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Advice for a submissive
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I am now in a relationship with an experienced mistress. We have had two sessions which have been very satisfying 
Obviously Mistress will guide me and is keen to learn my desires and limits.
What advice can other true Doms and subs offer to help me get the most from this, please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As sub, you ultimately have the power. No play can take place that you are not happy with.
So, test your boundaries, wants and needs slowly but surely. Have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Make time where no play is on offer and use it with just having a talk about everything that is happening. Be honest with what you liked or didn't like and how you both are feeling. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Make time where no play is on offer and use it with just having a talk about everything that is happening. Be honest with what you liked or didn't like and how you both are feeling. "
That's great advice. I've been invited to her home for a meal and a chat sometime soon. I'm looking forward to that too. |
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A good Dom/Domme will take the time to find out what you want, what your limits are, and will help you enjoy discovering them too. There are many rules in this game- a good Dom will teach and guide you. A good sub will be responsive, obidient and communicate well. That is my advice! Hope you have an amazing time!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It seems she is as keen as I am. Apparently she can see a look of submissive desire in my eyes that she's rarely seen and she's been on the fet scene as a Dom for many years.
I know it's rare. I've been tied by a few ropers and drop into my space within seconds.
I've told her my one issue. I have no stop button. I've explained she will need to learn to read me because I make little sound and find myself incapable of using a safe word. I have been close to passing out as I'm untied before and still in heaven. 
I think this will be quite a ride for us both. |
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Few important notes.
Sub is in control, the dom I there purely to provide the pleasure and fantasies you crave ... Then you slowly hand the control over.
Code word.
Very important, subs can at times play around and state they don't want something when actually they just want it more ... Be sure there is one word that will bring everything to a complete stop and give you both Time to sit back and discuss what happened and why you used the code word.
Lastly, fully submitting yourself does not take away any of you human rights ... Do not do anything that you don't want.
A true dom will respect your honesty and you as a person if you just make clear what you want, what limits to push and what can never take place!
My phone never lets me use space so I'm sorry that you have to read this all together 
Watch out for the guys who have read 50 shades and now are the most experienced dom you'll ever find  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's the code word thing that's my problem. I just can't use one.
I've been tied in a very awkward position and put on my knees. Knees wide apart on a hard slippery surface. It's hard to keep still like that.
I was told to bed for release when I'd had enough but I knew mistress enjoys my suffering.
She had to release me in the end because I was shaking with the strain and starting to drift off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the code word thing that's my problem. I just can't use one.
I've been tied in a very awkward position and put on my knees. Knees wide apart on a hard slippery surface. It's hard to keep still like that.
I was told to bed for release when I'd had enough but I knew mistress enjoys my suffering.
She had to release me in the end because I was shaking with the strain and starting to drift off. "
You need to learn to use it. I get where you are coming from. I am stubborn as hell and hate to fail/disappoint but especially this early on you need to be able to say it when you are hitting your limits. If the act of speaking is too much then try a non-verbal codeword like dropping a ball or tapping 3 times. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That sounds like a good idea. I like the dropping something suggestion. Perhaps I could have something in each hand.
Drop one to signify it hurt too much and the other if I think I've had enough.
If I drop both together it could mean I'm in trouble and need releasing quickly. That happened on honeymoon whitest wearing a hood with a gag! I thought I was going to be sick.  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I am now in a relationship with an experienced mistress. We have had two sessions which have been very satisfying
Obviously Mistress will guide me and is keen to learn my desires and limits.
What advice can other true Doms and subs offer to help me get the most from this, please?"
Be mindful not to limit yourself to one type of sex or play. I have seen women destroyed though this. As much as there is a psychological aspect to giving up control, you are the only one left with the pieces should it break. Power exchange has many facets, though total power exchange could have you living a life you didnt expect 24/7. Explore your tastes, remember to communicate what you like, dont and limits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can attest and concur with the tapping idea. Providing you have a hand or foot to do so.
I have practiced martial arts in the past, Judo jujutsu etc and during ground fighting sessions where holds, pins or chokes are applied tapping is the best way out. If you can't fight out! 
I know it's not quite the same as being in sub space with a Dom or mistress but I felt the principles of communication could apply.
If I have got the wrong idea I'm very sorry. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun "
Thank you. I'm going to try holding something and dropping it if it gets too much as I just can't bring myself to call out a safe word. I feel like I'm giving up where as I can almost drop something by accident.
We have a get together organised over a meal to discuss things more and a dungeon meet set up for the 9th of December. She's promised it will be more intense this time.
I can't wait until I'm being tied and have all those ' I can't believe I'm doing this again' thoughts whizzing round. It's so exciting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun "
You don't need a safe word if you don't want one. If you want to stop just say stop. It's only really nesseary if you like to protest during play. I never use a safe word and no one asks to use one. Stop mean stop.
Since the whole 50 shades thing people think it has to be done no exceptions. Like that book it the holy grail. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the relationship is true and proper I would say the sub is actually in control, they just give it away for the sexual gratification that comes from pain, servitude, humiliation and many other emotions.
Communication is very important and whilst minor bdsm can be successful with little communication depending on where you and your mistress want to go should evolve slowly and considerately over a long time span. Please don't run before you can walk, and don't feel the need to search for ideas.. Your journey is more important that the destination |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I am considering protesting. I think I might enjoy it. I'll ask my mistress if she'd like it too.
When she does the last two strikes with each 'toy' she warns me they are coming and they are going to be very hard and hurt. I usually whisper 'oh god' but I might like to beg her not to
I really think holding something to drop will work for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun
You don't need a safe word if you don't want one. If you want to stop just say stop. It's only really nesseary if you like to protest during play. I never use a safe word and no one asks to use one. Stop mean stop.
Since the whole 50 shades thing people think it has to be done no exceptions. Like that book it the holy grail. "
I totally disagree. Subspace and domspace are sever and either can get so lost that they aren't aware of their actions clearly enough to read the other.
I appreciate where you are coming from and if that's the way you play then fair enough.
In my humble opinion it's irresponsible not to have one, for the sake of two minutes discussion it does no harm and offers a security blanket for everyone.
My wife tells me to stop all the time, what she really means is that it's getting to the point where it's too intense.
Of I hear that one word. Bang. Game over. No more play. My actions in regards to aftercare need work, but after that word. It's nothing but.
This is all my own opinion and I don't profess to be a dom. I'm actually more submissive. My wife is more dominating but there has to be an understanding of both parties. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun
You don't need a safe word if you don't want one. If you want to stop just say stop. It's only really nesseary if you like to protest during play. I never use a safe word and no one asks to use one. Stop mean stop.
Since the whole 50 shades thing people think it has to be done no exceptions. Like that book it the holy grail. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trust her 100%. Know that you can put your life in her hands and never have to worry.
Always remember that ultimately you have control.
Find a way of using that damn safeword, it's a must. It's not their for aesthetics.
Finally, enjoy what you are doing and always maintain the line of communication.
If the communication or trust is ever hindered or starts to ebb away, remember the former and talk about it.
Have fun
You don't need a safe word if you don't want one. If you want to stop just say stop. It's only really nesseary if you like to protest during play. I never use a safe word and no one asks to use one. Stop mean stop.
Since the whole 50 shades thing people think it has to be done no exceptions. Like that book it the holy grail. "
Stop does mean stop more times than not. Sometimes I'm begging for it to stop when what I really want is more! |
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