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Boundaries in couples
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are there any couples out there that will share with me the boundaries they have set in their swinging relationship? Even if you message me privately.
I'm trying to set some and wonder if they are unreasonable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesn't matter what anyone else does- the most important thing is YOU. You have to be happy or it won't work. Everyone has different boundaries and rules. Just be happy. x |
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"Doesn't matter what anyone else does- the most important thing is YOU. You have to be happy or it won't work. Everyone has different boundaries and rules. Just be happy. x"
What she says.
Boundaries are very personal and if you feel yours are reasonable then they are, it really doesn't depend on what anyone elses are.
I haven't read your profile but it looks as if you're a single woman, is this a couple whose boundaries you disagree with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ours are clear on our profile, make sure you play the way that your happy with, don't worry about what others think and stick to your guns because loads of people will try to get you to play the way that suits them, only do what you are comfy with  |
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"No, it's boundaries I want to set as a couple "
Oh right. Then what I said stands. It doesn't matter what boundaries other people have in place you set your own, they can be changed and negotiated as you go along but only three rules apply universally ; honesty, respect and consent, within that all boundaries are reasonable.
If your boundaries are being questioned tread carefully and only move them if it's right for you. |
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"No, it's boundaries I want to set as a couple
Oh right. Then what I said stands. It doesn't matter what boundaries other people have in place you set your own, they can be changed and negotiated as you go along but only three rules apply universally ; honesty, respect and consent, within that all boundaries are reasonable.
If your boundaries are being questioned tread carefully and only move them if it's right for you."
this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Boundaries are very personal, ours are very relaxed and wouldn't be for most people
My advice would be that your boundaries should be whatever you aren't happy with. And in view of the thread you started from your couples profile yesterday I would be talking to your partner not asking for random people's opinions. If you aren't happy with what your partner does then that's the limit and they should respect that, you shouldn't question whether that limit is too restrictive based on other people's preferences. What's right for them isn't necessarily right for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Boundaries are very personal, ours are very relaxed and wouldn't be for most people
My advice would be that your boundaries should be whatever you aren't happy with. And in view of the thread you started from your couples profile yesterday I would be talking to your partner not asking for random people's opinions. If you aren't happy with what your partner does then that's the limit and they should respect that, you shouldn't question whether that limit is too restrictive based on other people's preferences. What's right for them isn't necessarily right for you"
this x10 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ours are simple we came into swinging together so we do it together if one of us is not happy with the other couple for some reason and does not want to do it then it does not happen . All have to be consenting .simple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With how we play and what we do, our boundaries are regularly pushed and tested and for us sometimes broken. How do you know a boundary is a boundary until it's been tested? The important thing is how you handle the situation at the time, how you talk about it afterwards and how you move on from it afterwards.
crystal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our boundaries are we don't kiss others just each other. We stay in the same room and juicy doesn't have penetrative sex with other men (her choice) and always safe sex. Also the big one is if either of us wants to stop for a bit or all together they say and we will stop and have a drink and smoke and decide what happens next. If while playing one of us doesn't like what is happening or isn't comfortable then they can maneuver to change what is happening or stop it.
Everyone is different with there boundaries and we talk about them before a meet and also after and see if we need to change the them at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the moment ours are... no penetrative sex with others... same room sex only... we play together when we're swinging... but we're allowed to go solo for little erotic moments with others (drawing, oral, etc) when they come along.
Other rules include... if either of us is uncomfortable with something we won't do it... there are more but there's a general overview of the main ones for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our only rule is if one of us isn't happy with something we don't do it."
Thats pretty much ours too. Even though I (stu) dont play on our meets if Im not happy with anything I can stop it all in a flash. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said Rules are very individual , they only really make sense to yourself, and only if you review them and change them to suit your changing tastes .... but for out two pennys worth our rules are simple,
no anal (Ann doesn't like it) No marks, no poo,pee or pain (it hurts does pain) and the biggest rule of all ...Relax and have fun .... |
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We have boundaries as a couple which have evolved since we started this. We used to have a no kissing the oposire sex, same room only rule, but as we have felt more comfortable we have relaxed.
I also have MY boundaries, I detest cum on me, but if my husband and the woman he is playing with want to do this, fine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My main rule I want and yes I will be talking to my partner. Is no playing solo outside of club meets e.g in hotels or homes as a couple no problem. Do most people think this is a reasonable request? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My main rule I want and yes I will be talking to my partner. Is no playing solo outside of club meets e.g in hotels or homes as a couple no problem. Do most people think this is a reasonable request? "
What anyone else thinks is of no consequence. They are YOUR boundaries. If that is what you want he should respect it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My main rule I want and yes I will be talking to my partner. Is no playing solo outside of club meets e.g in hotels or homes as a couple no problem. Do most people think this is a reasonable request? "
I suppose the question I would ask is, do you think it's reasonable at this moment in time? And another would be, would your partner think it's unreasonable?
Our boundaries have moved over time, but the one thing we don't do is change them mid meet...if we want things to go differently, we discuss it following the meet and agree or disagree to change things-we've had couples try and renegotiate during a meet or one push things and the other become upset...very quick mood killer... |
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"My main rule I want and yes I will be talking to my partner. Is no playing solo outside of club meets e.g in hotels or homes as a couple no problem. Do most people think this is a reasonable request? "
This might sound slightly harsh but isn't meant to be. In order to swing successfully as a couple you really need to be able to negotiate with your partner a way of playing that is comfortable for both of you where no one is compromised at all. To this end YOU and you alone need to decide what is reasonable or not. It matters not one jot or tittle if the whole of the rest of the site think you are wrong, it is the boundary you want in place at this moment. If your partner isn't happy then seeking the approval or otherwise of other people in order to make them acquiesce to your request is the wrong way to go about it, you both need to discuss and accept or decline the boundaries and decide how to move forward from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I fully understand what ur saying, and everyone has different thoughts and boundaries within their couple. But my main point was if people thought my request would be unreasonable, then I would think that perhaps rethink why I want that boundary, does that make sense? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"No, it's boundaries I want to set as a couple "
Your bounderies shouldn't never make you feel they are unreasonable as they are yours.
Set them and see how it goes, you may find you changing them further on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, it's boundaries I want to set as a couple "
Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as your open about them.... And with each other. Boundaries are just that though and I dont feel are set in stone...
Sometimes you will set one and over time move or change them x but make sure you communicate a lot x |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I fully understand what ur saying, and everyone has different thoughts and boundaries within their couple. But my main point was if people thought my request would be unreasonable, then I would think that perhaps rethink why I want that boundary, does that make sense?"
But it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of your bounderies because it is what will make you happy and comfortable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fully understand what ur saying, and everyone has different thoughts and boundaries within their couple. But my main point was if people thought my request would be unreasonable, then I would think that perhaps rethink why I want that boundary, does that make sense?"
Your post and your profile don't make it clear, is this a life partner you're swinging with as a couple or someone you've joined with as a swinging partner? Don't get me wrong, I still think this should be mutually agreed and discussed but it would make a difference to me if it was an occasional swinging partner who was trying to set boundaries for me outside of the time we spent together...if that makes sense... |
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"I fully understand what ur saying, and everyone has different thoughts and boundaries within their couple. But my main point was if people thought my request would be unreasonable, then I would think that perhaps rethink why I want that boundary, does that make sense?"
It makes sense but you don't or shouldn't seek approval for your decision from strangers. Why do you need someone elses opinion to make you rethink? If you want to rethink do, if you don't please don't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said boundaries are as individual as the couple they belong to..
To ask opinions on your own personal boundaries isn't making much sense to me, and so what if others found them unreasonable ? You've obviously set it for a reason that's personal to you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always stay in the same room if fun is taking place.
We have to both like who ever may join us.
If one of us wants to stop, we both stop.
No calling anyone, just fab messages and texts.
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As others have said, personal boundries between couples varie alot.. We were all new to this at one time, for us communication is the key.
You may well set some between you that later on after experiencing more , you may fine tune or alter after chatting and knowing how you both feel etc. untill you actually experience stuff together with others as a couple, you can only assume how you will feel/ what you both Happy with. Be tight as a couple and once others see that too and respect your boundries and you theirs then the Fun really starts!   |
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"My main rule I want and yes I will be talking to my partner. Is no playing solo outside of club meets e.g in hotels or homes as a couple no problem. Do most people think this is a reasonable request?
This might sound slightly harsh but isn't meant to be. In order to swing successfully as a couple you really need to be able to negotiate with your partner a way of playing that is comfortable for both of you where no one is compromised at all. To this end YOU and you alone need to decide what is reasonable or not. It matters not one jot or tittle if the whole of the rest of the site think you are wrong, it is the boundary you want in place at this moment. If your partner isn't happy then seeking the approval or otherwise of other people in order to make them acquiesce to your request is the wrong way to go about it, you both need to discuss and accept or decline the boundaries and decide how to move forward from there."
very well put |
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"Guess that's issue I will talk openly, he struggles dealing with feelings and emotions. He just goes whatever, even if he disagrees "
communication has to be on point between you both before ya dip ya toes in as a cpl.. If you are unable to talk openly about your own boundries as a couple let along between you and others you have sex with. How are others expected to adhere to them...  "whatever" is not what others will enjoy as any 'gaps' between couples are often straight away noticed. We can tell a mile off! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ours are clear on our profile, make sure you play the way that your happy with, don't worry about what others think and stick to your guns because loads of people will try to get you to play the way that suits them, only do what you are comfy with "
So true! We've met couples that see our boundaries as some sort of 'challenge.' Basically, they're told to jog on
Sarah x |
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We found when we started out that we constrained ourselves too much, mainly because we didn't want to do the wrong thing to/for each other. Now we limit the restrictions to same room only, safe sex only, don't take one for the team!
I think you get more comfortable over time and the more you experience. We haven't met outside of Clubs yet, we may do one day, but find, for us at least, that Clubs offer the best environment to be able to say no if you don't want to do anything, whilst offering the greatest choice if you do!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't believe there is any such thing as a couple involved in swinging who don't operate with some boundaries.
In our case they are very limited. We only play together. Never apart but after that either of us has complete freedom to enjoy themselves in whatever way they fancy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We found when we started out that we constrained ourselves too much, mainly because we didn't want to do the wrong thing to/for each other. Now we limit the restrictions to same room only, safe sex only, don't take one for the team!
I think you get more comfortable over time and the more you experience. We haven't met outside of Clubs yet, we may do one day, but find, for us at least, that Clubs offer the best environment to be able to say no if you don't want to do anything, whilst offering the greatest choice if you do! "
What other limits did you have in place at the beginning that you don't have now. Why did those boundaries fall by the wayside as it were? Was it partly coercion or something you came to agree on together?
Sarah x
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"We found when we started out that we constrained ourselves too much, mainly because we didn't want to do the wrong thing to/for each other. Now we limit the restrictions to same room only, safe sex only, don't take one for the team!
I think you get more comfortable over time and the more you experience. We haven't met outside of Clubs yet, we may do one day, but find, for us at least, that Clubs offer the best environment to be able to say no if you don't want to do anything, whilst offering the greatest choice if you do! What other limits did you have in place at the beginning that you don't have now. Why did those boundaries fall by the wayside as it were? Was it partly coercion or something you came to agree on together?
Sarah x
"
We were nervous when we started and even though we talked everything through, both of us were scared of hurting what we had between ourselves. This meant we started out walking on egg shells! But the more we went to Clubs and talked about what we liked, the more comfortable we have become. It all comes down to being open with each other and also experiencing things - no coercion in any sense, just realising that we want to have fun and remembering rules and wondering if your doing the right thing can be restrictive - so far works really well
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We found when we started out that we constrained ourselves too much, mainly because we didn't want to do the wrong thing to/for each other. Now we limit the restrictions to same room only, safe sex only, don't take one for the team!
I think you get more comfortable over time and the more you experience. We haven't met outside of Clubs yet, we may do one day, but find, for us at least, that Clubs offer the best environment to be able to say no if you don't want to do anything, whilst offering the greatest choice if you do! What other limits did you have in place at the beginning that you don't have now. Why did those boundaries fall by the wayside as it were? Was it partly coercion or something you came to agree on together?
Sarah x
We were nervous when we started and even though we talked everything through, both of us were scared of hurting what we had between ourselves. This meant we started out walking on egg shells! But the more we went to Clubs and talked about what we liked, the more comfortable we have become. It all comes down to being open with each other and also experiencing things - no coercion in any sense, just realising that we want to have fun and remembering rules and wondering if your doing the right thing can be restrictive - so far works really well
"
Thanks for answer, and definitely same for us
Sarah x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we first started our boundaries were quite strict such as no kissing, or meeting alone. But as we have grown more comfortable our boundaries have relaxed.
the main being safe sex and for me (her) no to swallow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What was said earlier about honesty, respect and consent so true but also communication. We are still setting the boundaries and breaking previous ones as we find ourselves but that's because we're honest about how we feel, respect each other and don't push without consent. We wouldn't know this without talking to each other. |
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