious at first - and the more people care about their relationship the more cautious they are - so take that as a positive, because it IS an unknown.
#1. Just take it really slowly! We would suggest perhaps going to a club and decide in advance you are just going to enjoy the atmosphere. That gets you out there, talking to other couples, watching and testing the waters. You may decide in advance that you'll leave open the option to change your mind on play once there, but going with no play" in mind takes all the pressure off and you can just enjoy the evening.
#2. Don't ever, at this early stage in your journey agree to a play date without a social first. This eliminates the possibility that you'll drink too much and end up doing something that you WILL regret. Been there, done that, awful experience. which brings me to #3...
#3. Drink VERY sparingly on meets or at a club. We were given that advice early on and it has served us well. One drink - max two - to settle the nerves. Any more than that sets you up to find fuglies more attractive LOL
#4. Big key is communication - talk talk talk! That's why a social first is essential - you go home, dissect it, say what you did or didn't like about the other couple, good fit for both of you or not? All of this done in private without pressure to play.
#5. You also have to 100% respect each others opinions - when we get messages and face pics from couples (or singles) we BOTH have to be on board for a meet - one of you will be pickier than the other and that sets the bar. That HAS to be the bar for both of you. I reject about 95% of those that come in - that's my standard and there is no argument. It has to feel 100% for both of you, no one "takes one for the team" - that's a recipe for disaster.
#6. Get out there to a club or have a social sooner rather than later - remember, there is NO pressure to play, it's just a social but it'll get you guys into the scene and learning and talking.
Kay and Cee xx"This advice is absolutely on the money. When we decided to attend Chams 3 years ago, it was with the intention of not playing and we ended up having a great time. We talk all the time about what we did and didn't like on the drives home so we don't have time to stew on the "didn't like" bits - thankfully extremely rare! It took us ages to fully swing and it was really emotional for both of us when we did. Read Kay and Cee's advice and then read it again and see how it fits with your mindset. God luck x | |||
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"Okay so some advice from the "oldsters"
Yes a lot of couples that we have talked to were VERY cautious at first - and the more people care about their relationship the more cautious they are - so take that as a positive, because it IS an unknown.
#1. Just take it really slowly! We would suggest perhaps going to a club and decide in advance you are just going to enjoy the atmosphere. That gets you out there, talking to other couples, watching and testing the waters. You may decide in advance that you'll leave open the option to change your mind on play once there, but going with no play" in mind takes all the pressure off and you can just enjoy the evening.
#2. Don't ever, at this early stage in your journey agree to a play date without a social first. This eliminates the possibility that you'll drink too much and end up doing something that you WILL regret. Been there, done that, awful experience. which brings me to #3...
#3. Drink VERY sparingly on meets or at a club. We were given that advice early on and it has served us well. One drink - max two - to settle the nerves. Any more than that sets you up to find fuglies more attractive LOL
#4. Big key is communication - talk talk talk! That's why a social first is essential - you go home, dissect it, say what you did or didn't like about the other couple, good fit for both of you or not? All of this done in private without pressure to play.
#5. You also have to 100% respect each others opinions - when we get messages and face pics from couples (or singles) we BOTH have to be on board for a meet - one of you will be pickier than the other and that sets the bar. That HAS to be the bar for both of you. I reject about 95% of those that come in - that's my standard and there is no argument. It has to feel 100% for both of you, no one "takes one for the team" - that's a recipe for disaster.
#6. Get out there to a club or have a social sooner rather than later - remember, there is NO pressure to play, it's just a social but it'll get you guys into the scene and learning and talking.
Kay and Cee xx"
THIS is the best advice anyone could get. And is EXACTLY how we took the tentative steps into the scene, and even now, a few years on, we are still taking things at a pace that suits us both, that we're both comfortable with. Communicating and respecting each other is the biggest part of enjoying the scene in our opinion | |||
