FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Entitlement and living the dream.
Entitlement and living the dream.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So a day or two ago we put up a status saying we were going to a party organised by some friends. Now this party has guests going who can be vouched for as not only as genuine but also on terms of being personable and hot. Cue some private messages that asked to come along from people/men we had not met before and which we politely declined.
We then received a spectrum of messages saying it was selfish and were accused of thinking we were better than them! And another one saying we owe it to people to help get them started on the scene!!!
Our question to people on here I suppose would be do you feel other people should help others into the lifestyle?
And do you feel that aggreived by others having fun and not giving you a chance?
We made our own way and met people by going out and finding them rather than waiting for the chance to come to us!
One of the only real times that messages bothered us.
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There will always be people that feel they are owed something or want something for nothing, guess thats life ,we've had similar request and then abuse for politely declining.personally I feel that to play with others is a privilege not a right as some seem to think . Those with the feeling its not fare and or don't make any effort are not the sort of person that deserves that privilege in the first place |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Men again 
The thing is that those who are desperate can't/won't help themselves and blame others for their lack of success. "
Sorry should have made that clearer wasn't just single men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I chat to a lot of couples on here. For those just starting out, it can be a daunting place. Many would like to try clubs, but for whatever reason, are scared of going.
If I feel we get on well then I'll offer to meet them at a club (no expectations of play). I just see it as helping people out the way I was helped out when I started.
However, trying to tag along and getting abusive when politely declined obviously is out of order. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You owe nobody anything. Yes it's nice to help others but you don't or have to and if they don't like your reply then tough for them.
I don't even reject anyone on here, i delete their message and leave it at that, if they get pissy about it i block.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, entitlement is annoying - it's a gripe of mine too. Women or couples who give bad manners speaking to some single men, or offering to go to a club together to save money as a couple etc, without even seeing a face pic. Any kind of assumption around sex that seems impersonal really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lol gues it would be difernet if it was females.
How so? It's not our party so why invite someone we have not met and without the hosts say so?
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Ah right and yes not sure why, but enjoy the party x. |
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Is a shame some don't just get out there... Get there faces known , mingle and then on their own merrits get invites ta parties etc. We wouldn't entertain any, who requested us to help when we aint even met em! ... (Who in their right mind would invite others to peoples parties , when they are unknown to them in the first place?!)
We were new once too and didn't need spoon feeding lol ... Want things to happen then get out there and make it so  cheeky feckers! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why did you put it as your status?"
Because we were excited to be going. We didn't name names or rub it in. Lots of people announce their plans in their status. Not got a problem with people asking is where we are going? it's the fact that they automatically assume they should come. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"people need to be invited to a party not ask to go - thats cheeky and bad manners in my book - Sx"
Yeah bad manners and a sense of entitlement.
It's not so much being cheekily asked if they can go as everyone needs that first little break It's the abuse you get after declining.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"people need to be invited to a party not ask to go - thats cheeky and bad manners in my book - Sx
Yeah bad manners and a sense of entitlement.
It's not so much being cheekily asked if they can go as everyone needs that first little break It's the abuse you get after declining.
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i suppose there is the if you dont ask you dont get idea - but i personally wouldnt do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By just asking it's obvious they have no idea what swinging is about. Suppose we all had to learn. But giving you abuse for declining is not part of swinging. People should not have to be told how to accept rejection graciously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As in all things, you make your own luck. We're newish and we would never dream of begging a tag-a-long.
If we've learnt one thing in our first few months of being a part of this community, it's that the way to get on is to get involved by going to clubs, talking to people and being active on forums like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's great you were excited but by putting what you did on your status it is inevitable
Did you also put what a great time you had on afterwards ? "
Isn't that what statuses are for? I often post my plans as a status because I'm excited by it, wouldn't expect messages asking to tag along to a private event though, different if its a club visit. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's great you were excited but by putting what you did on your status it is inevitable
Did you also put what a great time you had on afterwards ? "
Not been yet. May put a status up thanking the hosts afterwards though.
Our post was about do you feel some sort of responsibility to help others into the lifestyle and do you feel aggrieved by others having fun in the lifestyle?
Sadly this has been hijacked by the apologists who feel we were asking for it by putting up a simple status saying "Looking forward to partying"
Thanks to the 90% who answered the question
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's great you were excited but by putting what you did on your status it is inevitable
Did you also put what a great time you had on afterwards ?
Isn't that what statuses are for? I often post my plans as a status because I'm excited by it, wouldn't expect messages asking to tag along to a private event though, different if its a club visit."
Exactly.
We often put statuses up about a club and will meet new people to the scene at a club to allow them to get a feel for it. However after fielding a simple message about where we were going the messages soon developed into abuse. But it's ok as we were obviously asking for it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing wrong with passing on advice but entitlement is just wrong. From our point of view, its a journey of discovery about yourself and what you like in the lifestyle. These people who complained and sent you abuse need to mature to enjoy this world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel no responsibility to anyone, I am responsible for me. The whole world seems to be heading down the "oh woe is me" route where everyone else is to blame. 
I like reading about the fun other people have. I don't feel aggrieved if others are having fun and I'm not.
Put a status up every day counting down to the party. Then more afterwards.  
Oh and the bitchy comments about 'hot people' having parties for hot people... bloody good for you! I'm not hot but I don't get upset about people that are. Everyone has preferences. If you want to meet someone hot that's fine. I want to meet someone that fits my preferences too. I don't see why it's ok for people to look for vwe/ black/ white/ tall/ short/ etc etc but then get pissed off about people looking for hot.
x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I feel no responsibility to anyone, I am responsible for me. The whole world seems to be heading down the "oh woe is me" route where everyone else is to blame.
I like reading about the fun other people have. I don't feel aggrieved if others are having fun and I'm not.
Put a status up every day counting down to the party. Then more afterwards.
Oh and the bitchy comments about 'hot people' having parties for hot people... bloody good for you! I'm not hot but I don't get upset about people that are. Everyone has preferences. If you want to meet someone hot that's fine. I want to meet someone that fits my preferences too. I don't see why it's ok for people to look for vwe/ black/ white/ tall/ short/ etc etc but then get pissed off about people looking for hot.
x"
What's hot for us sits firmly outside the norm as to what would be considered hot by normal terms. For us it's kooky and a little bit left field and alt.
Some people on here see the word "Hot" as a traditional media portrayal. That's not for us maybe it's because we are from the colonies and see the use of the word in a different light
Great post by the way. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel no responsibility to anyone, I am responsible for me. The whole world seems to be heading down the "oh woe is me" route where everyone else is to blame.
I like reading about the fun other people have. I don't feel aggrieved if others are having fun and I'm not.
Put a status up every day counting down to the party. Then more afterwards.
Oh and the bitchy comments about 'hot people' having parties for hot people... bloody good for you! I'm not hot but I don't get upset about people that are. Everyone has preferences. If you want to meet someone hot that's fine. I want to meet someone that fits my preferences too. I don't see why it's ok for people to look for vwe/ black/ white/ tall/ short/ etc etc but then get pissed off about people looking for hot.
x
What's hot for us sits firmly outside the norm as to what would be considered hot by normal terms. For us it's kooky and a little bit left field and alt.
Some people on here see the word "Hot" as a traditional media portrayal. That's not for us maybe it's because we are from the colonies and see the use of the word in a different light
Great post by the way. Thank you. "
Good point, my idea of hot is different to other people's too. |
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Many men need to realise that only by treating women with respect and as equals will they ever really experience a womans full and enthusiastic attention properly. 