FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > No "No thank You"
No "No thank You"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why is it that if I send a message to ask if a person or persons are interested in corresponding or meeting, and I ask them to reply with a "No thank you" if they do not wish to meet or chat, they cannot be bothered to make that simple reply? I won't be offended; after all I have asked them to say "No thanks". I then know not to try and get in touch again.
Surely thas is a friendly site and a quick "No thanks" is a friendly way to behave? |
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Just because you demand a "No thanks", doesn't mean they are obliged to do so.
This topic has been done to death. The FAQs clearly state that a no reply is a "No thank you" and should be taken as such.
People may argue that it's just manners to reply but if your time is limited and you get 100's of messages, sending out loads of "No thank you" messages is more time-consuming than people realise. x |
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Imagine how long 150 no thank you messages would take x this is why I suggest a no thank you and delete option
My way round this is to ask for a block it's a single button press next to the delete thus requires no extra time or effort. If I'm not blocked then usually my message was lost in ether land x and I can try again xx |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
You probably underestimate the sheer volume of emails that single ladies and couples recieve on here. It would be time consuming to reply to each and every one, even with a 'thanks but no thanks'. Then of course, lots of single blokes don't accept that and want you to say why its a 'no', what they can do to make you change your mind etc etc. So at the end of the day, you need to take no response means no thanks, and move on. Concern yourself with the people who are interested in you, not in the ones that aren't, and good luck! |
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We get a lot of messages a day and some do get lost in there at times, it happens so we understand why people message again looking for a response. It does only take a small amount of time to simply say no thank you but the bottom line is a lot of people on this site think they are a lot better than what they are and look down their noses at people when they really have no right.
It takes a minute to write the first "no thank you" message and seconds to cut and past it to the rest although a button that auto sends the message and delete is a good idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last few times I've said 'no thanks' I've ended up with a load of abuse back, so now I say nothing.
But never did reply to those who clearly hadn't read my profile. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Why is it that if I send a message to ask if a person or persons are interested in corresponding or meeting, and I ask them to reply with a "No thank you" if they do not wish to meet or chat, they cannot be bothered to make that simple reply? I won't be offended; after all I have asked them to say "No thanks". I then know not to try and get in touch again.
Surely thas is a friendly site and a quick "No thanks" is a friendly way to behave?"
I only send one if they fulfil all my criteria but I'm just not interested. Otherwise, I don't bother. Haven't time to waste messaging chancers who are nothing like what I'm interested in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get stacks of messages but I don't see why I should take time to reply to someone who clearly hasn't read my profile. I have better things to do with my time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I ask them to reply not tell them, but I get the picture"
But as your opening post demonstrates you early expect one.
As a slight aside even if we liked fhe look of someone, a request for a reply even if we weren't would be enough to set alarm bells ringing and pass them by. Neediness is not attractive |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"We get a lot of messages a day and some do get lost in there at times, it happens so we understand why people message again looking for a response. It does only take a small amount of time to simply say no thank you but the bottom line is a lot of people on this site think they are a lot better than what they are and look down their noses at people when they really have no right.
It takes a minute to write the first "no thank you" message and seconds to cut and past it to the rest although a button that auto sends the message and delete is a good idea."
You're making a very broad generalisation there. You can't say if people are looking down their noses. You're not psychic so can't know the reasons why people fail to respond. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Last few times I've said 'no thanks' I've ended up with a load of abuse back, so now I say nothing.
But never did reply to those who clearly hadn't read my profile."
Abuse is another thing I just don't understand! How do people get a kick out of ot? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I used to do telesales as my job (many evil moons ago I hasten to add  ) I always preferred customers who just put the phone down on me. That way there was no emotional involvement, no insults, and no time wasted. I could easily and speedily move on to the next number on my list.
That's why I always put the phone down on telesales calls and that's also why I don't say "no thanks" to people that we have absolutely no interest in. Anything else would be a waste of their time as well as mine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"More often than not when you reply no thanks its a pre cursor to a massive conversation about why not with hundreds of messages to go through who can be arsed ?"
I can understand that. I'm just disappointed that people can't be more civilised. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Thanks for yoru thoughts. I certainly think a "No thanks" button is a great idea"
It's not. I've been on a site which had this. Those messages were utterly ignored and you'd end up with dozens of messages saying 'I know I'm not what you are looking for but...'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last few times I've said 'no thanks' I've ended up with a load of abuse back, so now I say nothing.
But never did reply to those who clearly hadn't read my profile.
Abuse is another thing I just don't understand! How do people get a kick out of ot?"
Some people find rejection difficult to take. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any message with a "write back even if it's a no" in it gets an instant block/delete from me. I've found the guys that as for a "no thanks" can't actually TAKE a "no thanks". It is quickly followed by a "why not?" and i have no time for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont.  |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont. "
If he gets no response it means there's no interest. So he knows where he stands.
Site FAQs clearly state that not responding is not rude. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont. "
I think that sums it up very well, thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for yoru thoughts. I certainly think a "No thanks" button is a great idea
It's not. I've been on a site which had this. Those messages were utterly ignored and you'd end up with dozens of messages saying 'I know I'm not what you are looking for but...'
"
 plus it's about as genuine as Facebook's "like" button  i.e. it would end up meaning absolutely nothing in terms of civility.
I think the root problem here is dealing with rejection. When you get rejected by someone in a rude manner surely it's time to celebrate? After all you could've wound up in bed with them before you discovered what a piece of work they were. Not everyone is nice... and it's good that they can't hide too much behind technology such as a 'no thanks' button. It's best to find out who's compatible and who's not as early as possible. That might be via pics or it might be via msgs.
Last night we got a lovely msg from like minds...with a tantalising pic. I read the msg and put it to one side to reply to later. 20 mins later I got another msg from the same user saying how disappointed they were that we hadn't replied and that we didn't seem like very nice people Talk about shooting themselves in the foot. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont.
If he gets no response it means there's no interest. So he knows where he stands.
Site FAQs clearly state that not responding is not rude. "
It may not count as rude but it is not very polite. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. After all, look at my age!!! |
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I think everyone would agree it would be nice to receive a response for every message we send, even if it is a 'No thanks' - most of us are courteous people. However, experience of the site comes into play and the obvious grief that some people receive when they send such messages, so you can understand why they don't send even simple replies. The easiest way is to just accept no reply as a 'no thanks' - if they are taking their time, you will get a reply eventually if they are interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You may disagree with the way the site operates but please stop calling people rude for taking notice of the site FAQS. I suggest you complain to admin if you don't like it. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont.
If he gets no response it means there's no interest. So he knows where he stands.
Site FAQs clearly state that not responding is not rude.
It may not count as rude but it is not very polite. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. After all, look at my age!!!"
Not very polite = rude. It's not. And age is nothing to do with it. You're not that much older than me. If I message someone and get no reply I know they aren't interested, pop a note on their profile and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle with the concept that not replying is somehow bad manners or not civilised. 
I think it is a generational thing"
Do you mean that younger people are less needy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why are you guys so worried about what's in your rear view mirror? You should be looking at the road ahead. These people don't want to know you, for whatever reason. If they did they'd at least have given you a wink or something. So just move on. Whether they send you no msg, a no thank you, or a picture of a sausage... it has absolutely no bearing. They're not interested so move on |
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"I struggle with the concept that not replying is somehow bad manners or not civilised.
I think it is a generational thing"
Hardly. You've missed several points in this thread about the decision to reply or not and the reasons why. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I am going to be off-line for a bit now.
Thanks to everyone who has contributed. I have obviously not taken sufficient heed of the site rules. Will do better in future |
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"
Last night we got a lovely msg from like minds...with a tantalising pic. I read the msg and put it to one side to reply to later. 20 mins later I got another msg from the same user saying how disappointed they were that we hadn't replied and that we didn't seem like very nice people Talk about shooting themselves in the foot."
Had that myself, you'll read the message and think 'interesting, I'll give that a good thought out reply when I've had time to think about it.' Although I love using the phone version of fab I must say I'd rather send a long mail from my laptop, so again a case where I'll read a message but not reply immediately.
Having been on here for some years now I've got used to the fact that every mail I send might not get a reply. I'm big lad and I rarely cry when I don't get one.
I've seen some people say that when you don't get a reply you should block the person so you don't mail them again, seemingly a good idea. However I've sometimes ignored the "You've already sent ........ a message and not received a reply back" warning and sent another message, (leaving it a few months usually). After the second mail I've sometimes had a positive reply and gone on to meet people, had fun and some of them I still see now. I think using this site and doing well from it comes down to reading profiles, (and some couples and single women could do with thinking about writing informative ones themselves). When you've read the profile then send a considered and well thought out message, not just 'nice tits, here's a picture of my cock.' I find it an extremely good site with a lot of genuine, intelligent and fun members. It's worthwhile just putting in the effort to try and get meets, however if you get ignored or knocked back just accept it, (perhaps even review yourself). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What alot of guys dont realise i think is the sheer amount of messages single ladies get even the rough ones get alot of mail on here cos some guys will fuk anything .
Perhaps Fab should add a button on the bottom of messages to say no thanks ? Just next to the block/save button |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get on average about 50 messages a day at the moment, 99% of which are usually from people we have no intention of meeting as they haven't even read our profile.
Why should we take time to reply, when they don't even know our profile? We got called different persons names the other day, a classic copy/paste fail if ever there was one! C x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last few times I've said 'no thanks' I've ended up with a load of abuse back, so now I say nothing.
But never did reply to those who clearly hadn't read my profile."
I've had this alot as well. I had my filters off last week and the abuse for daring to ignore or say no. Jeez! Filters now fully back on with single men blocked. Not everyone takes rejection well and there are some real fucktards on here. |
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"We get on average about 50 messages a day at the moment, 99% of which are usually from people we have no intention of meeting as they haven't even read our profile.
Why should we take time to reply, when they don't even know our profile? We got called different persons names the other day, a classic copy/paste fail if ever there was one! C x"
Sorry for being a prick last week, didnt mean half of it to sound as it did. Its been playing on my mind. Hope this brings this matter to an end as I do not wish to derail this thread. |
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"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont.
If he gets no response it means there's no interest. So he knows where he stands.
Site FAQs clearly state that not responding is not rude. "
I'm sorry to say but this is one of the most perpetuated fab myths
Not receiving a reply is absolutely not a reliable indicator that the intended recipient has objectively dismissed and rejected the sender
Many messages that are sent to ladies remain unregarded and deleted . My personal experience is about 30 percent
I suggest a thanks no thanks delete button it's clear and simple. Not for manners as I don't think that's relevant but it would help confirm one is undesirable as apposed to overlooked.
For those so fearful, you would receive a torrent of abuse, just block and forget then we know we're rejected  |
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"What he means is, he wants to know where he stands. As some cpls dont reply until both have read and seen profile etc. They will have read message and likely looked at profile, so a reply either way is manners isnt it ? I message people as if i was talking face to face. There is no time limit, and they obviously reply and message the ones that intrest them. So you should, as i do, reply to the ones that dont.
If he gets no response it means there's no interest. So he knows where he stands.
Site FAQs clearly state that not responding is not rude.
I'm sorry to say but this is one of the most perpetuated fab myths
Not receiving a reply is absolutely not a reliable indicator that the intended recipient has objectively dismissed and rejected the sender
Many messages that are sent to ladies remain unregarded and deleted . My personal experience is about 30 percent
I suggest a thanks no thanks delete button it's clear and simple. Not for manners as I don't think that's relevant but it would help confirm one is undesirable as apposed to overlooked.
For those so fearful, you would receive a torrent of abuse, just block and forget then we know we're rejected "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say no thank you to every message. I have been asked why I said no thank you to a question about how I am today. Some people can't take a no thank you |
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An interesting thread and everyone is entitled to there own opinion.
However reading this I've learnt about profile notes and a big thank you to
DB9_Queen for mentioning it.
I will be using this from now on.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of the messages we don't even bother opening, we can see what it's going to be about by the Headline and first line of the message, for example the last three were aimed solely at Nette with no acknowledgement of the couples profile just the usual inane bollox.
If any bloke is upset that we don't read or reply I really don't give a toss, politeness and rudeness works both ways, there are two of us here and neither of us wish to be messaging a knob pic or black outline.
Rant over for the moment but I reserve the right to return later
Angst Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just lead by example, but never expect the same from others. That's all there is to it. There's little gratitude for good manners on the internet and even littler in being obliged. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Why is it that if I send a message to ask if a person or persons are interested in corresponding or meeting, and I ask them to reply with a "No thank you" if they do not wish to meet or chat, they cannot be bothered to make that simple reply? I won't be offended; after all I have asked them to say "No thanks". I then know not to try and get in touch again.
Surely thas is a friendly site and a quick "No thanks" is a friendly way to behave?"
You make the decision to use your time to send a message. Should that entitle you to dictate or expect how other people should use their time? Surely they have the same right you do, to decide how to use their own time?
You may ask for a "no, thank you" but people are not obliged to send one. They'll have their own reasons for how they manage replies, which you may not understand but should accept.
How many "no, thank you" messages would you be happy to write and send, every day, before you got bored and felt there were better things you could be doing with the time? (Serious question)
How many times before someone thinking that "no, thank you" means they're free to try to persuade you would get annoying?
How would an actual "no, thank you" help? You're still not going to get a meet out of it.
Accept that if they are interested they'll reply and if they don't reply, they aren't interested and you'll enjoy the site more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think what this thread is REALLY about is how you deal with rejection. Do you just ignore it and move along looking forward. Or do you get derailed and wonder who's fault it was, what you did wrong, and spend your time looking backward.
As Taoist said earlier no reply doesn't mean anything. But it does mean it's not worth barking up that tree right now... perhaps leave it a month and try again. Or maybe they'll write back to you in a month's time themselves. I've had a few couples do that with us... suddenly popping their heads up and replying to a msg I sent ages ago
The point is... don't over react... don't jump to conclusions... and don't get despondent... just keep on moving forward and if you feel you'd really like to hook up with them try them again in a month or so time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they don't reply, consider it was a "no thank you".
If they were interested i'm sure they would reply to your message regardless of whether your message was a one liner or an entire paragraph |
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"I think what this thread is REALLY about is how you deal with rejection. Do you just ignore it and move along looking forward. Or do you get derailed and wonder who's fault it was, what you did wrong, and spend your time looking backward.
As Taoist said earlier no reply doesn't mean anything. But it does mean it's not worth barking up that tree right now... perhaps leave it a month and try again. Or maybe they'll write back to you in a month's time themselves. I've had a few couples do that with us... suddenly popping their heads up and replying to a msg I sent ages ago
The point is... don't over react... don't jump to conclusions... and don't get despondent... just keep on moving forward and if you feel you'd really like to hook up with them try them again in a month or so time "
All of this |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Not receiving a reply is absolutely not a reliable indicator that the intended recipient has objectively dismissed and rejected the sender"
This is a fair point.
No reply from me can mean I am not interested *at the moment* or that the message got pushed off the bottom of my mailbox page and I missed it or that I accidentally deleted it.
If I don't reply with a no thanks then it's reasonable for people to try again, if they wish, at a later date.
I would urge, however, that people review their message and the intended recipient's profile and see if there is a reason they are being ignored.
My profile says I'm not inspired by one line messages or text speak, so 'hi' or 'how r u?' usually get deleted immediately. I'll also usually delete messages from people who don't match what my profile says I am looking for.
Many of the senders do try again, with more 'hi's or one line messages. They get deleted too.
A couple of times recently, as an experiment, I've replied to guys well outside what my profile says I am looking for (when it's visible, that is) if they match what I've said I'm seeking.
They've all said yes, and mentioned one or two points that apply to them, completely ignoring or not noticing the others that mean I am not interested.
For example, my profile says I like tall men, ideally 6ft plus. My stated maximum age is 49. A tall man in his late 50's or 60's does not fit what I'm looking for! |
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