FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Reasonable or not?
Reasonable or not?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello.
Well. Me and himself have been discussing this, and wonder what others feel?
We have posted for a meet in the appropriate forum, and, had an offer to share hotel costs.
I (Vamp), feel that if single guys are interested in being part of our fun, then, it is up to them to pay for the room.
However, Bubbles feels that if we want the fun, then, meeting half-way is not unreasonable.
I can see his point if we are meeting couples, or, arranging a hotel meet ourselves, then we should pay our share, or even host the session if we invite others.
What do others here feel about it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I would say if you have posted the meet then splitting the costs would be fair but if your being invited to play then normally I would expect this to be a non contribution meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you should pay 2 thirds of the cost as there are two of you. You are getting pleasure from him being there so he shouldn't have to pay all the cost |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, if the hotel is specifically booked for the meet then both parties should share the costs. If someone was staying in a hotel for other reasons and advertised a meet then that's different as they'd be staying there anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers for responses....gives me something to think about.
I agree if we are staying and invite, then, no costs to others....which is what we have done in past.
Not sure about the 'two-thirds' arrangement....especially if I fancy a few guys....as happens on occasions....lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think however many are meeting at a hotel, it should be split, that amount ways.
A single male should not have to cough all this up.
Three people interested, three people pay.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would only go if he was paying for the hotel, im not that desperate that I would pay for sex on here."
But by that token you expect him to pay for sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would only go if he was paying for the hotel, im not that desperate that I would pay for sex on here.
But by that token you expect him to pay for sex?"
Well yes, but he can take it or leave it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult to know as we haven't done this yet but my gut tells me that if we arranged the meet and it was something we advertised then we would foot the bill... if only in the name of chivalry  We wouldn't expect the same in return...we'd want to split the bill. When we can we try to be generous...but we try not to make a scene with it. Obviously if we end up paying the bill and nobody turns up we may decide not to be so generous next time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Carole...that is my opinion...if the guy wants to join us/arrange the hotel, then, personally, I feel he, or they, if a group, should provide the 'playing space'....
Hubby thinks a reasonable split is fair.
And, no one is expecting anyone to PAY for sex...just to provide the room.
We did meet one guy, a few years back, who paid for the room. When we had finished, he just told us to stay the night...he went home. Nice hotel, lovely room, and breakfast the following morning.
Never expected that, nor do I again..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mpassion....have had the last bit happen a couple of times to us, too.
As stated, if we arrange it and invite, we pay, no fuss.
Another twist...if guys offer to meet, and expect us to pay half, I am not interested. Again, hubby feels otherwise.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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50/50 unless either party is staying over for the night in which case it's up to them to meet the cost.
That said I wouldn't reply to a meet if I couldn't accommodate and their was an expectation too as I wouldn't meet what was being looked for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see why anyone should end up out of pocket for mutual fun"
 Totally agree. If the room is booked specifically for a meet then costs should be split. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mpassion....have had the last bit happen a couple of times to us, too.
As stated, if we arrange it and invite, we pay, no fuss.
Another twist...if guys offer to meet, and expect us to pay half, I am not interested. Again, hubby feels otherwise...."
Your OP says you posted a meet. In that example, if it was us, we'd be expecting to cover the costs seeing as we posted the meet.
If another person posted the meet and wrote in the ad that they expected applicants to pay half then that'd probably turn us off as it kinda shows them in an unsexy skin-flint kind of light. We'd rather surprise them by insisting on paying half. It would depend though... it might not turn us off if it was written very politely. Money and sex don't make very good bed fellows imo... the moment money is mentioned it makes everything feel cheap imo
It's very interesting how divisive money issues can be. Luckily me and the Mrs are on the same page as far as money issues go...so we don't tend to get into those kinds of dilemmas  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No need for apologies....we all have the right to our opinion.
And, to clarify what I meant in open ending comments, if guys INVITE us to join them, without any solicitation from us, then I personally feel they should pay or provide 'playing space'...
No doubt someone will disagree, but, as I said, we are all entitled to our thoughts.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No need for apologies....we all have the right to our opinion.
And, to clarify what I meant in open ending comments, if guys INVITE us to join them, without any solicitation from us, then I personally feel they should pay or provide 'playing space'...
No doubt someone will disagree, but, as I said, we are all entitled to our thoughts...."
I agree with where you are coming from. If you select the option for them to accommodate and state tbat you can't then anyone replying expecting you to meet part of the cost clearly can't accommodate |
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Sounds a little petty to suggest the person who messages first pays in full ?
Somebody has to make the first move . I'd expect a few reciprocal messages before a meet .
I'm guessing you select your meets as you aspire to mutual pleasure . The cost of the venue should be split
I think the "they want to fuck me so they pay " attitude simplistic , unreasonable, arrogant, and an abuse of power, not a person I would wish to spend time with x |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
If you think you should share costs with a couple why do you think a male alone should pay for it all?
This is supposed to be mutual fun for all but it is increasing sounding like single men are "honoured" to giving a chance to play so should jump through hoops for it 
This isn't how we think of single men, we treat them as equals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you think you should share costs with a couple why do you think a male alone should pay for it all?
This is supposed to be mutual fun for all but it is increasing sounding like single men are "honoured" to giving a chance to play so should jump through hoops for it
This isn't how we think of single men, we treat them as equals "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems a bit selfish to expect a single guy to pay for the room seeing as you're the ones who posted asking for a meet!
That's just my opinion. If we was to meet with anyone In a hotel and we asked for the meet we would pay full costs! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"If you think you should share costs with a couple why do you think a male alone should pay for it all?
This is supposed to be mutual fun for all but it is increasing sounding like single men are "honoured" to giving a chance to play so should jump through hoops for it
This isn't how we think of single men, we treat them as equals "
PS that should have said "This is supposed to be mutual fun for all but it is increasing sounding like single men are "honoured" to getting a chance to play so should jump through hoops for it" and not "giving " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have always paid my way on a meet, always paid half's for rooms or club entry, i have paid the full amount a few times, there are plenty of men out there willing to pay though so if you don't want to put towards the cost you don't need to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have over the years played in many hotel rooms, have split it on many occasions with couples and singles, provided hotel rooms, and also not payed anything on numerous occasions.
Have met many generous couples who have been using the room during nights away and been invited to come join them and when offered to pay half have been told its our treat.
Think its a bit off for a couple to demand to not pay and its for the single guy to stump up and pay for one etc.
There are also many couples and single women who have asked for me to pay for them to go into clubs, chauffeur them, ones who want you to pay for all their drinks/take them out for a meal for the night, buy them underwear etc as a demand to meet them, told them all to take a hike!!
As I can see they push the boundaries as there are many desperate guys will do anything to meet etc, its all about self respect and how you see swinging meets.
I will always continue to pay my way, bring drinks to meets, pay for beers, hotels, condoms etc as reckon that over the years I must be about even as the wonderful people have met over the years have been extremely kind and been like me and given and taken and paid mainly for themselves.
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"
I (Vamp), feel that if single guys are interested in being part of our fun, then, it is up to them to pay for the room.
will just highlight that bit. Seems warped logic to me, sorry.
   "
I see it now, I was speed reading and missed the "being part of our fun" bit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would only go if he was paying for the hotel, im not that desperate that I would pay for sex on here.
No one is paying for sex (I hope), it's a room that is being paid for."
He wouldn't be paying money for a hotel room to go have a coffee would he.... He's paying to fuck the woman. And she wants that... so win/ win. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No need for apologies....we all have the right to our opinion.
And, to clarify what I meant in open ending comments, if guys INVITE us to join them, without any solicitation from us, then I personally feel they should pay or provide 'playing space'...
No doubt someone will disagree, but, as I said, we are all entitled to our thoughts...."
If you cannot accommodate and you posted the meet to which he responded how does that mean he invited you to join him without any solicitation from you.
I think its incredibly arrogant to expect a single guy in those circumstances to pay the full amount for a room or as you put it to "provide the play space". You are all there to have fun, why should you not all contribute to the cost of the room if neither of you is able to provide free play space?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello.
Well. Me and himself have been discussing this, and wonder what others feel?
We have posted for a meet in the appropriate forum, and, had an offer to share hotel costs.
I (Vamp), feel that if single guys are interested in being part of our fun, then, it is up to them to pay for the room.
However, Bubbles feels that if we want the fun, then, meeting half-way is not unreasonable.
I can see his point if we are meeting couples, or, arranging a hotel meet ourselves, then we should pay our share, or even host the session if we invite others.
What do others here feel about it?
"
If you posted the meet then of course you should pay at least half. Why on earth should the guy pay all of it?
Surely if you advertise to meet a single guy then he is providing you with something you want, its not just you "letting" him join you.
Maybe it wasn't intentional but they way you have written that comes across as incredibly arrogant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you book a room and invite someone to play - they might split cost out of manners but they definately shouldnt have to pay - if you chat and agree to arrange a meet between you then defo share - we would always offer to share but have been invited to a hotel and sharing the cost wasnt even on the agenda as we were their guests |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would only go if he was paying for the hotel, im not that desperate that I would pay for sex on here."
You'd only be pay towards the hotel room - the sex is free.
And, if he pays for the room then he'd being paying for sex - mind boggles
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oohhhh....how do you know my arse is 'tight'?
Lol. Must say...never had any complaints....yet..... "
delicious arse... would definitely pick up the tab for the room if that arse was in it   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shared fun = shared costs. If you were meeting a single woman would agree be expected to for the bill? I somehow doubt it, so why should a single guy have to fork out the full cost of a room you are all using? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why would you advertise a meet at a hotel and expect the invited guest to pay? How bizzare! Either split it, or as hosts, you pay as you are the ones advertising a meet. You aren't doing him a favour, he's offering to fulfill what you want him for..
As a single fem, if a couple advertised a meet at a hotel and expected me to pay for it, there's no way in hell I would go! I'd laugh and block them probably!
Good luck to you!
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By *ealfunCouple
over a year ago
darleston |
It is a bit of a sticky problem. We cannot accomodate at the moment so a hotel is a good option for us but expensive for an hour or two of play if not shared costs. We are happy to visit other peoples homes but feel better in a neutral location for the first meet but it makes you feel like a bit of a pimp when receiving payment for playing.
If we were staying over for a night out irrespective of playing then we would expect to pay but if it is purely for sex then we think shared costs are ok. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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O.k. Male half here....
I am happy to pay towards any costs if couples, singles arrange the place, so, no quibble there.
We have had, in the past, some single guys approaching us, without solicitation, and then asking if we would meet them, and split the bill.
That is where, I believe, Vamp was trying to go with this thread. (Despite holding a degree, she can be a bit thick at times....lol).
If we are staying somewhere, and arrange a meet, then, our cost, no problem. We have paid for the room anyway, so, why not have some fun.
It was never meant to be views as being 'arrogant' in any way. Indeed, we have chatted to many other couples at events, and there has always been the same mixed feelings, from all ends of the spectrum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As I said earlier money is a very divisive issue. When I go out to the restaurant with my mates...some of them want to itemise and calculate the bill to the penny...others are happy to split it's total based on head count...others say they're going for a fag and hope we pay the bill...whilst others insist that they treat us.
I don't think there's any need to point fingers and call each others names if we have different approaches to money. Some of the most generous people can be almost skint, whilst some of the meanest can be sitting on a pot of money. It's just about figuring out what works for you and finding others who think similarly to you.
In general we prefer to be generous, even if we're not super rich, because it opens more doors. If that's not your thing...that's totally cool...square the bill fairly and make sure everything is fair. If someone else approaches you that has a totally different approach to money it's up to you to decide whether that makes them an unattractive option or not. Only you will know the answer to that one. If Zoey Deschanel mailed me saying she wanted to spend the night with me but I had to foot the bill I'd make an exception lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"O.k. Male half here....
I am happy to pay towards any costs if couples, singles arrange the place, so, no quibble there.
We have had, in the past, some single guys approaching us, without solicitation, and then asking if we would meet them, and split the bill.
That is where, I believe, Vamp was trying to go with this thread. (Despite holding a degree, she can be a bit thick at times....lol).
If we are staying somewhere, and arrange a meet, then, our cost, no problem. We have paid for the room anyway, so, why not have some fun.
It was never meant to be views as being 'arrogant' in any way. Indeed, we have chatted to many other couples at events, and there has always been the same mixed feelings, from all ends of the spectrum."
Not sure why asking a question makes someone thick. I must be thick then.
Has Vamp had a read of the answers and had an answer to her question? Everyone sees it differently, there is no right or wrong answer. As long as you and the people you meet are happy it's all good. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Scarlet...she has read all the answers....and is coming round to my way of thinking. That is, if we arrange the meet and invite, we pay. She also agrees that we should offer to pay towards costs if we are invited by others.
Bit of a turnaround, really.....
Thanks to all who replied.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As we cannot accom, if we arrange a hotel we pay, i am not sure i would expect those we meet be it a guy or a couple to stump up for something we wanted. If they on the other hand invited us i would offer to pay half. |
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"Hello.
Well. Me and himself have been discussing this, and wonder what others feel?
We have posted for a meet in the appropriate forum, and, had an offer to share hotel costs.
I (Vamp), feel that if single guys are interested in being part of our fun, then, it is up to them to pay for the room.
However, Bubbles feels that if we want the fun, then, meeting half-way is not unreasonable.
I can see his point if we are meeting couples, or, arranging a hotel meet ourselves, then we should pay our share, or even host the session if we invite others.
What do others here feel about it?
"
I think, yet again, single guys are being exploited. Ok they want to join your fun but they can only do that if you let them so you want the meet to go that way too right?
If you can't accommodate and they can't accommodate then it's only fair that the bill is split three ways. |
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Wouldn't bother me who invited who or anything if the room was only being used for the meet then id offer to pay me share, however if someone was staying the night and the others not then they should pay for it all.
This is another reason I'm not currently meeting as I can't afford hotel rooms at the moment and even though people have offered to pay I don't feel happy knowing I can't pay my way at all. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds a little petty to suggest the person who messages first pays in full ?
Somebody has to make the first move . I'd expect a few reciprocal messages before a meet .
I'm guessing you select your meets as you aspire to mutual pleasure . The cost of the venue should be split
I think the "they want to fuck me so they pay " attitude simplistic , unreasonable, arrogant, and an abuse of power, not a person I would wish to spend time with x"
^^^^ this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's disgusting that you would expect a man to pay . Who do u think you are ? Gods gift ?? If you are arranging a meet then you pay . If you arrange it with a guy you spilt three ways . Simple . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had hotel meets and offered half each time and have been politely refused. The most recent were not posted meets but pre-arranged between us but I still offered. The single guy should not have to foot the bill, split it halfway at least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's disgusting that you would expect a man to pay . Who do u think you are ? Gods gift ?? If you are arranging a meet then you pay . If you arrange it with a guy you spilt three ways . Simple . "
Nothing to do with thinking they are gods gift I wouldn't of thought, just having a bit of self respect and maybe they think they are worth it.
different if its a couple though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's all well and good to have self respect and know your worth it, but only when you temper that and realise that other people are deserving of YOUR respect and THEY are worth it, too. It's not all about any one of us, when it comes to play. Have standards, yes. Demand to be treated with respect, by all means. So long as you treat others the way you demand to be treated, because they deserve it as much as you do.
As a single lady, i have always offered to pay half for a hotel meet. If i haven't had the money to cover my half I've explained that i couldn't meet just then but that i would be able to on such and such date when i had the funds. I've always been resoundingly told to sod off that I'm not to pay anything, which made me a little uncomfy but i do have the southern belle ability to give in gracefully to avoid causing offense. Why are single men treated so drastically differently by couples than i have been as a lady? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meet men at my house and before that I used to have sex with them in their cars, i can never see myself as being so desperate for sex that i would pay half for a hotel meet. i don't mean to offend that's just the way i see it. |
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"Cheers for responses....gives me something to think about.
I agree if we are staying and invite, then, no costs to others....which is what we have done in past.
Not sure about the 'two-thirds' arrangement....especially if I fancy a few guys....as happens on occasions....lol.
"
split the costs between them a if you are having an orgy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet men at my house and before that I used to have sex with them in their cars, i can never see myself as being so desperate for sex that i would pay half for a hotel meet. i don't mean to offend that's just the way i see it. "
FFS meeting in a hotel doesn't mean anyone's desperate for sex!! Not everyone can or want to accommodate at their home! I would never be so desperate as to meet a manfor a shag in his car but that's just the way I see it!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet men at my house and before that I used to have sex with them in their cars, i can never see myself as being so desperate for sex that i would pay half for a hotel meet. i don't mean to offend that's just the way i see it.
FFS meeting in a hotel doesn't mean anyone's desperate for sex!! Not everyone can or want to accommodate at their home! I would never be so desperate as to meet a manfor a shag in his car but that's just the way I see it!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet men at my house and before that I used to have sex with them in their cars, i can never see myself as being so desperate for sex that i would pay half for a hotel meet. i don't mean to offend that's just the way i see it.
FFS meeting in a hotel doesn't mean anyone's desperate for sex!! Not everyone can or want to accommodate at their home! I would never be so desperate as to meet a manfor a shag in his car but that's just the way I see it!! "
actualy I quite like having sex in a car, and no one has to pay for it. |
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"If you think you should share costs with a couple why do you think a male alone should pay for it all?
This is supposed to be mutual fun for all but it is increasing sounding like single men are "honoured" to giving a chance to play so should jump through hoops for it
This isn't how we think of single men, we treat them as equals "
If only all couples had your mindset |
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