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how to keep male hands off the lady?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

hi guys, we go to northwest clubs lots, have done for nearly 12 months (Cupids being our favourite) and enjoy being watched and watching. Tamz enjoys girl girl with the right lady and is okay with me getting oral and wanks off the women, but she doesn't want contact with the guys. Although we jumped right in with full swap, and I am easy with whatever she wants, she now knows that at this point in time, this is the level she is comfortable with.

Now, although I now have skills akin to The Karate Kid when it comes to swatting hands away, if you have not spoken to a couple in there before you are in the couples room playing, how do you let them know your limits in advance without ruining the flow and not having to keep guard like you are watching at the Royal Mint?

We have our signals worked out now, but sometimes others can ruin our fun by just jumping in on us. We don't hog the bed or sit right next to people, and its not a HUGE problem, but can sometimes just be too off putting!

Oh for a little band type system so people know what you want from a distance!

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By *heWolfMan over a year ago

warwickshire

I don't think there is a way of letting people know your rules without spoiling the flow.

Whatever rules you have set is up to you, not for anyone else to judge, but I'd venture that your being happy to receive oral from a man's partner but that there will be no favour returned might be seen as an "unusual circumstance", ie. someone might be put out and think you are taking but not giving equally. As such, it's up to you to set the groundrules nice and clearly up front, even if it makes things a bit clinical.

"Getting your signals ready" is all well and good, but what you are doing is basically excluding the other people you are supposed to be interacting with, even worse, after they have started playing. Most people aren't mindreaders and it leaves you open to misunderstandings.

One person's gesture of disapproval in a darkened room is another's mongy twitch, just speak up, there can be no ambiguity then!

As for swatting hands away.......well if someone swatted my hand , there's a pretty good chance I'd swat his face, with my fist. There'd certainly be a row, I doubt there'd be much of a playful atmosphere afterwards, that's for sure. If I know the score in advance, I'm not going to ignore the rules, and even if there's no opportunity to agree what's acceptable in advance, a simple "No" should be enough, there's absolutely no need to get physical with anyone, unless you are dealing with twats who won't take no for an answer.

Just dealing out slaps without warning makes you seem overprotective, like some jealous hubby. It gives off an impression that it's YOU that has the problem with blokes playing with your partner, not her. (I'll not use the word "twat" because I realise you are actually only looking out for her, not being an aggressive, possessive twat! LOL) She has a tongue in her head, what's stopping her telling people what's on and what's not? If she's confident enough to be playing in open rooms, she should be confident to be able to firmly say "No" to anyone who crosses her personal lines.

Coloured bands would be great, but you'd need a field guide to decipher the myriad of personal tastes they would represent! And, of course, there'd always be some joker claiming to be colour blind as he tries his luck.

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By *onny BonesMan over a year ago

a block away from heaven

Yes it all about boundries, but Wolf is right a polite No is probbly more gracious and to the point than causing a stir by slapping hands. Hopefully you haven't met many that would do this uninvited.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/06/10 01:39:00]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its very hard in clubs if your in open rooms, problem i find is if you say no thanks to one person everyone else then stays away from you, i suppose the only real answer is to only play in private rooms with people you have spoken to before hand, but then that takes away the fun of playing in open rooms

its a difficult one lol

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

to save ur hand getting slapped ask first u numpties. a woman is a woman not a free for all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thanks Ann and Ste, once again, you will get a lift home!!!

We do not put ourselves in situations whereby we are actively inviting ANYONE to join in with us. We have spoken to people in the communal areas, I always mention rules, and then if we are all in the couples room, then we all know the score!

We keep an eye out to make sure we are not giving off any incorrect signals to people and try to read body language, so if we see someone interested, but we arent, then we move so that it is clear. The issue comes when we are playing on the bed away from others and someone will come over with their partner, get close and start grabbing at Tamz tits.

When someone comes over I tend to move my hands along the side of her body between her and them, so that it is quite clear the situation we are in, but if they just grab her I will knock their hand away. Sadly, part of Tamz charm is being lovely and pleasant, and as such she finds it very difficult to upset or offend people.

If someone gets their hands on her without asking, I knock their hands away and they respond in a violent matter Wolfie, then not only would they have a fight on their hands, I would have them ejected from the club, their membership revoked and I am quite sure that the other members in the club would back me up! As Ann and Ste said, its her body!!!!! I am writing here to try to find ways that everyone can have fun without it resorting to this!

As for the "jealous hubby" thing, I did say that I am happy with whatever she wants to do! If she said she wanting to go and get gangbanged by 20 blokes while I watched, happy days, but as I stated previously, its her body, her rules. Its just that we have had a lot go on, and, not that I have to justify that, she just doesnt want any other blokes (well, when you have the best!!!

) or me to have full sex with ladies. In the interest of fairness, I dont even touch the other women unless they make a move on me and even then I seek approval from Tamz to make sure she is comfortable.

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By *prite128Woman over a year ago

maidstone

whats wrong with a direct, firm and clear " no touching thanks" to the guys ( or girls ) with wandering hands when you're playing ?

Most people wont touch without asking but invariably there are some who'll try ..had it myself last week. But i've usually found that looknig them dead in the eye and stating you dont want that to happen will be enough to stop. If nothing else it will alert who i'm playing with that there is an "intruder" so to speak.

IF the person persisted then i'd seek support from the staff...never would i hit out at someone even if it is a swatting motion you describe. Its all to easy to misinterpret or for it to escalate.

I do think it might be a good thing to equip your female partner with a few stock phrases she can use in that situation ..both to singal to you that shes not comfortable and that someone is invading her space. Im not a confrontational person either and find some things that work well are along the lines of " Im fine with just my friends thanks" , or " could you just give me a bit more space " . That said, i've got more "assertive " ones in the bag too ...just in case

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

swatting was just a term! Its more a brush with my hands, but either way, we dont want to ruin the others playing near us that may then feel uncomfortable at being rejected!

The brush method has worked on many an occasion and things have carried on as normal and the message has been received. We just want to be able to have our fun, voyeuristic or more, and for others to have theirs without anyone having to feel uncomfortable.

In a lot of cases, the woman is very attractive but the same is not felt about the guy (and yes, that could be said about me and Tamz too!!!), so we dont want to upset them, but she does have her very clear rules at this point in time, even if George or Brad was there. Well, so she says now! I think if they were there, Tamz would get busy with them and I would leave her to it and go and nick their wallets!!!!

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By *prite128Woman over a year ago

maidstone

grin ... thats a common problem with a gorgeous girly and a guy that isnt so , its because us women are so lovely

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

exactly! I laugh when we walk round becuase she is getting all the looks, never realises it and wonders why the couples room fills when we go into it! Got nowt to do with my witty personality for sure!

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By *prite128Woman over a year ago

maidstone

"exactly! I laugh when we walk round becuase she is getting all the looks, never realises it and wonders why the couples room fills when we go into it! Got nowt to do with my witty personality for sure!"

lol! Its one of the reason i like a lockable group room though . Then you can make sure you all know the boundaries and theres no chance for someone else to join in half way through. Can really relax and have fun then !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

the way we look at the rooms though (and same with private meets) is that there is more of a pressure to play, maybe its just perceived, but still makes Tamz more wary. We have done both, but this is just the way that works for us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with the other posters comment just because a woman is in the room its not a free for all and good on the OP for looking out for his wife,i dont think he is jelouse at all he's just doing what any husband will do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thank you!!! I am not jealous in the slightest, she can suck and fuck all the cock she wants.

And that is the difference!

She DOESNT want it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A firm but polite NO with the correct body language is always best. But really its is far better to establish ground rules first. The problem is many do not adhere to agreed rules. We find party's have far less of this sort of problem and prefer them like many others do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thats the thing, she feels there would be more pressure at those. I say there wouldn't, but its how comfortable she feels. The same goes for the level of play in the clubs, if she wants you, you know about it!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Having read the post, I now realise the answer to the title isn’t ‘scabies’

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

not really the answer we were thinking of, no!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How about printing a placard up with the rules on them.

In the event of roving hands hold it up. Maybe add the sound of an air horn.

Seriously though I think the system you have already is best. At the end of the day you have to stick to the rules you have agreed and in group playing it's more body language that gets the message over.

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