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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi, I've met a girl I like and she likes me. Our feelings are growing but I said from the start I wanted to see other people and she was ok with that, as long as she could too. Seemed fair to me.
However, as time has passed and feelings grown, we are both struggling to deal with the jelousy we have of someone else with our partner.
Now, we have spoken at length, and on paper it all seems fine and fair, but that doesn't take into account the emotions. Had it been someone i didnt care for, then I would have no problem in them playing away.
I would be interested to hear how other couples overcame the jealousy and anxiety. We know we love each other, but there's always a fear of getting hurt, even though individually any meets with anyone else is just non-emotional sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just be happy with each other and stop swinging
good luck  "
believe me if you don't it will rip you apart.. Can always return at a later date if you feel the time is right  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging can only work as a couple if you trust and know each other completely. If you are jealous then this is not for either of you. Good luck and enjoy your time with each other!!  |
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Sounds like swinging is not for you.
Buddy I love my wife and she's put up with me for 21 years so I guess she loves me. We play together and get excited about seeing each other enjoying themselves and that's that. We do it because it's fun.
The way I see it if her feelings ever change and she wants to leave me for someone else that's her choice there's nothing I can do or say to stop that so why waste my time being jealous or getting upset now about something that will probably be out of my hands.
Fingers crossed I'm a good boy. |
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I think I have some connections in my head missing as I'm not a jealous guy (there's a song in there somewhere). If I were to experience a situation where another guy was having sex with my wife, all I can think I'd feel is happy. |
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"I would be interested to hear how other couples overcame the jealousy and anxiety."
Difficult to answer this one because how others deal with it is of little importance, its how you two deal with it that really matters.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the impression from what you are saying that you both want to continue seeing other people but you are both unhappy with the other seeing other people?
Seems to me the problem is fear... you've found something that you really want and want to keep and have moved into the 'fear of loosing it' phase.
So logically it follows, as others have suggested, your relationship is not mature enough at this point in time to be a swinging couple.
If my misses didn't want to play this hobby, I would drop it without a split second to think about it. The same applies to Mrs, if I didn't want to do it, it wouldn't take a moments thought. It's JUST a hobby and only one very small part of our relationship.
We both have the same ethos about relationships (for US at least) and that is, the name of the game is to try 24/7 to make your partners life better, more comfortable, essentially avoiding things that may make the other half anxious.
If the truth be known we might get a bit jealous of the other on non-shared hobbies. For example "He's always out playing golf" (or shagging other women) - "She's always spending her time at the charity shop" (or shagging other men).
The anxiety is most likely the fear of loosing the person to another. The jealousy is most likely being selfish in respect of how the other partner spends their time with other things/people.
In the end, maybe ask yourselves this question... what is worth more, the relationship with 'the one' or casual sex with strangers?
I hope that is of some help
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"I think I have some connections in my head missing as I'm not a jealous guy (there's a song in there somewhere). If I were to experience a situation where another guy was having sex with my wife, all I can think I'd feel is happy. "
Same here, were enjoy each others pleasure, not sure it matters what causes the pleasure. |
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""I would be interested to hear how other couples overcame the jealousy and anxiety."
Difficult to answer this one because how others deal with it is of little importance, its how you two deal with it that really matters.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the impression from what you are saying that you both want to continue seeing other people but you are both unhappy with the other seeing other people?
Seems to me the problem is fear... you've found something that you really want and want to keep and have moved into the 'fear of loosing it' phase.
So logically it follows, as others have suggested, your relationship is not mature enough at this point in time to be a swinging couple.
If my misses didn't want to play this hobby, I would drop it without a split second to think about it. The same applies to Mrs, if I didn't want to do it, it wouldn't take a moments thought. It's JUST a hobby and only one very small part of our relationship.
We both have the same ethos about relationships (for US at least) and that is, the name of the game is to try 24/7 to make your partners life better, more comfortable, essentially avoiding things that may make the other half anxious.
If the truth be known we might get a bit jealous of the other on non-shared hobbies. For example "He's always out playing golf" (or shagging other women) - "She's always spending her time at the charity shop" (or shagging other men).
The anxiety is most likely the fear of loosing the person to another. The jealousy is most likely being selfish in respect of how the other partner spends their time with other things/people.
In the end, maybe ask yourselves this question... what is worth more, the relationship with 'the one' or casual sex with strangers?
I hope that is of some help
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you should have a go at being exclusive and see where it takes yous. Is a life time of happiness with the right person worth a fumble with someone that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. It sounds like you have strong feelings for her and you would possibly kick yourself later on in life if you didn't try and make a go of it. |
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