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Porn: Skewing expectations since it went mainstream?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyone else think that porn has a lot to answer for in terms of the expectations it gives men, and to a lesser extent women, of what goes on in the bedroom? With particular relevance to swinging.
For example, I had a guy ask me the other week (mid coitus) if I wanted him to get a another guy and DP me?
Not a chance. I want to keep sphincter control. But he said after he'd seen it in a porn flick and wanted to try it.
You see it in here all the time, usually from young single men "Any ladies like being fucked with a marmite covered wooden spoon?". Because they saw it in a porno, it got them off and they think that being swingers we might be into fucked up shit like that.
There was a programme on last week about how young men now expect sex to be like porn, and young women are bearing the brunt of this. Being asked to do things from films as if it's the norm rather than the exception.
I certainly think that a lot of the profiles created friday/saturday nights are there because they think thats all our lives are. One big porn flick, and they just want to be a part of that. They don't want friendship or a social life, they just want to fuck a woman with another man so they have that image in the wank bank for life. Or if they want a single woman it's one that dresses like a whore and gets on her knees after a minimal chat. Hence all the "hey, you look gorgeous. Wanna fuck?" messages
Anyone have any thoughts on this? Do you think a lot of the expectations of a meet with you or this site in general are driven in part by watching too much porn?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see what you saying. But for me porn is something I watch if I want to see something a bit different its actually being on a site like this that has opened my eyes to what sone people are into like cuckolding for example . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I certainly think it has a lot to do with problems in how the young view sex. Because it's so available.
Back in my day the porn mags and films were quite tame
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
Sounds like you've conflated a whole heap of different issues and used porn being 'mainstream' (it is? Presumably you mean a bit more easily accessible) as a convenient peg to hang it all on.
Saying porn is to blame for any of those things is far too simplistic, and you won't find any real answers here, just anecdotes and generalisation. In short, for some people porn will be the reason, for some people it will be part of the reason, and for some people it won't have any connection at all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Perhaps I didn't word my original post very well. But you understood what I meant.
I think it's like the argument Tesco used when criticised over its 2-4-1 chickens offer a few years ago. They said they just gave the public what they wanted.
Trouble was the public didnt know they wanted that until Tesco told them.
I see it as the same with porn. Did the guy who now likes watching a woman get fucked with a marmite covered wooden spoon like the idea of that Before he saw it, or after? (Substitute that particular like for cockdocking, A2M, DVP, DAP, whatever it is) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was eating marmite on toast when i started this forum post. Somehow i cant quite finish it. But yes, i think the normalisation of the extreme makes it both more acceptable and more expected. In some cases thats not so bad, fifty shades has got more couples experimenting, but...if porn is your info source for sex and relations, well thats like saying grand theft auto should be your guide to driving and business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I think that mainstream porn does skew impressionable peoples view of sex, sexual practices, self image and view of the opposite sex. All too often mainstream porn presents impressionable minds with unrealistic and unattainable benchmarks (at least without a full on pit crew to assist you anyway).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not disparaging porn or saying its evil and should be banned. But its proliferation means that impressionable and inexperienced minds, or those with low confidence or body issues may feel that these are the practices and goals which they should be attaining.
I think that amateur porn is far more accessible, accurate and healthy to watch than mainstream studio stuff as its a far fairer representation of what sex is really like. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I think that amateur porn is far more accessible, accurate and healthy to watch than mainstream studio stuff as its a far fairer representation of what sex is really like. "
Have to say, agree with all you said but this in particular.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, this was probably a bit high brow for here.
Kiss, Fuck, Avoid?"
It got more posts than the thread I posted some time ago discussing swinging and objectification.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree, men and women both seem to be lead by porn. But also on here- all the women witter on how they can squirt higher than a block of flats, and men say they lick for weeks without a meal break.
I think the world in general has become a place for people desperate for attention. F-book where people post their every move, celebs photo's of them opening a jar of marmite.
All one-upmanship. Not just porn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i can see the points that you and professor have made and there's a great deal of merit to them. however, there's also a flip side. personally, mainstream porn did open my eyes to the fact that certain experiences i wanted and the ability to really become enthusiastic during sex was ok, as a woman. that it wasn't something to be ashamed of. also, being a mature student at uni I've actually heard young guys being rather disparaging of young ladies who are vocal during sex because 'real girls don't do that. it's fake and unnecessary and not sexy at all'
basically, it'll probably give twisted perceptions to some people but not always in the way you outlined in your op. |
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I think the most worrying thing is that for those under 18, many porn staples are normalised to the point now that they can be sought on a first encounter!
Anal sex for instance and group sex, now seen as a normal way to lose your virginity for some teens!
The age of innonnce sadly seems to be aroded way too early now for some |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the most worrying thing is that for those under 18, many porn staples are normalised to the point now that they can be sought on a first encounter!"
This was what the documentary on telly was saying last week. That guys in particular are expecting a pornstar level of sexual activity from the start.
And I think that it's tied in with the whole self image problem we have these days, which is no longer limited to how women are portrayed in magazines etc. There's a growing number of young men who feel pressured into looking and behaving a certain way too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I certainly think it has a lot to do with problems in how the young view sex. Because it's so available.
"
It has caused problems with young people and how they view sex. There was an issue on the news a few months ago. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'd be quite interested to hear if anyone feels these expectations have affected any meets. Particularly if they feel that because they swing, it's been expected that they are into all manner of freaky stuff.
One way I've found it affect a couple of meets I've had is that some guys seem to want to fuck seemingly for hours without cumming. Like it's an endurance event or something. They've either been taught that's what is expected by porn, or from a demanding partner in the past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One thing we have experienced is a growing number of guys who seem to think gushing, squirting, fisting, and the like, are necessary 'sex skills'. Maybe this is because of web porn, but whatever the reason we've learned to tell guys upfront that they shouldn't try any of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thing we have experienced is a growing number of guys who seem to think gushing, squirting, fisting, and the like, are necessary 'sex skills'. Maybe this is because of web porn, but whatever the reason we've learned to tell guys upfront that they shouldn't try any of it."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be quite interested to hear if anyone feels these expectations have affected any meets. Particularly if they feel that because they swing, it's been expected that they are into all manner of freaky stuff.
One way I've found it affect a couple of meets I've had is that some guys seem to want to fuck seemingly for hours without cumming. Like it's an endurance event or something. They've either been taught that's what is expected by porn, or from a demanding partner in the past. "
I always looked at porn thinking it was a bit of fun, but surprised that some men take it so seriously.
i dont want to be fucked for hours and just because i like group fun doesnt mean i want more than one cock in my pussy or want to be fucked by more than one man. have tried most things and straight sex is good enough for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, I think it's always been American porn that's to blame for skewing others' perception of sex. At least in European films (and I have 35 years of experience enjoying these films), the action is a bit more realistic, and not so pretentious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I saw this program and it alleged that the ease of access to porn theses days with mobile phones, tablets and such like, was partly to blame for sexual assaults in schools, young lads touching teachers, female pupils etc etc because, the porn that's out there these days normalises certain behaviour. I don't think adults behaviour or attitudes would be skewed by it but I could certainly understand teens watching stuff and then trying to copy or re enact certain scenes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be fair I've been watching porn since I was about 10 when I realised what the little General was actually for and discovering the old man's collection under the bed.
I never touched a lass back then at school or wherever, but I did rack up a £500 phone bill calling Lusty Linda and her mates in Guyana and São Tomé!! :-/
That didn't go down too well with family but boy did I learn a few things!! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think it's always been American porn that's to blame for skewing others' perception of sex. At least in European films (and I have 35 years of experience enjoying these films), the action is a bit more realistic, and not so pretentious."
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"I agree, men and women both seem to be lead by porn. But also on here- all the women witter on how they can squirt higher than a block of flats, and men say they lick for weeks without a meal break.
I think the world in general has become a place for people desperate for attention. F-book where people post their every move, celebs photo's of them opening a jar of marmite.
All one-upmanship. Not just porn."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Probably. Or all studio produced porn where everyone is perfect. No one ever has to stop because they're knackered or sore.
That sort of porn does nothing for me anyway. Much prefer home made amateur porn where it's clearly people of the type you'd meet at a local club, they look like they're enjoying each other and it's there warts and all.
Hopefully not too many warts tho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Remember as a kid when porn was finding a discarded page of a Fiesta magazine on a pavement?
It happened to me aged about 9 and I remember feeling very aroused indeed looking at those hairy pussies.
The landscape has changed beyond all recognition and perhaps the younger generation are being exposed too much too young. That may be a future problem, im not convinced either way.
However I don't think for most already formed adult minds it's really as stark as the environment and media would have us believe.
I enjoy porn a lot, as do many men I meet, I've never yet met one who couldn't clearly differentiate between the two, as was evident by the sex we had.
I like some of the more dirty lesbian porn but have very limited interest in females in a real sexual setting.
It's the same argument as violent computer games and films. It doesn't lead to very many people going on killing sprees, the vast majority know it's make believe and are not desensitized to actual violence.
Those that aren't able to distinguish probably had a problem to start with, it's unlikely it began when a joystick was first gripped. |
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Access to porn, has never been easier, including the more exotic and more "specialised" types. What we see on our tv also has also changed, with what would have caused outcry years before becoming the norm as well as us being bombarded with adverts which are bordering on the obscene. Peoples perceptions of what sex is, is far different from the reality. There are doers and there are talkers ( we all know that there are fantasists on here ), the notion of a threesome or bi curiosity was in one of the Sunday newspapers supplement, very mainstream and accepted, a good thing imho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with some of what you say. I work with younger guys who talk about what they see and do. I also hear what they think is now the norm, and a lot of what they see on line appears to be their norm. |
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