FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > wife goes out alone.
wife goes out alone.
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By *ethot69Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
"Let" is a strong word :P
She can play on her own at our place with no worries whatsoever - I'll watch the telly or something ^^ She wouldn't travel alone though.
But we do what we both want to do rather than one of us letting or allowing the other to do something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am part of a swinging couple allowed to play alone, mainly due to the fact my husband is Forces so he is away alot and he so loves to hear about it after, but know it isn't for everyone.  |
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I’m inclined to pick up on Wethot69 comment, ‘let’ or ‘allow’ or ‘permission’ tend to be pre-loaded conditional terms. We do nothing that either one is not comfortable with but do anything that we are comfortable with.
We’re fine with ‘separate rooms’ if it feels right with the couple concerned. We even arranged for a regular play-mate of ours to pop round and supply a ‘cream pie’ but other than that we would say we NEVER play alone as a general rule.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst in a serious loving relationship, 'let' or 'Allow' are perfectly good terms, bloody politically correct shite.
Jeez, a relationship should come before swinging, so for one half of a loving relationship to want to play alone, if the other half is ok with it, then the terms are good and well. 
If they were not allowed and play still went ahead then the relationship may well collapse.
I sometimes wonder what's more important to some, their relationship or pretentious terms in favour of sounding right on.
Anyway, back to topic.
If my partner wanted to play alone, go out and pick someone up or whichever way tickles her fancy, we would discuss it, maybe agree terms, and I would possibly ALLOW or LET my partner do so.  |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
From a completely different perspective...
Is this some ploy to find couples that one can meet the wife alone? I see so much of this going on (not just from a number of single guys - but from other couples as well!
Personally, stick to single women - eliminates the worry of having "an unwanted male" to ignore/tolerate. |
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By *INKKKYMan
over a year ago
LIVERPOOL/ WIRRAL |
""Let" is a strong word :P
She can play on her own at our place with no worries whatsoever - I'll watch the telly or something ^^ She wouldn't travel alone though.
But we do what we both want to do rather than one of us letting or allowing the other to do something."
your home sounds like a fun home!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we only play as a couple, swinging is something we do together thats where the fun is, playing alone would be, to us anyway, abit like cheating and not something we would, either of us, want to do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we only play as a couple, swinging is something we do together thats where the fun is, playing alone would be, to us anyway, abit like cheating and not something we would, either of us, want to do"
Nods in agreement |
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"Whilst in a serious loving relationship, 'let' or 'Allow' are perfectly good terms, bloody politically correct shite.
Jeez, a relationship should come before swinging, so for one half of a loving relationship to want to play alone, if the other half is ok with it, then the terms are good and well.
If they were not allowed and play still went ahead then the relationship may well collapse.
I sometimes wonder what's more important to some, their relationship or pretentious terms in favour of sounding right on.
Anyway, back to topic.
If my partner wanted to play alone, go out and pick someone up or whichever way tickles her fancy, we would discuss it, maybe agree terms, and I would possibly ALLOW or LET my partner do so. "
To LET or ALLOW a person to do something implies that the person giving permission thinks they own or control said person. If that is true or that is the impression one wants to give that’s fine. It’s not a matter of political correctness at all, it’s simply using the right words in the right context to convey the right message |
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By *ethot69Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
""Let" is a strong word :P
She can play on her own at our place with no worries whatsoever - I'll watch the telly or something ^^ She wouldn't travel alone though.
But we do what we both want to do rather than one of us letting or allowing the other to do something. your home sounds like a fun home! "
Can't detect whether thats sarcasm or not - our radar is off.
But anyway, it is ^^ |
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By *ethot69Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
"
To LET or ALLOW a person to do something implies that the person giving permission thinks they own or control said person. If that is true or that is the impression one wants to give that’s fine. It’s not a matter of political correctness at all, it’s simply using the right words in the right context to convey the right message "
Exactly - "letting" someone do something is akin to saying "run everything by me first because I own you".
Not political correctness at all - just correct use of language so that an implication that isn't intended isn't delivered! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Couldn't agree less.
Doesn't mean anyone owns anyone, just that in their relationship, other forms of sexual enjoyment is allowed.
If it wasn't allowed and they still went ahead then it would be cheating.
Trying hard to find the correct terms to say the same thing IS political correctness.
Relationships should come first, any pleasure away from one another should be allowed by the other, or that could be deemed that the one playing doesn't care for the others feelings.
I would not touch anyone else other than my partner unless I have permission, why because my partner means more to me than terminology, I like to believe my partner wouldn't play with another unless I'm ok with it, if I'm ok with it then my partner has permission therefore allowed.
Anyway, welcome to the OP, you will get used to threads turning into crap soon enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couldn't agree less.
Doesn't mean anyone owns anyone, just that in their relationship, other forms of sexual enjoyment is allowed.
If it wasn't allowed and they still went ahead then it would be cheating.
Trying hard to find the correct terms to say the same thing IS political correctness.
Relationships should come first, any pleasure away from one another should be allowed by the other, or that could be deemed that the one playing doesn't care for the others feelings.
I would not touch anyone else other than my partner unless I have permission, why because my partner means more to me than terminology, I like to believe my partner wouldn't play with another unless I'm ok with it, if I'm ok with it then my partner has permission therefore allowed.
Anyway, welcome to the OP, you will get used to threads turning into crap soon enough. "
might sound pedantic, but i think 'agree' is more acceptable than let or allow.
i've never been a permission seeker in a relationship, my firm belief being that someone should add to your life, not take from it.
the conditions are agreed and if necessary compromised...and before anyone says it sounds like a business, it is in a way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couldn't agree less.
Doesn't mean anyone owns anyone, just that in their relationship, other forms of sexual enjoyment is allowed.
If it wasn't allowed and they still went ahead then it would be cheating.
Trying hard to find the correct terms to say the same thing IS political correctness.
Relationships should come first, any pleasure away from one another should be allowed by the other, or that could be deemed that the one playing doesn't care for the others feelings.
I would not touch anyone else other than my partner unless I have permission, why because my partner means more to me than terminology, I like to believe my partner wouldn't play with another unless I'm ok with it, if I'm ok with it then my partner has permission therefore allowed.
Anyway, welcome to the OP, you will get used to threads turning into crap soon enough.
might sound pedantic, but i think 'agree' is more acceptable than let or allow.
i've never been a permission seeker in a relationship, my firm belief being that someone should add to your life, not take from it.
the conditions are agreed and if necessary compromised...and before anyone says it sounds like a business, it is in a way!"
I can go with that, but still believe the terms 'let' or 'allowed' is fine and doesn't suggest any untoward.
You are right that a person should add not take away, but remember, that works both ways |
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By *ethot69Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
Still not following how correcting the wrong usage of a word is political correctness.
It's simple - if I "allow" Mrs. Wet Hot to play alone, that implies a level of ownership.
Look at it this way - if I "allow" someone to borrow a lawnmower, thats because the lawnmower still belongs to me.
So in swinging there's no permission to give - it's mutual consent based on discussion between the couple as to what they desire. If there's a "red line" which neither person wishes to cross, then it's mutually agreed neither person does it.
I think you're mistaking political correctness with subtle yet important differences in terms of attitude. |
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By *INKKKYMan
over a year ago
LIVERPOOL/ WIRRAL |
""Let" is a strong word :P
She can play on her own at our place with no worries whatsoever - I'll watch the telly or something ^^ She wouldn't travel alone though.
But we do what we both want to do rather than one of us letting or allowing the other to do something. your home sounds like a fun home!
Can't detect whether thats sarcasm or not - our radar is off.
But anyway, it is ^^"
no sarcasm, wot a turn on that is to play with you while your hubby watches!  |
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By *INKKKYMan
over a year ago
LIVERPOOL/ WIRRAL |
"I prefer to use the term 'understanding'
That's the one ^^
Oh, and Kinkkky, I tried to nudge her into a session tonight but she's in her nighty and can't be arsed.
Bah. xD"
ha ha never mind! and thanks for the thought, maybe some other time mate |
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"we only play as a couple, swinging is something we do together thats where the fun is, playing alone would be, to us anyway, abit like cheating and not something we would, either of us, want to do
Nods in agreement"
Personally I don't consider it as cheating at all.
To me, when someone cheats on their partner then they are intentionally being deceitful and dishonest towards that person. Swinging separately from your partner doesn't necessarily constitute either of those, because - as is the case with Mrs Carambar and myself - the partner can be both fully aware and accepting of what's happening.
If the definition of cheating is having sex without your partner being present, what's the difference between someone in a couple swinging alone and a couple practicing 'separate room' swinging? |
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"let, allow, agree, it surely all means the same thing, consent "
‘let’ and ‘allow’ imply control/ownership ‘agree’ is one persons conclusion is the same as another.
So if I said I have ten pebbles, you might count them and count ten thus ‘agree’ with me I have ten pebbles. If I let or allow you to have some that implies I own them.
If a person(1) was on a public beach and said to another person(2) ‘You can have some of those pebbles, I will allow you to have some’ Person(2) would most likely react with… ‘WHAT the F*** has it got to do with you, you don’t own the beach or the pebbles on it!!!’
So its nothing to do with being politically correct at all, its basic English comprehension that’s all, but even so, that is essentially irrelevant. While I wouldn’t dare speak for Wethot69 it could be their thinking was the same as mine ‘the question might need to be clarified’
Now I could have said ‘I don’t understand the question’ but that doesn’t offer any clues as to what it is I don’t understand. But even that is irrelevant because the OP isn’t currently in this discussion, which has now turned into defining the meaning of words.
Between us two as a couple and this hobby, ‘let, allow, permission, consent’ are all irrelevant words. My misses is a free person, she is free to choose to do what ever she wishes, I don’t own her and I don’t control her. She has never made a wrong decision in respect of me and I’ve never made a wrong decision in respect of her. Our relationship has always, and always will be a million times bigger than this hobby and that comes from a tremendous depth of understanding that is probably born of using the right words the generate questions and answers that lead to a greater depth of understanding
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Still not following how correcting the wrong usage of a word is political correctness.
It's simple - if I "allow" Mrs. Wet Hot to play alone, that implies a level of ownership.
Look at it this way - if I "allow" someone to borrow a lawnmower, thats because the lawnmower still belongs to me.
So in swinging there's no permission to give - it's mutual consent based on discussion between the couple as to what they desire. If there's a "red line" which neither person wishes to cross, then it's mutually agreed neither person does it.
I think you're mistaking political correctness with subtle yet important differences in terms of attitude."
If I let someone use my lawn mower, that's because we agree they can use it and will return it.
politically correct as in, oh you can't say that, it's not the right term, here's the correct term, means just the same.
same attitude as politically correctness is my point.
You explain it well, I haven't or not meant to disagree with your terminology but state there is nothing wrong with the terms 'let' or 'allow'.
same shit, different way of putting it.
I'm right, you know it, just agree and move along.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"let, allow, agree, it surely all means the same thing, consent
‘let’ and ‘allow’ imply control/ownership ‘agree’ is one persons conclusion is the same as another.
So if I said I have ten pebbles, you might count them and count ten thus ‘agree’ with me I have ten pebbles. If I let or allow you to have some that implies I own them.
If a person(1) was on a public beach and said to another person(2) ‘You can have some of those pebbles, I will allow you to have some’ Person(2) would most likely react with… ‘WHAT the F*** has it got to do with you, you don’t own the beach or the pebbles on it!!!’
So its nothing to do with being politically correct at all, its basic English comprehension that’s all, but even so, that is essentially irrelevant. While I wouldn’t dare speak for Wethot69 it could be their thinking was the same as mine ‘the question might need to be clarified’
Now I could have said ‘I don’t understand the question’ but that doesn’t offer any clues as to what it is I don’t understand. But even that is irrelevant because the OP isn’t currently in this discussion, which has now turned into defining the meaning of words.
Between us two as a couple and this hobby, ‘let, allow, permission, consent’ are all irrelevant words. My misses is a free person, she is free to choose to do what ever she wishes, I don’t own her and I don’t control her. She has never made a wrong decision in respect of me and I’ve never made a wrong decision in respect of her. Our relationship has always, and always will be a million times bigger than this hobby and that comes from a tremendous depth of understanding that is probably born of using the right words the generate questions and answers that lead to a greater depth of understanding
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ok, hows this then.
my 8 year old has their own money, they want to but cigs with them, I say no.
using pebbles and all that cack is not a good example, people should not be owned like a pebble, so long winded and pointless post.
Let or Allow are ok terms, may not be the greatest, but they are ok.
only a pedant would consider it to be a suggestion of ownership.
This was the OP's first post here (as far as I'm aware) and the first reply was pedantic at best.
nit picking, so I thought I'd have a crack to.
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"ok, hows this then.
my 8 year old has their own money, they want to but cigs with them, I say no.
using pebbles and all that cack is not a good example, people should not be owned like a pebble, so long winded and pointless post.
Let or Allow are ok terms, may not be the greatest, but they are ok.
only a pedant would consider it to be a suggestion of ownership.
This was the OP's first post here (as far as I'm aware) and the first reply was pedantic at best.
nit picking, so I thought I'd have a crack to.
"
Nit-picking in ‘your’ opinion, which is fine if that is what you choose to believe but it is you who is arguing the toss!
The first comment in respect of the term ‘let’ wasn’t in ‘my opinion’ nit-picking or being pedantic because the use of the term in that context implies control/ownership.
I cannot speak for the OP but it could be suggested that perhaps they meant to ask ‘how do others feel about…’ rather than imply that the rest of us do or do not ‘give permission’ for a partner to do whatever.
So no one was picking on the OP and no one is picking on you, we’re just responding to ‘your’ discussion on the meaning of words in a particular context.
Regarding your example ‘child wants to go to buy cigarettes and parent says no’ that is not something I ever did with my children. My job as a parent was to guide and educate them. To this end I gave them the information they needed to make the right decisions for themselves |
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By *ethot69Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
I'd strongly argue that I wasn't being pedantic - if swinging isn't about mutual consent in regards to couples then I've completely misunderstood swinging for the six years I've been involved in it with my partner!
Let me spin it another way - not only does the word "let" imply ownership, it also indicates a level of hesitancy, as in the person "letting" is doing it begrudgingly.
So my reply was simply noting that swinging isn't about "letting" your partner do anything - its about "agreeing" as a partnership what you both find exciting as a fantasy you wish to fulfil.
There's absolutely no PC or pedantics from me - to be pedantic, there'd have to be a really subtle difference. For us, the word "let" is a mile away from what our definition of swinging is.
Let me state one thing though - I didn't for a moment think that the OP meant it in these terms, but I had to clarify it just in case! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok, hows this then.
my 8 year old has their own money, they want to but cigs with them, I say no.
using pebbles and all that cack is not a good example, people should not be owned like a pebble, so long winded and pointless post.
Let or Allow are ok terms, may not be the greatest, but they are ok.
only a pedant would consider it to be a suggestion of ownership.
This was the OP's first post here (as far as I'm aware) and the first reply was pedantic at best.
nit picking, so I thought I'd have a crack to.
Nit-picking in ‘your’ opinion, which is fine if that is what you choose to believe but it is you who is arguing the toss!
The first comment in respect of the term ‘let’ wasn’t in ‘my opinion’ nit-picking or being pedantic because the use of the term in that context implies control/ownership.
I cannot speak for the OP but it could be suggested that perhaps they meant to ask ‘how do others feel about…’ rather than imply that the rest of us do or do not ‘give permission’ for a partner to do whatever.
So no one was picking on the OP and no one is picking on you, we’re just responding to ‘your’ discussion on the meaning of words in a particular context.
Regarding your example ‘child wants to go to buy cigarettes and parent says no’ that is not something I ever did with my children. My job as a parent was to guide and educate them. To this end I gave them the information they needed to make the right decisions for themselves "
Whoosh, that went right over your head,
Nit picking, wasn't suggesting picking on anyone.
Nit picking as in, picking out little bits.
Forget my example, that was another point you missed.
All these examples have no relation to the actual topic.
I still think the OP's term was ok and could have been ignored as it may have developed into a decent thread, but there's always one has to nit pick about stuff that doesn't matter, so I joined in.
great init.
anything else trivial enough to discuss?
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its funny how many on this thread have jumped on the words LET AND ALLOW
they seem to assume that all swingers are in a perfectly equal relationship , with equal rights and everything is fair etc
some swingers are in for example a cukold relationship and in those circumstances it would not work if the female did not LET OR ALLOW , or indeed not LET OR ALLOW hubby to do this or that
in the case of the many sub dom couples on here , again it would not work if the sub ( male or female ) was not ALLOWED to do something they wanted to do , as they thrive on NOT being ALLOWED |
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"hope the op feels their query has been addressed?!
Hey, I tried. "
It seems the OP’s question has been answered, the conclusion is most of us consider our partners to be free spirits and so the answer is ‘its perfectly fine IF they wanted to’ whereas one or two others imply their partners would need permission.
Helen is a free spirit, if she WANTED to play solo she is free to do so but she doesn’t WANT to, the same applies to me.
I mentioned previously ‘cream pie’ so just to complicate matters I can tell you I wasn’t present when this took place. But this does not constitute playing solo or betrayal as it was planned and mutually agreed scenario that all concerned wanted to happen. Now considering that particular scenario the OP’s original question becomes even more ambiguous!
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"its funny how many on this thread have jumped on the words LET AND ALLOW
they seem to assume that all swingers are in a perfectly equal relationship , with equal rights and everything is fair etc
some swingers are in for example a cukold relationship and in those circumstances it would not work if the female did not LET OR ALLOW , or indeed not LET OR ALLOW hubby to do this or that
in the case of the many sub dom couples on here , again it would not work if the sub ( male or female ) was not ALLOWED to do something they wanted to do , as they thrive on NOT being ALLOWED "
Nice one
We don’t play sub/dom as such but we might ‘ask’ the other to do something with the unwritten rule that refusal is not an option, or should I say refusal is not ALLOWED |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
If you do not mind your partner playing with others without telling you what they intend doing, then you are not alowing or giving permission and you are basically singles.
If your partner tells you that he/she is meeting someone and you are OK with that. you are letting/allowing!
Not rocket science so I agree with Loony! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If Paul want happy about something i wanted to do then i wouldnt do it i.e letting me meet someone on my own,and yes i say letting me as there are 2 people in our relationship,its a 2 way thing and just because we swing does not mean i have the right to meet who i want if its with him or on my own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do not mind your partner playing with others without telling you what they intend doing, then you are not alowing or giving permission and you are basically singles.
If your partner tells you that he/she is meeting someone and you are OK with that. you are letting/allowing!
Not rocket science so I agree with Loony! "
Thats exactly what i was trying to say. |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"But this does not constitute playing solo or betrayal as it was planned and mutually agreed scenario that all concerned wanted to happen. "
Missed this bit!!
If it was mutually agreed, that means that you allowed it to happen! You LET her play with a single guy! |
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"But this does not constitute playing solo or betrayal as it was planned and mutually agreed scenario that all concerned wanted to happen.
Missed this bit!!
If it was mutually agreed, that means that you allowed it to happen! You LET her play with a single guy! "
So what is the opposite of that? NOT letting? NOT allowing? |
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If I was married And my partner wanted to play with a single guy alone or any other Id have no worries with it,,as long as safety was paramount,,Id have no more or less objection to letting her vote too if they allowed women the vote ofcourse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But this does not constitute playing solo or betrayal as it was planned and mutually agreed scenario that all concerned wanted to happen.
Missed this bit!!
If it was mutually agreed, that means that you allowed it to happen! You LET her play with a single guy!
So what is the opposite of that? NOT letting? NOT allowing?"
yes. or not agreeing, same shit, different term.
If the 'free spirit' goes beyond what is agreed/let/allowed, that is cheating or would that be free spirit in play?.
My partner once 'let' me suck her toes, this doesn't mean I own her, but she 'allowed' me to go beyond her personal preference, then found she loved it.
Let/allowed are perfectly good terms to be used in my very true example. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think LET and ALLOW are acceptable within a relationship and doesn't denote ownership.
Within a relationship there are "rules" we live by. You don't need to discus it you just know.
A married person wouldn't up and say "right, I'm off to see my lover" they'd say "off shopping with the girls" or "off to play golf" simply because they know they're not ALLOWED to play away.
Allowing each other freedom to do what they wish works for some, not all.
It's not about ownership but respecting boundaries within your relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My lady goes out on her own and meets 1 of her regular male friends quite often.so far this has worked well for us.she always returns happy,hot and horny. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is something that we are speaking about at the moment.
We are just about ready to venture out on our own, but only with the agreement of each other about who we see |
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and its way more fun 
