FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Scaring off potential partners?
Scaring off potential partners?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've experienced this a couple of times now.
Just getting into a relationship, get physical, talk about my experiences with this lifestyle, and then it all goes cold.
I'd much rather be honest than try to hide anything - it's not like I'm trying to pressure potential partners into anything! Is it such a turn off? I think if the roles were reversed, I'd absolutely love it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it's the way you bring it up?
In a new(ish) relationship partners may want you to focus on them and have your exclusive sexual attention.
I appreciate your desire to be honest but you can do that without being right up front when the physical side starts - I would imagine most ladies would want to feel special and signalling too early you have a desire to shag other women or see her get fucked by other people!
Without knowing the facts maybe it's a softer gently gently approach you need over time? |
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"I guess it's the way you bring it up?
In a new(ish) relationship partners may want you to focus on them and have your exclusive sexual attention.
I appreciate your desire to be honest but you can do that without being right up front when the physical side starts - I would imagine most ladies would want to feel special and signalling too early you have a desire to shag other women or see her get fucked by other people!
Without knowing the facts maybe it's a softer gently gently approach you need over time?"
This!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah, I don't dive straight in with the sordid details!
It inevitably come up in conversation at some point though. I think next time I'll say I've just resigned as a monk...! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up |
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"I guess it's the way you bring it up?
In a new(ish) relationship partners may want you to focus on them and have your exclusive sexual attention.
I appreciate your desire to be honest but you can do that without being right up front when the physical side starts - I would imagine most ladies would want to feel special and signalling too early you have a desire to shag other women or see her get fucked by other people!
Without knowing the facts maybe it's a softer gently gently approach you need over time?
This! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up"
Here here, why should I have to tell people I was on a swingers site.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up"
And there's the rub: is there maybe part of you that wants to continue with the lifestyle in a new relationship and you're 'testing the waters'? If not, don't mention it xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up
And there's the rub: is there maybe part of you that wants to continue with the lifestyle in a new relationship and you're 'testing the waters'? If not, don't mention it xx "
I suppose there is. I enjoy the lifestyle, and I'd live to share it with someone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up
And there's the rub: is there maybe part of you that wants to continue with the lifestyle in a new relationship and you're 'testing the waters'? If not, don't mention it xx
I suppose there is. I enjoy the lifestyle, and I'd live to share it with someone!"
Well it's great that you're honest. Be aware though, that most folk -even if interested in the lifestyle (see some of the above posts) -prefer a period of monogamy at the start of a new relationship to bond and consolidate the attachment. Maybe it's a case of waiting a little longer before bringing it up. Good luck xx |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"Shouldn't this be in POF or Match.com?
You are preaching to the choir here, but if you are looking for a lifelong partner and soul-mate, a swingers' site is probably the wrong place to be."
I didn't think the OP said he met them here. But even if he did, what would be the issue? You can meet your partner anywhere. Doesn't need to be on a dating site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shouldn't this be in POF or Match.com?
You are preaching to the choir here, but if you are looking for a lifelong partner and soul-mate, a swingers' site is probably the wrong place to be.
I didn't think the OP said he met them here. But even if he did, what would be the issue? You can meet your partner anywhere. Doesn't need to be on a dating site. "
If you're looking for someone to be in a swinging relationship with... look on here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up"
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
I think when a couple meet in the real (vanilla) world the decision to become swingers happens over a period of time. Once they trust and know each other completely they sometimes decide to include others. Then they come onto a site like this. I think once you are in the lifestyle it becomes obvious how good it is but to the uninitiated it's a very big step and out of their comfort zone. Like others have said you need to develop a relationship until it maybe gets to the point where this would become acceptable or find someone on here that already shares your likes/desires  |
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"I wouldn't even mention it if I wasn't planning on swinging with them, who you have sex with prior to meeting someone is irrelevant, if you meet someone and have no intentions of staying in this life style I see no reason to bring it up"
This!
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"I think when a couple meet in the real (vanilla) world the decision to become swingers happens over a period of time. Once they trust and know each other completely they sometimes decide to include others. Then they come onto a site like this. I think once you are in the lifestyle it becomes obvious how good it is but to the uninitiated it's a very big step and out of their comfort zone. Like others have said you need to develop a relationship until it maybe gets to the point where this would become acceptable or find someone on here that already shares your likes/desires "
Couldn't have put it better myself. |
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We had been together 7 years before we started swinging. And that only came around because
A. We had an amazing sex life
B. We were more than open about our sexuality.
C. We had trust
D. We took things slowly. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I also scare men off in the same way. I just stick to not dating now. I have met only a few people that I would have possibly considered becoming emotionally involved with but there is always something massive missing for me. So I just stick with fab and my heart stays with myself and my kids. |
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"Yeah, I don't dive straight in with the sordid details!
It inevitably come up in conversation at some point though. I think next time I'll say I've just resigned as a monk...!"
I just say something like 'lets just say I've had some interesting experienes' and leave it at - if they want to know more I explain from there. My natural state is monogamy so the issue of still then wanting to shag others doesn't occur for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've experienced this a couple of times now.
Just getting into a relationship, get physical, talk about my experiences with this lifestyle, and then it all goes cold.
I'd much rather be honest than try to hide anything - it's not like I'm trying to pressure potential partners into anything! Is it such a turn off? I think if the roles were reversed, I'd absolutely love it!"
This is the one reason I am on here. I have experienced the same thing. I love being open minded & liberal with my approach to my sexuality and all things sexual.
I have always envisioned myself in a partnership with the right man where we are in love and are able to freely discuss anything without anything being a taboo. I feel it's important to express oneself even if it means that certain things are not lived out.
An open relationship is one of being honest and transparent and not playing nookey behind your partners back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had been together 7 years before we started swinging. And that only came around because
A. We had an amazing sex life
B. We were more than open about our sexuality.
C. We had trust
D. We took things slowly."
Absolutely LOVE what you guys have xXx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm the same. I want a swinging relationship but so many guys aren't happy to share their woman. Have to respect that though and just keep looking for the right one.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't just say the things I have gotten upto, if someone asked me a question I would answer it honestly but I don't feel the need to tell partners about my previous sex life. |
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