FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Male half of a couple we know well can't 'perform' with my partner
Male half of a couple we know well can't 'perform' with my partner
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We have recently introduced a couple we know to the lifestyle after they expressed great interest in dipping their toes in.
We have had 2 meets. Very very relaxed , flirty, fun, chilled. Really great.
The only thing is that the male of the other couple can't get hard with my partner. He can fuck his own partner no problem though. I think it got to him after the second meeting last night and we both really felt for him. I told him it's normal and takes time to adjust.
Any advice that anyone can give or has experienced themselves?
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pure and simple! Nerves! despite what many men may think, that they are living the dream, and it's all there xmas's wrapped into 1, when the moment arises nerves kick in even though you think you're as calm as anything, you're thinking of everything on the planet, your head is filling with everything it can't concentrate on the task in hand. Talking from experience, when it happens best thing to do is chill take a seat back have a drink calm yourself down, maybe watch for abit then once you're fully relaxed and not thinking about it, the magic will happen, he gets hard with his partner because he feels no pressure, it's his norm. Not because he doesn't find someone attractive, it doesn't happen often to me infancy it's only been once or twice, and on both occasions have been with absolute stunners! Stay stiff bitches! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm getting the vibe that there's a little guilt or something nagging away behind this. Or perhaps he's still a bit unsure about it. These issues may emerge over time. Until then however you may want to try mixing things up a little... try letting him engage in intimacy with his wife whilst he has sex with you.
Maybe let his wife ride your butt whilst you are in doggy position. He can then kiss and enjoy his wife, whilst fucking you. Alternatively, why don't you both seduce him, his wife sitting on his face, while you suck him hard and jump on him. Get creative. I'm sure there are all kinds of ways in which you can entice him into arousal via interaction with his wife and then take over from there. He will either enjoy it or those feelings of uncertainty or guilt will grow stronger... who knows?  
Good luck! Sounds lovely just thinking about it  |
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I think you are right. I also remember when we first began this journey that I would be very intimidated by a swingy situation. And over time I've learnt to control my mind and accept and enjoy the situation.
I guess he will either relax and begun to enjoy or not!
Feel for him though.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex had this issue. No matter how hot the other lady just could not perform in group situations. Tried the little blue pill once which worked but had bad side affects. I think it was nerves. |
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Interesting. I don't get any size effect from Sildenafil (active ingredient in Viagra) but I've heard other people who get headaches etc. Guess I'm lucky.
Will advise trying some meds for next time... |
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By *tloversCouple
over a year ago
Warrington |
Have you thought that it might be another naked man putting him off?
I had a meet with a previous man. .said it was his ultimate fantasy but the reality Was he got freaked out by a naked man with a hard on in same room.
We tried another time and he just couldn't cope with another bloke. It wasn't a jealousy thing..It was a this is weird thing!
Just a thought. .altho you may have tried separate rooms! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ps chellesterfem is this why he is the ex? !"
Not really. I was very very understanding. I felt mortified for both him and them and did everything I could to try and help. He always thought swinging was wrong somehow so I think it just wasn't for him. He loved the fantasy but the reality was v different. Swinging did split us up tho but only cos he couldn't handle me fucking women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have recently introduced a couple we know to the lifestyle after they expressed great interest in dipping their toes in.
We have had 2 meets. Very very relaxed , flirty, fun, chilled. Really great.
The only thing is that the male of the other couple can't get hard with my partner. He can fuck his own partner no problem though. I think it got to him after the second meeting last night and we both really felt for him. I told him it's normal and takes time to adjust.
Any advice that anyone can give or has experienced themselves?
X"
I haven't read the other posts fully but it sounds to me rather like a take on the whole Madonna/whore thing...your wife was previously off limits, he could fancy her like hell, fantasise about her if he liked but social norms and his respect for your friendship dictated that he couldn't touch...now that has all changed. he's got absolute permission to touch her and consciously, he wants to...who wouldn't? But sub-consciously, his mind still has a big "no touch" sign...
perhaps, if they're interested in fully embracing the lifestyle, they should see how he does with people with whom they don't have such an intimate non sexual relationship and then pick it back up again when he's feeling more confident? If it keeps happening with you, it could form a psychological block not only for other people but also start to affect him with his own partner... |
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"I'm getting the vibe that there's a little guilt or something nagging away behind this. Or perhaps he's still a bit unsure about it. These issues may emerge over time. Until then however you may want to try mixing things up a little... try letting him engage in intimacy with his wife whilst he has sex with you.
Maybe let his wife ride your butt whilst you are in doggy position. He can then kiss and enjoy his wife, whilst fucking you. Alternatively, why don't you both seduce him, his wife sitting on his face, while you suck him hard and jump on him. Get creative. I'm sure there are all kinds of ways in which you can entice him into arousal via interaction with his wife and then take over from there. He will either enjoy it or those feelings of uncertainty or guilt will grow stronger... who knows?
Good luck! Sounds lovely just thinking about it "
This sounds perfect, and the kind of fun I love to share!  |
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"Hmm Ok umm he isn't quite 'free' yet. Thinking about it now, this could be the problem...emotionally maybe he just isn't in the mind set to engage fully."
Have you visited a club? Maybe go as a foursome, meet some other people, build up the horniness, then get a private room once you're all in the zone? |
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by 'you' I really meant 'your partner' 
