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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Quite a few profiles on here - maybe increasingly so post-50 Shades of Grey - from women (single or purporting to be part of couples) referring to their "owner"
Usually along the lines of: "I can't answer but my owner will read throught the mail and decide who gets to fuck me" or similar
I'm not at all judgemental and I'm totally into role play etc, but that whole "my owner" thing makes me wonder if those involved are being exploited.
Maybe it's just me. It might be.
Wondered what others thought? |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I didn't get it at all. Then I read some very good threads on the subject over the years,where people really explain the dynamic between them and their master and vice versa.
I still don't get it, but I respect their choice.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im owned and no book has ever passed my eyes..
the only 50 im is over and at this age Im sure ive the experience to know my choice is totally mine..
Mine (ours) is not ROLE PLAY it is REAL
and our lifestyle....
Im cherished and respected unlike past life experiences..
one VERY HAPPY SUB
one VERY HAPPY MASTER  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the op makes a good sensible point. To people outside the bdsm lifestyle it could easily look as if the submissive party were being exploited. While this is largely not the case, it's not outside the realm of possibility that it has happened. Largely, though, the way it works is far from exploitative to the sub. The 'owner' and the sub would have graphically and at length discussed and agreed all boundaries and limits. That would also include the physical attractiveness characteristics she would want in a meet, the activities she would agree to do on a meet, and her safety would at all times be a main responsibility to the 'owner'. It is an intense dynamic. It is an often very misunderstood dynamic. It is rarely an exploitative one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no desire to own anyone, nor will anyone ever own me. Each to their own (oh no....an unitended pun) I guess. But anyone who wants me to ask someone else's permission to fuck them gets instantly blocked. Not for me I'm afraid. Still, live and let live eh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can chat with the male of any couple...but its the female that gets to choose...if I have the incling its all done fore him..its cheerio...and if he thinks telling me exactly what to do, and when to do its gonna help..its cheerio again.
I have a good few pals into bdsm etc..its not my thing really at all..I'm more interested in the sexual play. |
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I am on another site dedicated to kink and enjoy the social aspect on there a lot.
What I have found chatting to some women on here is that often someone claims to be a 'Dom' when they have no real concept of how that is supposed to work. What they mean is they want someone to fuck for 30 minutes, get their end away and ten bugger off.
In the worst cases I have heard about it is people who simply want an excuse to hurt someone which is not what it should be!
Then of course you get the proper ones but to be honest a sex site is not the best place to find them... On the whole! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for me the idea of having a master is too close to having a controlling, bullying husband..
i don't get why people enjoy this kind of lifestyle but i respect their choices..
and it's ok..i don't need to be told why, thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am on another site dedicated to kink and enjoy the social aspect on there a lot.
What I have found chatting to some women on here is that often someone claims to be a 'Dom' when they have no real concept of how that is supposed to work. What they mean is they want someone to fuck for 30 minutes, get their end away and ten bugger off.
In the worst cases I have heard about it is people who simply want an excuse to hurt someone which is not what it should be!
Then of course you get the proper ones but to be honest a sex site is not the best place to find them... On the whole! Lol"
I'm on two such sites. To be fair, half the people on them are also on here. It never ceases to amaze me how often people think the lifestyle is about bullying and abuse. That goes for the so called 'doms' you mention as well. It's amazing their reaction when you start discussing limits, boundaries, and technique. They have no idea of the lists or contracts, let alone the depth and breadth with which everything is discussed. No concept of the trust and respect that has to be earned. What's worse are those who assume it's demeaning and bullying yet refuse to admit that they could be wrong. For instance, some couples have an agreement whereby anyone the sub wants to have sex with must be approved by the Dom, as in the op. My Dom and i had agreed that he only needed to approve my playing with another Dom. My non D/s play meets were my own. If he wanted to punish an infraction by saying i couldn't meet for a length of time, he was allowed but wouldn't have made me cancel an already committed to meet. I agreed that i wouldn't plan a meet for 2 days before meeting him. And limits? We went through 2 different limit lists, one with 200 the other with 300 kinks listed. No go areas were clearly defined and just that.... No go areas. Anything one of us didn't want was a no go, even if the other did. There's so much mutual and reciprocal respect in those who actually understand the dynamic it rivals vanilla marriages. It's a pity so few are willing to at least give that fact a modicum of respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"200 items on a list....what font did you use? The Harry Potter font looks pretty cool for a s/D list (see what I did there? Put the s first - lower case too  )"
Steve, you honestly crack me up sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the replies.
Like I said in my original post, I'm not at all judgemental - honestly. Role play can be an amazing thing, I know.
I was just perturbed slightly, as a single guy who is only here for 'fun' to read some of the "my owner" stuff on profiles or replies.
I'm totally into ... whatever turns you (us) on, but totally opposed to exploitation
That's why I asked and you've answered, so thank you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure where the Submissive half of the relationship is being exploited if they are getting equal enjoyment and i would class it as a part of lifestyle rather than role play.
Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if a sub and Dom in an 'owned' relationship then broke up? Would the sub become 'pre-owned' or just 'second hand'?
Lol, love it.  "
You not checked out pre loved lately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Quite a few profiles on here - maybe increasingly so post-50 Shades of Grey - from women (single or purporting to be part of couples) referring to their "owner"
Usually along the lines of: "I can't answer but my owner will read throught the mail and decide who gets to fuck me" or similar
I'm not at all judgemental and I'm totally into role play etc, but that whole "my owner" thing makes me wonder if those involved are being exploited.
Maybe it's just me. It might be.
Wondered what others thought?"
Its a form of exhibitionism for some it it does it for them I don't see the harm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the op makes a good sensible point. To people outside the bdsm lifestyle it could easily look as if the submissive party were being exploited. While this is largely not the case, it's not outside the realm of possibility that it has happened. Largely, though, the way it works is far from exploitative to the sub. The 'owner' and the sub would have graphically and at length discussed and agreed all boundaries and limits. That would also include the physical attractiveness characteristics she would want in a meet, the activities she would agree to do on a meet, and her safety would at all times be a main responsibility to the 'owner'. It is an intense dynamic. It is an often very misunderstood dynamic. It is rarely an exploitative one. "
|
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"maybe if u watch 12 years a slave you may rethink referring to yourself as "owned""
Really? No concept of what it means in this context then?
That was racially owning a people in actual physical slavery...
Kink owning is two willing participants in what is basically a mutually satisfying relationship. If one is unhappy they can leave at any point. It requires discussion and trust... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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see, here's the thing.... if a female in a non bdsmcouple put on their profile 'you have to ask my husband/partner first' ....would that also fell exploitative? would people see that as disrespectful? The fact is that the terms used encite a negative mental and emotional response in people but in practice they are far from what they're often percieved to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am on another site dedicated to kink and enjoy the social aspect on there a lot.
What I have found chatting to some women on here is that often someone claims to be a 'Dom' when they have no real concept of how that is supposed to work. What they mean is they want someone to fuck for 30 minutes, get their end away and ten bugger off.
In the worst cases I have heard about it is people who simply want an excuse to hurt someone which is not what it should be!
Then of course you get the proper ones but to be honest a sex site is not the best place to find them... On the whole! Lol
I'm on two such sites. To be fair, half the people on them are also on here. It never ceases to amaze me how often people think the lifestyle is about bullying and abuse. That goes for the so called 'doms' you mention as well. It's amazing their reaction when you start discussing limits, boundaries, and technique. They have no idea of the lists or contracts, let alone the depth and breadth with which everything is discussed. No concept of the trust and respect that has to be earned. What's worse are those who assume it's demeaning and bullying yet refuse to admit that they could be wrong. For instance, some couples have an agreement whereby anyone the sub wants to have sex with must be approved by the Dom, as in the op. My Dom and i had agreed that he only needed to approve my playing with another Dom. My non D/s play meets were my own. If he wanted to punish an infraction by saying i couldn't meet for a length of time, he was allowed but wouldn't have made me cancel an already committed to meet. I agreed that i wouldn't plan a meet for 2 days before meeting him. And limits? We went through 2 different limit lists, one with 200 the other with 300 kinks listed. No go areas were clearly defined and just that.... No go areas. Anything one of us didn't want was a no go, even if the other did. There's so much mutual and reciprocal respect in those who actually understand the dynamic it rivals vanilla marriages. It's a pity so few are willing to at least give that fact a modicum of respect. "
this right here says it all. ive not had as much experience with this as i'd like, but one day I'll find someone i can trust enough |
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Gimp