FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I've never come with a guy..... need some advice please
I've never come with a guy..... need some advice please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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so even though i'm only 18, i have met a fair few people.
but i'm still left not being able to come with a guy only by myslef. Having discussed it with various people, i have come to the conclusion its because im not relaxed.
But how the hell do you just become relaxed, i suppose i am quite self conscious about my body, tho poeple tell me not to be.
anybody have any advice for me?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't look for it or expect it but just try to find someone you are really comfy with or even something that will help you to feel comfortable - unfortunately the more you think about it the worse it will probably be so concentrate on the things you like |
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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago
Back of Beyond |
Don't think about coming yourself. Go into the meet thinking that you are going to pleasure others only. That way you will concentrate on what you are doing to others.
You will find that by doing that your mind will relax and let you body have an orgasm. It's only because you are thinking about it, and probably affecting your overall performance at the same time, that is preventing you doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to have a girl friend that had the same problem, she also was very self consious, one evening after a massage and lots of forplay she relaxed enough and it happened, after that she was able to relax better and cum easly. she had found she couldnt let herself go with another person, but once the trust was there she was ok. hope this helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you play only with young guys?
Could just be their technique. Try a more experienced guy.
No matter what the guys tell you, they do get better with age, trust me, lol.
So find one thats had plenty of practice, tell him and show him what you like and coach him if you need to.
We are having our best sex ever, granted we are both steralized, so just enjoy without fear of accidents or mishaps. You can too, so best of luck
xx |
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Have you made this an issue in your own mind?
You do need to be really relaxed.
An experienced partner who truly understands your mind and body will help.
A good lover will pay attention to what they are doing and the effect is has on you. Too often an inexperienced or poor lover only has their own needs and desires in mind.
You could really prolonged kissing and caressing. Stopping for a while then starting again. It's about the build up and anticipation. A lover who can seduce your mind first is great too.
When you are alone good exercise would be to masturbate until close to orgasm then stop. Repeat this a few times, each time getting closer but stopping again.
A week of doing that every night and by Saturday when a lover enters you you will probably have all on not to cum immediately.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you play only with young guys?
Could just be their technique. Try a more experienced guy.
No matter what the guys tell you, they do get better with age, trust me, lol.
So find one thats had plenty of practice, tell him and show him what you like and coach him if you need to.
We are having our best sex ever, granted we are both steralized, so just enjoy without fear of accidents or mishaps. You can too, so best of luck
xx"
I resent that remark, lol. I've never had anything but compliments on my technique, from younger and older women, and never failed to make anyone cum except in this case. I've even made some women cum in new ways that they haven't with older parteners.
Anyway, beside the point, I did tell her she needed to relax, and she placed to much weight on it, and not to see the orgasm as the end goal.... and she was very close, just couldn't get over the line. I do think you need to stop worrying about youself, you were closer the second time when we had the lights off, so I think that tells it's own story. You have no need to worry about yourself like that. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you play only with young guys?
Could just be their technique. Try a more experienced guy.
No matter what the guys tell you, they do get better with age, trust me, lol.
So find one thats had plenty of practice, tell him and show him what you like and coach him if you need to.
We are having our best sex ever, granted we are both steralized, so just enjoy without fear of accidents or mishaps. You can too, so best of luck
xx
I resent that remark, lol. I've never had anything but compliments on my technique, from younger and older women, and never failed to make anyone cum except in this case. I've even made some women cum in new ways that they haven't with older parteners.
Anyway, beside the point, I did tell her she needed to relax, and she placed to much weight on it, and not to see the orgasm as the end goal.... and she was very close, just couldn't get over the line. I do think you need to stop worrying about youself, you were closer the second time when we had the lights off, so I think that tells it's own story. You have no need to worry about yourself like that. x"
No ones technique works everytime with every partner. We've been swinging a while now, and Kate can count the number of times she's cum with another guy, on one hand. There are a number of things that have to be right to get to where you want to be. |
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No ones technique works everytime with every partner. We've been swinging a while now, and Kate can count the number of times she's cum with another guy, on one hand. There are a number of things that have to be right to get to where you want to be."
Absolutely, even in a committed relationship sometimes what drives you wild one night does next to nothing another night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
No ones technique works everytime with every partner. We've been swinging a while now, and Kate can count the number of times she's cum with another guy, on one hand. There are a number of things that have to be right to get to where you want to be.
Absolutely, even in a committed relationship sometimes what drives you wild one night does next to nothing another night."
Couldn't agree more!
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"
No ones technique works everytime with every partner. We've been swinging a while now, and Kate can count the number of times she's cum with another guy, on one hand. There are a number of things that have to be right to get to where you want to be.
Absolutely, even in a committed relationship sometimes what drives you wild one night does next to nothing another night.
Couldn't agree more!
"
phew,tought we were alone,,,
but seriously,when me and j got together i would watch her playing alone and learn from that,and after awhile got it right,so just relax,dont pressure yourself |
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There is an aspect here few look at. Cumming is 80% mental and only 20% physical.
One of my partners and I role play during foreplay, we play out scenes of fun and sometimes play dares, forfeits,, stripping and groping games. Sometimes she has cum from finger stimulation alone, before we have even been naked.
Find something that works for both of you, and take your time, relax and most of all have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it depends purely on the individual - i can cum very easily (promise i'm not bragging, its just the way it is!) - it's down to sensitivity, and above all else, being comfortable with the person you are with
Have confidence in yourself, and let yourself go xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I definately agree with the comments about relaxing. I can only come through oral (and it has to be GOOD oral) and only when I'm completely relaxed.
Dont pressure yourself, go with the flow and when it's right it will happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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get a toy experiment with what works when you do it yourself and take it from there! and relax as hard as it is, it makes the world of difference! and you only young yet i didnt have an orgasm with a guy till i was about 22 and then it took me by surprise! xx |
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"Thanx everyone, i will take it all on board. Nice to know im not completely alone and that some people have had similar problems."
It's not a problem... it's quite common and no ones fault... it's just the way it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it took me a long time to experience guess i was just playing with the wrong ones and it doesnt happen with every one i meet but boy when it does it does n what a feeling ,it will happen when ur buttons r pressed in the way they are needed enjoy till it does xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you play only with young guys?
Could just be their technique. Try a more experienced guy.
No matter what the guys tell you, they do get better with age, trust me, lol.
So find one thats had plenty of practice, tell him and show him what you like and coach him if you need to.
We are having our best sex ever, granted we are both steralized, so just enjoy without fear of accidents or mishaps. You can too, so best of luck
xx
I resent that remark, lol. I've never had anything but compliments on my technique, from younger and older women, and never failed to make anyone cum except in this case. I've even made some women cum in new ways that they haven't with older parteners.
Anyway, beside the point, I did tell her she needed to relax, and she placed to much weight on it, and not to see the orgasm as the end goal.... and she was very close, just couldn't get over the line. I do think you need to stop worrying about youself, you were closer the second time when we had the lights off, so I think that tells it's own story. You have no need to worry about yourself like that. x"
Ah see im like that, can come like niagara falls but not orgasm, wont go over the line - christ i hope that coming and orgasms are not the same thing otherwise, just boring 
Incidentally, a little off to mention intimate details about someone on their post dont you think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need a proper man, El nino's pretty, but you need an ugly mug like me, then you'll relax about yourself. 
seriously though, it seems it's more in your mind the problem, relax is the key.
Don't think about the end result, just go on and enjoy the whole experience.
Just a thought, but maybe casual sex doesn't quite do it for you, maybe you need that personal feeling.
I do know my partner had never climaxed or indeed came close, after a few month together she started to relax more about it all, started to enjoy receiving pleasure rather than feeling she was there to give, then one day it crept up and hit her, lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had not been able to come with a gent on my own for a very long time, until I learnt to help myself while I am being penetrated from watching porn, and have not look back since!
I learnt a lot from watching porn, like how to give orals and hand jobs etc., and discovered what I like and not like.
If you are looking for some decent porn, I would recommend the "Private" label, as they are classily made, and the female stars appear to be "natural" etc...
Lastly, nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself. You need to know what you like and dislike before you can truly enjoy yourself with other people IMHO!
Hope this helps, and good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you play only with young guys?
Could just be their technique. Try a more experienced guy.
No matter what the guys tell you, they do get better with age, trust me, lol.
So find one thats had plenty of practice, tell him and show him what you like and coach him if you need to.
We are having our best sex ever, granted we are both steralized, so just enjoy without fear of accidents or mishaps. You can too, so best of luck
xx
I resent that remark, lol. I've never had anything but compliments on my technique, from younger and older women, and never failed to make anyone cum except in this case. I've even made some women cum in new ways that they haven't with older parteners.
Anyway, beside the point, I did tell her she needed to relax, and she placed to much weight on it, and not to see the orgasm as the end goal.... and she was very close, just couldn't get over the line. I do think you need to stop worrying about youself, you were closer the second time when we had the lights off, so I think that tells it's own story. You have no need to worry about yourself like that. x"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do not believe the age of a person neccessarily reflects his skills in pleasing a woman.
I have met some gents closer to my age and do not have a clue how to perform orals properly! They think flicking their tongue at the clit is all you need for a good oral!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"im just thinking to myself what is an 18 yr old girl doing on a swing site ??? recipe for disaster ....."
.
Better to go to swinger clubs and attend organised events, to experience the joys of sex in a safe and comfortable mature environment, then to pull men (mostly young ones) randomly from bars and nightclubs? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My personal advice (and I said the same to a single guy in the forums a week or so ago) is
If you have been achieving orgasms by using vibrators or your hands or a washing machine or egg whisk for some time (or even someone else's hand) then there is a very good chance that your body had become totally acclimatised to this method of satisfaction.
It is quite common for this to occur when people maturbate and do not have penetrative sex for some time.
The cure is simple, cut down on the masturbation for a while or only use vibrators in the same motion as penetrative sex (take the batteries out lol) your body will forget what it is used to and in a very short time you will find you can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My personal advice (and I said the same to a single guy in the forums a week or so ago) is
If you have been achieving orgasms by using vibrators or your hands or a washing machine or egg whisk for some time (or even someone else's hand) then there is a very good chance that your body had become totally acclimatised to this method of satisfaction.
It is quite common for this to occur when people maturbate and do not have penetrative sex for some time.
The cure is simple, cut down on the masturbation for a while or only use vibrators in the same motion as penetrative sex (take the batteries out lol) your body will forget what it is used to and in a very short time you will find you can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex"
Whoa!!!
How how much self pleasing would an 18 year old need to do before her body became acclimatised to that?!! |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"How how much self pleasing would an 18 year old need to do before her body became acclimatised to that?!! "
Well, I was fully acclimatised to masturbation by the time I had sex, and somehow I still managed to come...
Does that help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I'm about to have a rant so if you're easily offended look away now. 18. Swinging. What has she got to look forward to? Get off the site, go to a club and flirt the night away in a skirt your mother would cringe at and too much eye make up. Hell fire, do I need to remind folk that she's only 2 years above the national age for consent. And she's on a bloody sex site. I know I'll get lots of 'oh leave her alone' comments after this but I don't care. I could cry for the young girls (and lads) on here that think watch a couple of porn movies and think they can re create that in their own lives. Go out. Get d*unk. Smoke in the back garden and eat a pack of polo mints so your parents won't smell it on you. Make friends at college. Get laid the usual way. Leave this stuff to the one's that fucked it all up first time round and need something a little extra to get them going!
Whatever happened to innocence. Very sad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yeah loved to....so you enjoyed the fantasy for a while. All I'm saying is that sometimes fantasies are just that for a reason. I fantasise about all sorts, doesn't mean I need to run off & carry it out. Often what starts as a fantasy becomes less than attractive once its been carried out. All I'm saying is that at 18 she's hardly mature enough to deal with the after effects of what this lifestyle has to offer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm about to have a rant so if you're easily offended look away now. 18. Swinging. What has she got to look forward to? Get off the site, go to a club and flirt the night away in a skirt your mother would cringe at and too much eye make up. Hell fire, do I need to remind folk that she's only 2 years above the national age for consent. And she's on a bloody sex site. I know I'll get lots of 'oh leave her alone' comments after this but I don't care. I could cry for the young girls (and lads) on here that think watch a couple of porn movies and think they can re create that in their own lives. Go out. Get d*unk. Smoke in the back garden and eat a pack of polo mints so your parents won't smell it on you. Make friends at college. Get laid the usual way. Leave this stuff to the one's that fucked it all up first time round and need something a little extra to get them going!
Whatever happened to innocence. Very sad "
Do you swing because you need something extra to get you going? I don't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apologies, I didn't mean to specify that this girl isn't mature. Just that we all know the pro's and con's of this lifestyle. If I had an 18 year old daughter, I certainly wouldn't want her subjected to this, even if it was her choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, I swing because I enjoy it. Because I've gone through the natural progression. I've been a teenager, done teenage stuff and now I'm a little older I want to try the next stage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I swing because I enjoy it. Because I've gone through the natural progression. I've been a teenager, done teenage stuff and now I'm a little older I want to try the next stage."
My previous gf was 17 when we met, she was working at a swingers club and had previously worked as a feeder in a New York Goth bar.
She taught me many things, she made me realise how stupid I was at the time for being homophobic, she taught me the meaning of BDSM and many of the practices therein, she also taught me about the stars, the projects being worked on at Cern in Switzerland, she taught me about planets and the basics of quantum physics.
In our 6 years together she taught me many things including not to judge people by thier age.
Her maturity would not have allowed her to advise her peers to go and take drugs and to avoid nightclubs for one night stands in places where drugs are like smarties, spiked drinks are common and violence is bountifull.
She did advise her college friends about the benefits of going to swingers clubs, where they could meet nice guys and have sex with them in safety, where she wouldn't have to tolerate hands up her skirt just because she wanted to dance or go to the bar.
Where she could enter a forum and get unbiased sound advice from a number of people in a way that allowed her to see many sides of the question.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is an aspect here few look at. Cumming is 80% mental and only 20% physical.
One of my partners and I role play during foreplay, we play out scenes of fun and sometimes play dares, forfeits,, stripping and groping games. Sometimes she has cum from finger stimulation alone, before we have even been naked.
Find something that works for both of you, and take your time, relax and most of all have fun!"
lucky lass xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My personal advice (and I said the same to a single guy in the forums a week or so ago) is
If you have been achieving orgasms by using vibrators or your hands or a washing machine or egg whisk for some time (or even someone else's hand) then there is a very good chance that your body had become totally acclimatised to this method of satisfaction.
It is quite common for this to occur when people maturbate and do not have penetrative sex for some time.
The cure is simple, cut down on the masturbation for a while or only use vibrators in the same motion as penetrative sex (take the batteries out lol) your body will forget what it is used to and in a very short time you will find you can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex
Whoa!!!
How how much self pleasing would an 18 year old need to do before her body became acclimatised to that?!! "
Don't be silly, that's not an age thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have the same problem never had orgasm
threw sex can with my rabbit ?
Wat am I doing wrong any advice?' "
Maybe too much thinking about the orgasm. Peeps are so bldy orgasm oriented. Orgasm, what is it anyway, does anyone really know. Is it when you come, no not necessarily and you can orgasm without coming. Better start enjoying the feelings along the way, like that wonderful moment of entry, the varying pace. Also you really do need to have some chemistry to get anywhere near ecstacy, which I would equate with orgasm, and lots of the time in swinging that is not actually there, you are just joining in the fun. So have fun, don't expect too much but try to work on that sublime moment with your partner, reg f buddy in the meantime. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Where she could enter a forum and get unbiased sound advice from a number of people in a way that allowed her to see many sides of the question.
In response to Jed, exactly. Opinions are just a version of a good idea and my version is different to yours. Not wrong, not right, just different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where she could enter a forum and get unbiased sound advice from a number of people in a way that allowed her to see many sides of the question.
In response to Jed, exactly. Opinions are just a version of a good idea and my version is different to yours. Not wrong, not right, just different. "
I absolutely agree, which is why I responded with reasons why I think it's a good thing and hopefully people will put thier opinion of the downside of swinging at a young age, and the discussion will go on and she and others will make thier own minds up based on a number of opinions, so though it may not have sounded like it, I welcomed your input, it gave me an opportunity to say why I think it is a good idea, I am guessing you welcomed my input because it gave rise to discussion and chance for you to put your views |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm about to have a rant so if you're easily offended look away now. 18. Swinging. What has she got to look forward to? Get off the site, go to a club and flirt the night away in a skirt your mother would cringe at and too much eye make up. Hell fire, do I need to remind folk that she's only 2 years above the national age for consent. And she's on a bloody sex site. I know I'll get lots of 'oh leave her alone' comments after this but I don't care. I could cry for the young girls (and lads) on here that think watch a couple of porn movies and think they can re create that in their own lives. Go out. Get d*unk. Smoke in the back garden and eat a pack of polo mints so your parents won't smell it on you. Make friends at college. Get laid the usual way. Leave this stuff to the one's that fucked it all up first time round and need something a little extra to get them going!
Whatever happened to innocence. Very sad "
We need a thumbs up icon as i agree with you, young people should grow up learning about sex not seek out old women to teach them, never understand that but then i cant stand the thought of a young immature inexperienced no life skills lad or girl for that matter, anywhere near me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"your body had become totally acclimatised to this method of satisfaction".
Shit. Wish I'd thought of that 30 odd years ago!!!
"No mother. I'm simply acclimatising my body"
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At 18 I was having sex on park benches, because my parents wouldn't allow me to have boyfriends in my room.
At 18, I was having random d*unk sex with different blokes every weekend. Most of the time without any protection.
If I had an 18 year old daughter, I'd prefer her to be having sex in a swing club, then on a park bench. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to be totally relaxed, and the way to relax Is to be confident about yourself, no hang ups concerning your body and how your partner views your body. I am very confident when having sex and find it easy to orgasm when I am totally relaxed, maybe I am one of the lucky one's, as I can cum through, clitoral, penetration and anal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course Jed, it all makes for great discussion and one that could go on forever. I completely get what you're saying and I agree that if sex is going to be sought out then sex in safety is a must.
But we must not forget that for every respectful swinger who will value a person's opinions and boundaries on this site or any other similar, there are also many who will take advantage and lure young people into situations that they shouldn't be in. There is never a 100% safe option.
I'd much rather 18yr old daughter was a bit tipsy on a park bench with another 18yr old getting frisky than screwing in clubs with people watching. |
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she might be like me and not enjoy clubs, they put me in a really bad headspace 95% of the time :\
Ive had the same problem, and probably will in future.
what worked for me was porn, watching porn while shagging
I could offer my help, but we could both end up like  now what?
you could also try more stimulation if possible, and/or having a rub like you would do by yourself, while the guy is shagging you aswell.
could try anal if you havent tried that, or dp, aswell as different positions |
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" I'd much rather 18yr old daughter was a bit tipsy on a park bench with another 18yr old getting frisky than screwing in clubs with people watching. "
Really? Obviously we've only got a young family (and only a boy at the moment) so we may have all this to come, but having discussed this, but personally even though we wouldn't necessarily want a daughter screwing around in a club, we'd rather she was doing that in safety and with a straight head, than getting d*unk and rutting with a horny young lad possibly too d*unk to even consider protection. Each to their own, we know.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you cum on your own ? with toys and fingers ... if so when having sex get him to get toys i find i can come toys and oral sex .... and can hold of cuming untill he is back inside me so i can cum with him ,, If you have never cum get in a spar bath put your pussy right on the jets will make you i am sure of it xxxx jo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do some people think that a younger person going to a club is going to have sex with older men and women ? surely they would have a choice in who they play with !
My point was that at clubs and on forums there are experienced people to help them with advice many of them in the same age group as them.
I have never said they should be having sex with older people only that it can help to get advice from them.
As I said earlier it was a 17 year old that told me a lot of what I now know about sex and I was 45 then, I knew the basics but as a lifestyler she taught me more about the stuff you don't learn on park benches or ask your peers cos they don't know either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The fact that you started this thread, means you're thinking about it too much. Just forget about orgasming and just concentrate on enjoying the sensations and it'll happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are a lot of people who would like to give you a little advice (and I suspect some who would like to help you with a more practical format .... giggles)
It has been the basis of other interesting debate too |
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For all you that think this young girl shouldnt be on a site like this. I wish there had been the internet and these kind of sites when i was growing up, then perhaps my life would of been much easier in my teenage years instead of sneaking around doing the things i did.
At 18 you are old enough to have children and be married so surely your old enough to make your own sexual decisions. Your old enough to vote. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She is asking us for help that is all in this letter not to have sex with her. And yes she is young and have years a head to have sex and fun....... It would be lovely to have some here in 20s to help her and wrighting not just us lot. Today i come on in my post box letters from younger people on the site not asking nothing about sex ,,, Just saying how some older ones make them feel here.Ranting saying may be young thay can vote thay can go to war at 18/19/20 GET KILLED .. Marrie have a family , Go to work pay Tax ...... its ok for others here to do all sorts..... I said thay should rant in forum tell you lot how thay feel......... be nice to see younger people wrighting in there ..... with there own views ... x jo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For all you that think this young girl shouldnt be on a site like this. I wish there had been the internet and these kind of sites when i was growing up, then perhaps my life would of been much easier in my teenage years instead of sneaking around doing the things i did.
At 18 you are old enough to have children and be married so surely your old enough to make your own sexual decisions. Your old enough to vote. "
Good morning and welcome back, hope you are feeling better |
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