FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Ignoring messages- polite?
Ignoring messages- polite?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it ) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
"
Read the FAQ's on the site - it's not rude not to reply. I open the profile, if it's not for me I delete the message - very simple  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
I always endeavour to reply to my correspondence unless it is utterly inane - I view that as 'junk mail'. Its a compulsion.
However, I do not get the volume of messages that single women do. Were I a single woman I might pre-prepare a "cock off" paragraph for cutting and pasting to wankers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
I was hounded for about a week off a guy I politely replied to with sorry im not interested. He badgered and badgered me to the point I blocked him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone "
 Finally... a man that understands - thank you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guess who just scored "brownie points" ?
"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone Finally... a man that understands - thank you "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
If I send a message and they block me thats fine, in know they're not interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone Finally... a man that understands - thank you "
Just have to not take it personally. If people aren't attracted to you then that's just life, right?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone questioned wby we hadn't replied tgr best tgey could hope 4 was being blocked...
Personally we only tend to send thanks but no thanks to those whose's original message we feel warrants it which isn't many. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
You're not entitled to a wink, message, reply, or meet on this site. If you think you are then you might need to have a quick look at the FAQs. And personally, if I received a follow up message (I assume the OP got the screen warning him that he was sending a repeat message to someone who hadn't replied) asking why I didn't want to meet, depending on my mood, I may be tempted to lecture too. |
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"Who would anyone want an inbox full of messages saying no thanks, you're not my type?!
crystal "
Sometimes any message at all is a bonus. It's these little things that bring a tiny ray of light into a single man's life. |
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By *ay Dee BeeMan
over a year ago
INGATESTONE near Brentwood |
"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone "
I second that. Some of my girl friends show me the abuse they receive. And what's amazing is. These guys get dates/meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone Finally... a man that understands - thank you "
We try to reply but when it goes mad it's just not possible. We do have a life outside of fab and swinging.
Then there's all the "why not?" messages or the "I know I don't say I'm bi on my profile but ...." Messages
Or the innate " hi. How are you. " type messages.
Perhaps we should just block all messages and just do clubs.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone Finally... a man that understands - thank you
We try to reply but when it goes mad it's just not possible. We do have a life outside of fab and swinging.
Then there's all the "why not?" messages or the "I know I don't say I'm bi on my profile but ...." Messages
Or the innate " hi. How are you. " type messages.
Perhaps we should just block all messages and just do clubs. "
I'm sure a lot of people do try to reply. And I understand that can be pretty overwhelming at times.
You don't have to justify why you don't reply. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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99.9% I don't send a follow up message, in fact this was the first time I ever had, as I found it ironic they specified POLITE people so many times in their profile.
I have probably come across as a bit of a wanker in this thread, and those who know me know I'm extremely polite and not at all pushy.
I respond to people on here as I would do in real life and I'd never dream of ignoring someone who approached me in a bar or whatever.
If you get a high volume of messages (which I am totally understanding of. Couples I have met have shown me how many messages they get.) I completely understand the need to cut down on time, but generally those people state on their profile they just delete messages without meaning to be rude.
I hope it hasn't come across that I'm demanding a reply from those who aren't interested, or being pushy with those that don't find me attractive, it was just an observation that puzzled me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're not entitled to a wink, message, reply, or meet on this site. If you think you are then you might need to have a quick look at the FAQs. And personally, if I received a follow up message (I assume the OP got the screen warning him that he was sending a repeat message to someone who hadn't replied) asking why I didn't want to meet, depending on my mood, I may be tempted to lecture too."
''
If I get a reply saying no thanks, I will always reply thanks for the reply and Happy Swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Politeness has nothing to do with it. They said they wasn't interested because they didn't find you attractive it's that simple.
Just because you followed their profile instructions and thought you fitted their needs it doesn't mean they should feel obliged to meet or correspond.
The funny thing is, they shouldn't need to ask people to be polite. Being polite should be the very least you'd expect from someone any way. The fact that they had to ask people to be polite in the first place just goes to show the type of crap they've received in the past. And by ask them "why not" only solidified their judgement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"99.9% I don't send a follow up message, in fact this was the first time I ever had, as I found it ironic they specified POLITE people so many times in their profile.
I have probably come across as a bit of a wanker in this thread, and those who know me know I'm extremely polite and not at all pushy.
I respond to people on here as I would do in real life and I'd never dream of ignoring someone who approached me in a bar or whatever.
If you get a high volume of messages (which I am totally understanding of. Couples I have met have shown me how many messages they get.) I completely understand the need to cut down on time, but generally those people state on their profile they just delete messages without meaning to be rude.
I hope it hasn't come across that I'm demanding a reply from those who aren't interested, or being pushy with those that don't find me attractive, it was just an observation that puzzled me. "
I suppose you need to ask yourself this...do you really want an inbox full of messages from people telling you that they're not interested in you or don't find you attractive? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who would anyone want an inbox full of messages saying no thanks, you're not my type?!
crystal
Sometimes any message at all is a bonus. It's these little things that bring a tiny ray of light into a single man's life. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We look at inbox messages as a "hey check me out" introduction, so we do. We look at the profile and any verifications do a Google reverse on all the pics and then see what their opinions are in the forums, we use all of that to determine if we want to reply or not. If it's a not then we move on to the next one. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Politeness has nothing to do with it. They said they wasn't interested because they didn't find you attractive it's that simple. "
If you re-read the thread, the issue is with deleting/ignoring messages rather than just telling me straight 'no thanks.' Politeness, in my view, has everything to do with it. Ignoring someone is impolite. |
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"However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message?? "
See, I don't get why this is better than being ignored. I'd prefer no response.
I don't want to log into Fabs, see I've got 5 new messages, get excited and then find they're all 'not my type'
Seriously, how is that better than being ignored? Is the fact that the person typed three words showing you more respect? No. Is it any more polite than no words at all? No, it isn't.
Just weird. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suppose you need to ask yourself this...do you really want an inbox full of messages from people telling you that they're not interested in you or don't find you attractive?"
If that is the alternative to being ignored then yes! Although actually I've found I get more replies than I do people ignoring me. Even if after a chat we're not each other's type or whatever, more often than not people do find the time to reply to me. So don't assume it would be 'full' of rejections |
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"Ignoring someone is impolite. "
No, it isn't.
You don't ever ignore a Big Issue seller? Or someone on the street who wants to talk to you about Jesus? Or someone who wants to give you a leaflet with pizza offers? Or someone who just wants 50p? Or someone who wants you to donate to charity? etc, etc, etc
By sending someone a message you are not giving them a gift or a service that obliges them to respond.
You're sending them an expression of interest. That's it. |
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I don't get why so many seem to get so wound up about things.
Away from the internet, if you tried to start a conversation with someone and they didn't respond, you might think they are a bit rude but would carry on your day.
If I say hello to someone in the street as they walk past, I don't follow them and demand to know why they didn't say hello back, yet online here some folks seem to really get their underwear twisted up! |
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"Ignoring someone is impolite.
No, it isn't.
You don't ever ignore a Big Issue seller? Or someone on the street who wants to talk to you about Jesus? Or someone who wants to give you a leaflet with pizza offers? Or someone who just wants 50p? Or someone who wants you to donate to charity? etc, etc, etc
By sending someone a message you are not giving them a gift or a service that obliges them to respond.
You're sending them an expression of interest. That's it. "
What this man said! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
See, I don't get why this is better than being ignored. I'd prefer no response.
I don't want to log into Fabs, see I've got 5 new messages, get excited and then find they're all 'not my type'
Seriously, how is that better than being ignored? Is the fact that the person typed three words showing you more respect? No. Is it any more polite than no words at all? No, it isn't.
Just weird."
It's an acknowledgement of a message and just polite. The same as if I approached someone in a club or bar. I suppose it's much easier for me to say this as I'm lucky to get 10 messages a day, but I'd never dream of ignoring someone.
Rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest. |
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By *nly-AliceWoman
over a year ago
Chester / North Wales |
"..However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??"
In short, yes it does.
I used to reply to every message, even if it was a polite "Thanks, but no thanks", but while most accept that, others take it as some sort of invitation to message some more purely because you have responded, and unfortunately it mostly single guys that do this.
I since made it clearer on my profile that a lack of response should not cause offence and only reply to those that appear to have made an effort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Politeness has nothing to do with it. They said they wasn't interested because they didn't find you attractive it's that simple.
If you re-read the thread, the issue is with deleting/ignoring messages rather than just telling me straight 'no thanks.' Politeness, in my view, has everything to do with it. Ignoring someone is impolite. "
when people clink on your profile and see your cock only has 66% power .... what do you really expect  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"99.9% I don't send a follow up message, in fact this was the first time I ever had, as I found it ironic they specified POLITE people so many times in their profile.
I have probably come across as a bit of a wanker in this thread, and those who know me know I'm extremely polite and not at all pushy.
I respond to people on here as I would do in real life and I'd never dream of ignoring someone who approached me in a bar or whatever.
If you get a high volume of messages (which I am totally understanding of. Couples I have met have shown me how many messages they get.) I completely understand the need to cut down on time, but generally those people state on their profile they just delete messages without meaning to be rude.
I hope it hasn't come across that I'm demanding a reply from those who aren't interested, or being pushy with those that don't find me attractive, it was just an observation that puzzled me. "
It's only in your control to decide to send the message, what you can't control is what people choose to do with it once you give it to them. So send it and forget about it until someone replies. Surely a head doesn't have enough space to worry about a stranger you don't know and have never met replying to a message they may have put themselves up for but not wanted. Chill Winston! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's some sound advice right there I just find it difficult to ignore anyone. Perhaps I am just not hardened to the site yet, but if someone has taken the time to message me I appreciate it enough to say thanks but no thanks, or chat further.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's some sound advice right there I just find it difficult to ignore anyone. Perhaps I am just not hardened to the site yet, but if someone has taken the time to message me I appreciate it enough to say thanks but no thanks, or chat further.
"
The point is, if I for example replied to every message like that I got I'd have to give up work, and my children would starve to death! So no I don't feel the need to reply to strangers if I don't feel like it because none of us have to do anything we don't want |
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"Rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest."
Then why are you complaining about not getting messages?
No response = not interested/rejected. Move on. It's much quicker and easier for both parties that way.
Plus (and I'm not saying you'd do this) a lot of guys will message back and say 'why?' and give the woman/couple a load of grief.
It's not fair to label them impolite because they don't want to go through a whole no/why not conversation that might get rude and aggressive. |
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I find it more impolite when people message expecting that this then gives them an entitlement to a response.
Nobody, either in the real world or the virtual one, has a right to a response or has to interact with you, just because you've instigated it.
That's one of the rudest things I think, and also passively aggressive. |
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By *ptimusDMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"
The point is, if I for example replied to every message like that I got I'd have to give up work, and my children would starve to death! So no I don't feel the need to reply to strangers if I don't feel like it because none of us have to do anything we don't want "
Very well put. Females and couples are inundated with emails. Some of them will need to take it as a full time job to answer to all the emails they receive, just so they appear polite.
I think people who moan about not getting written replies have trouble handling rejection. Otherwise, they will accept a read and deleted email as a suitable reply, which states quite emphatically that the person isn't interested.
Simples x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think you've misconstrued what I'm trying to say here.
I don't think I am entitled to a response. I understand the reasons why people don't but I still find it quite rude. It doesn't upset me or bother me, I just find it impolite. I didn't say that makes them bad people, or that they'd purposely be rude, it is simply my interpretation of their behaviour and actions, much like they interpreted my behaviour as out of line.
On the sole occasion I did ask someone why they had ignored me, I got a 3 paragraph reply explaining that they had no time. I found that really ironic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you send a one liner, fancy a fuck or maybe just a cock pic then I would expect it to be deleted and its not really rude.
If you meet their requirements and send a well written message that has been thought out, then its very rude to read it and just delete it!
A simple no thanks takes seconds to write. |
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I understand totally, a female, or couple's right to not reply. I get this and respect this. My only gripe is that I had a single female msg me saying she liked my profile and then after I send a face pic her profile was not available ( I don't think I am that ugly!!!). I respect a non reply, but if they msg me first, a little respect would suggest that a thanks, but no thanks is in order. Rant over!!!! Happy swinging fab peeps!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who would anyone want an inbox full of messages saying no thanks, you're not my type?!
crystal
Sometimes any message at all is a bonus. It's these little things that bring a tiny ray of light into a single man's life. "
Aw x that's so sad x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get the protocol ...... and some responses I've had after politely declining to meet have been quite nasty, I can't imagine the abuse the girls get when they say no. I would prefer it if someone doesn't fancy that they just block me, I know exactly where I stand then. |
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"Rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Then why are you complaining about not getting messages?
No response = not interested/rejected. Move on. It's much quicker and easier for both parties that way.
Plus (and I'm not saying you'd do this) a lot of guys will message back and say 'why?' and give the woman/couple a load of grief.
It's not fair to label them impolite because they don't want to go through a whole no/why not conversation that might get rude and aggressive."
I just had one recently. I declined politely after the first message and he then asks what time I like to meet, just in case he's passing and gets a hotel....
Foolishly I pointed out the irrelevance of the question and a clearly aggressive misgynist tone developed - calling me uncommunicative, difficult,'controlling like all women'......
Report, block....... and probably delete the next 10 without reply because I just don't like it.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to reply to all my mail with this if I wasn't interested; "Thanks very much for taking the time to message but I'm sorry, you're not what I'm looking for on here at present. Take care and happy swinging"
Most would reply with thanks for the reply, take care, many wouldn't reply, many would then ask why not then start the Spanish inquisition and not leave me alone. Some would then message a few days, weeks later trying to change my mind and some, well, were very abusive. I do not need to hear "well you're a fat bitch and not my type anyway, just thought you'd be an easy shag" Really? This is why, along with other reasons given by me and other posters here, are why some people don't bother replying if not interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone Finally... a man that understands - thank you
We try to reply but when it goes mad it's just not possible. We do have a life outside of fab and swinging.
Then there's all the "why not?" messages or the "I know I don't say I'm bi on my profile but ...." Messages
Or the innate " hi. How are you. " type messages.
Perhaps we should just block all messages and just do clubs. "
this is how I feel frequently |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand what you're saying but I'll explain the reason we don't reply to people we aren't both interested in:
We don't like to be rude. Saying "you're not our type/no thanks/that's far too small to be of any use to anyone other than a snail" just doesn't sit right with us. We don't like to seem up ourselves, saying essentially "you haven't met our requirements" because that would make US feel like shit if we got that message.
We've both been singles on here and know how hard it is, so to speak! We don't reply because it's the politest way to say we arent interested.  |
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
This for us as well. We used to reply to every single message. But then we got bored with a large number refusing to take no for an answer. Then there is those that throw a tantrum and start insulting. So who's rude? |
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By *WcplCouple
over a year ago
Tameside |
"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
very familiar senario ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. very familiar senario !"
I suppose I hadn't thought of that because I would never dream of attempting to insult someone into bed or convince them that I was their type! To me, no means no. It would be like one of those idiots on the X Factor that tries to plead for the judges to change their mind! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it not ignorant to expect some people to spend hours replying to people they are not interested in? The result would be nobody meeting at all. I laugh at people who claim this as they are if its ignorant equally ignorant not replying to every junk mail, email, call centrer call sent to them. |
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I can see this from both sides. If I were to get more than 10 messages a day, every day, then replying to every one would become a chore.
However, in my case at least, I always read a profile first before sending a message and I'm always polite. I try to tailor my messages to each individual's profile so that it's not just some random shite or "fancy a shag?" Again, in my case, writing a message to someone takes time, thought and effort not to mention plucking up the courage to send it in the first place. See it as the same as approaching a female in "the real world" if you will. So in that respect it is a bit disheartening if it gets deleted without reply. I wouldn't expect a lady to simply turn around and walk away if I politely chatted to her outside of fab, I would consider that rude.
I think the "sorry, not interested" (or something to that effect) button mentioned is a great idea, then, if someone sends a follow up whining about why not, the block button is a perfectly acceptable action. |
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
"
So you think being "polite" was the qualifier for a meet? I used to read the profile before the message. My profile was also very detailed without any ambiguity as to the type of person I was looking for.
My profile also stated that I'd delete without response anyone outwith my criteria: and I did!
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone "
Still get the whiners. I'm on a site with such a button. The site even sends out automated messages to people contacting you who wink/message outside your Criteria.
The main complaint? Women up their own arses who can't be bothered to send personal messages! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
So you think being "polite" was the qualifier for a meet? I used to read the profile before the message. My profile was also very detailed without any ambiguity as to the type of person I was looking for.
My profile also stated that I'd delete without response anyone outwith my criteria: and I did!
"
I'm confused as to which part of my post suggested I thought I was entitled to meet these people? What I said was if I've obviously read the profile and taken a bit of effort with a message a 'no thanks' would be polite rather than a complete blank.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd always reply, even if it was just to say no thanks.
If you said hi to someone in person and they blanked you and walked off, you'd think they were rude. So why not via messages? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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today ive recently.come online and ive had 57 messages; 3 were from exsisting friends.i speak to regularly, 52 were from guys i know for a fact had not even read my profile so deleted the messages witjout reading them (1 replied with abuse and 2 wih why dont you like me? or drivel to tht effect, so got blocked) and the other 2 had read my profile so they got the thanks but no thanks message |
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"It's polite but not mandatory. We had a message today where we sent back a thanks but no thanks cue another three messages asking why and if they could still meet us. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to reply if they are not what we want of have not taken the time to read our profile.
It sounds harsh but it gets kinda of grating all the time. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who would anyone want an inbox full of messages saying no thanks, you're not my type?!
crystal "
God only knows...and why a deleted message doesn't say the same thing s beyond me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is really not the same thing to have a person blank you in the street or at a bar should you say hi to them! It's the Internet!!
And I don't see how having any automated button that says thanks but no thanks is any better than the message being deleted. Same outcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why is it rude - we have a meet up for couples and girls but get messages from guys who have never read the profile and act like "King Kong" climbing the Empire State Building...
If we reply saying "sorry but it's a polite "no", then abuse gets sent our way... so question why bother answering.. As one couple said "We open profile of the sender and if it is not to out like, we delete the message"... Sorry but couples and girls are the minority here and we can pick what we want and not what the guys want...
IF you not rude and read the profile chance are that you get a reply back...
 |
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If one was out with their mates, and thought hmmmm he/she looks tasty and you smiled and made eye contact and they totally blanked you, would you walk up to them and demand why they didn't respond....err no you wouldn't. So why is it different on here???? Why do you expect a polite no? I don't understand. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think its ruder to clog up my inbox with messages when my wonderfully written profile clearly hasn't been read.....ner!  "
See, the fact you said 'when my profile hasn't been read' suggests that it's acceptable to ignore when they've not made the effort to read. Which I agree with. However, if it were clear someone had taken the time to read my profile and show an expression of interest, I'd feel the least I can do is send a 'no thanks' response. It is clear and to the point. Often when I have messages deleted, I later get another message back saying "Sorry, the missus was around and she doesn't know I like cock too" or something silly.
What I'm trying to say is, 'No thanks' sends a clear message. Chances are if someone is rude enough to ask why or whatever else, they'd have sent you another message after you ignored the first one anyway!
Tonight I've logged in to six messages, none of them where my type but everyone got a reply and I had no rude responses. I know single women get 10x that amount every day but I still just don't think I could ignore someone, unless they were being equally as rude and sending a one-liner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ignore them sometimes, it's not so much rudeness as laziness.
I'm always impressed by the people that are able to contribute to forum discussions about how overwhelmed by messages they are while they're inundated by said messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I ignore them sometimes, it's not so much rudeness as laziness.
I'm always impressed by the people that are able to contribute to forum discussions about how overwhelmed by messages they are while they're inundated by said messages. "
I did wonder that myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've just sent 3 'no thanks' replies, got 1 'why not' and 1 'but you don't even know me' so I'm afraid from now on I may well be 'impolite' and just ignore if required! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've just sent 3 'no thanks' replies, got 1 'why not' and 1 'but you don't even know me' so I'm afraid from now on I may well be 'impolite' and just ignore if required! "
Are there really that many idiots on this site?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just sent 3 'no thanks' replies, got 1 'why not' and 1 'but you don't even know me' so I'm afraid from now on I may well be 'impolite' and just ignore if required!
Are there really that many idiots on this site?! "
not exactly idiots just guys who do not understand what its like for women and couples. Assumptions are one of the biggest chance killers on here and not understanding the difference between being impolite and someone who is inundated with messages is one of them. No reply means not interested right now but that can change as long as you do not pester someone but that's also not a given. |
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"Who would anyone want an inbox full of messages saying no thanks, you're not my type?!
crystal "
This, exactly!
It's only a problem because few people have a face pic in the public gallery, so inevitably there's some chat and flirtation before you see each other, and if there's no attraction then I guess people feel it's rude to just stop replying.
But personally I'd prefer nothing to 'I don't like the look of you'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Best not to reply I'd say but I guess it depends on the volume you get ...just to give you an idea - I'd have plenty of time to reply to 'all' the messages I get .. |
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"I think its ruder to clog up my inbox with messages when my wonderfully written profile clearly hasn't been read.....ner!
See, the fact you said 'when my profile hasn't been read' suggests that it's acceptable to ignore when they've not made the effort to read. Which I agree with. However, if it were clear someone had taken the time to read my profile and show an expression of interest, I'd feel the least I can do is send a 'no thanks' response. It is clear and to the point. Often when I have messages deleted, I later get another message back saying "Sorry, the missus was around and she doesn't know I like cock too" or something silly.
What I'm trying to say is, 'No thanks' sends a clear message. Chances are if someone is rude enough to ask why or whatever else, they'd have sent you another message after you ignored the first one anyway!
Tonight I've logged in to six messages, none of them where my type but everyone got a reply and I had no rude responses. I know single women get 10x that amount every day but I still just don't think I could ignore someone, unless they were being equally as rude and sending a one-liner."
You have time on your hands and are at liberty to conduct your profile how you see fit. Please allow others the same courtesy.
"Nice pics, wanna meet?" messages to my hidden profile are deleted without a second thought.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We used to reply to them all but the wife reads messages and replies later in the day sometimes, which some people don't like as we get lots of follow up "don't you like me then?" messages. We do still try and reply to most though. |
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
"
It's their loss, block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
It's their loss, block and move on."
It makes me laugh a little when people say this...their loss exactly how? They haven't entered into conversation with someone they're uninterested in...and then not met them...not much of a loss now is it really? |
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
It's their loss, block and move on.
It makes me laugh a little when people say this...their loss exactly how? They haven't entered into conversation with someone they're uninterested in...and then not met them...not much of a loss now is it really? "
It's good to laugh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
It's their loss, block and move on.
It makes me laugh a little when people say this...their loss exactly how? They haven't entered into conversation with someone they're uninterested in...and then not met them...not much of a loss now is it really?
It's good to laugh"
This place is a constant source of amusement to me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys......just need to take no or a non reply as their answer You won't be everyone's cup of tea! Deal with it and move on, speculate to accumulate "
Totally agree, much better to spend time being positive and spending time messaging people who may be interested than worrying about why people don't reply, it won't make them reply! |
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"Do you reply to all your junk mail at home?
Most of us can see it's junk mail and I'm sure most of us bin it without even reading.
My guess is you don't so it's no Diffrent on here."
The difference is that of the mail in my letterbox most is junk and some is specifically for me. So whilst most of the mail in your inbox is probably crass rubbish there will be some messages written by people who comply with what you're looking for and have sent a well thought out polite message specifically for you. Just because you may not like the face pic they sent doesn't make it junk mail.
Puts tin Hat on. |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Burnley |
"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone "
Agree with this.
Nothing wrong with it. It can be quite deflating when you spend time sending a few well thought out messages only to see them getting deleted without reply. But at least you know they aren't interested.
Just take a deleted message as a "thanks but your not my type" message and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples and single women can get 50/60 messages a day. Image trying to respond to every single one?
Unless Fab could introduce a "thank for the message. Sorry but we're/I'm not interested" button that would sent it automatically. Then you can't please everyone
Agree with this.
Nothing wrong with it. It can be quite deflating when you spend time sending a few well thought out messages only to see them getting deleted without reply. But at least you know they aren't interested.
Just take a deleted message as a "thanks but your not my type" message and move on"
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" some messages written by people who comply with what you're looking for and have sent a well thought out polite message specifically for you. Just because you may not like the face pic they sent doesn't make it junk mail.
"
Yes your right call me shallow if you like but if there is no attraction there then why would i bother with a reply?
Im way too busy mailing to people who i am attracted to worry about people im not |
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"Politeness has nothing to do with it. They said they wasn't interested because they didn't find you attractive it's that simple.
If you re-read the thread, the issue is with deleting/ignoring messages rather than just telling me straight 'no thanks.' Politeness, in my view, has everything to do with it. Ignoring someone is impolite. "
It's not impolite. No reply = a no thank you. Would it really make you feel any better to get a no thank you reply? No reply = no thanks you. A reply with no thank you = no thank you. So whether you get a no thank you reply or no reply either way the person or couple does not want to meet you. |
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"if you send a one liner, fancy a fuck or maybe just a cock pic then I would expect it to be deleted and its not really rude.
If you meet their requirements and send a well written message that has been thought out, then its very rude to read it and just delete it!
A simple no thanks takes seconds to write."
Why is getting a no thanks so important? No reply = no meet. A no thanks reply = no meet.
I do not reply to every message I get and I am not impolite. |
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"I understand totally, a female, or couple's right to not reply. I get this and respect this. My only gripe is that I had a single female msg me saying she liked my profile and then after I send a face pic her profile was not available ( I don't think I am that ugly!!!). I respect a non reply, but if they msg me first, a little respect would suggest that a thanks, but no thanks is in order. Rant over!!!! Happy swinging fab peeps!!!!"
I am not saying you would have done this but she was probably avoiding getting the why not? what is wrong with me? relpy.
Sending a no thanks can often lead to 2 types of reply
Why not? What is wrong with me?, What is your type, etc.
Or
I wouldn't shag you anyway you ugly cow, I don't want to fuck you anyway you fat bitch, etc.
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By *icky55Man
over a year ago
Warm an cosy cave. Brist |
"Hi All,
Do you think deleting messages without a reply is rude?
I imagine the answers will vary by who is answering them as I know on sites like this single women get hounded, and probably couples too to a certain extent. However, does typing 'Not my type' or 'No thanks' really take up less time than deleting a message??
I recently sent a message to a couple who stated they wanted messages from POLITE people, so I sent one off (not a one-liner with a dick pic, or a copy and paste job before you ask)and it was deleted without reply. I am not a clingy person and can handle rejection like a pro (with a face like mine you get used to it) but this particular time it annoyed me so I asked them why they deleted it without replying.
To this I got a four paragraph reply telling me how rude I was. To me, that seemed hypocritical.
What do you do when you're not interested? Personally I always reply as I think it's the polite thing to do.
"
Sounds like you made a big effort and were disappointed, and no you don't "handle rejection like a pro" or you would not of sent another message. It does take more time to type a reply than click delete. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way you need to look at it OP is that if someone doesnt reply to your message, that they are indeed ill mannered and you've been lucky to escape such rude people. |
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