FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Does Fab ruin your potential of a vanilla relationship
Does Fab ruin your potential of a vanilla relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Here's a big question, I've been single for a while now and playing a little with like minded girls and couples from Fab, although due to the male ratio on here that's few and far between. Anyway I met a really nice girl last month on a night out, she's everything you'd want, pretty, intelligent and a good laugh. So this weekend she invited me to stay at hers we had a few bottles of wine then headed to the bedroom where some rather conventional sex took place. We were at it for some time but in the end I finished out of boredom not delight!
This has led me to believe that fab may well have ruined me for 'normal' women as she did nothing wrong just wasn't as naughty as the girls I've met from here and thing is I don't believe she ever will be so I've since gone a little cold on her (which I feel bad about!).
So do I abolish fab and just settle for a vanilla girl or do I plug on here and accept that I probably won't get a regular girlfriend?
Anyone had a similar dilemma? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was the first time you'd had sex with this girl, it takes time to get to know each other and to totally relax in each other's company. For all you know she could be on here too and she could as filthy as they come but was being reserved to give the impression she was sweet and innocent. What were you doing to make things more exciting, it takes two to tango, maybe she found you boring too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are women on Fab naughtier than women not on Fab? I am incredibly conventional in bed, and I don't have any complaints."
Well maybe it's just the ones that I've met! But in general if you are a female who is serious on this site then you are open minded and adventurous, where as most of the girls I've met in the real world are not that way inclined! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It was the first time you'd had sex with this girl, it takes time to get to know each other and to totally relax in each other's company. For all you know she could be on here too and she could as filthy as they come but was being reserved to give the impression she was sweet and innocent. What were you doing to make things more exciting, it takes two to tango, maybe she found you boring too"
The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"How are women on Fab naughtier than women not on Fab? I am incredibly conventional in bed, and I don't have any complaints.
Well maybe it's just the ones that I've met! But in general if you are a female who is serious on this site then you are open minded and adventurous, where as most of the girls I've met in the real world are not that way inclined!"
There are more women not on Fab than are on Fab, so you must have slept with more non-Fab women (at least I seriously hope so!) Did all the non-Fab women disappoint you?
By the way, I am open, adventurous, and serious about this site, but I don't see why I have to swing from chandeliers or contort myself into uncomfortable positions to be considered so. If you didn't enjoy the sex, imagine how she felt? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" 
We enjoy our kinky sex but also enjoy normal sex and "making love" so no different anyway apart from we occasionally get freaky haha"
I enjoy love making just as much as filth creating but I think the thing is that you need to be aligned mentally and know that you both want to do naughty things at some stage! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" in general if you are a female who is serious on this site then you are open minded and adventurous, "
I'm here but I don't think I'm particularly adventurous, no more than I was before I joined Fab  |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
I don't think fab spoils it, I think its just one of the ways that people are sometimes not compatible.
It was one of the big issues between my ex husband and myself - just a complete incompatibility in libido, desires and likes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab and swinging lifestyle doesnt have to be the be all and end all
before ny partner passed away i was in a happy loving relationship
if it ever happen again i wouldnt feel torn between the two lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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fab gave me the opportunity to try things i would never have done in my 'old' life- just one chat with a friend led to a dare from some others and i ended up on a diff site to this - and meeting someone that opened up a whole new me - i can honestly say i would never have done or even thought about half the stuff i do now if it wasnt for places like this - definately not ruined i love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just stay single then, if you meet someone special then you may change your mind, not all men want or need to be in a relationship. She may have been a bit shy because she hasn't known you for very long, sounds like the chemistry wasn't right because if it was you would of told her what you like or tactfuly got her to do what you like though not everyone likes the same things, most people like oral sex but not every time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!"
I think that "sexy lingerie" can be quite demeaning. Also I don't really like receiving oral.
Does that make me unadventurous or reserved? Doubt it.
Maybe she was just saying it was 'perfect' to be nice to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op you say that when talking she said she found sexy underwear demeaning.... Was this before you had sex..
And there will always be people that just Dont do it for you... Just move on to someone that does. I'd not say men or women on here are better than none swingers although I did used to expect people would have a clue but have found Thats not always the case...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think once you've tried swinging it might change the relationship forever. Sexually, you get filthy or vanilla off and on fab. Just depends what you look for I guess, and what you find. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How are women on Fab naughtier than women not on Fab? I am incredibly conventional in bed, and I don't have any complaints."
And I doubt you're conventional  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good sex with a lover takes time as you have to learn what each other likes . And in one night your not going to do that . Maybe she was nervous too ..I cant think you like her a lot or you would wish to work on this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ruins is probably the wrong word....
However, simple answer is YES swinging does change your expectations regarding sex...
You meet people who are way beyond the expected norm... That 'beyond the norm' then becomes YOUR expected norm... Can make vanilla relationships difficult.... |
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I have thort the same thing . I love sex and am very open minded . My last boyfriend was quite up tight about sex and being naked . He had been perfect in every other way but I just couldn't live with it . But I am hopping that there might be a nice kinky single guy on here for me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience ladies from Fab are more open minded about sex than those not on Fab. Fab ladies appear to be more focussed on the giving and receiving of pleasure through sex rather than using sex as a reward or tool to lever the man into what they want. They are also far easier to get on with as the emotional tension so often associated with vanilla sex is not nearly as great.
What you do is of course your choice but some compromise in the sex department is likely to be needed if you go for the vanilla alternative.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think fab spoils it, I think its just one of the ways that people are sometimes not compatible.
It was one of the big issues between my ex husband and myself - just a complete incompatibility in libido, desires and likes. "
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You said "she's everything you'd want " .... Well she's not really is she? Because you go on to say.. Bust she's doesn't like x and finds lingerie demeaning etc..
Move on.... That said, if you're moving on anyway just fess up... What's the worse that could happen...;-)
D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It was the first time you'd had sex with this girl, it takes time to get to know each other and to totally relax in each other's company. For all you know she could be on here too and she could as filthy as they come but was being reserved to give the impression she was sweet and innocent. What were you doing to make things more exciting, it takes two to tango, maybe she found you boring too
The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!"
Ah! Then maybe she's not for you! But it's not a case of one or the other love. A lot of people meet and fall in love on fab. I hope this will happen to me eventually as i have no wish to put up with another 20 years of poor/none existant sex! One day I hope to have a relationship with a guy who actually adores great sex as much as I do! Good luck op! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex is key in a relationship and if the first time was boring then it always will be.. If the passion was there then it wouldnt have been boring even vanilla!
Girls on fab are looking for relationships too.. We arent heartless monsters just hear to please men funnily enough we are normal women just more in touch with what we want and enjoy sexually! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex is key in a relationship and if the first time was boring then it always will be.. If the passion was there then it wouldnt have been boring even vanilla!
Girls on fab are looking for relationships too.. We arent heartless monsters just hear to please men funnily enough we are normal women just more in touch with what we want and enjoy sexually! "
Hear hear sexy! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thing is I think it's not easy u need to find out more about her u don't know if she's not had much expirance might only have been with one man before u ! . Maybe I'm nieve ! |
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It's totally different to compare....
A meet on here is potentially for one night only so you maybe pull out all the moves. You are also getting reviewed!!
A meet in vanilla world may potentially be long term so they may feel they need to be save some things for another time.
It sounds like it's changed your opinion of women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ruins is probably the wrong word....
However, simple answer is YES swinging does change your expectations regarding sex...
You meet people who are way beyond the expected norm... That 'beyond the norm' then becomes YOUR expected norm... Can make vanilla relationships difficult.... "
I think you've hit the nail on the head there! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Still only two meets ( ok one with sex!) but who is to say that after a more specific conversation about your experiences that you might not find she could be more adventurous with you ?
( then the sky could be the limit ?)
I'm not experienced by any means ? My partner here has already opened my eyes to some really fun things that I wouldn't have done before I met her ?
So could this be the way for her ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes 3 have been in long term relationships and met on here. Others I know have been living together less than a year. Some still play, others don't."
thats nice to know that happends .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have thort the same thing . I love sex and am very open minded . My last boyfriend was quite up tight about sex and being naked . He had been perfect in every other way but I just couldn't live with it . But I am hopping that there might be a nice kinky single guy on here for me x "
Normally i would say that you should not have a problem,but knowing how hard it is for us to find a guy to play with, i know i would be lying xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"it won't affect mine, i'm resigned to staying single until after my 'cock-chop operation', but after that who knows, i'd like to find someone male or female, who enjoys swinging, and if they don't i'll make them enjoy it LOL    "
Good luck with the cock chop op....Although the thought of it has just made my gentlemens area retract to my throat..I now have 3 adams apples?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've spoken to a few men who have been disappointed with the sex with exes. They all said she was beautiful,fit etc but boring and self centred. I advised them to not be swayed by looks and don't commit until you're sure she's what you want |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In my experience ladies from Fab are more open minded about sex than those not on Fab. Fab ladies appear to be more focussed on the giving and receiving of pleasure through sex rather than using sex as a reward or tool to lever the man into what they want. They are also far easier to get on with as the emotional tension so often associated with vanilla sex is not nearly as great.
What you do is of course your choice but some compromise in the sex department is likely to be needed if you go for the vanilla alternative. "
Good reply, I don't think I'm ready for the vanilla alternative yet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's totally different to compare....
A meet on here is potentially for one night only so you maybe pull out all the moves. You are also getting reviewed!!
A meet in vanilla world may potentially be long term so they may feel they need to be save some things for another time.
It sounds like it's changed your opinion of women. "
Exactly because of fab I tend to expect a lot the first time, maybe unreal expectations! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before I started doing this I rarely had an orgasm that wasn't from my own making and was uptight about sex. This has opened my eyes sexually, helped me realise what it is I enjoy, but I also know I could've probably got to the same point without Fab, eventually. Don't think this gives you unrealistic expectations, just that it helps realise your desires I guess.
I am in a vanilla relationship off site, that is completely sexless (my reason for being here). I have recently met another guy, also off site, who I am wanting to spend more and more time with. Sex with him is good and I know he's open to experimenting more but not to the point I want to take him. Doesn't mean I'm ready to ditch him, looking forward to seeing where he can also take me
Maybe worth giving your girl a second chance, it's not all about sex. X |
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Hey. . She could just be shy! But I think its possibly much easier to have different expectations once you have Experienced swinging and they may a little high. Everyone is different whether on fab or not but I think most women on here become more aware of what they like and maybe have a little more confidence. As a newly single girl I dread dating tbh and haven't even contemplated it and I do wonder if when a Date becomes potentially more physical will I find it hard not to have the same expectations I have here. Here you can have an open and honest chat about your like's etc way before it may ever happen but not so easy on a vanilla date.  |
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"It was the first time you'd had sex with this girl, it takes time to get to know each other and to totally relax in each other's company. For all you know she could be on here too and she could as filthy as they come but was being reserved to give the impression she was sweet and innocent. What were you doing to make things more exciting, it takes two to tango, maybe she found you boring too
The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!"
Sounds like my wife  |
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"The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!"
There are profiles on Fab where the female says she doesn't give and/or receive oral. There are profiles on Fab where the female says she doesn't dress up. Even read one where she only does missionary.
There are women who wouldn't dream of joining Fab who are amazing, kinky lovers but they prefer monogamous relationships.
Being on Fab doesn't make you a great lover, not being on Fab doesn't make you a crap one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it could if you let it but a lot it won't effect. It can make you more selective on setting with a guy taking his sexual prowess into consideration. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to have vanilla sex in marriage.. ok im not that adventurous here but have done things i never have in marriage and am going to carry on discovering new things |
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"The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!
There are profiles on Fab where the female says she doesn't give and/or receive oral. There are profiles on Fab where the female says she doesn't dress up. Even read one where she only does missionary.
There are women who wouldn't dream of joining Fab who are amazing, kinky lovers but they prefer monogamous relationships.
Being on Fab doesn't make you a great lover, not being on Fab doesn't make you a crap one."
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"I used to have vanilla sex in marriage.. ok im not that adventurous here but have done things i never have in marriage and am going to carry on discovering new things "
It's unlikely anyone who's in a happy marriage and having fantastic sex with their partner and doesn't feel the need to involve a third party is going to be a member of this site. So most of the opinions expressed will be a tad one-sided. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Here's a big question, I've been single for a while now and playing a little with like minded girls and couples from Fab, although due to the male ratio on here that's few and far between. Anyway I met a really nice girl last month on a night out, she's everything you'd want, pretty, intelligent and a good laugh. So this weekend she invited me to stay at hers we had a few bottles of wine then headed to the bedroom where some rather conventional sex took place. We were at it for some time but in the end I finished out of boredom not delight!
This has led me to believe that fab may well have ruined me for 'normal' women as she did nothing wrong just wasn't as naughty as the girls I've met from here and thing is I don't believe she ever will be so I've since gone a little cold on her (which I feel bad about!).
So do I abolish fab and just settle for a vanilla girl or do I plug on here and accept that I probably won't get a regular girlfriend?
Anyone had a similar dilemma?"
To be honest nobody is going to play all their cards on the first night! Did you try anything kinky with her?! Tbh that was my biggest concern with my bf cas I am the more intimidating else dual one and now we are together a year and a half, some people are just more shy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are lucky we met each other on fab and have been together 14 months. I couldn't go back to having a vanilla relationship. When I have met a man in the past I tell them I am bi secual I tell them I like swinging. Luckily they also have had a curiosity so there was fun to have there lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ruins is probably the wrong word....
However, simple answer is YES swinging does change your expectations regarding sex...
You meet people who are way beyond the expected norm... That 'beyond the norm' then becomes YOUR expected norm... Can make vanilla relationships difficult....
I think you've hit the nail on the head there!"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It was the first time you'd had sex with this girl, it takes time to get to know each other and to totally relax in each other's company. For all you know she could be on here too and she could as filthy as they come but was being reserved to give the impression she was sweet and innocent. What were you doing to make things more exciting, it takes two to tango, maybe she found you boring too
The thing is she thinks it was 'perfect' and I can just tell that she is reserved, for starters she doesn't give or receive oral and also during conversation she told me that she thinks sexy lingerie is demeaning!!!
Ah! Then maybe she's not for you! But it's not a case of one or the other love. A lot of people meet and fall in love on fab. I hope this will happen to me eventually as i have no wish to put up with another 20 years of poor/none existant sex! One day I hope to have a relationship with a guy who actually adores great sex as much as I do! Good luck op! Xx"
It'll happen Paula, have faith in the single guys of fab...some of us are ok lol |
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If that was a vanilla sex session then it's likely to be pretty conventional - just because we are swingers doesn't necessarily mean that our sex lives are more fun than non swingers. Maybe by date number 3 she will have you on a collar and leash leading you to her friends pussy. Give it time. I would tell her you're on a swingers site though.
I'm in a 'vanilla' relationship but if that were ever to end, I'd try and hook up with more people from here. I wouldn't go down a more conventional route. |
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By *andixxxMan
over a year ago
Gloucester |
"Here's a big question, I've been single for a while now and playing a little with like minded girls and couples from Fab, although due to the male ratio on here that's few and far between. Anyway I met a really nice girl last month on a night out, she's everything you'd want, pretty, intelligent and a good laugh. So this weekend she invited me to stay at hers we had a few bottles of wine then headed to the bedroom where some rather conventional sex took place. We were at it for some time but in the end I finished out of boredom not delight!
This has led me to believe that fab may well have ruined me for 'normal' women as she did nothing wrong just wasn't as naughty as the girls I've met from here and thing is I don't believe she ever will be so I've since gone a little cold on her (which I feel bad about!).
So do I abolish fab and just settle for a vanilla girl or do I plug on here and accept that I probably won't get a regular girlfriend?
Anyone had a similar dilemma?"
As this was the first time you've had sex,I wouldn't judge that as a constant!! Some girls hold back as they worry what will they be perceived as!! In a vanilla situation like that I wouldn't pull all the stops out like I would do in a meet! As the relationship deepens,you become more open with each other,the sex get hornier as you are more comfortable with each other and start to explore more! So I don't think that fab had ruined anything for you as you cannot compare it to vanilla sex life. Good luck with your new " relationship" and give yourself time and be open minded and understanding! |
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Are agree with you 100%.I raised similar topic not long ago. But I was slap down by barrage of criticism.if you don't limit your swinging lifestyle as a single male or female.
It will surely ruined your chances of setting down with any meaningful relationship this apply to both male and female. You may be sceptical about this. Trust me it's true. I ve seen women and men who got married and still return back to swinging due to the effect of swinging.
I know a lot people will dispute this. As for couples no problem when both are into it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You said "she's everything you'd want " .... Well she's not really is she? Because you go on to say.. Bust she's doesn't like x and finds lingerie demeaning etc..
Move on.... That said, if you're moving on anyway just fess up... What's the worse that could happen...;-)
D"
Well taken this little bit of advice and starting talking a little naughty to her, it turns out she might be a bit more of a deviant than I thought!!!!
But this begs the question, had I not of discovered fab would I ever of had such high sexual expectations for 'non fabbers' ? |
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"You said "she's everything you'd want " .... Well she's not really is she? Because you go on to say.. Bust she's doesn't like x and finds lingerie demeaning etc..
Move on.... That said, if you're moving on anyway just fess up... What's the worse that could happen...;-)
D
Well taken this little bit of advice and starting talking a little naughty to her, it turns out she might be a bit more of a deviant than I thought!!!!
But this begs the question, had I not of discovered fab would I ever of had such high sexual expectations for 'non fabbers' ?"
No, it just means you're crap at communicating your sexual needs to a partner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the sex ain't right then she ain't for you!
Same goes for me and men, if the sex ain't right then they ain't for me!
Applies to Vanilla world and Fab world "
this |
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