FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > A new low in time wasting. . .
A new low in time wasting. . .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This weekend we had no intention of going out, due to working everyday over Easter with 6am starts, but on Saturday morning we got a text (actually 3!) from our FWB couple who we have been meeting with, on a regular basis, at a club for the last few months.
After a quick debate we decided we would go, but only stay until 11 or 12 and told them we'd see them there. They knew full well that we were working all day Saturday and had to be at work again at 6 am Sunday. They also knew that we were only making the effort for them. There was no ambiguity or misunderstanding about this and I make that point because of what happen when we got there.
Anyway, we come home, shower, change and head for the club. When we arrive we find our regular table and our FWB gear is all there so we dump our bits and go look for them. After about 5 minutes we can't find them and head back to the table; I then spot them sitting with 2 other couples, one older couple who they know and a new couple, who we have to say we're rather hot, and they appear to be watching us out of the corner of their eyes. As soon as they realise we spotted them they call us over as if everything is fine. On, fair enough.
To cut thus long story shorter, we end up hitting it off with the new couple and have a good laugh, everyone is amicable. We then head to the jacuzzi with our FWB, before getting changed for the party; the new couple have gone to a room to change, and that is where things get strange. From the moment we get in the jacuzzi the female friend if hours won't make eye contact and just doesn't want to chat. When we get out to dry off and get ready for the party she won't and ends up arguing with her partner. It's a good 45 minutes or so before they eventually get out and an hour or more before they get back to our table.
For the rest of the night she won't talk to us, though she did dance with us, but all the time with zero eye contact. Around 10.30 we decide enough is enough and head for the play rooms. We ask if they want to join us and get a major cold shoulder from her again. He partner wants to play but she is totally not interested.
So we play, have another dance away from them then leave at midnight.
As of now we are scratching our heads as to what went wrong. All we can think of is that she wanted the new couple and felt we trod on their toes, but it wasn't like we pursued them. It just happened that we have a lot in common and therefore had loads we could talk about. We didn't play with them during the party. Just social chat.
We're really passed off now cos we had a chap day at work Sunday due to only getting 3 hours sleep and we think we have lost a fantastic FWB friendship.
Sorry this is so long. Just needed a rant. Any comments? |
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Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days. |
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"Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days."
Not sure how its timewasting either? Not like they asked you to go then didnt go themselves  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldnt class them as 'time wasters' as they met you as arranged, and probably had every intention to play with you guys, but something happened which changed their minds.
Granted, it seems a bit childish to just sulk and ignore you, instead of telling you that something had bothered them....but likewise when you picked up on the strange behaviour/atmosphere between you, you could have asked if there was a reason behind it and possibly defused the situation, then enjoyed the rest of your night together as planned.
I'm sorry that you had a bad night, and I hope you haven't lost your friendship with your FWB.
Juicy x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They haven't wasted anyone's time as far as I can see. If you have such a good relationship with them then just ask if everything is ok to clear the air. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's not the declining play bit; everyone has the right to change their mind. It was the entire evening of being blanked.
Just to be clear; she invited us to go and we only play as a couple with them. We don't play with others and they don't play with others.
If she had said she didn't feel like play then fine but she didn't. She just blanked us all night and the only time we actually spoke was for her to rudely say no to the play room suggestion.
Her partner was at a loss as well. She was rude with him.
We am more than happy to be turned down. But when we have been cajoled into turning up and then get treated disrespectfully then that's a whole different ball game in our book.
But if people think that behaviour is OK then maybe we are too over sensitive. . . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They haven't wasted anyone's time as far as I can see. If you have such a good relationship with them then just ask if everything is ok to clear the air. "
Yeah; tried that, got nowhere so far.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt class them as 'time wasters' as they met you as arranged, and probably had every intention to play with you guys, but something happened which changed their minds.
Granted, it seems a bit childish to just sulk and ignore you, instead of telling you that something had bothered them....but likewise when you picked up on the strange behaviour/atmosphere between you, you could have asked if there was a reason behind it and possibly defused the situation, then enjoyed the rest of your night together as planned.
I'm sorry that you had a bad night, and I hope you haven't lost your friendship with your FWB.
Juicy x
"
You're right, I know. I think we're a little annoyed that thus happened right now. Mainly because, in hindsight, we wish we'd just stay home on Saturday night and had a decent sleep rather than working 11 hour shifts on just 3 hours sleep and a bit of a bad taste in our mouths. . . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days."
Feeling under appreciated us the worst bit. Everything else is just dressing.
We thought we'd struck up a good relationship with these 2 and she had, from day one, been the driving force in all our play since the day we all met.
Was a bit if a shock to 'go running when summoned' only to get the cold shoulder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days.Feeling under appreciated us the worst bit. Everything else is just dressing.
We thought we'd struck up a good relationship with these 2 and she had, from day one, been the driving force in all our play since the day we all met.
Was a bit if a shock to 'go running when summoned' only to get the cold shoulder."
Sounds odd. Was she the one who asked you to go out this weekend? Have a lie in and see if they get in touch again. |
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People are odd, if you want to contact or play with them ever again then I'd let this thread die quickly. If you're so irritated that you never want to play again... Let this thread die, because do you really want to feel uncomfortable at your favourite club?
Mark it down to a bad day or bad attitude and walk away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days.Feeling under appreciated us the worst bit. Everything else is just dressing.
We thought we'd struck up a good relationship with these 2 and she had, from day one, been the driving force in all our play since the day we all met.
Was a bit if a shock to 'go running when summoned' only to get the cold shoulder.
Sounds odd. Was she the one who asked you to go out this weekend? Have a lie in and see if they get in touch again. "
Yes. We'd already said we were not going, but then she text and messaged us asking us to go, already know we had work. This us the root of our frustration. We put our selves out for them in a big way and she fully knew this.
Can't be helped I suppose.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People are odd, if you want to contact or play with them ever again then I'd let this thread die quickly. If you're so irritated that you never want to play again... Let this thread die, because do you really want to feel uncomfortable at your favourite club?
Mark it down to a bad day or bad attitude and walk away."
So, basically, let this thread die?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, maybe because I'm still drowsy, but I don't see how this is a real low in timewasting.
Anyone at any point can decline sex, people are mercurial and she could just have been having a bad day. Sometimes we put ourselves out for others and it's not "appreciated".
You had a good time, she may be in a better mood today, don't jump to conclusions: we all have off days.Feeling under appreciated us the worst bit. Everything else is just dressing.
We thought we'd struck up a good relationship with these 2 and she had, from day one, been the driving force in all our play since the day we all met.
Was a bit if a shock to 'go running when summoned' only to get the cold shoulder.
Sounds odd. Was she the one who asked you to go out this weekend? Have a lie in and see if they get in touch again. Yes. We'd already said we were not going, but then she text and messaged us asking us to go, already know we had work. This us the root of our frustration. We put our selves out for them in a big way and she fully knew this.
Can't be helped I suppose. "
Perhaps he used her phone to text you and she was pissed off at him not you. |
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"People are odd, if you want to contact or play with them ever again then I'd let this thread die quickly. If you're so irritated that you never want to play again... Let this thread die, because do you really want to feel uncomfortable at your favourite club?
Mark it down to a bad day or bad attitude and walk away.So, basically, let this thread die? "
Yes. Are they a couple on here? Just imagine how they would feel if they were reading this!!  |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
Sorry that your evening didn't go as expected, but we certainly wouldn't consider this time wasting. People aren't performing seals and don't always respond as we expect them to, often because other things happen in their lives, sometimes in a very short time. A brief row with her partner before you met might have put her off playing altogether. Unfortunately people play when they feel like it not when you feel like it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really don't see how this was time wasting (a term that is banded around a little too often by people here in my opinion). They were there as arranged, met you as arranged, but for whatever reason, "they" didn't feel like playing together with you. Everyone and I mean everyone has this right, at any point in precedings and they are not obliged to provide a waterproof court case as to why they have changed their mind. If anything your frustration comes across as a little childish and self-absorbed. No one likes to be let down or rejected, especially when you have had such a positive experience to date with them, but perhaps your tiredness and pride are clouding your judgement right now.
Let it go, tell them how you feel, see what the response is and take it from there. After all, you have each other and the strength of your personal relationship is what it's really all about. |
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"I really don't see how this was time wasting (a term that is banded around a little too often by people here in my opinion). They were there as arranged, met you as arranged, but for whatever reason, "they" didn't feel like playing together with you. Everyone and I mean everyone has this right, at any point in precedings and they are not obliged to provide a waterproof court case as to why they have changed their mind. If anything your frustration comes across as a little childish and self-absorbed. No one likes to be let down or rejected, especially when you have had such a positive experience to date with them, but perhaps your tiredness and pride are clouding your judgement right now.
Let it go, tell them how you feel, see what the response is and take it from there. After all, you have each other and the strength of your personal relationship is what it's really all about. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rather than second guess her motives, couldn't one of you just had a quiet chat with her to see if she was alright? It might have been easier to understand her actions with an explanation an accept it as just one of those things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
So the crux is,you're pissed off because you put yourself out and didn't get a shag?
If you're good friends then send her a text and ask if she's ok because you noticed she didn't seem herself
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Sounds a lot like he wanted to play with your partner, but she wasn't into the idea. Could be anything from she was bored of playing with same people, too she took one for his benefit a few times, but was now putting her foot down and he wasn't getting the message. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds a lot like he wanted to play with your partner, but she wasn't into the idea. Could be anything from she was bored of playing with same people, too she took one for his benefit a few times, but was now putting her foot down and he wasn't getting the message."
Definitely not this. He's the passive type and she was always the one to instigate things.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe she felt you ignored her all night with you being engrossed in new couple "
Nope. That was pre-party. Wasn't all night. We hardly saw the new couple for the rest of the night. We were only chatting for about 30 minutes over a drink and it was a group of eight, we just happened to have a bit in common with them so conversation flowed. We weren't flirting with each other if that's what you mean?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So the crux is,you're pissed off because you put yourself out and didn't get a shag?
If you're good friends then send her a text and ask if she's ok because you noticed she didn't seem herself
"
Really not bothered about the sex. It is more the attitude. Text have been sent, apologies for apparently upsetting her (don't know if we have, but that's all we can think of.)
Heard nothing yet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Rather than second guess her motives, couldn't one of you just had a quiet chat with her to see if she was alright? It might have been easier to understand her actions with an explanation an accept it as just one of those things. "
yes. Tried this. Wouldn't talk to us. We're really at a loss as to what happened.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People are odd, if you want to contact or play with them ever again then I'd let this thread die quickly. If you're so irritated that you never want to play again... Let this thread die, because do you really want to feel uncomfortable at your favourite club?
Mark it down to a bad day or bad attitude and walk away.So, basically, let this thread die?
Yes. Are they a couple on here? Just imagine how they would feel if they were reading this!! "
No. They are not a couple on here. |
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If they are good friends then I'm sure you'll get your answer to what happened.
Leave things and if they get in touch then ask them direct what happened. If you don't get a straight answer then clearly not as good friends as you thought and move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry if my opening post comes across as a bit of an ass. Just to say that my biggest concern is not the sex, it's not the evening that turned out bad.
But it is the fact that I apparently upset someone, who has come to mean a hell of a lot to both of us, so badly that she wouldn't even talk to us.
Hopefully this will sort itself out, but if not then it will be our loss. |
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"So the crux is,you're pissed off because you put yourself out and didn't get a shag?
If you're good friends then send her a text and ask if she's ok because you noticed she didn't seem herself
"
Exactly
If this is a `fantastic friendship`,without open and honest communication,heaven forbid! |
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"Sorry if my opening post comes across as a bit of an ass. Just to say that my biggest concern is not the sex, it's not the evening that turned out bad.
But it is the fact that I apparently upset someone, who has come to mean a hell of a lot to both of us, so badly that she wouldn't even talk to us.
Hopefully this will sort itself out, but if not then it will be our loss. "
Hmm. Your thread title would suggest otherwise but if you've thought it through and come to a different conclusion good on you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not the declining play bit; everyone has the right to change their mind. It was the entire evening of being blanked.
Just to be clear; she invited us to go and we only play as a couple with them. We don't play with others and they don't play with others.
If she had said she didn't feel like play then fine but she didn't. She just blanked us all night and the only time we actually spoke was for her to rudely say no to the play room suggestion.
Her partner was at a loss as well. She was rude with him.
We am more than happy to be turned down. But when we have been cajoled into turning up and then get treated disrespectfully then that's a whole different ball game in our book.
But if people think that behaviour is OK then maybe we are too over sensitive. . . "
Did you, or have you since, just ask her what was wrong? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...When we get out to dry off and get ready for the party she won't and ends up arguing with her partner..."
My view is that you're probably over-analysing, and making this all-about-you. In all probability, it was nothing to do with you, and more to do with her-and-her-partner.
I appreciate that it must be frustrating for you, to change your own plans to meet this couple, then find that the evening didn't work out as you hoped. However, as others have said, there is no guarantee that anyone will play.
I hope you manage to find a way to get back to your previous good relationship with this couple. |
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