FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The art of conversation
The art of conversation
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it dying art?
When people contact me I like to try and get a little rapport going, just to get a sense of people, see how we get on etc.
I'll ask questions and generally try to show some interest. However, what I frequently get back are one way replies which means I'm the one who has to generate the conversation. I'm not looking for anyone's life story or intimate details, but I am looking for some two way communication. If that's not forthcoming after a couple of messages, I tend to give up.
These people have contacted me so I wonder what they want to get out of chatting? (apart from the obvious!)
So if you're going to contact someone, what is it you're looking for? Am I the only one who thinks the ability to communicate is important? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree its hugely important,if im struggling to have any sort of rapport online then I know ill be bored stiff with them in person
I know some people want to message,meet,fuck and then fuck off all within a couple of days but that system very rarely works for me  |
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"Is it dying art?
When people contact me I like to try and get a little rapport going, just to get a sense of people, see how we get on etc.
I'll ask questions and generally try to show some interest. However, what I frequently get back are one way replies which means I'm the one who has to generate the conversation. I'm not looking for anyone's life story or intimate details, but I am looking for some two way communication. If that's not forthcoming after a couple of messages, I tend to give up.
These people have contacted me so I wonder what they want to get out of chatting? (apart from the obvious!)
So if you're going to contact someone, what is it you're looking for? Am I the only one who thinks the ability to communicate is important?"
Absolutely not! Sometimes I get talking to someone who ticks all the boxes and I so want it to work, but when a conversation is like pulling teeth it is SUCH a turnoff! !
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Met a couple off here a few years back. They were fairly local so arranged to meet for a coffee. The initial messaging was a bit slow going but I persevered, when we finally met up, I could hardly get a word in edgeways, they could talk the hind legs off a donkey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it difficult locating people who are actually up for a bit of decent, down-to-Earth chit-chat, rather than hustling in with "Fuck my gal", "How big" etc...
I'd would MUCH rather have a nice conversation. Once that hurdle has been crossed, only then would I feel more comfortable going to meet the person I'm speaking to. After all, it's nice to have things in common to talk about rather than a quick turn-up, squirt and go. Much more pleasant chatting!
Of course, there's people on both sides of the fence... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends really.
Although it is an easy introduction, I find small talk can be rather tedious personally. I'd much rather have a random/silly/funny conversation over the usual chit-chat that I've had a thousand times over with people so far in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I get on with someone after a few messages and they are local to me, I just arrange a social, much easier. I've chatted to a guy 20 mins away today, got on, gave him my number and sorted a social for Thursday. Can't really stand the on line/text messages, would rather meet face to face. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I get on with someone after a few messages and they are local to me, I just arrange a social, much easier. I've chatted to a guy 20 mins away today, got on, gave him my number and sorted a social for Thursday. Can't really stand the on line/text messages, would rather meet face to face."
Yes, that works for me too. But the willingness to chat about anything (I don't really care much what it is) is vital to me actually wanting to meet them in the first place.
Glad I'm not alone in this. |
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"Met a couple off here a few years back. They were fairly local so arranged to meet for a coffee. The initial messaging was a bit slow going but I persevered, when we finally met up, I could hardly get a word in edgeways, they could talk the hind legs off a donkey "
There is that - 'phonitis' is a common problem, guys who are great in person are useless on a phone with one finger!!
But I rarely meet even for a social if there's not something to get me enthused online first. It's a problem.
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"It depends really.
Although it is an easy introduction, I find small talk can be rather tedious personally. I'd much rather have a random/silly/funny conversation over the usual chit-chat that I've had a thousand times over with people so far in life."
Yes, I don't like small talk - I need something to ENGAGE me, and that is far more like to be something random or silly as you say.
That or a pic of a big willy of course........
(sorry, purely topical jest I could not resist!).
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"Communication is key to heightening ones appetite and desire and can make all the difference to a potential meet. "
have to agree with this... there's nothing worse, when finally you actually get a reply, and all they can say is yea... nah.... anything really.... and they dont ask you anything in return.
A one way street for me leads to a dead end. So many people cant seem to communicate, or get the hang of it. I dont know how they are expecting to meet anyone if they cant keep a convo going, but maybe its just me. |
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"Is it dying art?
When people contact me I like to try and get a little rapport going, just to get a sense of people, see how we get on etc.
I'll ask questions and generally try to show some interest. However, what I frequently get back are one way replies which means I'm the one who has to generate the conversation. I'm not looking for anyone's life story or intimate details, but I am looking for some two way communication. If that's not forthcoming after a couple of messages, I tend to give up.
These people have contacted me so I wonder what they want to get out of chatting? (apart from the obvious!)
So if you're going to contact someone, what is it you're looking for? Am I the only one who thinks the ability to communicate is important?"
Certainly not and looking the other replies we're not on our own. I think that texting and the like are part of the cause for the one line mails. When I receive messages I like a bit of background and try to supply the same when mailing someone else. Then a decent phone conversation and take it from there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I get on with someone after a few messages and they are local to me, I just arrange a social, much easier. I've chatted to a guy 20 mins away today, got on, gave him my number and sorted a social for Thursday. Can't really stand the on line/text messages, would rather meet face to face.
Yes, that works for me too. But the willingness to chat about anything (I don't really care much what it is) is vital to me actually wanting to meet them in the first place.
Glad I'm not alone in this. "
The one word replies usually mean they are interested elsewhere. I agree though relaxed chat will engage me/us and more than likely lead to a meet up. |
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"If I get on with someone after a few messages and they are local to me, I just arrange a social, much easier. I've chatted to a guy 20 mins away today, got on, gave him my number and sorted a social for Thursday. Can't really stand the on line/text messages, would rather meet face to face."
oh yes of course, but after 2 or 3 messages, I think you know that there is something in it and worth asking them if they will meet you.. but a large majority cant seem to get passed that stage. I blame mobile phone use for a lot of it; they are messaging you on the sly and dont/cant be bothered to put any effort into it.
I also like people to enguage a little about what they like and what they want me to do for them, its part of the build up. Without it, I just quickly lose interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I get on with someone after a few messages and they are local to me, I just arrange a social, much easier. I've chatted to a guy 20 mins away today, got on, gave him my number and sorted a social for Thursday. Can't really stand the on line/text messages, would rather meet face to face."
This is us too. While I take both points, sometimes people do find it hard to express themselves through a key board...and we have had the exact opposite too where someone seems to be funny and engaging but fails to deliver conversationally in real life...I really don't tend to regard on line communication as a conversation...you fail to get any of the subtle nuances of communication without being able to see facial expressions and hear tone of voice...we like to take it face to face early to see if a rapport can be established... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We often feel there's too many people on Fab looking for a one night stand....not enough of an emphasis on building relationships which might last years, whether sexual or not.
It feels like so many people on here are locked into the mindset of a quickie...can't be bothered to chat, can't be bothered to travel, can't be bothered to be polite afterwards. We prefer the idea of making friends and then seeing where things go.
We're not complaining and we're not even saying there isn't a place for NSA quickies...but it often feels like its drowning everything else out on this site. I guess seeing as 90% of single men like the idea of quickies and 90% of this site's membership is single men it kinda makes sense... lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's difficult to make conversation then I'll stop trying...I'll stop asking questions for them to respond to so they have to make an effort. Sometimes they'll make an effort and I'll return it, but most of the time the conversation dies out and I have to move on to the next one! If they can't be arsed to keep my interest in a couple of messages then would they be arsed to put the effort into making a meet mutually enjoyable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always think if people can't communicate with you via a computer screen you have no hope in the flesh.
A single guy often contacts us and I have to log out as it's so difficult getting more than a couple of words from him. |
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