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Failing at clubs - research
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So off the back of a previous thread, 'Failing at Clubs' I'd like to know how people approach single women at clubs, what would put you off, what signals are you looking for to approach, would you prefer it if she approached you, do you fear approaching and being knocked back etc etc.
As a single women I'd be happy to go to clubs on my own, but I do fear sitting there and feeling out of place. |
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By *ohndelMan
over a year ago
Preston |
As a single male recently joined and only been toCupida a few times, interesting to discuss with someone who has a different angle. It is not easy for males either ie you approach a single girl and she immediately thinks he is after one thing, well possibly yes, but only if we get on and have that banter between us. Single women in Cupids are not out of place and use the place like a pub ie social meeting place. Had a similar discussion in C with LL who suggested males or myself in particular need to be more open rather than shall we say skirting around the edges. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As a single male recently joined and only been toCupida a few times, interesting to discuss with someone who has a different angle. It is not easy for males either ie you approach a single girl and she immediately thinks he is after one thing, well possibly yes, but only if we get on and have that banter between us. Single women in Cupids are not out of place and use the place like a pub ie social meeting place. Had a similar discussion in C with LL who suggested males or myself in particular need to be more open rather than shall we say skirting around the edges. "
So is it an issue of confidence? We all know it's a swinging club and there's a reason we've all gone there. Chatting to people has got to be a good thing, even if it ends up with a polite no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Never been but I know you would not be alone for long....unless you wanted to be.
Absolutely. Not interested in clubs, but totally agree with this  "
Thanks both, but I'm tall and fairly confident and to be honest, it really does put people off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single women I'd be happy to go to clubs on my own, but I do fear sitting there and feeling out of place. "
I doubt you'd have to worry about that!
I've never attended alone, but I've wandered off alone a few times and men have no difficulty approaching in my experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never been but I know you would not be alone for long....unless you wanted to be.
Absolutely. Not interested in clubs, but totally agree with this
Thanks both, but I'm tall and fairly confident and to be honest, it really does put people off. "
Been told on several occasions that i'm very intimidating to men coz of my height and my personality too.
When I go to clubs I usually have been chatting to a few guys on the run up and then see if we hit it off in person.
I once approached a guy who I'd seen looking at me a lot, he said that he didn't feel comfortable talking to me coz he thought I'd knock him back. He said that I was talking to a lot of guys who seemed very interested in me (but these guys were actually just my friends) and my apparent confident, bubbly, smiley attitude made him feel like he had no hope.
I ended up having a bit of a play with him but it ended up being a disaster so I'm back to my original rule of not playing with a complete stranger when in a club lol!
I guess you can't win coz if you were sat in a corner on your own then the only guys interested would be the ones who'd had no luck already and the ones who felt sorry for you and that to me is not what I want to get out of a club experience. |
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By *ohndelMan
over a year ago
Preston |
Yes, it is a bit of a confidence thing, because no one likes a knock back, however a female friend at C, ( who is gorgeous and great personality) says don't worry, even she gets them. However the point is confidence, as if a female gets a knock back it is rare and no doubt a good reason, with a fella, he may have to try loads of times and get loads of knock backs.
Then it all comes down to tactics, if you do not chase, then you are not interested, if you do chSe, you are too pushy. It goes ON
But this is the fun of the game |
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By *ohndelMan
over a year ago
Preston |
Jenny, let me know when you are next going to a club, and I will practice my chat up lines with you !
Seriously, this the point, fellas north always sure how approach to girls will be taken.
When you are out a couple, do single fells, approach you direct or through your male friend ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to a club on my own and never had a stranger approach me. Simply because I sit on my own and have a face like a slapped arse lol which is fine by me  |
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By *ohndelMan
over a year ago
Preston |
Just read my last post, pure jiberish, less haste etc,
Point is, fellas not sure at all what to do, however, common courtesy to women, I would never see someone alone for long, ie at least go and speak to them, see how they were, offer a drink, this is common courtesy and not a 'come on'.
Playing with fire, you have words and pics that differ r ie your pics are stunning, everyone must have thought ,no chance. Now what would I have done, yes come over and had a chat, us northerners are quite social . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just read my last post, pure jiberish, less haste etc,
Point is, fellas not sure at all what to do, however, common courtesy to women, I would never see someone alone for long, ie at least go and speak to them, see how they were, offer a drink, this is common courtesy and not a 'come on'.
Playing with fire, you have words and pics that differ r ie your pics are stunning, everyone must have thought ,no chance. Now what would I have done, yes come over and had a chat, us northerners are quite social ."
I only socialise with the people I know at my local club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have been to clubs alone and with a partner. Was approached more often when part of a couple, rarely on my own and I am quite sociable."
Obviously, this is more common than is actually been spoken about.
So we're all sociable and we all like to chat, but few are willing to make the first move…..only the brave it would seem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single woman who uses clubs in my experience very few guys will come over and say hi, most just watch you and as soon as you move follow you to see if your going to play, if you are they're quite happy to jump on the bed and join in but very few will come say hi while your sat in the bar area
I find its usually me who has to make the effort to struck up a conversation with someone i like |
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It is a very difficult one. No one likes rejection no matter how subtle it is. Some times if MrsH is in the mood then if she sees a guy she really likes the look of she will approach him, but she usually waits to be approached. However a lot of men do not have the confidence to go and talk to a female and those that do are usually the ones that she would not play with. It is always a fine balence and when we are approached as a couple we always chat if someone approaches us but we have seen other couples who are rather rude to single guys which is a bit unfair. as I said very difficult no matter if female, male or couple, the main thing particularly for men is no do not be one of the towel twitchers that prowls the corridors hopeing to get in on any action, go to the social areas and interact with people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be honest. And this may be something that only I can improve. But, i've been to a few clubs now and i'm really not the best at appproaching someone new unless i've spoken to them on here before.
Sometimes, it's due to the fact that from reading a few profiles and the responses you get, you realise i'm not what they're looking for - and these too would be the same people who would attend the clubs that message me back.
So, it's a bit of a double edged sword. I mean, I have had messages where people would message me and say 'we saw you that night, you should have approached us' but of course I didn't know that.
Thus, not all gloom and doom. Just a confidence issue on my part. Just doesn't help with me sporting this look and being one of the shortest buggers on here - but, that's me. Take it or leave it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been a few times to clubs now and been lucky enough to play most times I stand round the bar having a drink and chatting and this tends to work for me but I have had knock backs which you just take on the chin you can't be everyone cup of tea and then I have declined but not right out I just made an excuse as I didn't know what to say I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling I think most men handle rejection better as it happens more |
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I must admit that at clubs single women to get get accosted and a lot of unwelcome attention....
It,s best if you are going to a club to ask on fab if someone is going and if they are nice nice and you get on....arrange to go with them and when you get to the club you can mix,but you always have him as your guardian angel.
When guys see you come in with a guy they give you some space xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I must have just been lucky then. It's always been more of an issue trying to avoid people than find them - and avoiding eye contact from the blokes that walk backwards and forwards staring several times.
I think the thing of letting people know you'll be there so that you have some 'friends' to look for when you arrive is a good idea, plus they'll probably know people or help to make introductions etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been to clubs alone and with a partner. Was approached more often when part of a couple, rarely on my own and I am quite sociable.
Obviously, this is more common than is actually been spoken about.
So we're all sociable and we all like to chat, but few are willing to make the first move…..only the brave it would seem. "
Thanks for the post as a male I'm now scared stiff of going by myself !
Not brave sexually so I'm going to try and socially meet some who go to clubs so that when I do get the courage to go at least I can say hi to a few and the ice may already have been broken ?
Off to the Newcastle social to be seen and be sociable ?
Don't know if it'll help but worse case at least it will give me a clothed insight into what a club might be like and people who go lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to clubs alone and never had a problem - although to be honest, I've usually made the approach first. Men have tended to hang back or follow fems/couples around in my experience and rarely made the first move leaving me wondering whether they're shy, lacking in confidence or waiting for a much more overt signal than making prolonged eye contact and mouthing hello!  |
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Single guys approach Frisky quite often. Some directly others chat to me first.
As we always go to the same club we have made friends there. Some guys say that they were put off chatting to her as they had seen a few guys chatting to her...
The best thing to do is go over and say.... I would say have a follow up line as well. We have had a couple of guys come over, say hi and then dry up and just stand there awkwardly... 
Most couples and single ladies are friendly and approachable... If they aren't, well then you wouldn't want to play with them anyway... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been to a club on my own and never had a stranger approach me. Simply because I sit on my own and have a face like a slapped arse lol which is fine by me "
.
Read this and curious, had to look at your profile to see if there were any pics. There are........you So obviously Do Not. lol. But both are equally attractive in a good way and exactly where the should be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So off the back of a previous thread, 'Failing at Clubs' I'd like to know how people approach single women at clubs, what would put you off, what signals are you looking for to approach, would you prefer it if she approached you, do you fear approaching and being knocked back etc etc.
As a single women I'd be happy to go to clubs on my own, but I do fear sitting there and feeling out of place. "
Making eye contact an initiating a little conversation is achievable by all if you get knocked back its life you just don't dwell on it you politely move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really want to go to a club but not sure about going on my own  even just thinking about it makes my heart go faster lol, a sound like a teenager "
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Yes, lol, I know what you mean. It's on my 'To Do' list, which probably means I'm putting it off and making excuses. I'm in good shape from what people tell me but I think I have an age issue (my own age that is, lol) and am a bit concerned I might look out of place. On the 'Approach' question I do like chatting to most people (it seems a more natural way of doing things) but not with the sole intention of getting intimate with them, there has to be some humour, mental and physical attraction for that and only then if it's mutual so if it happens all well and good, if not it will still have been a good experience.
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I'm sure if I get to a club it will be interesting if for no other reason I've never really mastered the art of keeping a towel wrapped round my hips!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really want to go to a club but not sure about going on my own even just thinking about it makes my heart go faster lol, a sound like a teenager "
There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. You will not be accosted by voracious trannys or predatory couples. Most club's bars are just like a pub, people chatting. The sex tends to happen elsewhere, although not always |
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"
There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. "
Have you seen the toilets in The Merchant?
They make me very nervous every time I even go for a #1  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iv been to various clubs as a single woman..and with playmates.
And in my opinion it all depends on yourself. (This goes for both male and female) if ur not confident enought to at least say hello to ppl and see what happens then ur not likely to get much out of it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. You will not be accosted by voracious trannys or predatory couples. "
Have you been into my local pub?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know if it's so much confidence as attitude. Neither of us are very forthcoming at clubs but we go along to have fun ourselves. We make the most of the facilities, move about a lot, acknowledge people when they look at us/greet us.
Neither of us has ever made the first move but people always come over to chat.
The only time I have found it slow going was when I'd gone alone to the cinema at a club and was playing with myself at the back - a bloke came in, didn't see me and spent a few minutes wanking himself off to the film. When somebody else came in and joined me the bloke turned around to realise he hadn't been alone - his face was funny
Maybe that time I was trying too hard! The only other thing to suggest is to avoid the busy nights as I find it easier to get chatting with people when it's less hectic - but obviously the trade off is less choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At clubs when your a single female most people presume your with a partner and will usually wait around for your other half before considering approaching you. I have found if you like a male or a couple just go up to them and say hi. Everyone is afraid to make the first move and they do not want to intimidate you. You can spend the whole night eyeing up what you think are attractive people and vice versa and no one does anything. When you get back home and get back on fab people message you asking if you were at the club and then they say they wanted to speak to you and were not sure etc etc. Instead of living with what ifs it's best just to break the ice. Most people in most instances are polite and cordial and just because your speaking to someone does not automatically mean your going to jump their bones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really want to go to a club but not sure about going on my own even just thinking about it makes my heart go faster lol, a sound like a teenager
There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. You will not be accosted by voracious trannys or predatory couples. Most club's bars are just like a pub, people chatting. The sex tends to happen elsewhere, although not always "
Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub. "
Really? you go to a place where common interests are likely, to socialise with people you know and meet new people. Chat, flirt, laugh and have fun, then there is always the possibility of sex... so far just like my local pub.
Difference comes in that you can be reasonably sure in a swingers club sex may happen between more than two people and it may happen on the premises. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub.
Really? you go to a place where common interests are likely, to socialise with people you know and meet new people. Chat, flirt, laugh and have fun, then there is always the possibility of sex... so far just like my local pub.
Difference comes in that you can be reasonably sure in a swingers club sex may happen between more than two people and it may happen on the premises."
Yeah really, your last sentence proves my point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub.
Really? you go to a place where common interests are likely, to socialise with people you know and meet new people. Chat, flirt, laugh and have fun, then there is always the possibility of sex... so far just like my local pub.
Difference comes in that you can be reasonably sure in a swingers club sex may happen between more than two people and it may happen on the premises.
Yeah really, your last sentence proves my point. "
have you never been to a pub as a single guy chatted to some people until someone caught your eye, chatted and flirted with that someone then had sex with them? because both of us have on more than one occasion, and sometimes on the premises as well
The key difference in a swingers club is that you can at the selection point be a lot more direct, and asking them to play, is a lot quicker easier than asking a stranger for sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub.
Really? you go to a place where common interests are likely, to socialise with people you know and meet new people. Chat, flirt, laugh and have fun, then there is always the possibility of sex... so far just like my local pub.
Difference comes in that you can be reasonably sure in a swingers club sex may happen between more than two people and it may happen on the premises.
Yeah really, your last sentence proves my point.
have you never been to a pub as a single guy chatted to some people until someone caught your eye, chatted and flirted with that someone then had sex with them? because both of us have on more than one occasion, and sometimes on the premises as well
The key difference in a swingers club is that you can at the selection point be a lot more direct, and asking them to play, is a lot quicker easier than asking a stranger for sex."
Answer to your first question, yes but the ratio to going to the pub and fucking a stranger is very low. Your second sentence again proves my point, going to swingers club is not the same as going to the pub, of course there are similarities but the fundamental reason for going to each are different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Answer to your first question, yes but the ratio to going to the pub and fucking a stranger is very low. Your second sentence again proves my point, going to swingers club is not the same as going to the pub, of course there are similarities but the fundamental reason for going to each are different "
Would you agree with the underlying point that the social skills required are the same, but that a swingers club is a lot safer and easier if you are looking for NSA fun, no (or at least reduced) risk of bunny boilers, and rejections though they happen are much less intense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Answer to your first question, yes but the ratio to going to the pub and fucking a stranger is very low. Your second sentence again proves my point, going to swingers club is not the same as going to the pub, of course there are similarities but the fundamental reason for going to each are different
Would you agree with the underlying point that the social skills required are the same, but that a swingers club is a lot safer and easier if you are looking for NSA fun, no (or at least reduced) risk of bunny boilers, and rejections though they happen are much less intense."
I agree with you there, however the expectations are totally different, i would feel far more nervous about visiting a swingers club alone than I would a pub |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you there, however the expectations are totally different, i would feel far more nervous about visiting a swingers club alone than I would a pub"
We agreed long ago that when attending any swinger activity if there is no nervous feeling we would stop doing it, anticipation is a large part of the fun. Be it a meet or a club, it should require extra effort and a bit of nerves just means you are going beyond the safe zone of real life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you there, however the expectations are totally different, i would feel far more nervous about visiting a swingers club alone than I would a pub
We agreed long ago that when attending any swinger activity if there is no nervous feeling we would stop doing it, anticipation is a large part of the fun. Be it a meet or a club, it should require extra effort and a bit of nerves just means you are going beyond the safe zone of real life."
True, I never get nervous going to the pub though |
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By *r_BigHeadMan
over a year ago
The Naughty Step (aka Northampton) |
"I agree with you there, however the expectations are totally different, i would feel far more nervous about visiting a swingers club alone than I would a pub
We agreed long ago that when attending any swinger activity if there is no nervous feeling we would stop doing it, anticipation is a large part of the fun. Be it a meet or a club, it should require extra effort and a bit of nerves just means you are going beyond the safe zone of real life."
very well put.
I'm just about to head into Chams and off the back of this discussion board I have decided to step outside my comfort zone and try to initiate more conversations. Thanks all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why not just go to a club and talk normally to people and use the facilities for yourself?? Like the spas and pools and bars and whatever'll be will be. I guarantee going and expecting something to happen, on the basis of a 6 pack or big cock nothing will happen.
All about the attitude and the way you conduct yourself. Then you'll never fail.
But I don't know shit so........... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
tough one.....
because I will just chat to someone for the sake of chatting....
I don't view every hello as some sort of opening gambit to get into someones knickers.... I do it because I am a nice chap...
but you do get the sense that some people read chatting as "they are trying to get into everyones knickers" which can be extremely unfair......
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Many clubs need someone like you Fabio, a compulsive friendly person who will get conversations started with no particular intent, you probably are the catalyst for more people getting together than any organised ice breaker. Though I suspect you also have a pretty good personal success record as a result of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really want to go to a club but not sure about going on my own even just thinking about it makes my heart go faster lol, a sound like a teenager
There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. You will not be accosted by voracious trannys or predatory couples. Most club's bars are just like a pub, people chatting. The sex tends to happen elsewhere, although not always
Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub. "
I'm sorry, rubbish???? No need for such emotive language. Did I say their reasons were the same? I said that in the bar area what mostly goes on is chatting. Read posts properly before spouting abuse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really want to go to a club but not sure about going on my own even just thinking about it makes my heart go faster lol, a sound like a teenager
There is no reason to be any more nervous about going to a club than you would pooping in your local pub. You will not be accosted by voracious trannys or predatory couples. Most club's bars are just like a pub, people chatting. The sex tends to happen elsewhere, although not always
Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub.
I'm sorry, rubbish???? No need for such emotive language. Did I say their reasons were the same? I said that in the bar area what mostly goes on is chatting. Read posts properly before spouting abuse"
Calm down dear! abuse? Seriously? Your a bit sensitive , btw I did read your post and thought it was 'not very good'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do think saying to someone that their post is "rubbish" because they blocked you some time ago and you have been itching to have a pop is abusive. I go to clubs on a weekly basis and my experience is that the bars therein are social places and no more threatening than the local pub. I will say no more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do think saying to someone that their post is "rubbish" because they blocked you some time ago and you have been itching to have a pop is abusive. I go to clubs on a weekly basis and my experience is that the bars therein are social places and no more threatening than the local pub. I will say no more."
O dear, is everything ok? have you blocked me? Tbh I thought I had blocked you, it's irrelevant really, I just disagreed with your post , your highly strung |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Rubbish, the reasons people go to a swinging club are totally different to the reasons they go to a pub. "
I will maintain then in any good club that people will originally go for the lure of sex.... but that people will keep going back to those same clubs very much for the social side......
I think without the social side the novelty in effect would wear off rather quickly.....
and I think it is that part that people do slip up in realising that swinging place can be as social as pubs for example.... and that you do need a modicom of "social skills" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
and I think it is that part that people do slip up in realising that swinging place can be as social as pubs for example.... and that you do need a modicom of "social skills""
Agree entirely. Just because we may be more liberally minded with regard to sex doesn't mean that its ok to forget the ps and qs and think we will have sex with you without any of the niceties of social convention  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My biggest problem at clubs is i will talk to anyone and eveyone, but some guys take this as a come on and look genuinely shocked when they ask me to a room and i say no after spending half an hour chatting to them, some guys think if you smile and talk to them you fancy them when a lot of the times its just my friendly nature, i cant be the type of person who ignores people because i don't fancy them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My biggest problem at clubs is i will talk to anyone and eveyone, but some guys take this as a come on "
L has the same problem, but nobody ever asks me to go play so I am safe to chat all night  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suspect a lot of guys go to clubs because they are introverted types and have 0 luck meeting women in bars and clubs. "
That has not been our experience not that we have been to many clubs, but have in visited several in the west country and midlands always as a couple. Single guys fall into two categories usually the entertaining or the pushy. The entertaining guys seem confident and tend to do well, the pushy ones do OK if they know people but can overstep and then they get blocked by most or asked to leave. Guess the introverted ones could be unnoticed hiding in the corner but can't say I have seen many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always go on my own, but one thing I never feel is alone, but to be honest I'm a very sociable person and I will strike up a conversation with anyone lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suspect a lot of guys go to clubs because they are introverted types and have 0 luck meeting women in bars and clubs. "
What makes you think they would have any more luck in a club? I imagine it's quite intimidating for most men as there's usually a fair amount of competition. |
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