FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Cheating - a male domain?
Cheating - a male domain?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My title may lead you to think this thread is about the number of men cheating on their partners exceeds the number of women. Historically that would have been true but whether it remains so is NOT my issue.
On Fab we are aware that there are both male and female members who are cheating on their partners. We often read in the threads on the subject that it appears okay for women to do it.  This appears to me a little defensive. The point being that the thread hadn't been started by a female cheater.
Come to think of it, I have never read a female starting one of these threads since I have been in the forum. They and countless number of male cheaters are being discreet and getting on with their lives without trying to justify themselves here.
Another defensive post is one of accusing those who do not agree with cheating, as being judgemental. It's an overused term. It is my philosophy that we all have the right to express judgement in terms when it relates to ourselves. This is not condemnation of the person (at least not personally from where I stand) even if it appears so.
Finally I get to the point of my post  : Attitude! So many men who post threads and messages (my experience of Fab AND other sites) simply have a detached attitude to what they are doing and the potential consequences for their families AND themselves.
I recall a conversation I had many years ago with a cheating male (not here). He could not get it into his head the lack of sex between him and his partner may have been due to an incredible number of reasons including that she did not fancy him/ he didn't make her feel like a woman/ she was getting it elsewhere. I suggested he go through a courtship ritual with her to try to revive a spark, instead of spending time getting meaningless sex that could break up his marriage (which he didn't want).
I have had plenty of time being an agony aunt but those days are (almost) gone. I don't give two hoots for the cheaters personal lives and the reasons why they cheat. It's their choice but I will always advocate honesty here for us to make an informed decision, and honesty at home for their own future's sake and that of their partner/family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i find that some people (men and women) dont see it as cheating as long as they are fulfilling a need they say they arent getting from their partner, whether its lack of sex, companionship or something else.
as long as they can justify it to themselves, they dont see it as doing something wrong.
and, on the numbers, i would suggest that, percentages of membership, its probably very close to being equal between males and females doing the cyber nasty behind a loving partners back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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oh, and on the subject you broached of it being acceptable for women than men, well all you need to do is look at the target audience, as it were.
men will be more forgiving towards women, whether cheating or not, than any other demographic on here, whereas other men will lambast a guy for doing it, and so will couples and women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"oh, and on the subject you broached of it being acceptable for women than men, well all you need to do is look at the target audience, as it were.
men will be more forgiving towards women, whether cheating or not, than any other demographic on here, whereas other men will lambast a guy for doing it, and so will couples and women."
Men who have the "any hole's a goal" mentality are hardly going to condemn females, otherwise it may scupper their chances.  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oh, and on the subject you broached of it being acceptable for women than men, well all you need to do is look at the target audience, as it were.
men will be more forgiving towards women, whether cheating or not, than any other demographic on here, whereas other men will lambast a guy for doing it, and so will couples and women.
Men who have the "any hole's a goal" mentality are hardly going to condemn females, otherwise it may scupper their chances. ."
not even those with that mentality, but more the observation that if you attack a woman, other women will take a dim view of it, until, of course, other women start lambasting said OP, then its ok as you are then on the side of women lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd agree with Hercules in that it's about 50/50 but the treatment doled out is vastly different.
The man will get lambasted from pillar to post where the woman will hear hardly a murmur. "
Have you ever read any "look at me" / justifying threads where the female has admitted to being a cheat? I haven't, so at the most, they are far and few between.
Considering both the smallest demographic here and (conversely) largest target audience are females, what man in his right "penis mind" would condemn a female? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So why do some people have this detached attitude?
Because it's easier to live with yourself. We all detach from things we don't want to face and justify unpleasant realities with details. "
I was hoping some cheaters would elaborate lol. |
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Broadly speaking, and the are always exceptions, Mother Nature made us the way we are to ensure that we pass on and nurture our genes - it's the way natural selection works.
Socially we have evolved but our primal urges drive us and are what makes us tick, especially sexually.
Men sow the seed, women grow the seed. For a man to be successful he must spread his seed/genes far and wide. Women, on the other hand, must make a careful 'selection' since they are the carriers of the offspring and for the most part raise the children.
Robert Winston has done some very interesting experiments on this and it's very illuminating.
That's why the ratio of guys to girls on here is as high as it is and the women on here are, for the most part, far more selective than the guys.
Blame Mother Nature |
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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago
exeter |
I think men cheat cause women have got so used to using there vaginas, although you made the point about there being a number of reasons ....... Men just want sex, we like sex not all women do, and through no fault of their or our own. Hell of i was ever to get in a relationship and she just wasn't into sex (I would never condem myself to that) I would cheat, I wouldn't have any morals about it, some women just don't see it as important or just don't care, but men like sex, it's natural! Keep the wenches as Fuck buddies keep telling them it's casual and if she argues or moans your fucking one or two other people or taking them to clubs instead of her........ There's a big fat hole in most walls called door!! Kick their asses out of it!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think men cheat cause women have got so used to using there vaginas, although you made the point about there being a number of reasons ....... Men just want sex, we like sex not all women do, and through no fault of their or our own. Hell of i was ever to get in a relationship and she just wasn't into sex (I would never condem myself to that) I would cheat, I wouldn't have any morals about it, some women just don't see it as important or just don't care, but men like sex, it's natural! Keep the wenches as Fuck buddies keep telling them it's casual and if she argues or moans your fucking one or two other people or taking them to clubs instead of her........ There's a big fat hole in most walls called door!! Kick their asses out of it!! "
And they say romance isn't dead  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think men cheat cause women have got so used to using there vaginas, although you made the point about there being a number of reasons ....... Men just want sex, we like sex not all women do, and through no fault of their or our own. Hell of i was ever to get in a relationship and she just wasn't into sex (I would never condem myself to that) I would cheat, I wouldn't have any morals about it, some women just don't see it as important or just don't care, but men like sex, it's natural! Keep the wenches as Fuck buddies keep telling them it's casual and if she argues or moans your fucking one or two other people or taking them to clubs instead of her........ There's a big fat hole in most walls called door!! Kick their asses out of it!! "
god your a catch.
for the record, V has a much higher sex drive than i have.
i can very much take or leave sex, whereas she love sit and demands it.
but has never felt the need, or desire, to do anything without me, so dont paint all men with the same tar you paint yourself with, as many men, and women for that matter, dont have the morals of an alleycat. |
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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago
Derby |
"
I recall a conversation I had many years ago with a cheating male (not here). He could not get it into his head the lack of sex between him and his partner may have been due to an incredible number of reasons including that she did not fancy him/ he didn't make her feel like a woman/ she was getting it elsewhere. I suggested he go through a courtship ritual with her to try to revive a spark, instead of spending time getting meaningless sex that could break up his marriage (which he didn't want).
"
So she was, in your words, possibly "getting it elsewhere", and he shouldn't? Or if he did, and his marriage broke up, it would have been HIS fault?
In my opinion, men and women are different when it comes to cheating- men are more prone to cheating for sex, whereas women tend to be looking for something on a more emotional level.
As such, men are more likely to be 'serial cheaters', but women will cheat less often because of the emotional attachment they need. Maybe that's one of the reasons why there are more single men on here than women, men tend not to be able to detach emotions and sex better than women.
So there are therefore less men cheating as a whole in society,(i'm not sure that Fabswingers can be used as a measure for society in its entirety!) but those that do cheat, do it much more often. Whereas women will cheat less often, but there are more of them cheating.
This is borne out through personal experience; I have only ever known two of my male friends to have cheated on their wives, and they were both serial cheaters. Whereas in my single days, I had affairs with at least 7 married women, who were not serial cheaters. My mates saw their affairs primarily on a sexual level, whereas all the women I saw wanted an emotional attachment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I recall a conversation I had many years ago with a cheating male (not here). He could not get it into his head the lack of sex between him and his partner may have been due to an incredible number of reasons including that she did not fancy him/ he didn't make her feel like a woman/ she was getting it elsewhere. I suggested he go through a courtship ritual with her to try to revive a spark, instead of spending time getting meaningless sex that could break up his marriage (which he didn't want).
So she was, in your words, possibly "getting it elsewhere", and he shouldn't? Or if he did, and his marriage broke up, it would have been HIS fault?
"
You're being a tad silly.
The guy in question was in denial he could be at fault of a poor sex life and the proposal that she could be getting it elsewhere. Bruised ego? The conversation went something like I hoped his wife would be cheating on him if he was cheating on her. His reaction was one of horror . |
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There are plenty of women cheating on here, I've read their profiles so hey obvious exist
Where the difference lies, and I'm not sure why this is, is as the OP said about the fact the women are just happy to go about their lives on here without posting on the forum about it but you get quite a lot of male threads re this issue
Is it due to the larger numbers of males on here or a genuine difference between the sexes? |
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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago
Derby |
"
I recall a conversation I had many years ago with a cheating male (not here). He could not get it into his head the lack of sex between him and his partner may have been due to an incredible number of reasons including that she did not fancy him/ he didn't make her feel like a woman/ she was getting it elsewhere. I suggested he go through a courtship ritual with her to try to revive a spark, instead of spending time getting meaningless sex that could break up his marriage (which he didn't want).
So she was, in your words, possibly "getting it elsewhere", and he shouldn't? Or if he did, and his marriage broke up, it would have been HIS fault?
You're being a tad silly.
The guy in question was in denial he could be at fault of a poor sex life and the proposal that she could be getting it elsewhere. Bruised ego? The conversation went something like I hoped his wife would be cheating on him if he was cheating on her. His reaction was one of horror ."
Wow! Empathy, compassion, non-judgement toward someone who wanted someone to talk to!
How come your days as an Agony Aunt are coming to an end? Lol |
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"I'd agree with Hercules in that it's about 50/50 but the treatment doled out is vastly different.
The man will get lambasted from pillar to post where the woman will hear hardly a murmur.
Have you ever read any "look at me" / justifying threads where the female has admitted to being a cheat? I haven't, so at the most, they are far and few between.
Considering both the smallest demographic here and (conversely) largest target audience are females, what man in his right "penis mind" would condemn a female?"
If you've posted in the forums there's a good chance I've read your profile: male, female and the undecided.
Whilst I admit I have never seen a female start a thread to justify her playing away that doesn't alter the fact, according to my empirical evidence, the same percentage cheat on their partners as men.
Women don't feel the necessity to justify their actions as they know the same 'white knights' who vociferously condemn straying males will in all liklihood set aside their moral outrage if they sniff a chance of getting their leg over.
This type of hypocrisy is prevalent on this site. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I recall a conversation I had many years ago with a cheating male (not here). He could not get it into his head the lack of sex between him and his partner may have been due to an incredible number of reasons including that she did not fancy him/ he didn't make her feel like a woman/ she was getting it elsewhere. I suggested he go through a courtship ritual with her to try to revive a spark, instead of spending time getting meaningless sex that could break up his marriage (which he didn't want).
So she was, in your words, possibly "getting it elsewhere", and he shouldn't? Or if he did, and his marriage broke up, it would have been HIS fault?
You're being a tad silly.
The guy in question was in denial he could be at fault of a poor sex life and the proposal that she could be getting it elsewhere. Bruised ego? The conversation went something like I hoped his wife would be cheating on him if he was cheating on her. His reaction was one of horror .
Wow! Empathy, compassion, non-judgement toward someone who wanted someone to talk to!
How come your days as an Agony Aunt are coming to an end? Lol"
He wanted to get into my knickers! I wanted him to get a sense of "shoe on the other foot"! |
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