FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Acceptable or just plain rude?
Acceptable or just plain rude?
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier." Looking at the FAQ's would have helped us lol. It's not so much about getting upset when people don't reply. Though it can smart a bit when we've been exchanging quite positive messages for a while to the point of arranging a meet. It's more about how we respond to messages and what's acceptable  | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Perfectly acceptable I do it all the time as I get too many messages " I need to get better pics....even when I'm meeting I don't get too many messages....  | |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier. Looking at the FAQ's would have helped us lol. It's not so much about getting upset when people don't reply. Though it can smart a bit when we've been exchanging quite positive messages for a while to the point of arranging a meet. It's more about how we respond to messages and what's acceptable "It's rude. Fab FAQ's my arse! If you have sent a decent message to someone they should have the courtesy to reply. If you've been chatting to them for a while then they decide not to meet, they should say so. It's incredibly childish not to. It's like chatting to someone who all of a sudden turns their back and walks away. It's not acceptable behaviour for adults. It is however a lucky escape. Would you want anything to do with someone that was so pathetic? I wouldn't. | |||
| |||
"It's rude. Fab FAQ's my arse! If you have sent a decent message to someone they should have the courtesy to reply. If you've been chatting to them for a while then they decide not to meet, they should say so. It's incredibly childish not to. It's like chatting to someone who all of a sudden turns their back and walks away. It's not acceptable behaviour for adults. It is however a lucky escape. Would you want anything to do with someone that was so pathetic? I wouldn't. " Glad to know someone believes in the same etiquette
Whether the sender or receiver we certainly subscribe to these simple manners. | |||
"We've noticed some profiles will state if they are not interested in the other person/persons they will not reply to messages or winks. Now we get this, if the person/s sending the message has evidently not read the profile, or not followed instructions left on the profile, or just plain rude, or little thought has gone into it. We also appreciate there will be people on here that get inundated with messages, and this becomes very hard to reply. (Would imagine for single females it would become a full time job! Lol) But on those occasions, when the message sent is polite, they meet the criteria of likes, and follow the directions of a profile, is it just plain rude to ignore them and not even bother responding? And even more so after some messages have been exchanged. Our thinking is that if we we're in a club and someone approached us and showed interest. We wouldn't just turn our backs on them and ignore them. (We get that it's a different environment, but believe the principles are the same). So surely a polite declination is a simple courtesy? We've always made it a point to respond (or at least attempt to) to every message we get. Just wondered what other folks thoughts were on this?" You can't please everybody, it's just the same thing as in real life. Some are better seen as being abrupt but if you go by basic principles of life, you will not loose sleep over such things | |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier. Looking at the FAQ's would have helped us lol. It's not so much about getting upset when people don't reply. Though it can smart a bit when we've been exchanging quite positive messages for a while to the point of arranging a meet. It's more about how we respond to messages and what's acceptable "I'm not sure I buy the argument from a decency point of view, that because a FAQ section says it not rude then it isn't. I do agree with you that the principles of politeness, whether that be online or face to face are the same. However, the rudeness we all experience everyday on the road is yet another example of even when a (comparatively) face to face scenario fails to bring out the decency in people. Personally I don't think it's acceptable to be rude in any human interaction scenario, regardless of distance, physical barrier or technology, but that's me. If someone wants to block, ignore or be rude in any form, get them get on with it and live by one's own principles... You sure as heck are not going to change their behaviour...and for that matter, one shouldn't expect to either...each quite rightly has the right to make one's own decisions. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"We only reply if they fit out desires and have actually read the profile! In that case, we only normally reply to couples. Just a question though. You get your post in the morning and with it are some advertising flyers that are all well written and polite. Lets say you get five a day.. Do you reply saying "Thanks but no thanks"? Of course not, so why do we have to reply to those who have written on the off chance that we may just bend our wants and desires for them? No, it's not rude to ignore mail that you didn't ask for and don't want!" The flyers/ junk mail analogy is bollocks. People have a profile on here, they are advertising themselves. When people respond to that it isn't junk mail! If people don't want mail, don't have a profile. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I get that people wouldn't (or shouldn't) bother replying if the message is a one liner, or not criteria-meeting etc but it wouldn't be out of the realm of politeness to say a quick "no thanks" if someone's taken the time to send a decent message after concluding that they match criteria. This attitude of busy is a bit strange - you have enough time to check through them all but "no thanks" is too much?"  | |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier." Just because someone tells us its okay it doesn't mean it is the op has a fair point. Some people sleep with total strangers in a club but they turn there noses up at a polite message i don't get that  I am not expecting anyone to message me back I usually delete all messages after I send them if they reply good if they don't there loss not mine | |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier. Just because someone tells us its okay it doesn't mean it is the op has a fair point. Some people sleep with total strangers in a club but they turn there noses up at a polite message i don't get that I am not expecting anyone to message me back I usually delete all messages after I send them if they reply good if they don't there loss not mine "I get many polite messages asking to meet despite the fact the profile clearly states I'm not meeting. Tell me, why should I reply?? | |||
| |||
| |||
"We've noticed some profiles will state --if they are not interested in the other person/persons they will not reply to messages or winks--" This basically tells you what they are willing to do. They've been upfront about it. By messaging a person who says they don't reply you have to accept they don't reply. It's not rude, it's honest. Think i have something similar on my profile. I don't even reply to all the people i do fancy either, it's just not possible. If you walked into a club and loads of people (100s in some peoples cases on here) all wanted to chat to you, would you bother replying to every single one and tell several 100 thanks but no thanks, or would you focus on just the one(s) you were interested in? After messages have been exchanged it is rude, but some people don't like to reject others for whatever reasons. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"We always send a polite no thanks - on occasions the same person will message again not realising they have already sent us a message - then we don't bother as we've already told them once." Agree with this entirely. We specifically request facial photos with messages and find it very frustrating when correspondents don't send them. Although we have always made a point of sending a polite and personal message if we wish to decline another's interest, we have now reached the point where we won't bother if the message is of the "Wot U lookin 4?" type (obviously you haven't read our profile) with no photo. | |||
| |||
"
I did attempt to reply to all messages at first but I found the ones I said no to either got abusive or persisted messaging and friend requesting etc I am not ignorant quite naturally friendly I now have quite a long block list because of people not being able to take the hint so I went along the ignoring approach as I have found it expressed my disinterest far better than no thanks as then they start asking why etc "99% of the people I reply no thanks to - the vast majority who do not fit my stated preferences - always reply with insults, arguing the point, wanting to know why aggressively, still continue to message me, friend request me, name me as a timewaster or fake on their status, etc. I don't like to be negative but they are the ones who make people end up being rude to theother 1% (my experience %'s) It's not how I want to be at all... And why on occasion, if they were polite in their initial message, I will reply, to receive this treatment again, and wonder why I bothered and reminding me why I should not. And it's 99% of the time for me, if kept it up, the agro of it alone would have put me off being on the site a long time ago... Sorry but I'm being honest. Even accused of being arrogant this morning because I wouldn't continue chatting to someone, for the sake of it, despite me not meeting at the moment and them not being my type or in Edinburgh. I wish the site had locality message filters!  | |||
 " and then get a few messages back asking why, how high our standards must be, how we are wrong, or that we a fucking idiots as this is a sex site... Lol...
Sadly, that's the majority of people C x | |||
"We've noticed some profiles will state if they are not interested in the other person/persons they will not reply to messages or winks. Now we get this, if the person/s sending the message has evidently not read the profile, or not followed instructions left on the profile, or just plain rude, or little thought has gone into it. We also appreciate there will be people on here that get inundated with messages, and this becomes very hard to reply. (Would imagine for single females it would become a full time job! Lol) But on those occasions, when the message sent is polite, they meet the criteria of likes, and follow the directions of a profile, is it just plain rude to ignore them and not even bother responding? And even more so after some messages have been exchanged. Our thinking is that if we we're in a club and someone approached us and showed interest. We wouldn't just turn our backs on them and ignore them. (We get that it's a different environment, but believe the principles are the same). So surely a polite declination is a simple courtesy? We've always made it a point to respond (or at least attempt to) to every message we get. Just wondered what other folks thoughts were on this?" Don't take it to heart. It's only the internet after all! Accept it for what it is move on. No point trying work out why they didn't reply... | |||
"We've noticed some profiles will state --if they are not interested in the other person/persons they will not reply to messages or winks-- This basically tells you what they are willing to do. They've been upfront about it. By messaging a person who says they don't reply you have to accept they don't reply. It's not rude, it's honest. Think i have something similar on my profile. I don't even reply to all the people i do fancy either, it's just not possible. If you walked into a club and loads of people (100s in some peoples cases on here) all wanted to chat to you, would you bother replying to every single one and tell several 100 thanks but no thanks, or would you focus on just the one(s) you were interested in? After messages have been exchanged it is rude, but some people don't like to reject others for whatever reasons. "
This.
I'm pretty sure I would not be any happier if my inbox was full of 'Thanks, but no thanks' messages. I think it would make me feel pretty depressed to go through those. I quite happy to have my messages ignored by people who don't fancy me. saves time all round.
On the other hand, if I've been chatting and messaging someone and they then decide I'm not their type, I would expect them to tell me and not just leave me guessing. | |||
| |||
"We've noticed some profiles will state --if they are not interested in the other person/persons they will not reply to messages or winks-- This basically tells you what they are willing to do. They've been upfront about it. By messaging a person who says they don't reply you have to accept they don't reply. It's not rude, it's honest. Think i have something similar on my profile. I don't even reply to all the people i do fancy either, it's just not possible. If you walked into a club and loads of people (100s in some peoples cases on here) all wanted to chat to you, would you bother replying to every single one and tell several 100 thanks but no thanks, or would you focus on just the one(s) you were interested in? After messages have been exchanged it is rude, but some people don't like to reject others for whatever reasons.
This.
I'm pretty sure I would not be any happier if my inbox was full of 'Thanks, but no thanks' messages. I think it would make me feel pretty depressed to go through those. I quite happy to have my messages ignored by people who don't fancy me. saves time all round.
On the other hand, if I've been chatting and messaging someone and they then decide I'm not their type, I would expect them to tell me and not just leave me guessing. "Glad someone agrees it's not just about one persons terms and one persons wants. Honestly i'm pretty selfish but even i understand that you cannot force other people to do what you want, it's not fair on them. | |||
| |||
"Perfectly acceptable I do it all the time as I get too many messages I need to get better pics....even when I'm meeting I don't get too many messages.... "You definitely don't need better pics, those ones you've got are pretty hot; You just need a few more. ;-) | |||
"The FAQ's say it's not rude not to reply, so it isn't? Rubbish! It is rude and lacks common decency. I would always reply, even if it was to say no thank you." Make sure that you have read the profile, fit their preferences and this may increase your chance of a reply. Having a sense of entitlement may mean you don't enjoy your time on here as much. | |||
| |||
| |||
"The FAQ's say it's not rude not to reply, so it isn't? Rubbish! It is rude and lacks common decency. I would always reply, even if it was to say no thank you. Make sure that you have read the profile, fit their preferences and this may increase your chance of a reply. Having a sense of entitlement may mean you don't enjoy your time on here as much." Having common decency does not translate to a sense of entitlement. You've read my annoyance at people's rudeness and lack of politeness, probably checked my profile and saw that I'm a single guy and made an assumption, wrongfully, that I had agreed that not replying was rudeness and something I may have experienced. Not true, everyone I've messaged, of which there are very few, have all replied, even if it was to say no thank you. I'm not a person who chases, neither am I desperate. This site is a little extra, nothing more than that. But agreeing that it cost nothing to be polite, does not signal desperation or a lack of responses. | |||
"Look in the FAQs for the site. It isn't rude not to reply. Being online is nothing like face to face. Accept it. You'll be happier. Looking at the FAQ's would have helped us lol. It's not so much about getting upset when people don't reply. Though it can smart a bit when we've been exchanging quite positive messages for a while to the point of arranging a meet. It's more about how we respond to messages and what's acceptable
It's rude. Fab FAQ's my arse!
If you have sent a decent message to someone they should have the courtesy to reply. If you've been chatting to them for a while then they decide not to meet, they should say so. It's incredibly childish not to. It's like chatting to someone who all of a sudden turns their back and walks away.
Well said. Manners cost nothing & after receiving a rejection block them so it doesn't happen again
Mrs Wd40
It's not acceptable behaviour for adults. It is however a lucky escape. Would you want anything to do with someone that was so pathetic? I wouldn't. " | |||
Most of the messages or winks we get are from people who so obviously HAVEN'T read the profile but message anyway. These I feel free to ignore or reply at my leisure.
Everything else gets a reply | |||
"The FAQ's say it's not rude not to reply, so it isn't? Rubbish! It is rude and lacks common decency. I would always reply, even if it was to say no thank you. Make sure that you have read the profile, fit their preferences and this may increase your chance of a reply. Having a sense of entitlement may mean you don't enjoy your time on here as much. Having common decency does not translate to a sense of entitlement. You've read my annoyance at people's rudeness and lack of politeness, probably checked my profile and saw that I'm a single guy and made an assumption, wrongfully, that I had agreed that not replying was rudeness and something I may have experienced. Not true, everyone I've messaged, of which there are very few, have all replied, even if it was to say no thank you. I'm not a person who chases, neither am I desperate. This site is a little extra, nothing more than that. But agreeing that it cost nothing to be polite, does not signal desperation or a lack of responses. " No I didn't check your profile to see whether you were a single male. Why would I? Surely the advice to check profiles and preferences is relevent to everyone not just single males. Expecting a reply from every message is un realistic. You are looking at it from a single male only perspective. A single fem friend of mine joined. Didn't put filters on -850 messages in a few hours. Was she rude to not reply to all those messages? Was she hell! The FAQ are right. No reply is a reply. It means not interested. Accept that and everyone enjoys the site more. | |||
Niki xxx | |||
"The FAQ's say it's not rude not to reply, so it isn't? Rubbish! It is rude and lacks common decency. I would always reply, even if it was to say no thank you. Make sure that you have read the profile, fit their preferences and this may increase your chance of a reply. Having a sense of entitlement may mean you don't enjoy your time on here as much. Having common decency does not translate to a sense of entitlement. You've read my annoyance at people's rudeness and lack of politeness, probably checked my profile and saw that I'm a single guy and made an assumption, wrongfully, that I had agreed that not replying was rudeness and something I may have experienced. Not true, everyone I've messaged, of which there are very few, have all replied, even if it was to say no thank you. I'm not a person who chases, neither am I desperate. This site is a little extra, nothing more than that. But agreeing that it cost nothing to be polite, does not signal desperation or a lack of responses. No I didn't check your profile to see whether you were a single male. Why would I? Surely the advice to check profiles and preferences is relevent to everyone not just single males. Expecting a reply from every message is un realistic. You are looking at it from a single male only perspective. A single fem friend of mine joined. Didn't put filters on -850 messages in a few hours. Was she rude to not reply to all those messages? Was she hell! The FAQ are right. No reply is a reply. It means not interested. Accept that and everyone enjoys the site more." No, no reply is rude. If someone talks to you and you ignore them - that's rude. Common courtesy costs nothing. And who the hell doesn't read the profiles? Are you assuming that I don't? I'm certainly not that stupid, unlike some, obviously. And if someone didn't apply the filters when they should have, that's their fault, not the people who messaged them. But then they could have put out a generic reply in their current status, which would have solved that issue. | |||
| |||
"It's rude. Fab FAQ's my arse! If you have sent a decent message to someone they should have the courtesy to reply. If you've been chatting to them for a while then they decide not to meet, they should say so. It's incredibly childish not to. It's like chatting to someone who all of a sudden turns their back and walks away. It's not acceptable behaviour for adults. It is however a lucky escape. Would you want anything to do with someone that was so pathetic? I wouldn't. Glad to know someone believes in the same etiquette
Whether the sender or receiver we certainly subscribe to these simple manners."I too believe in this etiquette and personally feel that if someone has taken the time and effort to write a message, one should at least acknowledge with a reply, however, I also accept the view of the site, simply for the reasons that it gives for why it is not considered rude not to reply here. I myself attempt to reply to any and all messages I receive, but on the odd occasion I have simply felt completely flummoxed about how to respond. I have often seen criticism about those single guys who seem to have trouble stringing just one sentence together for an e-mail, but sadly it seems that there are others who seem to be similarly afflicted. For example, I sent a message earlier this week and actually received a response. It appeared positive in nature but consisted of only two words and left me a little baffled. On the whole though, I really don't think it's something anyone should be losing sleep over. | |||
"It's rude. Fab FAQ's my arse! If you have sent a decent message to someone they should have the courtesy to reply. If you've been chatting to them for a while then they decide not to meet, they should say so. It's incredibly childish not to. It's like chatting to someone who all of a sudden turns their back and walks away. It's not acceptable behaviour for adults. It is however a lucky escape. Would you want anything to do with someone that was so pathetic? I wouldn't. Glad to know someone believes in the same etiquette
Whether the sender or receiver we certainly subscribe to these simple manners.
I too believe in this etiquette and personally feel that if someone has taken the time and effort to write a message, one should at least acknowledge with a reply, however, I also accept the view of the site, simply for the reasons that it gives for why it is not considered rude not to reply here.
I myself attempt to reply to any and all messages I receive, but on the odd occasion I have simply felt completely flummoxed about how to respond.
I have often seen criticism about those single guys who seem to have trouble stringing just one sentence together for an e-mail, but sadly it seems that there are others who seem to be similarly afflicted.
For example, I sent a message earlier this week and actually received a response. It appeared positive in nature but consisted of only two words and left me a little baffled.
On the whole though, I really don't think it's something anyone should be losing sleep over."Try 100+ a day, not all of which are nice, decent or even well written... Then come back to me. We had a message yesterday I think it was and no word of a lie, all it said was: "U frer" (Typos correct above) Would I reply to this? Or is it rude to not? What do you even say? Should I even bother replying to a two word message that isn't even correct in spelling? Now imagine 100 of these a day. C x | |||
