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bdsm question
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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hi everyone. i recently had my first experience in submission and i would appreciate any advice from subs or experienced doms regarding a type of sub frenzy. know that my dom is taking his time as i am untrained. i am simply asking for pointers in being more aware of myself and guarding against going too deep into subspace too quickly, and managing both the endorphin high from the submission and the drop that follows the day after and the craving for more without knowing what ' more ' really means right now.
i appreciate not everyone appreciates or understands this dynamic, and i respect that. please leave the thread for those who do and may be able to assist a very new submissive.
many thanks, in advance, for any advice given.
p.s. my submission is purely mental. the s/m dynamic is not present. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there a reason you do not want to go too deep into subspace?
As long as you are aware of this happening and there is trust between yourself and your Dom then the best advice is to take things slow and explore the areas that take you to subspace and perhaps slow down those sensations.
With regards to managing 'sub drop' realising that it happens is one of the best thing as it means you know why it appears. Try to make sure you are not alone or that you have someone to contact and talk to. Have some treats and pamper yourself, generally you are trying to raise your mood and not let yourself fall into the negativity.
On the 'craving more' front, research what is around and see what takes your fancy. Not knowing what you are doing now means I cannot really advise what to do next but I presume you have some area's that interest you, perhaps restraint, pain, dominance, degradation, the list is endless, just take things slow and work up to things, there isn't any rush and that way if something isn't your thing you will find out before you have gone too deep into it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The above post explains everything quite well so I do not feel the urge to add to it.
So I will just advise if you do not want to wonder too deeply into subspace that you hold a ball or an object in your hand when playing. As you relax and get into roleplay your body relaxes and you will drop the object. When the object drops your dom will know to stop play without you having to use a safeword. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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that makes sense, thank you. today i find myself a little grumpy, where i was extremely sensual last night following play. I'm stuck in uni classes all day but will pamper later.
i loved subspace. i was literally floaty and the only thing in my head was my dom. it was amazing. I'm just really surprised at how quickly and completely i submitted. being new and being a very dominant person outside of play with one dom i expected it to take longer.
there is much I'm. open to exploring and my Dom clearly knows what is off the table. i trust him implicitly else i wouldn't have played in the first place. yesterday was purely mental. and he's still in my bloody head now, lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The above post explains everything quite well so I do not feel the urge to add to it.
So I will just advise if you do not want to wonder too deeply into subspace that you hold a ball or an object in your hand when playing. As you relax and get into roleplay your body relaxes and you will drop the object. When the object drops your dom will know to stop play without you having to use a safeword. "
that's an excellent idea. i had tired with the thought of a different word for the next few meets to help me guard against going too deep but this will be better. thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The above post explains everything quite well so I do not feel the urge to add to it.
So I will just advise if you do not want to wonder too deeply into subspace that you hold a ball or an object in your hand when playing. As you relax and get into roleplay your body relaxes and you will drop the object. When the object drops your dom will know to stop play without you having to use a safeword.
that's an excellent idea. i had tired with the thought of a different word for the next few meets to help me guard against going too deep but this will be better. thank you. "
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
p.s. my submission is purely mental. the s/m dynamic is not present.
I need to understand this... you dont engage in play? Is this purely an online thing?"
no. it's a no pain dynamic. |
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Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"
p.s. my submission is purely mental. the s/m dynamic is not present.
I need to understand this... you dont engage in play? Is this purely an online thing?
no. it's a no pain dynamic. "
so you play vanilla with the addition of ropes and toys? Don't know how you can achieve subspace like that, but well done  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun. "
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain. "
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
p.s. my submission is purely mental. the s/m dynamic is not present.
I need to understand this... you dont engage in play? Is this purely an online thing?
no. it's a no pain dynamic.
so you play vanilla with the addition of ropes and toys? Don't know how you can achieve subspace like that, but well done "
no, it's not vanilla at all. not all submission needs pain. pain is simply one tool in a very large arsenal. I've spoken to a few doms whorecognise |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
p.s. my submission is purely mental. the s/m dynamic is not present.
I need to understand this... you dont engage in play? Is this purely an online thing?
no. it's a no pain dynamic.
so you play vanilla with the addition of ropes and toys? Don't know how you can achieve subspace like that, but well done
no, it's not vanilla at all. not all submission needs pain. pain is simply one tool in a very large arsenal. I've spoken to a few doms whorecognise"
that and don't limit themselves to using just that. only one was the one for me, though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?"
or something, yes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?"
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos' |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos' "
It's the drop you can get a day or two later. Subspace to me though, is where endorphins are that high that you remove yourself from what is happening, usually as the play is that hard you submit in the purist sense. Its not just an exchange or coupling of two people where 'space' might be opened up - it is wholly deeper, a few levels deeper and usually brings chaos as a result. Thats what I cant figure with non s/m play - it may be the terminology? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos'
It's the drop you can get a day or two later. Subspace to me though, is where endorphins are that high that you remove yourself from what is happening, usually as the play is that hard you submit in the purist sense. Its not just an exchange or coupling of two people where 'space' might be opened up - it is wholly deeper, a few levels deeper and usually brings chaos as a result. Thats what I cant figure with non s/m play - it may be the terminology?"
ok i understand this a little better now. the thing is that you're failing to see that the click off in your head and endorphin rush can be triggered by many many things. there are as many ways to gain submission as there are blades of grass upon the earth, and pain is only one of them. not everyone is into sadism or masochism yet are dominant and submissive. my submission was earned minus pain by use of other methods by the only dom I've allowed to try because he understood my needs and took time to earn trust. he's taking it very slow because I'm new and for that i trust him all the more. the drop you mention i understand a bit better. inyour case it may well feel chaotic. you probably go deeper than i did, but yesterday i felt what i can only describe as almost slightly hungover crossed with grumpy because it felt like i was crashing back into reality with a great big *thud*.
i do thank everyone for their advice and help. this has been a big step for me. something I've wanted for a very long time but wasnt able to find a Dom who could first claim my mind, until now. I'm nervous, curious, and excited about what more is to come. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos'
It's the drop you can get a day or two later. Subspace to me though, is where endorphins are that high that you remove yourself from what is happening, usually as the play is that hard you submit in the purist sense. Its not just an exchange or coupling of two people where 'space' might be opened up - it is wholly deeper, a few levels deeper and usually brings chaos as a result. Thats what I cant figure with non s/m play - it may be the terminology?"
As we know, things are different for everyone and when a sub finds a dom and they really suit, there's a whole world of possibilities. I play with pain (lots of it ) but my doms can make me space with just the smell of the leather hood or the flick of the switch to the violet wand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Morning everyone,
I have friends who 'space' from the smell of hemp rope, from total body restraint or even from the sight of a gas mask. Of course some do space from pain but many others also do it without.
Spacing as far as I am aware is caused by a flood of endorphins causing the person to fall into a natural drug like high. Anything, be it physical or mental, when applied in the right way, could I suppose cause someone to go into this state.
That's the beautiful thing about BDSM 
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos'
It's the drop you can get a day or two later. Subspace to me though, is where endorphins are that high that you remove yourself from what is happening, usually as the play is that hard you submit in the purist sense. Its not just an exchange or coupling of two people where 'space' might be opened up - it is wholly deeper, a few levels deeper and usually brings chaos as a result. Thats what I cant figure with non s/m play - it may be the terminology?
As we know, things are different for everyone and when a sub finds a dom and they really suit, there's a whole world of possibilities. I play with pain (lots of it ) but my doms can make me space with just the smell of the leather hood or the flick of the switch to the violet wand "
you play with pain frill?  and I thought you were an innocent like me   |
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Much of what kinky ak wrote is absolutely correct in my experience save for
"
Spacing as far as I am aware is caused by a flood of endorphins causing the person to fall into a natural drug like high.
"
Given that little if any "pain" is involved in the subspace promoting activities mentioned, the implication would have to be that they were triggering an endorphin rush, which I think unlikely. I have a feeling it is more akin to a dissociative state, a form of mental submission willingly entered.
It is a fascinating part of D/s play and very similar in my experience to the state achievable through elements of Tantric sex.
Different strokes, same pleasures |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Interesting, I've never head of that before, I'd always assumed that play was involved except for the full time owned slave situation.
(but then I'm very new to the whole D/s thing so not surprising I guess)
My FWB and I are going to a bi kink event on Friday, should be lots of fun.
we play. boy howdy does he play. but he doesn't need to use pain. there are other ways and I've looked for years to find a dom that will play without pain.
mm I can appreciate the play without pain, just cant get my head around the chaos or subspace without it. You doing breath play or something?
You don't need pain to space at all. Don't understand 'chaos'
It's the drop you can get a day or two later. Subspace to me though, is where endorphins are that high that you remove yourself from what is happening, usually as the play is that hard you submit in the purist sense. Its not just an exchange or coupling of two people where 'space' might be opened up - it is wholly deeper, a few levels deeper and usually brings chaos as a result. Thats what I cant figure with non s/m play - it may be the terminology?
As we know, things are different for everyone and when a sub finds a dom and they really suit, there's a whole world of possibilities. I play with pain (lots of it ) but my doms can make me space with just the smell of the leather hood or the flick of the switch to the violet wand
you play with pain frill? and I thought you were an innocent like me "
Oh I am innocent, pure as the driven slush lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Morning everyone,
I have friends who 'space' from the smell of hemp rope, from total body restraint or even from the sight of a gas mask. Of course some do space from pain but many others also do it without.
Spacing as far as I am aware is caused by a flood of endorphins causing the person to fall into a natural drug like high. Anything, be it physical or mental, when applied in the right way, could I suppose cause someone to go into this state.
That's the beautiful thing about BDSM
"
In the right hands, it is beautiful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Much of what kinky ak wrote is absolutely correct in my experience save for
Spacing as far as I am aware is caused by a flood of endorphins causing the person to fall into a natural drug like high.
Given that little if any "pain" is involved in the subspace promoting activities mentioned, the implication would have to be that they were triggering an endorphin rush, which I think unlikely. I have a feeling it is more akin to a dissociative state, a form of mental submission willingly entered.
It is a fascinating part of D/s play and very similar in my experience to the state achievable through elements of Tantric sex.
Different strokes, same pleasures "
i haven't experienced the tantric high you mention. but can i just say that.... just because i wasn't subjected to pain doesn't mean that other endorphin triggering activities were also absent.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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@Natasha_David - Thank you for the additional information, my knowledge of neurochemicals and dissociative states is sadly quite poor but it does make sense that the endorphin release and the linked dopamine flood, would only be caused by a physical interaction. As these chemicals are only released by the brain when it receives nerve impulses sent via neurotransmitters, unless you could cause the mind to fake these impulses (Possibly by hypnosis and suggestion) then nothing would be released. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"@earnmenow: i haven't experienced the tantric high you mention. but can i just say that.... just because i wasn't subjected to pain doesn't mean that other endorphin triggering activities were also absent. "
But endorphins are only released through pain and the associated dopamine flood from, for example, orgasming during sex. I hope you haven't been mixing your sex and BDSM, I don't think as swingers we are allowed to do that |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"
ok i understand this a little better now. the thing is that you're failing to see that the click off in your head and endorphin rush can be triggered by many many things. there are as many ways to gain submission as there are blades of grass upon the earth, and pain is only one of them. not everyone is into sadism or masochism yet are dominant and submissive. my submission was earned minus pain by use of other methods by the only dom I've allowed to try because he understood my needs and took time to earn trust. he's taking it very slow because I'm new and for that i trust him all the more. the drop you mention i understand a bit better. inyour case it may well feel chaotic. you probably go deeper than i did, but yesterday i felt what i can only describe as almost slightly hungover crossed with grumpy because it felt like i was crashing back into reality with a great big *thud*.
i do thank everyone for their advice and help. this has been a big step for me. something I've wanted for a very long time but wasnt able to find a Dom who could first claim my mind, until now. I'm nervous, curious, and excited about what more is to come. "
I'm not 'a sub' thats why I was asking. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"@earnmenow: i haven't experienced the tantric high you mention. but can i just say that.... just because i wasn't subjected to pain doesn't mean that other endorphin triggering activities were also absent.
But endorphins are only released through pain and the associated dopamine flood from, for example, orgasming during sex. I hope you haven't been mixing your sex and BDSM, I don't think as swingers we are allowed to do that"
actually, endorphins are released by the brain in many circumstances including during eating and exercise. if any activity gives pleasure or leaves a happy or contented feeling it is because of endorphin release. in addition to pain... within the bdsm world such activities as restraint and sensation play can also trigger release. it is far from being restricted to the sensations of pain. as for mixing bdsm with sex. . . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"@earnmenow: i haven't experienced the tantric high you mention. but can i just say that.... just because i wasn't subjected to pain doesn't mean that other endorphin triggering activities were also absent.
But endorphins are only released through pain and the associated dopamine flood from, for example, orgasming during sex. I hope you haven't been mixing your sex and BDSM, I don't think as swingers we are allowed to do that
actually, endorphins are released by the brain in many circumstances including during eating and exercise. if any activity gives pleasure or leaves a happy or contented feeling it is because of endorphin release. in addition to pain... within the bdsm world such activities as restraint and sensation play can also trigger release. it is far from being restricted to the sensations of pain. as for mixing bdsm with sex. . . "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
ok i understand this a little better now. the thing is that you're failing to see that the click off in your head and endorphin rush can be triggered by many many things. there are as many ways to gain submission as there are blades of grass upon the earth, and pain is only one of them. not everyone is into sadism or masochism yet are dominant and submissive. my submission was earned minus pain by use of other methods by the only dom I've allowed to try because he understood my needs and took time to earn trust. he's taking it very slow because I'm new and for that i trust him all the more. the drop you mention i understand a bit better. inyour case it may well feel chaotic. you probably go deeper than i did, but yesterday i felt what i can only describe as almost slightly hungover crossed with grumpy because it felt like i was crashing back into reality with a great big *thud*.
i do thank everyone for their advice and help. this has been a big step for me. something I've wanted for a very long time but wasnt able to find a Dom who could first claim my mind, until now. I'm nervous, curious, and excited about what more is to come.
I'm not 'a sub' thats why I was asking. "
Have you ever switched? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yeah, I'm free and easy, but if its not done right I usually end up taking the lead. I get an idea if someone knows what they are doing or just toying around within the first few minutes."
You know what you're doing then? |
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