FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How to politely decline?
How to politely decline?
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We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people 
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...) |
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By *odramafunCouple
over a year ago
Derbyshire/staffordshire |
"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
Just a simple... No thank you and wish them well... Never easy and maybe reason why face pics are always best swapped early on.... Have fun  |
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"Just a simple... No thank you and wish them well... Never easy and maybe reason why face pics are always best swapped early on.... Have fun "
It is the worst part of being on here, we feel like we are insulting them or something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes every time I've been declined with a no thank you I've never felt offended. Not everyone is going to be what you're looking for, people have to understand that and not be immature about it |
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As a single guy i understand what you mean. I guess thats why alot of couples insist on having a face pic with the first message. That would make sense now.
But a decline is a decline either way, if your worried about upsetting anyone then dont decline them in the sense of saying thanks but no thanks.continue to chat a little longer till its "bed time" or you "have to nip out" and then im sure you wont get a message for ages lol |
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"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people.
Nothing wrong in being polite and saying thanks, but no thanks.
The other person should not be offended by a polite declined offer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stupid phone spelt alot wrong lol
Ask for face pics first saves all the chat only to be disappointed later on. We delete alot of pointless messages but also reply. And when we do we simply say sorry your not for us. If you get abuse cos they can't take rejection (like we have along with calling us mingers lol) simply report, block and delete |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone  "
As soon as any become abusive....report and block.
Though to be honest my best friend on here initially said I wasn't her type after our first social meet. 3 years later and we still see each other regularly. And no one else gets to share her caravan lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stupid phone spelt alot wrong lol
Ask for face pics first saves all the chat only to be disappointed later on. We delete alot of pointless messages but also reply. And when we do we simply say sorry your not for us. If you get abuse cos they can't take rejection (like we have along with calling us mingers lol) simply report, block and delete "
Nobody really wants to send photos first before chatting... |
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I don't think there is a nice way to tell someone, who's shown an interest in you, that you're no longer interested in them. Especially if it's because you don't find them physically attractive.
I think either do it as early in the process as possible or don't do it and just let the thing die off by reducing the amount and length of responses you give.
It's probably a good idea to try and put yourself in the other persons shoes and imagine how you would feel if you got the message you're thinking of sending them.
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Not everyone can take a knock back on here though, only yesterday we politely declined and got some nasty messages back so I can guess it would put newer people to the site off replying to messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just say sorry, not our type. if they can't accept that then it's their problem. most guys on here should be use to it by now . "
just had 1 guy say no probs to us an wished us all best for new year . It's the ones that say Your this and that didn't wana meet you anyway lol that give guys a bad name.
We're not to everyone's taste either. Don't lose sleep over it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, just a simple thanks but no thanks should do - if they don't take it well and are rude, then block/report them. If they're genuinely nice, they'll understand and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We recently had a couple who we were exchanging messages with. We asked for face pics & they sent a few. The first pic they sent was of the fem shaving herself in the bath. That alone was a complete turn off for us but looking through the other pics we knew they were just not our cup of tea.
We were however still going to meet them for a drink, until the male started getting really weird on us. Then they got blocked! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We recently had a couple who we were exchanging messages with. We asked for face pics & they sent a few. The first pic they sent was of the fem shaving herself in the bath. That alone was a complete turn off for us but looking through the other pics we knew they were just not our cup of tea.
We were however still going to meet them for a drink, until the male started getting really weird on us. Then they got blocked!"
Have experienced similar before |
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Get pic first. No point in chatting and then declining. ..that is when it feels more personal.
When they abuse you afterwards, it merely reveals their true colours.
I always send a pic with a first message to someone I am interested in. Why wouldn't I ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
i know exactly how you feel on this one i hate it the thought of making some nice guy feel shitty with a thanks but no thanks message after seeing a face pic really makes me feel horrible nick has no problem in saying no thanks not our type and i cringe. luckily like you guys we have guys we have chatted to a while that we genuinely feel we should meet before thinking of any new guys so no matter who it is or what they look like they always get told from the start we are not looking to meet right now as we have people me will be meeting before anyone else we find a lot seem to just vanish because things wont move as fast as they want either way i feel better knowing that no one is being strung along or dangled on a string and is just my way of some sort of organisation  not that i am suggesting you are doing this  tell you what i will leave it there just thought i would say how we do things lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
My profile asks for a face pic with a message, if they don't, I reply and ask for a pic, if one isn't sent, then I decline politely. |
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By *eeriseWoman
over a year ago
Manchester and that's all you need to know |
Its difficult knowing what to do in that situation so I totally get it.
If someone doesn't fit what I'm looking for then I just delete the message without reading it.
If they do, but their face doesn't appeal to me I just say "Thanks for taking the time to write a well thought out message, unfortunately you don't physically appeal to me. Happy swinging"
If they want to spit their dummies out of the pram after that then that's their business and an instant block.
Most come back saying thank you and the rest say nothing.
Albeit I remember the guys that walk away respectfully and you never know what may happen in the future.
|
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"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
Thanks for the message but you're not what I'm looking for at this time. Continue having fun and all the best...works for me, never had any abuse. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I know I get rejected for how I look, I am not your bulking skin head tatts kind of guy.
Am I bothered, in my younger days yes but would rather have a decent personality.
I have rejected cpls and fems for a reasons maybe not right time, maybe I am playing with couples and its a fem that has contacted me. Maybe I want clubs but I always try to say no thank you and good luck in the future |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone "
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It goes both ways lol , we've chatted to guys n couples and exchanged face pics ... Thought theirs were really nice but received the dreaded message back .... Thanks for your interest but your not our types ! |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter."
I don't think blocking people when they've done nothing wrong is a very good idea. Blocking should be used to block people who are offensive or overly persistent or aggressive. Blocking for no reason is almost definitely going to be taken as an insult by the person being blocked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i agree its very rare i / we block anyone would much prefer to sort things in a better manor with as little hurt feelings as possible but again i am a soft cow lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
I don't think blocking people when they've done nothing wrong is a very good idea. Blocking should be used to block people who are offensive or overly persistent or aggressive. Blocking for no reason is almost definitely going to be taken as an insult by the person being blocked."
Why ? Its another filter. If women or couples I message decline, I block them so as not to accidentally message them again as if they change their profile pic or text, you can sometimes think its someone different and not realise you've already messaged them. Why would being blocked offend someone ? You're blocking to avoid further unwanted contact from someone who you're not wanting to meet or who is not interested so therefore there is s reason. Everyone who blocks has their own reason for doing so even if you can't see it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yep and if it workes that way for you then crack on i/we do remember most of the time who has contacted us and is a different story to single guys so your way is a good way to ensure you can keep track  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yep and if it workes that way for you then crack on i/we do remember most of the time who has contacted us and is a different story to single guys so your way is a good way to ensure you can keep track "
Yes it works well for me. I should imagine there's nothing more annoying for women and couples who have numerous messages than a guy who they have already declined message again without realising. |
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We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
I don't think blocking people when they've done nothing wrong is a very good idea. Blocking should be used to block people who are offensive or overly persistent or aggressive. Blocking for no reason is almost definitely going to be taken as an insult by the person being blocked.
Why ? Its another filter. If women or couples I message decline, I block them so as not to accidentally message them again as if they change their profile pic or text, you can sometimes think its someone different and not realise you've already messaged them. Why would being blocked offend someone ? You're blocking to avoid further unwanted contact from someone who you're not wanting to meet or who is not interested so therefore there is s reason. Everyone who blocks has their own reason for doing so even if you can't see it. "
I do understand what you're saying and it does make some sense to do that I just don't think it's a nice way to do it.
Also, from your original comment, I thought you meant that you blocked people who you had turned down but in fact you're talking about blocking people who have rejected you which, while I still wouldn't do, is not so bad. |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter."
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends. |
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"i agree its very rare i / we block anyone would much prefer to sort things in a better manor with as little hurt feelings as possible but again i am a soft cow lol "
You're not a 'soft cow' Jo. Just perhaps way to nice for some. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i agree its very rare i / we block anyone would much prefer to sort things in a better manor with as little hurt feelings as possible but again i am a soft cow lol
You're not a 'soft cow' Jo. Just perhaps way to nice for some. xxx"
x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We normally just say sorry not out type. We have been lucky and not had any bad reply. However one guy did say " but I'm everybody's type" haha, block and delete time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a message from a couple this morning who weren't our type. Meant to send a polite message back saying no thank you but accidentally hit delete! So if you're the couple that messaged us and didn't get a reply, we didn't mean to be rude  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no "
 You're joking? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no
You're joking? "
they must be joking as no one is that thick....are they ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We get a fair few messages a day and feel no regret in instantly deleting the poorly written ones or ones from people who clearly did not read our profile.
However sometimes we get chatting with a nice guy and then swap face pics Then...well...they just are not our type. It makes us sound like awful shallow people
But we can only meet someone we like physically and on a slightly deeper level (similar interests etc)
How can we let people down easily? They are quite often the hunky action man type so are not ugly in any sense of the word, but are not what either of us are looking for.
We have a good 2 dozen guys we are talking to hoping to arrange meets, so it is not a matter of us being too picky (well, maybe we are but we can afford to be) We just want some tips on how to politely decline a guy because of his looks...without coming across as awful people (hopefully this message does not come across the same way...)"
Yeah |
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"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no
You're joking? they must be joking as no one is that thick....are they ?"
I'm very thick!! But only in the right places. LOL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no
You're joking? they must be joking as no one is that thick....are they ?
I'm very thick!! But only in the right places. LOL"
naughty man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends."
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place. |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place. "
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong. |
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"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no
You're joking? they must be joking as no one is that thick....are they ?
I'm very thick!! But only in the right places. LOL naughty man "
You ain't seen nothing yet. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place.
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong."
They need a thicker skin me thinks ! |
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By *afadaoMan
over a year ago
Staines |
"It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month "
Whaaaaaaaaat? That's almost two a day every day for a month
Did she take a month off work to facilitate this? |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place.
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong.
They need a thicker skin me thinks !"
Possibly, or maybe some people need a little more empathy. |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place.
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong.
They need a thicker skin me thinks !
Possibly, or maybe some people need a little more empathy. "
Empathy goes both ways and we could all probably do with putting ourselves in the other persons shoes.....whether blocking or being blocked. |
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"Just a simple "your not what we're looking for sorry" is enough. We're all adults on here
We have already had abuse for saying it though...
Thanks for the help everyone
Block after you have sent the message so you avoid this and they can't message you again by mistake another time. Don't feel bad about it, you've been polite and used the block feature as a filter.
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place.
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong.
They need a thicker skin me thinks !
Possibly, or maybe some people need a little more empathy.
Empathy goes both ways and we could all probably do with putting ourselves in the other persons shoes.....whether blocking or being blocked."
Although I don't always agree with your remarks I always find then both reasoned, relevant and thought provoking. As this one is.
But I do understand why some people block, in my opinion what is, too soon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's your profile, your life and you who ultimately decides who to meet or not, if someone's not intrested then that's the way it is, you can't get mad if someone does not want to meet you, with out attraction I think swinging would be seedy, I had a couple who I won't name but felt they was pushing me to meet at my place when ever they choose, I can't always accom and I can't always just drop everything and go running, swinging is my hobby not my life, ultimately it's ends with block button it's not rude it just didn't work out lol, |
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"It's your profile, your life and you who ultimately decides who to meet or not, if someone's not intrested then that's the way it is, you can't get mad if someone does not want to meet you, with out attraction I think swinging would be seedy, I had a couple who I won't name but felt they was pushing me to meet at my place when ever they choose, I can't always accom and I can't always just drop everything and go running, swinging is my hobby not my life, ultimately it's ends with block button it's not rude it just didn't work out lol, "
I think that's fair enough in that situation. I would probably do the same.
And I'm not saying those who block when they reject or get rejected are wrong. But I am saying that I won't block unless someone has done something wrong and I'm suggesting that it makes the site a nicer place if we all stop to think about how what we do may be taken by others. That's all really. |
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"We encouraged a single (lady) friend of ours to join a swinging site (not this one). After about a month she rang Debs in tears, "How do you handle all the meets"
It turned out that she'd seen comments about timewaisters and, not wanting to be seen as one, basically met over 50 guys in her first month. Anyone whose profile matched her criteria got a meet!
We had to explain to her that it was ok to say no "
Have you got lots of requests for her details all of a sudden.  |
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"
We use the block feature in this way and so do people who for one reason or another we will have no further contact with. We also use the oprivate notes facility.
Blocking is an emotive subject people take it personally forgetting that most initial contact is on a very superficial level and the people who are blocking them or vice versa are not friends.
I can't understand why you'd be upset by a complete stranger you've never met and never will blocking you so as to not waste your time or theirs. It stops the abuse I read some get which is totally unnecessary and if you're not interested, you've filtered them out as with any other filter you've put in place.
What you say makes sense but blocking is often interpreted as punishment for some wrong you've done. I'm only commenting on your post not to convince you but so any others, who might think about taking your advice, know that many do take it as an insult to be blocked when they have done nothing wrong.
They need a thicker skin me thinks !
Possibly, or maybe some people need a little more empathy.
Empathy goes both ways and we could all probably do with putting ourselves in the other persons shoes.....whether blocking or being blocked.
Although I don't always agree with your remarks I always find then both reasoned, relevant and thought provoking. As this one is.
But I do understand why some people block, in my opinion what is, too soon"
Thank you. I prefer to discuss things with people who both agree and disagree with me it's how we learn and broaden out our opinions. Although it does get me in to trouble on occasion as I'm sometimes thought of as.disingenuous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's your profile, your life and you who ultimately decides who to meet or not, if someone's not intrested then that's the way it is, you can't get mad if someone does not want to meet you, with out attraction I think swinging would be seedy, I had a couple who I won't name but felt they was pushing me to meet at my place when ever they choose, I can't always accom and I can't always just drop everything and go running, swinging is my hobby not my life, ultimately it's ends with block button it's not rude it just didn't work out lol,
I think that's fair enough in that situation. I would probably do the same.
And I'm not saying those who block when they reject or get rejected are wrong. But I am saying that I won't block unless someone has done something wrong and I'm suggesting that it makes the site a nicer place if we all stop to think about how what we do may be taken by others. That's all really."
Fair point.
I don't understand when people say 'oh well they are just strangers on the internet, you'll never meet them so who cares what they think'. That may be true but those strangers are still human beings and still deserve respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder, if the shoe was on the other foot and a guy politely declined a woman and the woman then said something along the lines of "no problem, you're an ugly **** with a small cock anyway" they would use the block button in the same way as many women and couples do ?! No one knows what reaction you'll get but if I was a woman and I received abuse for being polite I know I'd block after a polite no thanks message and wouldn't worry. |
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"It's your profile, your life and you who ultimately decides who to meet or not, if someone's not intrested then that's the way it is, you can't get mad if someone does not want to meet you, with out attraction I think swinging would be seedy, I had a couple who I won't name but felt they was pushing me to meet at my place when ever they choose, I can't always accom and I can't always just drop everything and go running, swinging is my hobby not my life, ultimately it's ends with block button it's not rude it just didn't work out lol,
I think that's fair enough in that situation. I would probably do the same.
And I'm not saying those who block when they reject or get rejected are wrong. But I am saying that I won't block unless someone has done something wrong and I'm suggesting that it makes the site a nicer place if we all stop to think about how what we do may be taken by others. That's all really.
Fair point.
I don't understand when people say 'oh well they are just strangers on the internet, you'll never meet them so who cares what they think'. That may be true but those strangers are still human beings and still deserve respect. "
All true to a point. But there is a line you have to draw when communicating on the net for your own sanity. People DO overthink, they read offence into small actions or hidden meanings into messages, they wonder if an unanswered message means that there is hope or no meets means they're ugly....it is simply impossible to take every potential feeling that another person might experience into account. The best we can do is be as kind and respectful as possible without compromising ourselves.....then block |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's your profile, your life and you who ultimately decides who to meet or not, if someone's not intrested then that's the way it is, you can't get mad if someone does not want to meet you, with out attraction I think swinging would be seedy, I had a couple who I won't name but felt they was pushing me to meet at my place when ever they choose, I can't always accom and I can't always just drop everything and go running, swinging is my hobby not my life, ultimately it's ends with block button it's not rude it just didn't work out lol,
I think that's fair enough in that situation. I would probably do the same.
And I'm not saying those who block when they reject or get rejected are wrong. But I am saying that I won't block unless someone has done something wrong and I'm suggesting that it makes the site a nicer place if we all stop to think about how what we do may be taken by others. That's all really.
Fair point.
I don't understand when people say 'oh well they are just strangers on the internet, you'll never meet them so who cares what they think'. That may be true but those strangers are still human beings and still deserve respect.
All true to a point. But there is a line you have to draw when communicating on the net for your own sanity. People DO overthink, they read offence into small actions or hidden meanings into messages, they wonder if an unanswered message means that there is hope or no meets means they're ugly....it is simply impossible to take every potential feeling that another person might experience into account. The best we can do is be as kind and respectful as possible without compromising ourselves.....then block "
Oh I'm used to people misunderstanding me so it doesn't bother me at all. No point worrying about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just say "sorry I'm not interested but take care xx" horrible feeling but it's why a pic early on is essential for me, chatted to some lovely people then see their picture and feel really disappointed that they are just not for me but I'm also honest and just say so |
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