FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How do you say no?
How do you say no?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For us part of swinging is to do with physical attraction.
I think it is a pretty normal thing not to be attracted to some people and to have a type.
I feel so bad though saying no once face pics have been swapped, has anyone any advice/ gentle let down lines/ experience? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us part of swinging is to do with physical attraction.
I think it is a pretty normal thing not to be attracted to some people and to have a type.
I feel so bad though saying no once face pics have been swapped, has anyone any advice/ gentle let down lines/ experience? "
we just block and run...just kidding...
we usually say something along the lines of, "on reflection, you're not for us" or tell them that although we've enjoyed their company, any future meets will be on a purely social basis |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In theory it sounds so easy but people get really defensive and I guess offended!! (Gulp)"
Sone do, after all, you're basically saying to them, I don't find you attractive, but part of the game here is dealing with rejection, I'm afraid. If they don't deal well with it from strangers they've never met off the internet, imagine how they'd deal with real life situations and see it as a lucky escape... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah and we have been rejected but so what, we got over it.
I guess in Ireland the swinging circle is that but smaller and perhaps there is a chance of running into people at parties and stuff.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In theory it sounds so easy but people get really defensive and I guess offended!! (Gulp)"
Yes I've had someone have a go as he didn't feel judging not to meet based on his face picture was right at all  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In theory it sounds so easy but people get really defensive and I guess offended!! (Gulp)
Yes I've had someone have a go as he didn't feel judging not to meet based on his face picture was right at all "
But in fairness physical attraction is kind of important .
It would be worse meeting and knowing that you weren't attracted on the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you could always try the ooooooooo you really look like my hubbies best mate it would just be to weird for me xxxx"
..... that was the line you used on me  |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
I usually say something tactful along the lines of "Oh my God, what a minger, I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole if my life depended on it and I'd been infected with a bug that made me permanently horny...please crawl back into whatever slimy hole you dragged yourself out of"
.
.
.
Or alternatively "Thanks for the message, sorry you're not my type" and leave it at that  |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!"
I've been lucky, only ever had one abusive response to a thanks but no thanks, any other responses have been along the lines of thanks for replying which I just read  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!
I've been lucky, only ever had one abusive response to a thanks but no thanks, any other responses have been along the lines of thanks for replying which I just read "
I'm glad for you! Obviously the men who contact you aer far more secure in themselves! I replied no to someone esterday but had to answer the phone before i could block them. I returned to a "You're fat anyway, wouldn't want to meet you" Cool story bro, tell it again. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!
I've been lucky, only ever had one abusive response to a thanks but no thanks, any other responses have been along the lines of thanks for replying which I just read
I'm glad for you! Obviously the men who contact you aer far more secure in themselves! I replied no to someone esterday but had to answer the phone before i could block them. I returned to a "You're fat anyway, wouldn't want to meet you" Cool story bro, tell it again. "
Jesus Christ...if you're fat then I'm the size of a house! I should add that I ignore a lot of messages if they haven't read my profile - I'd maybe get more abuse if I said no thanks to those folk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me attraction don't mean anything as its just a shag
I'm sure the women who have met you from here will be happy to hear that..."
Yes your right there lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that we are all a bit insecure I don't t know that anyone looks in the mirror to think damn I look hot, well not guys anyway, it just feels like a confirmation of what we already think when you get rejected but it's wrong to send nasty messages to anyone. Best just to say your not my type and block they will soon forget you anyway!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way I feel about this is that swinging is a small world and it's possible you might bump into them at a club or party... I don't like making enemies... and I can't really see, beyond obvious stuff like beer bellies and comb overs etc, how you can tell if there's gonna be any physical attraction from a photo. Having helped out at auditions for a film, it amazed me how some ordinary looking people would suddenly look so incredible when plonked in front of a camera whilst really hot people just looked average. Being photogenic or not is unlikely to be a good measure of whether you're really sexy in the flesh imo.
So I'd really only be blunt with people who were clearly unsexy... what were they thinking? The rest, I'd probably give the benefit of the doubt if they lived near enough. If they didn't look very promising and lived more than an hours drive away I'd probably tell them the drive is too far. Of course Mrs Passion might have more to say on this issue... she's a bit more clear about what she does and doesn't like... me? I'm happy exploring at this point
My preferred reply so far is... you look too much like one of our best mates or a family member and it would just be too weird It doesn't convey any judgment or hurt any feelings... but gives a clear and reasonable reason for not meeting  thx to whoever suggested that  |
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"For us part of swinging is to do with physical attraction.
I think it is a pretty normal thing not to be attracted to some people and to have a type.
I feel so bad though saying no once face pics have been swapped, has anyone any advice/ gentle let down lines/ experience? "
It is best in our opinion to never justify or explain but to simply thank them and say you've discussed it and won't be taking things any further. If after that people ask for reasons we usually block because it can only lead to upset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The way I feel about this is that swinging is a small world and it's possible you might bump into them at a club or party... I don't like making enemies... and I can't really see, beyond obvious stuff like beer bellies and comb overs etc, how you can tell if there's gonna be any physical attraction from a photo. Having helped out at auditions for a film, it amazed me how some ordinary looking people would suddenly look so incredible when plonked in front of a camera whilst really hot people just looked average. Being photogenic or not is unlikely to be a good measure of whether you're really sexy in the flesh imo.
So I'd really only be blunt with people who were clearly unsexy... what were they thinking? The rest, I'd probably give the benefit of the doubt if they lived near enough. If they didn't look very promising and lived more than an hours drive away I'd probably tell them the drive is too far. Of course Mrs Passion might have more to say on this issue... she's a bit more clear about what she does and doesn't like... me? I'm happy exploring at this point
My preferred reply so far is... you look too much like one of our best mates or a family member and it would just be too weird It doesn't convey any judgment or hurt any feelings... but gives a clear and reasonable reason for not meeting thx to whoever suggested that "
I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space? We've been to parties and met people we've had on our block list and all had a laugh about it...Some ended up unblocked and some didn't...We like to meet and play with grown ups, not people who take rejection personally like this is some kind of school playground and anyone who did behave in that way, we'd have had a lucky escape from. Just tell them, you're not for us and don't enter into any further dialogue, it generally works really well for us and you don't have to get into making fictional excuses that will probably come back and bite you on the arse in just the situation you describe.. |
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"In theory it sounds so easy but people get really defensive and I guess offended!! (Gulp)"
In that case the problem is entirely theirs. The normal rules.of social engagement just don't apply in a situation where you are likely to be having sex with someone. |
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"I think that we are all a bit insecure I don't t know that anyone looks in the mirror to think damn I look hot, well not guys anyway, it just feels like a confirmation of what we already think when you get rejected but it's wrong to send nasty messages to anyone. Best just to say your not my type and block they will soon forget you anyway!
"
But surely we can all acknowledge that we can't be attractive to everyone and that if someone rejects us it doesn't mean we're unattractive......can't we? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A polite thanks but no thanks is fine but unfortunately there will be ones that will find it hard to believe you could not fancy them and then get abusive.
Me am of the opinion you cannot be all things to all people so if I get a polite no thanks I wish them well and good luck in the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We hate saying not our type as it often sparks a why, what is your type, how do you know, we haven't met, etc. We just say thanks but you're not what we're looking for on here and wish them well. We've still had some abuse for that so we block now after sending it or just don't reply if its obvious they haven't read our profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its never nice when you have to tell someone you don't fancy them because no one comes on here to be made to feel unattractive,but I think being polite and honest is how id like to be told and hopefully thats how I am when I do the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always just say, sorry not for us~have fun
Never once had a "why not?" Reply and never had a nasty one apart from a "your loss !!" Which I was itching to reply to but had been blocked
Oh well, never mind, jog on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us part of swinging is to do with physical attraction.
I think it is a pretty normal thing not to be attracted to some people and to have a type.
I feel so bad though saying no once face pics have been swapped, has anyone any advice/ gentle let down lines/ experience?
we just block and run...just kidding...
we usually say something along the lines of, "on reflection, you're not for us" or tell them that although we've enjoyed their company, any future meets will be on a purely social basis"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always just say, sorry not for us~have fun
Never once had a "why not?" Reply and never had a nasty one apart from a "your loss !!" Which I was itching to reply to but had been blocked
Oh well, never mind, jog on "
We love the "your loss" reply. I can never work out why it would be our loss if we're not interested! I guess it makes them feel better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always just say, sorry not for us~have fun
Never once had a "why not?" Reply and never had a nasty one apart from a "your loss !!" Which I was itching to reply to but had been blocked
Oh well, never mind, jog on
We love the "your loss" reply. I can never work out why it would be our loss if we're not interested! I guess it makes them feel better."
I know  |
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As a single guy who can sometimes feel quite shy in asking( rather be invited tbh) I usualy find that a nice No thank you but thanks for you interest is welcoming. However I guess forsome intimidating and pushy guys the harsher answers may be only way... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space?"
Of course not It's more that I don't like the idea of upsetting people unnecessarily. If someone turned us down I wouldn't like them to say "urgh you're ugly there's no way we're meeting you". But to be honest "no thanks you're not our type" is pretty much saying the same thing. I mean all that both sets of people have done is look at our photo... so they must both be thinking we're ugly but the one is just trying to put a thin veneer of sugar coating on it.
However, if we we're told they didn't want to meet because one of us looked like an ex or a brother or something we would be able to carry on thinking we're drop dead gorgeous. It might be a white lie but it's one which helps you say no to someone without saying they're ugly. As I don't like upsetting people unnecessarily, that would be my preferred route
If "it came back to bite us" and we met them and got on I think they'd be impressed that, although we lied, we had been so considerate in doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space"
Just what I was thinking lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space
Just what I was thinking lol "
Err well you don't need to think about it any longer as I just replied to it in the post above yours lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space?
Of course not It's more that I don't like the idea of upsetting people unnecessarily. If someone turned us down I wouldn't like them to say "urgh you're ugly there's no way we're meeting you". But to be honest "no thanks you're not our type" is pretty much saying the same thing. I mean all that both sets of people have done is look at our photo... so they must both be thinking we're ugly but the one is just trying to put a thin veneer of sugar coating on it.
However, if we we're told they didn't want to meet because one of us looked like an ex or a brother or something we would be able to carry on thinking we're drop dead gorgeous. It might be a white lie but it's one which helps you say no to someone without saying they're ugly. As I don't like upsetting people unnecessarily, that would be my preferred route
If "it came back to bite us" and we met them and got on I think they'd be impressed that, although we lied, we had been so considerate in doing so."
They're not saying you're ugly, they're saying that you're not for them, if you can't tell the difference, you're going to get very battered self esteem wise if you jump to that conclusion every time someone turns you down... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're not saying you're ugly, they're saying that you're not for them, if you can't tell the difference, you're going to get very battered self esteem wise if you jump to that conclusion every time someone turns you down..."
So you're chatting to someone... you seem to be getting along well and you seem nice and compatible... then you send them a picture of you both and all of a sudden it's "thanks but no thanks". What exactly do you think has gone on there? What else can it be?
They don't like your dress sense? They think you look like a psycho? They recognise you from the local supermarket? They find you formidably attractive? I guess it could be some of these things... but surely more often than not it's simply because they don't think you look very attractive i.e. they think you're ugly
btw just because someone else thinks you're ugly or not is no objective measure of whether you actually are. The way to save your self esteem from getting a battering here, imo, is not by fooling yourself into believing they still found you attractive... but rather to take their opinion with a pinch of salt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not entirely sure I understand your logic there? Turning people down makes them into enemies? So if we turned you down it would make you so unhappy that we couldn't share the same space
Just what I was thinking lol
Err well you don't need to think about it any longer as I just replied to it in the post above yours lol "
lol I know you did, but you know, just wanted to get in there as well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Practice on me lol.....easy to say no as I'm out of your age range. Too far away and a single bloke....3 good reasons to knock me back...so go ahead n fill your boots.
What's more I will ask in a piss poor way so you can deffo say no.
Do you fancy a shag? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a big difference between finding someone "ugly" or simply not being attracted to them. I'm sure there are many people who aren't attracted sexually to others but don't necessarily find them ugly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is a big difference between finding someone "ugly" or simply not being attracted to them. I'm sure there are many people who aren't attracted sexually to others but don't necessarily find them ugly."
As I said in my first post, if we found them nice looking but potentially not attractive then we might still meet them if they were near enough. If not we'd say they were too far away. We would only say "no thanks" to people we clearly weren't attracted to (or they looked like psychos). You can phrase it as nicely as you want but the raw fact is that we'd find the idea of having sex with them to be repulsive or disturbing. Saying that to someone is pretty brutal lol
And Nobby... I think we're only talking here about how to say no when you see someone's photo. If someone wrote us a message which was crap we'd just ignore and delete it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We tend to say sorry not for us not had anyone be rude or offensive , we have had the same reply when we have sent our face pictures. Would not do for us all to like the same then life would be totally boring...Variety is the spice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're not saying you're ugly, they're saying that you're not for them, if you can't tell the difference, you're going to get very battered self esteem wise if you jump to that conclusion every time someone turns you down...
So you're chatting to someone... you seem to be getting along well and you seem nice and compatible... then you send them a picture of you both and all of a sudden it's "thanks but no thanks". What exactly do you think has gone on there? What else can it be?
They don't like your dress sense? They think you look like a psycho? They recognise you from the local supermarket? They find you formidably attractive? I guess it could be some of these things... but surely more often than not it's simply because they don't think you look very attractive i.e. they think you're ugly
btw just because someone else thinks you're ugly or not is no objective measure of whether you actually are. The way to save your self esteem from getting a battering here, imo, is not by fooling yourself into believing they still found you attractive... but rather to take their opinion with a pinch of salt "
Nope...We think they don't want to fuck us, nothing more, nothing less...that they are no longer sexually attracted to us...then we move on...we're not ugly but we're not everyone's cup of tea and it doesn't bother us in the slightest. If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem..
Put it this way. I am not sexually attracted to brad Pitt...do I therefore think he's ugly? Well he clearly isn't...would I fuck him given the chance? nope...he's a bit too bland for my taste... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Colin Farrell doesn't do it for me but my daughter loves him. I would say no thank you Colin I don't feel any sexual attraction for you. Have a tissue to cry into |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem."
I take it by this that you're inferring we're these things
It just sounds like you, yourselves, have a bad attitude to rejection. Ultimately I couldn't care 2 hoots what someone writes to us as a reason for why they don't want to meet... that's their decision and, either way, we're likely to simply ignore it and move on without determining that they're wet or lacking self esteem as your post suggests. Of course if they're bloody rude then we'll consider ourselves lucky
But when it comes to how we deal with other people we'd feel better slipping out of the conversation politely and without unnecessarily upsetting anyone. If they want to think we're wet or lack self esteem because of that... that's their problem lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Colin Farrell doesn't do it for me but my daughter loves him. I would say no thank you Colin I don't feel any sexual attraction for you. Have a tissue to cry into "
Lol reminds me of the old Harry Enfield sketch.
"Colin Farrell, nice bloke and all. But if he was to sidle up to me and say 'how about one behind the bike sheds?' I'd say 'OI!!! NO!!!! Colin Farrell you can keep your highly paid and highly desired cock in your pants. It might go down well with the ladies in Hollywood but it is highly inappropriate to pull it out in my local Spar'"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In theory it sounds so easy but people get really defensive and I guess offended!! (Gulp)"
If these people get offended then ..
1) they should not be here.
2) it proves you made the correct choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!"
If your one of these men then disappear.
This site/lifestyle isn't for you and your spoiling it for everyone else you weak ass bitches. It's unlikely you have what it takes to provide for a woman anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem.
I take it by this that you're inferring we're these things
It just sounds like you, yourselves, have a bad attitude to rejection. Ultimately I couldn't care 2 hoots what someone writes to us as a reason for why they don't want to meet... that's their decision and, either way, we're likely to simply ignore it and move on without determining that they're wet or lacking self esteem as your post suggests. Of course if they're bloody rude then we'll consider ourselves lucky
But when it comes to how we deal with other people we'd feel better slipping out of the conversation politely and without unnecessarily upsetting anyone. If they want to think we're wet or lack self esteem because of that... that's their problem lol "
Oh dear, you're jumping to some pretty big conclusions there now sunshine...but clearly if you'd rather lie to people and be lied to, then that's fine...you conduct your swinging life in your way and we'll conduct ours in ours...We don't try to upset people but we'd rather be clear from the start, it saves time and hurt feelings in the long run, from our experience... |
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"Colin Farrell doesn't do it for me but my daughter loves him. I would say no thank you Colin I don't feel any sexual attraction for you. Have a tissue to cry into "
He did it for me climbing out of that pond dripping wet in P and P but otherwise I'm not interested.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Colin Farrell doesn't do it for me but my daughter loves him. I would say no thank you Colin I don't feel any sexual attraction for you. Have a tissue to cry into
He did it for me climbing out of that pond dripping wet in P and P but otherwise I'm not interested.
"
Psst...wrong Colin, sweetie... |
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"
...We don't try to upset people but we'd rather be clear from the start, it saves time and hurt feelings in the long run, from our experience..."
Our experience bears that out too. Tactful truth in all things is the only way forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear, you're jumping to some pretty big conclusions there now sunshine..."
My apologies but I was only reading what you had written which was...
"If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem."
That definitely sounded like you were saying that someone who came up with excuses would be seen by you as wet. To be honest I'm not too sure where the whole 'faint of heart' and 'low of self esteem' comment comes from... it didn't really seem to have anything to do with the debate at hand 
Anyway no harm meant and no harm taken. You accused us of having a bad attitude to rejection and, in doing so, showed you maybe aren't dealing with it too well yourselves. Fair enough... dealing with rejection is a difficult nut to crack in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks for taking the time to contact me but I would not be interested in meeting at this time.
Regards,
Xxx
Any self respecting adult will take it as it is and move on. No replies required after that either.. |
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"Colin Farrell doesn't do it for me but my daughter loves him. I would say no thank you Colin I don't feel any sexual attraction for you. Have a tissue to cry into
He did it for me climbing out of that pond dripping wet in P and P but otherwise I'm not interested.
Psst...wrong Colin, sweetie... "
Bugger! So it is. I'm not sure what this other one looks like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!
If your one of these men then disappear.
This site/lifestyle isn't for you and your spoiling it for everyone else you weak ass bitches. It's unlikely you have what it takes to provide for a woman anyway. "
Well said! Sad some have to be abusive, these are probably the same people who moan that no one replies!! We always like to thank people who are abusive, thank them for confirming our decision not to meet was the correct one. If someone offered to buy you a drink and you politely declined, I wonder if you'd have abuse thrown at you??! Probably not but it seems its done on here a lot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear, you're jumping to some pretty big conclusions there now sunshine...
My apologies but I was only reading what you had written which was...
If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem.
That definitely sounded like you were saying that someone who came up with excuses would be seen by you as wet. To be honest I'm not too sure where the whole 'faint of heart' and 'low of self esteem' comment comes from... it didn't really seem to have anything to do with the debate at hand
Anyway no harm meant and no harm taken. You accused us of having a bad attitude to rejection and, in doing so, showed you maybe aren't dealing with it too well yourselves. Fair enough... dealing with rejection is a difficult nut to crack in life. "
I haven't accused you of anything...but suggested that working out the difference between someone not wanting to meet and someone finding you ugly may save you some issues with rejection in the future... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't accused you of anything...but suggested that working out the difference between someone not wanting to meet and someone finding you ugly may save you some issues with rejection in the future..."
cool I was just being blunt... figured "I find you unattractive" and "I find you ugly" pretty much equates to the same thing... only one is worded nicer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I usually just say "sorry your not my type", works most of the time though sometimes i get the odd "your loss" message, once got a message saying "please, I can blindfold you so you don't see my face" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!
I've been lucky, only ever had one abusive response to a thanks but no thanks, any other responses have been along the lines of thanks for replying which I just read
I'm glad for you! Obviously the men who contact you aer far more secure in themselves! I replied no to someone esterday but had to answer the phone before i could block them. I returned to a "You're fat anyway, wouldn't want to meet you" Cool story bro, tell it again. "
"You are Fat????" You are lovely! He must be one of the few men turned on by pictures from Auchvitz! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just say "sorry you're not our type, happy fabbing" never had an abusive reply.
Although one time I did laugh - told the guy he looked like my brother so it wasn't going to happen! |
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By *4nc3rCouple
over a year ago
Clacton-On-Sea, Essex |
I haven't come across this too much yet as I don't tend to message people who don't have face pics or at least a full body picture.
I have turned a few down because they looked their age as such, and felt very guilty when they then ask why. Its a difficult line because I don't really want to go with couples that essentially look like my mum but don't want to limit ourselves too much either because of course many people can be very attractive into their 40s.
We've not been turned down yet so must be doing something right  |
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"There is a big difference between finding someone "ugly" or simply not being attracted to them. I'm sure there are many people who aren't attracted sexually to others but don't necessarily find them ugly."
Exactly so, I find the leap that many people make very strange. I would call few people ugly to be honest, it's a fairly ugly word to use.
I am someone who doesn't find myself attracted to that many people, even people who the majority might consider good looking sometimes. Saying 'I am sorry, not for me' or 'not my type' makes no such judgement in my case,
its just an honest answer.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I usually say something tactful along the lines of "Oh my God, what a minger, I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole if my life depended on it and I'd been infected with a bug that made me permanently horny...please crawl back into whatever slimy hole you dragged yourself out of"
.
."
I get that one a lot hahaha
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"Say no then block them. 50% of the men you say no to will reply with something horrible. Fragile ego's are a terrible thing!
If your one of these men then disappear.
This site/lifestyle isn't for you and your spoiling it for everyone else you weak ass bitches. It's unlikely you have what it takes to provide for a woman anyway. "
I didn't think they could reply if they have been blocked so it is hard to work out where the 50% statistic comes from. |
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"Thanks but no thanks
or
Not for me at this time "
It really is that simple isn't it.
I know someone who in real life has difficulty saying no to invitations, they start to make up all sorts of excuses and in the long run actually cause more upset than if they had just said simply and politely "no thank you I'm busy".
As I said before if people have difficulty accepting that a polite refusal is not a personal insult, a reflection on their good name or means that they are ugly the problem is entirely theirs. I think low self esteem is in part caused by people's inability to say no nicely and the need to constantly dress things up in order to appear nice the result is that when people encounter genuinely polite honesty they can't take it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks but no thanks
or
Not for me at this time
It really is that simple isn't it.
I know someone who in real life has difficulty saying no to invitations, they start to make up all sorts of excuses and in the long run actually cause more upset than if they had just said simply and politely "no thank you I'm busy".
As I said before if people have difficulty accepting that a polite refusal is not a personal insult, a reflection on their good name or means that they are ugly the problem is entirely theirs. I think low self esteem is in part caused by people's inability to say no nicely and the need to constantly dress things up in order to appear nice the result is that when people encounter genuinely polite honesty they can't take it. "
Thank you...exactly what I was trying to say but put much more succinctly... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think low self esteem is in part caused by people's inability to say no nicely and the need to constantly dress things up in order to appear nice the result is that when people encounter genuinely polite honesty they can't take it."
I don't think that sentence even reads let alone makes any sense. People with low self esteem try to make things sound nice when they're trying to say no and when they get a simple polite no in return they can't take it? That's just such a convoluted statement I can't see it relating to anything but a very few overly delicate people. It's like trying to string the words 'low self esteem' 'saying no nicely' and 'take rejection badly' into some kind of logical argument that sticks.
I guess the thing about this thread is that some people are talking about saying no after a first message... we don't bother with that.. we just ignore and delete. Other people are talking about saying no after a rude message... we don't bother with that we delete and block. So the only kind of no we're talking about is that message you send after you've chatted for a bit and then see their photo and realise you're not attracted to them. That's why the focus of my input on this thread has been about trying to say no without making it obvious that you don't find them attractive. My suggestion was that receiving a "no you're ugly" and a "no thanks", after seeing the photo, add up to almost the same thing. We saw thaie photo and didn't like what we saw. I'll concede that the latter is better than the former. Indeed it can be done very politely, perhaps wishing them luck, and is the approach I've taken up to now. But as I don't usually make it my business to go round commenting on people's looks, I just liked Shocksandmissus suggestion as a way of giving someone a simple, understandable, unconvoluted, excuse rather than giving them cause to feel crap about themselves.
The thing that seems to have emerged is that others read a lot more into their rejections than we do. Some of you seem to have pretty low opinions of people who make excuses. Which is a shame... as their excuses may be absolutely real and valid. In the end a no is a no. Who cares why? It can be said rudely and nastily. Or it can be said politely. In that regard we're all in agreement as to which we'd rather do |
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"I think low self esteem is in part caused by people's inability to say no nicely and the need to constantly dress things up in order to appear nice the result is that when people encounter genuinely polite honesty they can't take it.
I don't think that sentence even reads let alone makes any sense. People with low self esteem try to make things sound nice when they're trying to say no and when they get a simple polite no in return they can't take it? That's just such a convoluted statement I can't see it relating to anything but a very few overly delicate people. It's like trying to string the words 'low self esteem' 'saying no nicely' and 'take rejection badly' into some kind of logical argument that sticks.
"
That would be because you've misunderstood my meaning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A simple sorry your not our type or not into the same things will suffice, it's not all about physical attraction from pictures for us, it's about the chat and a connection, if someone asks us for face pics as am opening gambit, kind of puts me off, I know time is short etc but I would rather play with a not so good looking couple who are lovely people than a stunning couple who had no personality or ugly on the inside.
So only rarely do I base my decision to say no on pics x
Helen |
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One of the very silly things people do goes along the lines of ..
Yes we are free. Yes we are looking for tonight - right now in fact. Im gagging. Hubbies gagging. Can't wait to fuck someone , anyone...... god you're funny. We will get on great. I'd fuck anyth........ Oh..... ermmmm
Why not say you NEVER do immediate meets.
That you ALWAYS exchange pics and chat with a _iew to meeting in one months time or similar.
Exchange pics.
Vomit quietly.
Continue to treat the person you were enjoying chatting to two minutes ago like a human being.
Mention that you like their toilet roll holder and choice of back brush.
Never make arrangements.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A simple sorry your not our type or not into the same things will suffice, it's not all about physical attraction from pictures for us, it's about the chat and a connection, if someone asks us for face pics as am opening gambit, kind of puts me off, I know time is short etc but I would rather play with a not so good looking couple who are lovely people than a stunning couple who had no personality or ugly on the inside.
So only rarely do I base my decision to say no on pics x
Helen"
This
...and sorry for the misunderstanding Nicecouple. Yeah it just didn't make any sense to me so I was trying to fish about in it for some meaning. Thought I'd probably got it wrong somewhere lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought this was a site for adults. I am amazed that some 'adults' are so afraid of saying "no thank you" they would rather just ignore or block. It's a bit pathetic really. |
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"I thought this was a site for adults. I am amazed that some 'adults' are so afraid of saying "no thank you" they would rather just ignore or block. It's a bit pathetic really. "
But people are like that in real life too, they will go out of their way to avoid saying no to people. Is it a British thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought this was a site for adults. I am amazed that some 'adults' are so afraid of saying "no thank you" they would rather just ignore or block. It's a bit pathetic really.
But people are like that in real life too, they will go out of their way to avoid saying no to people. Is it a British thing? "
True. Could be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're not saying you're ugly, they're saying that you're not for them, if you can't tell the difference, you're going to get very battered self esteem wise if you jump to that conclusion every time someone turns you down...
So you're chatting to someone... you seem to be getting along well and you seem nice and compatible... then you send them a picture of you both and all of a sudden it's "thanks but no thanks". What exactly do you think has gone on there? What else can it be?
They don't like your dress sense? They think you look like a psycho? They recognise you from the local supermarket? They find you formidably attractive? I guess it could be some of these things... but surely more often than not it's simply because they don't think you look very attractive i.e. they think you're ugly
btw just because someone else thinks you're ugly or not is no objective measure of whether you actually are. The way to save your self esteem from getting a battering here, imo, is not by fooling yourself into believing they still found you attractive... but rather to take their opinion with a pinch of salt
Nope...We think they don't want to fuck us, nothing more, nothing less...that they are no longer sexually attracted to us...then we move on...we're not ugly but we're not everyone's cup of tea and it doesn't bother us in the slightest. If they tried building some elaborate excuse that sounded implausible, we'd just think they were being a bit wet to be honest and move on again. This is not a past time for the faint of heart or low of self esteem..
Put it this way. I am not sexually attracted to brad Pitt...do I therefore think he's ugly? Well he clearly isn't...would I fuck him given the chance? nope...he's a bit too bland for my taste..."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are just honest with people and tell them that we wouldn't want to meet and play with them, we don't give a specific reason.. But find that just say we wouldn't want to meet works just find and dandy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought this was a site for adults. I am amazed that some 'adults' are so afraid of saying "no thank you" they would rather just ignore or block. It's a bit pathetic really. "
I'm not too sure if you're referring to my remarks about blocking someone who sends an abusive post... I'm guessing not As for the whole ignoring thing... that's just a matter of how you look at it. Some people feel that they need to reply to every message anyone ever sends them. We tend to feel that's an unnecessary waste of their time as well as ours if there's clearly no compatibility. When I worked in telesales I quickly learnt that the best "no" was for someone to simply hang up... it meant I could quickly get onto the next call.. and it carried no abuse with it. I think the same can be said for Fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if I can say No at job inter_iews, No to time off for people, No to my family at times...
I can say No to strangers for sex at the blink of an eye"
The title of the thread is about how you say no... not whether you can say no. Nobody on here is lacking the balls to say no so you're not gonna win any medals there lol It's a question of how you say it |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"if I can say No at job inter_iews, No to time off for people, No to my family at times...
I can say No to strangers for sex at the blink of an eye
The title of the thread is about how you say no... not whether you can say no. Nobody on here is lacking the balls to say no so you're not gonna win any medals there lol It's a question of how you say it "
I think you will find ' a few do struggle to say no'... people have said they have gone through with meets rather than say no...
easy.. no thanks, I am not attracted to you.. I wish you well. |
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"if I can say No at job inter_iews, No to time off for people, No to my family at times...
I can say No to strangers for sex at the blink of an eye
The title of the thread is about how you say no... not whether you can say no. Nobody on here is lacking the balls to say no so you're not gonna win any medals there lol It's a question of how you say it
I think you will find ' a few do struggle to say no'... people have said they have gone through with meets rather than say no...
easy.. no thanks, I am not attracted to you.. I wish you well."
Yes I have read with horror tales of people usually women who have had.sex with people they aren't attracted to because they don't like to say no or because when they have made an excuse the person has questioned it. This is one of the reasons I believe that a straight no thank you without embellishment should be the accepted norm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if I can say No at job inter_iews, No to time off for people, No to my family at times...
I can say No to strangers for sex at the blink of an eye
The title of the thread is about how you say no... not whether you can say no. Nobody on here is lacking the balls to say no so you're not gonna win any medals there lol It's a question of how you say it
I think you will find ' a few do struggle to say no'... people have said they have gone through with meets rather than say no...
easy.. no thanks, I am not attracted to you.. I wish you well.
Yes I have read with horror tales of people usually women who have had.sex with people they aren't attracted to because they don't like to say no or because when they have made an excuse the person has questioned it. This is one of the reasons I believe that a straight no thank you without embellishment should be the accepted norm."
No wonder some people keep on and on mailing. 'If you ask enough times, they will fuck you.' |
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